What to do in this case?

[Kalki Avatar]

I rarely get nervous with women, except for the perfect personality matches with mine. Specially if they are pretty hot too. 

Such personality type is the free girl, open minded, sexual and Intense, party type happy girl. (Sagittarius zodiac).

It has occured 3 times with three different women of this kind, where all i have to do is just be. Its like they want me to come to them without trying anything because its so perfect, but my mind simply goes really serious. I dont do anything, but my mind automatically gets serious and somewhat tryhard. And tries to impress, etc. The chemistry and attraction is so strong I sometimes have to pretend am not into them in order to not make social situations awkward cuz people can feel the strong chemistry through subtle subcomunications. This happened various times with a milf friend of an aunt that is 36 in a family situation. She is so free and doesnt hide anything, yet I felt strange being so open of our chemistry just through looks in such settings. The same happened with this type of girl that is the bestie of my sister. These girls dont hide the fact that they like me, but if I recíprocate the same way then it may look weird and ppl around us will start talking sht which I dont have energy to deal with. 

I have not escalated because of shyness since I dont want ppl around us to notice anything. This creates confused feelings in me when am around them and they also get kinda confused since they feel I get somewhat serious for no reason. 

But, how can i stop getting serious? I dont know what to do, Its completely automatic. What I fear is fckng up these perfect matches, since they are close people of relatives. Have you dealt with something similar? 

Edited September 12, 2021 by Kalki Avatar

[Nahm]

@Kalki Avatar

Focusing on protecting against judgement is kind of automatic (conditioning), until you’re aware of it. Then you’re aware you’re focusing on that perspective(s). You don’t have to focus on thinking or worrying about what people think or might think about you. You’re feeling your thoughts, they’re feeling theirs. Presently, you believe to some degree you’re feeling theirs, or some kind of effects of theirs. But you’re feeling what you’re thinking, about what they might be thinking… without ever having any actual experience, of what they’re thinking. 

Focusing on thoughts that don’t feel good to you is the energy drainer. Not ‘dealing with what other people think or say’. 

Order spaghetti at a restaurant and dump it on your head. (Or something of that nature). See how this ‘embarrassment’ really feels. It’s not as bad as the worrying about it is. Better to get stung than to live a life afraid of bee’s. Get your hands dirty in this life thingy. Get in the mud of it. Really live. 

To be without the seriousness… just be serious on purpose. 

[Kalki Avatar]

@Nahm Makes sense. 

I noticed I had a belief triggered around them. The thing is, it is so unconscious and automatic is hard to even pick on my awareness. Its like i sometimes get to see them hidden with an invisible coat, so it feels like a its actually me. Its hard to make the distinction so fast. 

Edited September 14, 2021 by Kalki Avatar

[Nahm]

@Kalki Avatar

It is at first, but simply for how it feels, one tends to ‘go less into it’. Like an event is experienced in such a way there is emotional discord for days. Then later, maybe a day. Then an hour, then just minutes, then in real time, aligned.