Good style for looking attractive? (Pick-up)

[Lyubov]

13 hours ago, FlyingLotus said:

@Lyubov Good outfit picks! 

The last one has a bit too much denim for me, but it'll look a lot better with the jacket opened up so you can see the shirt underneath.  The red shoes in the previous pics are a good example of a nice pop of colour.  

 

Thanks! 

http://www.selfedge.com/

https://standardandstrange.com/

https://www.snakeoilprovisions.com/

https://stagprovisions.com/

https://www.ralphlauren.com/brands-double-rl-men

https://therealmccoys.com/

https://freenotecloth.com/

http://www.ironheart.co.uk/

These are some brands & shops I like. I've always felt really sexy and attractive in my clothes and I might be taking this for granted. I've never had any problems finding stuff in my style that looks good on me and mixing and matching it with accessories. I never really thought about how some guys might actually struggle finding a style and might not have an eye for it yet.

I would say a good way to quickly improve at dressing is picking up an art hobby. Get some paints, colored pencils, can also be photography, join an art class, really any medium, etc. Focus on just some art for a bit. This will sort of open up an avenue for creativity to flow and start to make your eyes more sensitive. You'll find yourself better at pairing and choosing colors, noticing shapes and lines, how stuff looks different in different light, the feeling behind certain fabric and textures, etc. Once you start training this faculty you can then marry it so to speak with your lifestyle. For instance my style really fits my personality, background, my interests, etc. I would feel out of place (although looking good in doing so) if I were to wear a totally different style of fashion that wasn't really about me. For instance that business sheik wall street suit style isn't my cup of tea. A suit for me would have to look more rustic cause I would feel more home in it. 

[Preety_India]

@modmyth  I have a disorder where I find it difficult to maintain a weight too long. I tend to lose it anyway. It goes away on its own. So I'm careful not to have much restrictions with regard to diet or even exercise because I tend to lose a horrible amount of weight if I do that. Also causes loss of hair. 

So i make sure that everytime I eat the same amount that I ate the day before during every meal and that's how my weight remains stable. 

I have been through periods when I became super skinny to the point of fainting. The reason for this is extreme malnutrition. 

I was born underweight and my mother put a lot of effort to make me gain weight but it didn't work. I remained underweight throughout my teens. 

My stress levels are also responsible for the low weight. 

For some reason despite drastic weight losses and insomnia, my face still stays and looks chubby. Like my cheek fat doesn't go away even if I get skinny. 

My mom has chubby cheeks so I have those genetically. But there is little difference in my cheeks even if I keep losing weight. 

These days I'm not that skinny anymore because I eat a lot of pasta or rice flakes to maintain a healthy weight so that I don't lose it. 

Insomnia tends to drastically make me lose weight and other factors. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, modmyth said:

@Preety_India  Oof. Definitely prioritize taking care of your health/ stress levels first.

I think I wrote near the beginning of my journalling here that I relied a lot of my immersion hand blender when I was having struggles with eating enough and getting enough calories, so I made a lot of thick soups, smoothies, homemade meal replacement shakes, etc., and tried to eat at least some solid food without forcefeeding myself and making myself feel like I was going to throw up. Super useful.

You can still get pretty good results from smaller amounts of exercise too especially if you do it frequently enough. Just don't push your body's limits too much, and don't do exercises like HIIT or heavy weights if it just feels terrible and stresses the body too much. Like even doing 1/5 of a "normal" workout is often a lot better than doing nothing, but don't force yourself too much.

Sometimes sleeping is better than a workout though, despite what some people will tell you. Frazzled nervous systems need rest.

Yup. Especially the sleep part,often taken for granted. 

 

[Javfly33]

Dude, theres no such a thing as an "attractive Style". Your clothing must represent your attitude, vibe and soul. Once you learn that you Will naturally Will dress like you want, which is just congruent with Who you are.

[FlyingLotus]

@Peo You may find this video helpful. 

For the Asian guys here, Giovanni Wan is a PUA who specializes in helping other Asian guys.  He seems less toxic and angry than other PUAs which is good.  

Edited October 28, 2021 by FlyingLotus

[Javfly33]

Of course everybody has an unique style and that would be THE BEST STYLE.

Trying to "copy" full cliché outfits will just make you appear as a man with zero social calibration of fashion. You just have to connect to your feminine / creative energy in that aspect, there's no way around it.

Some guys will fit more Italian, others American, etc.

