How does self-harm work?

[Alfonsoo]

Whats the reasoning behind it? 

[Roy]

It's the ego going whatever lengths necessary to uphold the identity that it deserves to suffer, for whatever reason that may be.

Of course, all of it is a fiction. If looked at hard enough, long enough, and with enough determination it's possible to see past the surface into the hollow.

[vizual]

It's probably a combination of feeling worthless - thus deserving of punishment and pain - and a way of escaping reality through the pain. And it also gives the person some kind of control. Because worthless people get punished by society, so by inflicting the most pain possible yourself, the pain that society gives you can never be as bad as the pain you inflict on yourself.

[hamedsf]

the point physical self-harm is you want to know that the pain is unless something that you can see and know why you feel pain.

most of the time, inner pain makes you fuckin' confused and that's why you wanted to bring it to the external side. 

[Matt23]

I think for me, as far as I've noticed, it's about (probably I'm pretty sure) distraction from emotional pain and feeling unable to control life and my emotions since physical pain is a lot less painful and makes me feel alive and in control perhaps.  It's like a way to vent and channel the emotional pain that feels too difficult or painful to deal with directly.  

[Nahm]

On 9/27/2021 at 5:45 PM, Alfonsoo said:

Whats the reasoning behind it? 

There is no reasoning behind it. If reasoning was applied one wouldn’t harm oneself. 

[cypres]

@Nahm Of course there is.

As mentioned someone can experience that when they punish themselves they feel purified and safe.

Another reason is being so invalidated in one's emotional pain and seeing a mark or blood or bruise makes you feel validated and that the pain is real.

[Nahm]

45 minutes ago, cypres said:

As mentioned someone can experience that when they punish themselves they feel purified and safe.

Someone can never punish themself because there is not a someone and a themself. 

Quote

Another reason is being so invalidated in one's emotional pain and seeing a mark or blood or bruise makes you feel validated and that the pain is real.

That doesn’t actually validate anything, it just perpetuates the pain and the belief in validation and pain. 

Only expression is reasonable. Not harming.  The hyphenation “self-harm” is absolutely misleading. 

[cypres]

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

Someone can never punish themself because there is not a someone and a themself. 

At one level but at another level someone can punish themselves, which is what I believe the poster means to talk about.

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

That doesn’t actually validate anything, it just perpetuates the pain and the belief in validation and pain.

I know for a fact that this validation is a reason some people have for self-harm, so yes.

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

Only expression is reasonable. Not harming.  The hyphenation “self-harm” is absolutely misleading. 

Of course self-harm isn't desired and if there are good alternatives people choose those. In some cases it is reasonable, because sometimes it's the alternative to suicide or going insane.

[Nahm]

1 hour ago, cypres said:

At one level but at another level someone can punish themselves, which is what I believe the poster means to talk about.

Someone & themself are just two different words, pointing back at the same one. There is no scenario in which someone can punish themself. In a way, you could punish me, or I could punish you if there are the two of us. But you can not punish a yourself. There just are not two of you. There may very well be much pain, but there is no second or separate self being punished. The self that can be at levels is a thought about a self. Not a self, which punishes, a self. 

To shoulder this activity of thought, is to suffer, which is to seek any resolution, to this suffering. 

Thought can not resolve thought. Or Ox picks wise, the seeker finds nothing works.  

In cessation of thought, there is neither a problem, a second or separate self, nor harm. 

[cypres]

@Nahm Are you just adding this layer to the conversation being held, or do you mean to disagree to something I said?

[cypres]

@Nahm If you mean "punish" as "act against the best interest of" then I agree there is no scenario someone can "punish" themselves.

Psychologically though, we aren't one. We are fragmented. The part who punishes is usually the one who wants belonging with others, and the punished is the part that the first one sees as the obstacle to that belonging.

[Nahm]

11 minutes ago, cypres said:

@Nahm Are you just adding this layer to the conversation being held, or do you mean to disagree to something I said?

Definitely neither. 

7 minutes ago, cypres said:

@Nahm If you mean "punish" as "act against the best interest of" then I agree there is no scenario someone can "punish" themselves.

Psychologically though, we aren't one. We are fragmented. The part who punishes is usually the one who wants belonging with others, and the punished is the part that the first one sees as the obstacle to that belonging.

Just like there is never the actual experience of a second self (only the thought of), there is also never the actual experience of ‘we aren’t’, or ‘we are’. 

‘The part’ is also exactly the same as ‘the separate self’. There can be thoughts about oneself as parts, and there indeed can be suffering and pain, but there can never actually be parts of you. 

[cypres]

@Nahm If you're just using me as a springboard for your own thoughts, sure.

[Breakingthewall]

@cypres You almost won the debate, but your opponent has resorted to the wild card: you do not exist, there is no one here.??? well, tried to contribute:. you harm yourself to: forget your horrible anxiety for a while, show yourself and others that you are brave, and I guess also because you want to feel sooooo special

[Nahm]

12 hours ago, cypres said:

@Nahm If you're just using me as a springboard for your own thoughts, sure.

Nobody’s “using you” at all. The conversation was in reply to your comment…

19 hours ago, cypres said:

Of course there is.

@Breakingthewall

Your framing is not indicative of my lens.