Transmuting frustration, anger, and sadness

[trenton]

In my work place at Kroger I recognized that my co-workers don't like to think about the harsh reality that many of us feel like a waste of potential.  We feel like there is almost no expression of creativity and it creates a recipe for long term bitterness.  This ties into life purpose and self actualization very well.

I prefer to face these unpleasant realities rather than sweep them under the rug.  this resulted in feeling intense sadness, frustration, and anger which is sometimes mixed with suicidal thoughts.  I would like to have an optimized approach to confronting harsh realities so that I can get the most growth out of them.  I often approached these things in a way that leads me to feeling devastated and stuck.  My intention is to grow from facing what most people wouldn't.

I found that there are no job opportunities for creative expression in the company unless I move to corporate Kroger.  Otherwise in jobs like the one I have people try to cope for the lack of creative expression through pet contests.  I could do it, but I have a bigger task at hand.  It looks like I would have to start college over after getting an associate of science degree.  I end up feeling lost and overwhelmed by everything I could do.  It looks like my best bet is further focus on the life purpose course or keep trying to gain something from the book list.  Otherwise I would need to find a way to generate value outside of a normal job.  I am doing some chess coaching which is a start, but there is probably more I could do.

I end up putting a lot of pressure on myself to achieve something special.  Letting this go helps me sleep at night.  There is still a strong urge to live a life beyond mediocrity and it comes with these emotional reactions.

[Gianna]

@trenton Wanting more but letting go, listening to yourself, being accountable, surrendering, not expecting too much too soon, loving yourself in between everything, being a crusader of reality and the truth– it sounds like you have very healthy awareness and mentality. Keep listening to yourself <3 small steps are how you reach success. I think the chess coaching is a perfect start and who cares about the more that you'll eventually do because you are an awake creator and your beautiful life is inevitable <3  doesn't matter if you see the entire journey or not, you're doin' it! Keep up the aspirations and detachment. I think that is an amazingly wise combo. 

Edited September 21, 2021 by Gianna

[trenton]

@Gianna thank you for this affirmation.  I have studied multiple books on life purpose and emotional mastery from the list.  I notice that I am coping with all of these things far better than I used to be.  I am glad to see that the book list is worth my time and this investment has made me better in areas of my life that schools did not teach.

I am continuing to look for the most optimal ways to be an emotional conductor.  I am far enough along that I am able to help other people like my brother cope with low self esteem, and with more growth I could be even more help to him.  I will journal about some of these ideas for a few days before making a similar thread in self actualization or life purpose section as the initial intensity is fading away.  This is my goal behind facing difficult truths.

[Gianna]

2 hours ago, trenton said:

I am able to help other people like my brother cope with low self esteem, and with more growth I could be even more help to him.  I will journal about some of these ideas for a few days before making a similar thread in self actualization or life purpose section as the initial intensity is fading away.  This is my goal behind facing difficult truths.

I need help with that. lol. (re:low self esteem) i'll definitely be checking out your journals! Will you be posting them in the journal section?

[trenton]

@Gianna I meant that I do this in a physical journal.  It has a different feeling compared to doing it online when it feels closer and more personal.  I also feel pressure to keep posting when I commit to these online projects.  I did an online journal a while back before I purchased the life purpose course and book list.

Aside from the journal, what I discuss with my brother is specific to our life experiences.  secondly, in order to resolve inner emotional tension, it takes a lot of different perspectives.  Overtime, you can observe your thoughts and emotions and watch how they gradually evolve in terms of how you react to them.  This happens through many small insights, gradually being integrated into your psyche.  Do you have a thread about low self esteem in which you expand on this topic?