If you can't look good on an ermenelgildo jacket and some indigo replay jeans you are basically fucked. 

Edited October 28, 2021 by Javfly33

[Raptorsin7]

16 hours ago, FlyingLotus said:

@Peo You may find this video helpful. 

For the Asian guys here, Giovanni Wan is a PUA who specializes in helping other Asian guys.  He seems less toxic and angry than other PUAs which is good.  

I just started following this PUA asian guy called John Elite. He talks about some harsh truths about dating men, like how only 1/5 asian men will procreate and 50% of asian woman(likely in the west) will marry a white guy.

Does this guy deal with harsh realities like that head on? 

[FlyingLotus]

         -Giovanni Wan is helpful in that he teaches Asian guys how to become more attractive while dealing with the unique challenges that Asian guys face, especially in interracial dating.

          A lot of Asian guys vastly underestimate how open most women are to dating outside their race.  Sure there are some who wouldn’t even date Henry Golding or Sendhil Ramamurthy, but that’s like 10% of women.  Most women fall into two different categories: open to dating interracially depending on other factors, and prefer dating someone who can expose them to a different culture or exciting worldview.  Those women tend to have high openness.  (I personally think high openness is an attractive quality.)

          -This is all my opinion of course, but when it comes to dating advice it’s super important to learn primarily from psychologically healthy people who are happy and at peace with themselves.  I’d say Giovanni Wan falls in that category (I’ve only watched a few of his videos.)  I would also put James Marshall and Matthew Hussey (definitely) in that category.  I’ve never seen any of John Elite’s content.

          -With dating you attract who you are.  You attract people who are at the same level of psychological development, especially when it comes to looking for a long term relationship.  You can attract someone healthier than you in the short term, but you will not be able to keep them.

          Either they’ll realize you’re toxic and lose attraction, or even more likely, you’ll sabotage the relationship because won’t believe someone could truly love you if you believe you’re fundamentally unloveable.   

          Dr. K posted a video about this recently that was really good.  How OnlyFans Monetizes Lonely Men.  It’s why some hot girls who don’t love themselves prefer a guy who reflects their own self hatred back to them, instead of a guy who thinks they’re great and perfectly loveable.

          -There are coaches on youtube, both male and female, who scream “I have unresolved issues and don’t wanna solve them.”  There’s a lot of money to be made in pressing client’s anger and fear buttons rather than helping them solve those issues because an angry, scared, desperate client is more likely to keep spending money.  I tend to stay away from those coaches.  Even though they probably have useful nuggets and entertainment value.  However, if that type of coach helps improve someone’s situation, I’d say absorb the useful insights because that’s what’s most important.

[Raptorsin7]

3 hours ago, FlyingLotus said:

A lot of Asian guys vastly underestimate how open most women are to dating outside their race.  Sure there are some who wouldn’t even date Henry Golding or Sendhil Ramamurthy, but that’s like 10% of women.  Most women fall into two different categories: open to dating interracially depending on other factors, and prefer dating someone who can expose them to a different culture or exciting worldview.  Those women tend to have high openness.  (I personally think high openness is an attractive quality.)

In my opinion, the issue for asian men is that they have the lowest perceived SMV and so when it comes to IR or normal dating they are seen as less valuable and so they are fighting an uphill battle. This is a very uncomfortable fact to consider, and my concern is that most dating coaches (idk about the guy above I couldn't find any relevant videos) simply ignore this or downplay it's significance.

Why I resonate with a guy like John Elite is he deals with the harsh reality, rather than sugar coating it for people and avoiding triggering people. I grant that he has unresolved emotional and psychological issues. Nevertheless, it's all about where the student is at when it comes to coaching and helping, and there is still tremendous value to be had from people who appear toxic.

There are many sages in the world who are not saints. People can speak the truth and still have shadow issues, it does not mean they are not speaking the truth because they have unresolved issues.

3 hours ago, FlyingLotus said:

This is all my opinion of course, but when it comes to dating advice it’s super important to learn primarily from psychologically healthy people who are happy and at peace with themselves.  I’d say Giovanni Wan falls in that category (I’ve only watched a few of his videos.)  I would also put James Marshall and Matthew Hussey (definitely) in that category.  I’ve never seen any of John Elite’s content.

I see your point, but you can have people who appear happy and at peace but are still full of shit or are dishonest for some other reason. I'd rather have a dysfunctional person who is in touch with, and speaks the truth, vs some guy who just appeases his audience and doesn't want to trigger anyone because it's bad for business, like so many PUA coaches.

