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Striving for more

Reflections

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Reflections & Insights. 

I think I'll stay up late tonight. I don't think I'll sleep tonight. 

Brain on fire, the weed & the music my electrolyte. 

Electrical activity & I can't let it go, too much insight many interconnections & the firing happening fast so I'll sit this one out until I fucking collapse. 

I think I'll stay up late tonight. I don't think I'll sleep tonight...

 

Starting to feel more honest with myself, the weed got me deeply reflective & it's what I needed. 

I know what I need to do, & even if I don't, I'll get towards answers. Answers within (but such answers can be guided from the outside ... & often are). 

All this direct exprience needs some synergizing ... It's when you're actually constantly experiencing shit that any theory really means anything to you

You experience something ... then u either find some theory or return to some theory that clarifies confirms & solidifies the lesson or insights from that experience .. "ooh shit" that's why this happened, this is what my problem is!"

I'm not gonna go any further right now, I'm returning to my real Journal. 

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Alcohol

I think I'm in the process. 

Drinking to evade anxiety. 

Drinking for energy, for confidence. Trap. 

Trap trap. 

Maybe I'm already at the stage of withdrawal symptoms? Is that why I'm sweating & shit? 

I don't care I think I'll ljust let it go. 

I think I can stop on a dime, we'll see. 

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