How to be okay with loss, old age

[PepperBlossoms]

How to be okay with getting old, losing memory, losing functionality, losing money, losing family, losing self, losing home, etc.?

We do all this stuff when we are young but yet the clock is always ticking and that old age is going to come whether we like it or not.  Or we die sooner as tomorrow is not guaranteed.

Yes in the absolute sense, nothing is lost or owned but rather changed and tomorrow is imaginary.  But in the relative sense, the body and experience tend to deteriorate.

[vizual]

This really strikes the heart of spirituality. Dealing with suffering, uncertainty and death. And the way we deal and cope with it. We can’t really bargain our negotiate our way out of it, because eventually we are all going to have to face it. We can try to run from old age by trying to cover it up with make up, cosmetic procedures. Get a hot young girlfriend or boyfriend. Buy a fast Ferrari and hip flashy clothes. But we are only fooling ourselves that way.

 The only way to deal with it is to realize that change, any change, is fundamentally neither good nor evil. But we project evil or nobility onto things that happen and change in our environment. The evil is within us, and it projects that evil outwardly as a self defense mechanism. But it’s a flawed defense mechanism because it can never beat nature. The ego can never last forever. The ego is an ice cube that lives in the desert, maybe it can hide for a while under a palm tree. But its fate is inevitable.

 Become aware of your projections on reality, and see how your projections are not actual reality. And also don’t be sheep; if someone else is freaking out about a certain situation, you are not obliged to go along with that. That person is caught up in their own projection

[LastThursday]

I can't believe I'm answering this question. Anyway.

For all those worried about it, it's good to realise getting older is mostly a process or a matter of degree. You don't wake up one day and think "I'm offically old", and then start losing your faculties and health. Age is mostly relative, those in their seventies think everyone is young, those in their teens and twenties think everyone older than them is old. The aging process is a lot slower than you believe.

For the upsides: I don't feel old. I pretty much feel like I'm the same I was when I was twenty, just calmer and mostly wiser. In terms of faculties and health, those have actually improved from my twenties: I drink far less, don't smoke any more, eat better, and exercise a lot more. My mind is much sharper than it was in my twenties. My social skills are immensely better, I'm a lot more relaxed and confident than when I was younger, I'm less impusive, and have no anxiety any more. I haven't been ill in years, I constantly got colds etc. when I was younger. In terms of memories, everything is still fresh and feels like it happened yesterday. You have more disposable income and steady life.

Downsides: most people seem to think I'm old. I don't recover as quickly from lack of sleep etc. or when I go out partying, or when I do get ill - but those things happen rarely anyway. Concerns start to kick in about how you will support yourself in your old age, such as pension, property and so on. Time seems to shrink and there's never enough of it to do what you want to do. I don't have kids, but for most the responsibilities of family run your life, but it gets easier as your kids get older. You also do get increasingly prone to bodily injuries and ill health, but it's gradual. Diseases of old age kick in after 60 or so. Vision deteriorates like it or not after about 45 (mostly reading). Your good looks can diminish, but sometimes you actually look better older! You will start losing older relatives first and then friends after around age 60.

I think as long as you maintain a certain level of fitness and eath healthily, have some sort of social life and something to keep your mind engaged, you don't need to worry about old age very much. In lots of ways it's far better than being young.

 

[Breakingthewall]

@LastThursday all you said is great except because you aren't old. the issue is when your health begins to decline. when you are 82 years old. You may think: well, if you are that age, you have already lived and you accept that everyone has to die, etc. etc. but the reality is that your current experience, which is the only thing that exists, is a completely decadent body and zero expectations for the future. Or are you quite illuminated, and you see infinity in everything, in a sunset, in an insect, in a conversation. then it may be the best stage of your life. old age encourages detachment. is living on the razor's edge, nothing to lose, nothing to gain. death as close as in the trenches. Example Hoffman or junger, both psychedelic users who lived until 102. BUT ... if you are not enlightened, if you are attached, if you live in your little mind of the past and the future ... welcome to hell

[LastThursday]

@Breakingthewall yes I know I'm not particularly old, but I am by some standards. Really my point is, is if you do the right things by your body, then you won't have to suffer decline or at least not so fast, either mental or physical. In fact things can improve. It's not going to be all roses and unicorns I admit, but you can do a lot to enjoy life in old age. And you never actually feel old and that is something that isn't understood by being young.

Loss is something you gradually learn to accept, it's part of the process, it's not insurmountable. In some ways you stop being interested in a lot of things you did when you were younger, the focus shifts, so the loss in that respect isn't as great.

[The0Self]

There is a freedom in not needing to be okay with it. Acceptance happens or it doesn't. Enjoy the ride.

[Thought Art]

Going bald  Just shaved my head today

However, you can start practicing a lifestyle that promote longevity. 

Also, the brain doesn't necessarily degrade if you are healthy and keep working.

Edited September 24, 2021 by Thought Art

[ivankiss]

The Pain Of Loss

[mandyjw]

In my opinion it's best to approach this in a creative way rather than trying to fix a problem and become immune in preparation for some feared future. Fear does not prevent fear. In my early 20's I bought a house in a neighborhood where there were a ton of old abandoned buildings and fantastic history with few people left around to appreciate it. You can feel the energy left behind. Google pictures of abandoned homes and places and watch nature overtake it with it's own art. It's fascinating and gorgeous. There's no beauty in a well kept modern mansion that can even touch the beauty of an old home that nature is taking back, in my opinion. 

Visit cemeteries, preferably the old parts of cemeteries. They're so peaceful and gorgeous. There are some really beautiful transcendent things written on old gravestones.

Volunteer and visit a nursing home. Appreciate older people. There are again, some really beautiful but perhaps subtle things we totally miss unless we look for them them. 

When things are fading into formlessness there's a kind of beauty you can't even explain or measure.