I think most men interested in pickup don't necessarily want a LTR right away. I don't consider myself as into pickup, i'm actually getting coaching from John Elite, but I'm interested in just general self improvement and not pickup, but I think it would be fun to be a devil and sleep with lots of woman for a bit, before I consider settling down. 

My main point is just for asian men to be wise in choosing PUA people to listen to. There are many supposedly wise people on this forum who lead people astray with their poor advice about pickup, and I just wanted to state my opinion.

[soos_mite_ah]

@Raptorsin7 what is smv and ir? 

[Raptorsin7]

@soos_mite_ah SMV= Sexual Market Value and IR= Interracial Dating

[soos_mite_ah]

@Raptorsin7 how do you describe sexual market value? 

[something_else]

4 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@soos_mite_ah SMV= Sexual Market Value and IR= Interracial Dating

SMV I get but why the fuck is there an acronym for interracial dating lol

[Raptorsin7]

@something_else Because IR is so clean, and I don't want to type more than I have too

[Raptorsin7]

@soos_mite_ah Based on how you are perceived my members of the opposite sex for dating and sex.

It's an amorphous topic, but I have a strong intuitive sense for how it plays out in reality. And there are concrete aspects.

Tall, muscular men with handsome faces have high SMV. Short, scrawnny men with poor body language have low SMV.

Why do asian woman obsess over white men asia? Because they are viewed as inherently more valuable because of their race.

Everyone wants to secure the highest value partner they can. It goes back to cave man days, and evolutionary psychology. Tall, strong, competent men can protect and kill others, so woman feel safe and secure, and their children will have better genetics.

Edited October 30, 2021 by Raptorsin7

[FlyingLotus]

@Raptorsin7 Sounds like you've found a coach whose work you find very helpful.  Awesome.  That'd be a cool experience to have a personal dating coach, come to think of it.  Keep us updated in your journal!  (If you feel comfortable of course )

[Raptorsin7]

18 minutes ago, FlyingLotus said:

@Raptorsin7 Sounds like you've found a coach whose work you find very helpful.  Awesome.  That'd be a cool experience to have a personal dating coach, come to think of it.  Keep us updated in your journal!  (If you feel comfortable of course )

Thanks, yeah I'm really looking forward to this.

I think I will create a journal to record what I'm doing. I think this guy might not want to me to share some specific things he showed me, but overall I don't think it will be an issue to describe my progress.

Learning from this guy has opened my mind to what it means to be a mystic and speak the truth. I had one facebook convo with him where I was vulnerable and opened up my mind. And then that night I had a deep blissful experience come over my entire body while listening to music. That's real spirituality.

 

Edited October 30, 2021 by Raptorsin7

[soos_mite_ah]

@Raptorsin7 Ok thank you for clarifying that term. I just wanted to have an idea of what I was dealing with before sharing my perspective since I do have thoughts on this subject. 

2 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

In my opinion, the issue for asian men is that they have the lowest perceived SMV and so when it comes to IR or normal dating they are seen as less valuable and so they are fighting an uphill battle. This is a very uncomfortable fact to consider, and my concern is that most dating coaches (idk about the guy above I couldn't find any relevant videos) simply ignore this or downplay it's significance.

Is this actually a fact or is it an opinion (I know you said perceived but still) ? Because Asian men "having less value" inherently isn't something that can proven rather the attitude is based on a shit ton of racial biases. Yes, these opinions do in fact affect the way you are treated and that can be statistically proven, but I'm rather worried that seeing Asian men as having less sexual market value and trying to accept that would further enable Asian men to internalize their self hatred instead of helping them dismantle it. What do you think about that?

Don't get me wrong, I think it's important to acknowledge how things like racism can impact dating (I have my fair share of personal experiences) but these experiences aren't to internalize rather it is important to deconstruct these things by understanding where those biases come from and by understanding that there is nothing wrong with you. 

12 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I just started following this PUA asian guy called John Elite. He talks about some harsh truths about dating men, like how only 1/5 asian men will procreate and 50% of asian woman(likely in the west) will marry a white guy.

Does this guy deal with harsh realities like that head on?

