Abandonment Issues

[Marcel]

 

I have a ton of fear about being left behind and abandonment.

This fear started in my teen years.

My mom had severe depression and was quite unstable and suicidal.

Every day before going to school she told me that she would not be there anymore when i come back ( meaning she would take her life )

Or she would wake me up at 3 am in the morning and told me that she would kill herself that day.

The list is still a lot longer, but these are the two things that impacted me the most.

I still feel this fear very deeply especially in the context of close or intimate relationships.

Meaning with my family and my girlfriend.

Every time i say goodbye to my mom for example i feel a deep fear of not seeing her anymore in my life again.

This also happens with my dad, my grandma and my girlfriend.

Which is probably the same reason why i don´t have any friends or a social circle at all.

I like it that way actually, i spent most of my time by myself anyway, but this was just to illustrate my example.

 

How can i let this fear go?

It has been plaguing me for about 7 years by now.

I never knew what to do about it and i finally want to change it.

 

[Preety_India]

It's difficult to sort through something like this. I suffered abandonment issues as well. 

All I do now is to invest more and more in Self love and that at the end of the day, be strong and invest most emotionally in yourself, the pay off is generally greater that way. 

 

[RickyFitts]

Did you happen to see the video about healing abandonment wounds that I posted on Esilda's thread? Might be worth a watch if you have the time, I found it very illuminating (link here if you're interested)  

Edited September 3, 2021 by RickyFitts

[Marcel]

@RickyFitts

I will watch it later.

Thank you.

[RickyFitts]

@Marcel You're very welcome buddy  

[Alysssa]

Thank you for talking about it.

My mom used to act in suicidal way since I was a child and it affected me A LOT.

It forced me to take the roll of the responsible adult, although I was a child.

I also have abandonment issues but in a sophisticated way: I avoid people in advance in order to not be at risk of get abandoned EVER.

Also the fear of not seeing your mother again is very similar to mine.

 

I don't have a good advice and I hope you'll heal and find a peace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[snowyowl]

@Marcel  sorry to hear you're going through this, it sounds rough. Have you looked into attachment theory (1) ? It describes how a lack of secure attachment in early childhood affects your attachment style eg you may have an insecure attachment disorder. 

I'm not sure how adults are treated, who weren't reached for therapy in childhood, but there may be specialist therapy you can access through your doctor. 

Godspeed my man, I hope you can access some help, and stop it affecting your relationships. You deserve all the happiness in the world  

(1).  https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_theory 

[Marcel]

@snowyowl

I am aware of attachment theory.

I think i ranked as an anxious avoidant in the past.

Although that was 3 years ago and i am in an intimate relationship now.

So im sure this has changed a lot by now.

I will look into the wikipedia article you posted.

And I agree.

It may be a good idea to see a specialist.

Thank you for your reply.

[Marcel]

@Alysssa

9 hours ago, Alysssa said:

Thank you for talking about it.

My mom used to act in suicidal way since I was a child and it affected me A LOT.

It forced me to take the roll of the responsible adult, although I was a child.

I also have abandonment issues but in a sophisticated way: I avoid people in advance in order to not be at risk of get abandoned EVER.

Also the fear of not seeing your mother again is very similar to mine.

 

I don't have a good advice and I hope you'll heal and find a peace.

I feel you.

I was at that point as well.

I avoided everything and everybody in the past.

My mindset in my teens was that i don´t want anybody to be close to me.

Especially because i didn´t want anybody to feel sad if i actually killed myself.

Yikes, im feeling anxious just thinking back to that time.

It got better for me over time.

I just basically forced myself to meet people, especially networking events were interesting.

It was scary as hell, but i think it helped me in the end.

 

9 hours ago, Alysssa said:

I don't have a good advice and I hope you'll heal and find a peace

I don´t have any good advice and i hope you´ll heal and find peace as well.

I intimately know how incredibly debilitating this can feel.