ivankiss

Awakening is fucking terrifying.

96 posts in this topic

19 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@EmptyVase

I can only attest that it is not truly me.

That, which is not truly you, is terrified from God? And the 'true you' has no identification, whatsoever, with the false self, the self which gets terrified?

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36 minutes ago, EmptyVase said:

That, which is not truly you, is terrified from God? And the 'true you' has no identification, whatsoever, with the false self, the self which gets terrified?

This is like asking questions about unicorns and listening for an answer. There isn’t an answer, there is only the realization you were asking about unicorns. You’re using the term false at a 1. Turn it up to 11. 


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

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Posted (edited)

Ultimately, also fear is imaginary, though terror can be very convincing and seem to pervade everything. Also, it helps if you try to look at the effects of fear as racing thoughts and a physical sensations in the body objectively. In the day to day life, I don't think it really matters if life is ultimately a dream. Interactions with people in the dream and other survival aspects are nonetheless major part of the experience. And one can get used to solipsism at least to certain degree.

I recently discovered that ego constructs an image of the void/dreaming self after the profound experience under psychedelics/meditation etc. and uses this image similarly to usual ego self image: it flashes the image of god consciousness as a thought about voidness of that experience in more ordinary state of consciousness without showing the full depth of the experience where (in my experience) if one fully surrenders to the experience there is no fear.

Edited by Delis

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1 hour ago, Nahm said:

This is like asking questions about unicorns and listening for an answer. There isn’t an answer, there is only the realization you were asking about unicorns. You’re using the term false at a 1. Turn it up to 11. 

By 11, do you mean that it's so false, that I actually buy into the falsehood, and that I use the word false within the very falsehood? It's not only false, it's False?

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4 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

Care to expand on this, Ivan? I'd be very interested to hear your thoughts on the subject :)

I am incapable of articulating things correctly right now, sorry. My mind is kinda exhausted. Might create a thread on its own on thought only, when I refresh.

Try finding the borderline between thought and sensation in direct experience. Try becoming conscious how thought comes into being. Become conscious of all the facets of Light (God) and how they all melt into one another.

2 hours ago, Endangered-EGO said:

@ivankiss what are gs writings?

It was a typo, sorry. Was in a rush.

I meant to say there are cool songs written about what I seem to be going through.

Here's some for ya:

We've all been blinded
Subjects to visual misinformation
A systematic denial of the crystalline

To see the fine grain, to read the hidden words
The context of parallel truth
Devoid of fragmentation

Our light-induced image of truth
Filtered blank of its substance
As our eyes won't adhere to intuitive lines

Everything examined, separated, one thing at a time
The harder we stare
The more complete the disintegration
Dissolution

 

A spinning antidream unthought -Exceeding the obsolete reality
Overheated inner shape-generator - Blowing every cerebral fuse
Insanity filtered and systematized -Feeding the tools of mind abuse
Mind-signal transmission peaked, distorted, bent, unrestrained
Neuroreceivers shortcircuit. System parameters over-gained
Nervethreads decoding the stream of the
Reality-inverting revolution
The patterned untruth of non-dream: The closed eye visual delusion
A frantic cellular race down the switchbacks of mind
-Throttling the existence-engine. A propulsion beyond all limit lines

Self unfolds like a disintegrating dream. All
Revealed but the sinister cause
My lying eyes come apart at the seams. Still how could I ever regret the loss

 

The self transformed into wave lengths
-Reverberating this unyielding dream


A twirling visual overload - Explosions of terror and beauty
Colors of fear and pain within clash into unanything
A spectra-organic frenzy setting fire to the
Neuro-highways of mind
Revolving me away from time. A soul now rendered
Unassigned

 

The blood boils - it knows

My thoughts burn as minds liquify, vaporize
Reality scorched by this fixed state

All beginnings slain by ends
I seep down into the black to breathe

 

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@ivankiss No worries mate, I completely understand about mental exhaustion :) 

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

Try finding the borderline between thought and sensation in direct experience. Try becoming conscious how thought comes into being. Become conscious of all the facets of Light (God) and how they all melt into one another.

Great pointers, much appreciated :) 


'When you look outside yourself for something to make you feel complete, you never get to know the fullness of your essential nature.' - Amoda Maa Jeevan

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On 10/1/2021 at 4:15 PM, ivankiss said:

All that stuff that once was happening unconsciously, for you, all of the sudden, is now happening at will. Or it ain't happening at all. And that, is fucking scary.

And the scariest thing of it all, is: you cannot look away. No matter how hard you try. You're here. It's here. And there is nothing behind you. Nowhere to go.

It's freakin' terrifying.

Anyone who says it's not, is not actually waking up. Just fantasizing.

Not to mention the fact that there's a huge chance you'll lose everything and your life will fall apart, right before your eyes, if you go all the way. It's not all meditation and chill on your couch. This shit is real. It will come for everything you got.

At least that's what happened to me. And many more high masters that I deeply respect and trust.

Be careful. Take care of yourself. And take a lot of breaks. Don't flirt with insanity or death too much, too often. Be gentle with yourself.

If you think awakening is all flowers and butterflies, you are very, very wrong. In fact; most of the time, it's the complete opposite. That's what's real.

Being is absolutely beautiful and lovely. Ineffable. But you are not actually being. Not fully. Not even nearly. Getting there is not a walk in a park.