Ok I'm not sure about the 1/5 Asian men will procreate statistic. I would really look into the sources for this because this seems like utter bs. As for 50% of asian women in the west will marry a white guy, I don't know about white specifically but I know that both Asian men and women have the highest rates of interracial marriage. Sure a small percentage is due to internalized self hatred taken out on the opposite sex but I think a lot of it has to do with population sizes.

As an South Asian woman in the U.S., if I were to limit myself to only dating other South Asian men, I'm limiting myself to 2% of the U.S. population. If we are going by population alone, there is a 98% chance that I will be in an interracial marriage. I've told this to my parents as well, the odds of me marrying a brown guy isn't exactly in my favor. 

I don't about know this John Elite guy based on the stats that you spelled out but I do think it's a good idea that you are looking to people who have similar experiences as you and who does understand the unique issues that Asian men would have to face. 

2 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Why I resonate with a guy like John Elite is he deals with the harsh reality, rather than sugar coating it for people and avoiding triggering people. I grant that he has unresolved emotional and psychological issues. Nevertheless, it's all about where the student is at when it comes to coaching and helping, and there is still tremendous value to be had from people who appear toxic.

Is it the "harsh reality" or are you using masochistic epistemology and digital self harm? Contrapoints has a really good video on this and I have written about this in my journal as well if you're wondering what this even means and how it relates to anything we're talking about: 

46 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@soos_mite_ah Based on how you are perceived my members of the opposite sex for dating and sex.

It's an amorphous topic, but I have a strong intuitive sense for how it plays out in reality. And there are concrete aspects. Is this intuition or is this your knee jerk reaction rooted in insecurity and negative experiences clouding your judgement? How do you know this is intuition and not something else. 

Tall, muscular men with handsome faces have high SMV. Short, scrawnny men with poor body language have low SMV. I have met plenty of short skinny guys get hella girls. And I have also met plenty of tall muscular men who would be considered conventionally attractive get none because they emit the worst kinds of vibes. A lot of it is about how you carry yourself tbh. 

Why do asian woman obsess over white men asia? Because they are viewed as inherently more valuable because of their race. Or it's years of colonization and western imperialism conditioning a bias. 

Everyone wants to secure the highest value partner they can. It goes back to cave man days, and evolutionary psychology. Tall, strong, competent men can protect and kill others, so woman feel safe and secure, and their children will have better genetics. 

SMV, from what I'm getting, sounds like a very weird way of packaging things like racism, sexism, fatphobia, and eugenics . 

I think you also need to redefine what it means to be and seek a high value partner. From my observation, the quality of a person's dating advice usually can be seen as what they perceive to be high value. 

And not to mention, putting people in this scale of "market value" sounds incredibly dehumanizing for a person's view on oneself and their view on other people. So dehumanizing to where if would cancel out any hopes of actually connecting with people and moving forward with a solid sense of self esteem and confidence. You are literally viewing yourself and others as objects rather than actual human beings. 

 

Edited October 30, 2021 by soos_mite_ah

[Raptorsin7]

4 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Is this actually a fact or is it an opinion (I know you said perceived but still) ? Because Asian men "having less value" inherently isn't something that can proven rather the attitude is based on a shit ton of racial biases. Yes, these opinions do in fact affect the way you are treated and that can be statistically proven, but I'm rather worried that seeing Asian men as having less sexual market value and trying to accept that would further enable Asian men to internalize their self hatred instead of helping them dismantle it?

It's an opinion, but in this space we dealing with subjective topics, so almost anything said on this topic will be an opinion and cannot be verified as a fact.

Good luck trying to dismantle the world's biases and preconceptions. If you are a 5ft3 chinese guy you are playing an entire different dating game than a 6ft4 white guy. I grant that there are any many factors that will influence their success, but fundamentally height and race are incredibly important, and people are better off dealing with reality than trying to bury their heads in the sand, or ignore the realities.

7 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Don't get me wrong, I think it's important to acknowledge how things like racism can impact dating (I have my fair share of personal experiences) but these experiences aren't to internalize rather it is important to deconstruct these things by understanding where those biases come from and by understanding that there is nothing wrong with you. 

You can understand and dismantle all you want. It will not change how the fact that the vast majority of people in the world are choosing partners based on biases and preconceptions, and asian men just happen to be on the losing end of this fact at the moment.

 

8 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Ok I'm not sure about the 1/5 Asian men will procreate statistic. I would really look into the sources for this because this seems like utter bs. As for 50% of asian women in the west will marry a white guy, I don't know about white specifically but I know that both Asian men and women have the highest rates of interracial marriage. Sure a small percentage is due to internalized self hatred taken out on the opposite sex but I think a lot of it has to do with population sizes.