The most powerful insight weakens suicidal thoughts a lot.  Although you can moralize to yourself about suicide being selfish and use this to avoid killing yourself successfully, it is not optimal.  It is far more powerful to recognize that the desire to die comes from love in that one seeks to reduce suffering.  If you hesitate to commit suicide, then this is also a form of love when the desire to survive conflicts with the desire to die.  If there is hesitancy, then there could still be hope.  Rather than having these desires conflict with each other, one can meditate and observe both desires while releasing attachment to both.  If one attempts to make the desire to live win out, then although this is another form of love, it backfires if the desire to die is repressed and not fully resolved.  This leads to further inner conflict and backsliding into depressive episodes full of hopelessness.  Through this counterintuitive move to release both the desire to live and the desire to die, one can begin to recognize the deeper underlying truth.  The truth is that love is your essential nature and nothing can truly separate you from it.  This also means that evil is an illusion, therefore harsh moral judgements about your behavior become untenable.  This insight is what is being missed by most of society and it could save a lot of people's lives while fixing self esteem issues.  This is how one can move from suicidal, to getting by, to optimally coping.

I am currently checking my coping mechanisms to see if I am getting by, or can I optimize them to discover something powerful and counterintuitive as this can lead to a massive difference in our thinking.

It is possible to self reflect so deeply that you can experience a state of consciousness in which you realize that all suffering is love, and in this sense you never truly suffered as outrageous as it may sound.  you could feel as if all of your suffering was an illusion and you were never hurt at all.  This makes me feel like crying in a good way.  This might have been what Jesus meant when he said "the kingdom of heaven is found within.".

My brother struggled with the philosophical and religious sounding insights and he found it helpful to study ego defense mechanisms as a form of practical psychology.  You can find a list on Wikipedia and ask yourself "how do I use these defense mechanisms?"

[Gianna]

16 hours ago, trenton said:

recognize that the desire to die comes from love in that one seeks to reduce suffering. 

wow this is beautiful. 

16 hours ago, trenton said:

If one attempts to make the desire to live win out, then although this is another form of love, it backfires if the desire to die is repressed and not fully resolved.  This leads to further inner conflict and backsliding into depressive episodes full of hopelessness.  Through this counterintuitive move to release both the desire to live and the desire to die, one can begin to recognize the deeper underlying truth.  The truth is that love is your essential nature and nothing can truly separate you from it.

wow, again, so beautiful and impressively accurate. 

17 hours ago, trenton said:

This insight is what is being missed by most of society and it could save a lot of people's lives while fixing self esteem issues

It could save countless lives. I will definitely be passing on this wisdom. Thank you.

17 hours ago, trenton said:

It is possible to self reflect so deeply that you can experience a state of consciousness in which you realize that all suffering is love, and in this sense you never truly suffered

 

17 hours ago, trenton said:

you could feel as if all of your suffering was an illusion and you were never hurt at all.  This makes me feel like crying in a good way.  This might have been what Jesus meant when he said "the kingdom of heaven is found within.".

I think that's exactly what he meant. although the suffering feels very real– and so it may be triggering to hear for those who find themselves suffering– it is still crucial to recognize that suffering could not exist in and of itself without Love. Everyone on this planet is pure Love. And so if they are suffering, they are casted by a spell of illusion/distortion of love they cannot see. But luckily, we have each other to point to each other's blind spots– the blind spots of our own inherent self-love. 

[trenton]

@Gianna I'm glad you found this helpful.  I understand that for many people who are not philosophically minded it seems crazy to consider the idea that suffering is an illusion.  I wonder what it would take for a society to apply these insights. 

I remember in high school there were some talks about teenagers getting depressed and committing suicide.  These teachers were doing there best to tell people some of the signs that indicate that a student is suicidal.  In spite of their efforts, many students still quietly struggled with a lot of emotional problems and did not know what to do about them.  For a long time I was also struggling with domestic violence and drug addiction in my family.  I felt like I was constantly fighting myself and my suffering felt very real.  If these insights were shared with schools, I know their good intentions would pay off.  This is similar to my conclusions about my life purpose in that I generate unique and overlooked perspectives with which I can derive powerful truths through my unique way of thinking to approach complex issues in counterintuitive ways.

[Gianna]

36 minutes ago, trenton said:

This is similar to my conclusions about my life purpose in that I generate unique and overlooked perspectives with which I can derive powerful truths through my unique way of thinking to approach complex issues in counterintuitive ways.

I love that! Huge contribution to our world