Being 100% conscious of your infinitude is no joke. Some would rather die a horrible death, than to 'experience' infinite consciousness, trust me.

Be grateful you can feel the sting. Be grateful you're not quite there yet and that it's taking a lot of time. You could not handle it all at once.

No one can.

This is so real. Amazing post. 

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On 10/2/2021 at 9:15 AM, ivankiss said:

It's pulling me in.

Oh god I know what that feeling is like; you don't even know why you keep going back to it and going deeper but it's so seductive in a way. You can't stop it's so amazing yet you know not to go overboard because of how crazy out there it is. I feel like meditation is non-negotiable through this just to chill tf out xD but also make such experiences more welcoming and peaceful. 

On 10/2/2021 at 9:15 AM, ivankiss said:

being God is something totally else

yes we can only truly know God by being it. There's an amazing quote by the Christian mystic Meister Eckhart that might resonate with you @ivankiss that goes:

"The eye with which I see God is the same eye with which God sees me." (Obviously referring to the little I). Or in other words, the "eye" with which the ego sees God is the same "eye" with which God sees the ego. That statement is absolutely brilliant. Because the Absolute realm has no dualities whatsoever thus no experience of such; it can only know itself/have experience by shapeshifting into a seperate perspective so as to "look into" itself. God is looking at the world through your eyes, yet it feels like the ego who is the active participant of the relative experience whilst the true self is more-so an accepting observer; completely and totally innocent, whole and perfect forever. 

On 10/2/2021 at 9:15 AM, ivankiss said:

Be careful. Take care of yourself. And take a lot of breaks. Don't flirt with insanity or death too much, too often. Be gentle with yourself.

Highly resonate with this sentiment; the ego deserves compassion. It's much better to massage the ego out of existence for a while than aggressively destroying it (although some people prefer that route). 

I could literally be in the headless "God-head" whilst walking down the street it was so amazing but something in me said it would be best to take a break and be a basic normie for a while xD. Sometimes the progress is happening TOO fast which is exactly where breaks are needed. 

And remember that we are all equal, me being more "woke" than somebody else doesn't make me better than them in anyway at all. To fully embrace your perfection whilst remaining totally humble is a very beautiful thing. 

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"My eye and God's eye are one eye, one seeing, one knowing, one love."

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16 hours ago, EmptyVase said:

By 11, do you mean that it's so false, that I actually buy into the falsehood, and that I use the word false within the very falsehood? It's not only false, it's False?

Well, false, as in, not true or actual but, false. 


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

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4 hours ago, Nahm said:

Well, false, as in, not true or actual but, false. 

John 8:44

"Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it."

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On 10/3/2021 at 8:49 AM, Ry4n said:

"The eye with which I see God is the same eye with which God sees me." 

That's very cool. Thanks for your input.

Coming back to being tho, I like to say:

'If you see it, you ain't it.'

On 10/3/2021 at 8:49 AM, Ry4n said:

It's much better to massage the ego out of existence for a while than aggressively destroying it (although some people prefer that route). 

I agree, though I would not call it ego, really. Duality goes way beyond ego, in my experience. One can be quite selfless, or egoless, yet there are still 'things' to be dissolved in order to completely merge with Being, or God.

In a sense; perception is directly contradicting Being.

I also disagree with the whole 'just keep letting go of thought' campaign. Yes, it is very useful and necessary at some point of the journey, but ultimately, one cannot let go of anything. There is nothing to be let go of. 

God cannot let go of itself.

To me; that is an attempt to escape. To check out. It is one side of the coin. The 'no' of it all. As opposed to the 'yes'.

It is not the whole coin.

Being is all-encompassing. It does not exclude a single thing.

Most souls on this journey have no idea what they're doing. Especially when it comes to disintegrating the self.

All they do is follow. Instead of creating their own path and staying true to their hearts.

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@ivankiss It is terrifying. This is why nobody gets anywhere. 

People keep talking psychedelics, meditation, debate intellectually endlessly, but they haven’t awakened just because they’re too scared.

If teachers really wanted results, they would focus exclusively on courage. But if they did that, everyone would just run to a soothing comforting guy. Most are only seeking comfort and to feel less terrified.

That’s why Leo is better because he doesn’t shy away from how terrifying it is. Although even Leo babies people. 

It’s the same with the whole “pick up” scene where everyone talks endlessly and the only thing is do to stop being a coward. 

But being a coward is the only problem anyone has. If people could overcome that, then they would have no more problems in life. 

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I don't understand. If enlightenment is terrifying, why seek it? Is it to dive in divine infinite self-masturbation at the end of the path? Is it to avoid forming unconscious harm? Or only Love?

tezvnCK.png

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19 minutes ago, nuwu said:

I don't understand. If enlightenment is terrifying, why seek it? Is it to dive in divine infinite self-masturbation at the end of the path? Is it to avoid forming unconscious harm? Or only Love?

tezvnCK.png

in a state of God Consciousness you will drown in Love, Bliss and Divinity.  Yet also the realization of total Oneness can be jarring and shocking as well.  It is extremely radical because  your entire reality will be recontexualized before your eyes.   To know existentially (at the level of Being) that you are all beings, all creatures, all objects, everything.  That you are alone as God....this..this can be one of the hardest realizations to swallow.  But also it is wonderful at the same time.  Cannot be explained really - only directly experienced..and once the realization is fully integrated the terror does pass.  


 

Wisdom.  Truth.  Love.

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