This is consistent with what I see, and I trust my own intuition to discern the truth. 

Asian men are shorter, smaller, more passive and beta and so they suffer in dating. Asian woman are sexualized by the media and men in general, and so they are desired by men of most races. Thus you get the result.

Asian woman have high sexual value, so they get chosen by men of other races. And because asian men don't have the same value, they do no have the same prospects to date out and so you have a skewewd dating world.

I do not consider Indians asian for the purpose of dating. I am talking about mongoloid asians.

11 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Is it the "harsh reality" or are you using masochistic epistemology and digital self harm? Contrapoints has a really good video on this and I have written about this in my journal as well if you're wondering what this even means and how it relates to anything we're talking about: 

It's the truth. You can analyze and judge from whatever angle you choose, but what I'm saying is the truth about dating and sexual value. 

People can ignore this at their own peril. 

13 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

SMV, from what I'm getting, sounds like a very weird way of packaging things like racism, sexism, fatphobia, and eugenics . 

I think you also need to redefine what it means to be and seek a high value partner. From my observation, the quality of a person's dating advice usually can be seen as what they perceive to be high value. 

And not to mention, putting people in this scale of "market value" sounds incredibly dehumanizing for a person's view on oneself and their view on other people. So dehumanizing to where if would cancel out any hopes of actually connecting with people and moving forward with a solid sense of self esteem and confidence. You are literally viewing yourself and others as objects rather than actual human beings. 

The world is full of racist, sexism, fatphobia, and eugenices. These things are part of reality. Imagine trying to understand the truth, but you can't accept the realities of racism, sexism, fatphobia, and eugenics. It won't work.

I care about what's true about dating, and what's actually going in the world.

Why do tall black guys with large muscles have high smv amongst most races? Because of racism, sexism, fatphobia, and eugenics. Feel free to bury your head in the sand about these realities

[soos_mite_ah]

2 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Good luck trying to dismantle the world's biases and preconceptions. If you are a 5ft3 chinese guy you are playing an entire different dating game than a 6ft4 white guy. I grant that there are any many factors that will influence their success, but fundamentally height and race are incredibly important, and people are better off dealing with reality than trying to bury their heads in the sand, or ignore the realities.

I'm not saying burying your head in the sand and ignoring these inequalities is the answer. It isn't and if anything that will do more harm. People have different struggles and issues in dating especially when race and backgrounds are considered and it's unfair to say otherwise. 

What I am saying is that people need to build a healthier self esteem by dealing with the issues they have come across by altering their self esteem. Not by doubling down on their limiting beliefs. 

4 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

You can understand and dismantle all you want. It will not change how the fact that the vast majority of people in the world are choosing partners based on biases and preconceptions, and asian men just happen to be on the losing end of this fact at the moment.

Honestly, why would you want to win in a game where the prize isn't even worth it? What's the point of trying to appeal to people who aren't going to see your worth or give you basic respect? Instead of trying to change up yourself to appeal to these people, go where you are accepted and where you are less likely to deal with this sort of thing. 

I've had men literally tell me to my face that they think I'm ugly and that they only date white women. That shit made me cry when I was 12 but at this point I'm just like *the trash took itself out and I dodged a bullet.* I agree with @FlyingLotus on this one: 

6 hours ago, FlyingLotus said:

With dating you attract who you are.  You attract people who are at the same level of psychological development, especially when it comes to looking for a long term relationship.  You can attract someone healthier than you in the short term, but you will not be able to keep them.

Either they’ll realize you’re toxic and lose attraction, or even more likely, you’ll sabotage the relationship because won’t believe someone could truly love you if you believe you’re fundamentally unloveable.   

9 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Asian men are shorter, smaller, more passive and beta and so they suffer in dating. Asian woman are sexualized by the media and men in general, and so they are desired by men of most races. Thus you get the result.

That is literally hyperfeminization which is a form of fetishization

10 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Why do tall black guys with large muscles have high smv amongst most races?

That is hypermasculination which is another form of fetishization. 

Didn't you make a post not too long ago about racism in dating and how the black men in every person questioned was rated as the least attractive? 

You're so close to seeing the problem. Fetishization isn't a good thing and isn't something that makes you look "higher value." It's the opposite in that it leads to more dehumanization and violence against the communities they fetishize.