cjoseph90

Bringing up commitment before Sex

51 posts in this topic

20 minutes ago, Roy said:

There are MANY guys out there who won't hesitate to fuck you and delete your number the next morning. They will play all charming and say all the right things just to get what they want.

 

Yep.

Imagine how stupid one feels after this. Avoiding this scenario is a woman's top priority, hence all the safeguards and questioning.

It's especially bad if she gets emotionally involved only to be dropped like an old sock. And this happens a lot because woman sexuality is very wired towards feelings.

Capture d’écran 2021-09-26 à 01.20.14.png

^ The female side of things. 

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Sex is not a casual thing, especially for girls. It involves your heart and soul. 

People who treat it casually usually indicate that there is something wrong with them.

Edited by somegirl

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4 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Communication should definitely take place so both parties can see if they are on the same page.

Yes. @cjoseph90 typically said she was into something serious and would be hurt if the guy would treat her as casual sex. She wants to avoid that specific situation.

There is nothing stingy with that.

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11 hours ago, cjoseph90 said:

Should you communicate with a guy you’re seeing that you want a relationship before you have sex

I

don't think so

8 hours ago, somegirl said:

non-malicious.

Is it malicious if you just want sex? And nothing besides that.?

If

I

tell

her

Before

sex?

 

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3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

So much BS in this thread.

No one is going to commit to you before sex. Nor is such a thing desirable.

Stop enabling her obvious neediness.

???

People commit to each other before sex all the time. And it absolutely can be desirable to build a proper relationship.

Only in pick up artist land is commitment a scary thing that needs to be withheld by the guy until he gets laid. And that’s because most PUAs are coming from a place where they felt like they were taken advantage of. They tried being “nice” up front, but that didn’t get them laid. So they overcompensate.

I don’t read that what OP is requesting is that unreasonable. She’s not asking for a marriage proposal and three gold balloons. She just wants to know that this guy she is emotionally investing in isn’t going to flip and bounce on her.


Offerings: akourakin.com

 

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24 minutes ago, aurum said:

Only in pick up artist land is commitment a scary thing that needs to be withheld by the guy until he gets laid. And that’s because most PUAs are coming from a place where they felt like they were taken advantage of. They tried being “nice” up front, but that didn’t get them laid. So they overcompensate.

For philosophical purposes it does feel similar to replace sex with commitment haha 

"Only in woman land is sex a scary thing that needs to be withheld by the girl until she gets commitment. And that’s because most girls are coming from a place where they felt like they were taken advantage of. They tried having sex up front, but that didn’t get them commitment. So they overcompensate."

Both people are coping I think 

Edited by Jacob Morres

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10 minutes ago, Jacob Morres said:

For philosophical purposes it does feel similar to replace sex with commitment haha 

If you’re saying that some women will withhold sex out of fear in order to get commitment, I would agree. That does happen.

Both genders can play these fear-based power games. 


Offerings: akourakin.com

 

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A great deal of your options for how you should feasibly deal with this depends on your immediate social and cultural milieu, does it not? Like: social expectations, conservatism (sexual and otherwise).

Though I would add though: sexual conservatism often comes with traditional values. Play traditional games, win traditional prizes (or baggage!).

I don't think it's unfeasible to find a man on the same page as you, though how feasible? I don't actually know.

...

Isn't one anyone actually friends with the opposite sex before they date? (Whether more casually or seriously...)

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don't bring up the commitment subject.

in any relationship that I have been, I always wanted to decide whether I wanted commitment or not.

of course, show him your good feminine qualities and show him you're a keeper, he will come with his commitment. 


"If you kick me when I'm down, you better pray I don't get up"

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16 hours ago, somegirl said:

Sex is not a casual thing, especially for girls. It involves your heart and soul. 

People who treat it casually usually indicate that there is something wrong with them.

Thanks everyone for their input. i definetly have some food for thought. 

The thing is in the past when Ive not communicated what I wanted (out of fear of scaring the guy) the majority of the time they ghost/ loose intrest @hamedsf

@Etherial Cat and @somegirl points i strongly resonate with, starting to disagree with some of Leo's comments. But yes still lots of reflection and Self love need to be a priority here.

Yes this, for me sex is never casual. And yes I will communicate upfront that I want something serious if it comes to it, i know its a balancing act. the thing is its hard to drop my expectations as it is hardwired and programmed into me and the majority of females.

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@aurum yes thanks I appreciate that coming from a males perspective, i dont think im asking for too much- e.g marriage proposal. At the end of the day everyone is different in their wants and expectations, and if nothing is communicated then i cant be 'upset' at the person for not saying anything. I know there is no one fit answer but now i have more clarity on the situation.

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