Women, Attachment And Spiritual Growth

[aurum]

I wanted to answer one of the DMs I got in the form of a thread.

It was a long question, but essentially what the guy wanted to know was this: how can I drop my attachment to women? How can I be happy even when I don't have women in my life?

He already was doing the normal things like meditation, being on his purpose, having friends etc. So he was looking for that next level answer.

This requires a serious explanation. So here we go.

Dropping Attachment to Women

Attachment and happiness are spiritual questions. You're expecting something impermanent (in this case women) to make you happy. Like all attachments, this turns out to be a false assumption.

How do you drop any false assumption?

You have to see through the illusion. You need AWARENESS, not just theory.

When it comes to Enlightenment, a spiritual guru will make you sit for hours doing self-inquiry in order to find yourself. He is tricking you because this can't be done.

However, it's that relentless process of seeking that one day finally makes you go "shit I GIVE UP! It's not here. It doesn't exist"

At that point, you've seen through the illusion of self.

Women are no different because attachments are at their core all the same. So if you want to be happy without women, one way to do it is to seek women.

What's really interesting about this is that because women are such a driving force for men, this ends up being an extremely transformative experience.

You can't make any more excuses once you're successful with women that "I'll be happy in the future", because women are THE THING. What else could you want?

This part can be extremely depressing. but this is where the spiritual growth comes in.

For me, about a month after that click went off in my head is when I had my Enlightenment experience. I was angry, confused and lost.

Then it all popped.

After I picked up the pieces, things were different. I won't lie and say I never get attached or low consciousness, but there has been a significant drop for me.

But it also isn't just women. I feel that about many external circumstances. It's like I just have this bubble of feeling good inside no matter what is happening outside.

Now, I have tremendous respect for all methods of achieving Enlightenment. I meditate everyday and I love everything Leo teaches. But if there is one area he is missing, I would say it was this.

Spiritual growth is not limited to meditation and contemplation. Spiritual growth is where your attachments are. And life has a funny way of shoving your attachments in your face, even if you're not using a "technique" or "path".

Because Truth is Truth, you can't run from it no matter where you go. You are it. And your attachments are Untruth.

If you're attached the women, the solution is not to abandon pursuing them and fight your desires. That's called repression.

So that's all. How you choose to go about this, whether it's pickup or just regular dating is up to you. But spiritual growth can be found anywhere and in anything.

 

 

 

 

[doubld]

@aurum

This makes total sense. I sorta experienced this with socializing. I used to be extremely shy and I would always think that once I have a ton of friends I would be happy. I worked on my social anxiety for a few years relentlessly. Fast forward to now and I am a pretty good socializer with little to no anxiety with strangers. Although I only have a handful of close friends, I'm totally okay with it and I don't ever think about it. It seems as though making the same journey with women would be the best course of action? 

Edited December 12, 2016 by doubld

[Donald]

 

@aurum Instead of using "spiritual growth" , let's use the words "better human being". 

That's when honesty comes into play, behind every action there is a motive, there is a WHY? 

It is easy to fool oneself and say "I'm doing pick up, because I want to overcome my shyness " " I want to be more social" . What's the mistake? Not digging deep enough and not making the emotional heavy lifting, this is when your ego comes into play with rationalizations and denials .This is when you by identifying yourself as a good person , the "light" aspect of your ego ,  begin to rationalize that you are doing it out of " growth" , when in fact the only thing that pushes and drives you is needing sex and social recognition. Do you understand now why being honest with oneself is important ! 

Ps : Note to self

[aurum]

1 hour ago, doubld said:

It seems as though making the same journey with women would be the best course of action? 

That's the general thesis. Combined with traditional approaches for spiritual growth like meditation / contemplation.

[aurum]

20 minutes ago, Donald said:

Instead of using "spiritual growth" , let's use the words "better human being". 

I use "spiritual growth" because attachment is part of just about every religion. Most famously obviously Buddhism and Hinduism.

Also, "better human being" is just extremely broad. Who decides what a better human being is?

22 minutes ago, Donald said:

It is easy to fool oneself and say "I'm doing pick up, because I want to overcome my shyness " " I want to be more social" . What's the mistake? Not digging deep enough and not making the emotional heavy lifting, this is when your ego comes into play with rationalizations and denials .This is when you by identifying yourself as a good person , the "light" aspect of your ego ,  begin to rationalize that you are doing it out of " growth" , when in fact the only thing that pushes and drives you is needing sex and social recognition.

Actually you're doing it because you think it will make you happy. But yes I understand what you're saying, that's kind of the whole point of my post. You need to become aware of how your mind is deceiving you.

[Donald]

@aurum Well said 

[Frogfucius]

@aurum Great insight as always, aurum. Women (and men) are a physical commodity, just like money, drugs, and delicious food. And just like anything else, when you get what it is that you wanted, the high only lasts for a little while before fading. That's just the way life is.

[aurum]

2 hours ago, Donald said:

@aurum Well said 

Thanks!

[aurum]

55 minutes ago, Frogfucius said:

@aurum Great insight as always, aurum. Women (and men) are a physical commodity, just like money, drugs, and delicious food. And just like anything else, when you get what it is that you wanted, the high only lasts for a little while before fading. That's just the way life is.

Thanks. Yes everything is impermanent, even this life. The only question is if we have the strength to emotionally let it go.