Twega

my GF & me fight everytime: 1 week before her period.

20 posts in this topic

I hate fighting when girls are on their period. I can't understand it. All the fights look so petty to me. On my bday, she fought with me even though I was non-reactive. It really ruined the day for me. I forgive her every time, of course, but I told her if she thinks she is going to PMS really bad, then avoid talking or seeing me because it ends with bickers that I do not want to be a part of. It is one thing to have fights that end with constructive critiques of one's actions and ultimately improve relationships. These fights are more like meaningless bickering that adds zero value and negativity, which is why I want to avoid them.

I've had relationships before this one, and even though I experienced girls getting moody on their periods, this is something "stronger" than all the girls I've known. They acted in similar but less intense ways some of the time. But she acts like this almost every time and more intensely.

I'm not the angry type at all. So I don't lash out at her, but I get really tired and agitated, but not angry. When she gets her period, her awareness drops. She exhibits all the nouns in psychology that describe someone with low awareness (projection, repression, denial). She uses false analogies to make her point. I see it as completely a waste of time to even talk or reason with her when she is PMSing.

When she stops, she is fine and might even be more aware and more conscious and loving than me. It's weird. Hormones are a hella of a drug.

Thoughts? Did I make the right choice in telling her to avoid me? Ladies, would you be upset if your man told you that (I think I already know the answer to that one, haha)

note: I posted this by mistake on health fitness nutrition, so I reposted here.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
33 minutes ago, Twega said:

On my bday, she fought with me even though I was non-reactive. It really ruined the day for me.

You contradict yourself here, if you were really non reactive, it wouldn’t ruin your day.

It obviously bothers you, but to diffuse arguments, at least one person has to have a cool head about things. As a man, you must be able to control your emotions…to soften her emotions.

When she’s pissed, just ask her questions and try to get an understanding. Nine times out of ten..she just wants you listen so she can feel heard and understood. You can’t do this when you are caught up in your emotions and in a reactive state.

Edited by Terell Kirby

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, Terell Kirby said:

You contradict yourself here, if you were really non reactive, it wouldn’t ruin your day.

I should elaborate when I say I was non-reactive. I simply mean I did not reply to anything nor argued back. Throughout the next 2 hours, I tried to keep bringing different subjects. I was joking, laughing, but she kept on starting drama, and it drained me. Then I left. What was ruined was my birthday. That is what I mean because I would have rather spent it alone than with someone arguing with me and being emotional and negative

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hormones will never come off as 'reasonable' so you're probably right in that the fighting around this time is petty. But even though the reasoning is petty, the emotions are very real. Does she do body awareness exercises? It might be good for her to do some if not. Emotions get stored in the body, maybe she should try some shamanic breathwork to release some of that stuff out. I've also heard walking outside at night under the moon is very healing for girls when they are on their period. Maybe, when you guys find yourself fighting, you can take a midnight walk out under the moon. Maybe even barefoot. Some grounding might help when you feel so neurotic on your period. 

And yes, if a guy told me that I would be hurt. But I would also understand deep down. No one– not even the girl– wants to be going through such painful hormonal imbalances. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Twega you know, we struggle with our periods. Every month is a struggle. I see it in me. It's not so the physical pain, I got used to it. It's the hormonal crazy party. Of course you're not obligated to be part of the party. But just be compassionate. How'd you think you'd be iif you were in her shoes? 

It's hard. Not every woman struggles the same way but we all have our different kind of struggle. We go through a lot. Just be compassionate understanding loving and caring. It doesn't take much. I'd say see what she needs. She needs to argue with you. Explain to her that she must try to be more aware of her emotions and feelings, and tell her that you'll stay away from all of this for some days until she's feeling better. Anyhow you can't do something to help her. When you're in pain for example not every girl wants to be hugged or something. So ask her what she needs. For example when I'm on my period I just want to be left alone, in a dark room laying on bed listening to depressing music. Other girls wants to fight. Just stay away until it passes. She's gonna be okay you'll feel better. There's no point on arguing every time. Just let her know it's nobody's fault. Not her fault. She'll feel better. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Girls repress a lot of their feelings and anger in relationships, and pms is harder to suppress.  This could come in angry bursts. Might seem like it’s for no reason but maybe there is an underlying reason?  
how is the overall vibe of the relationship?  Do you get the feeling your girl is happy and fulfilled? 
If you say she is really starting arguments or just being outright aggressive, and not just moody, then I would try and see if there is some passive aggressive anger going on that’s directed towards you.  
Speaking from experience, the times I got mad at someone during pms it’s because there was something I was pissed off about, but couldn’t express it, so it would come out in passive aggressive ways.  Sometimes it’s uncontrollable. 
whereas if I’m in a healthy mindset, around supportive people, am exercising and stress levels are low, then I just become very tired and a bit moody and wanna be left alone.   
I’m quite a moody person overall and enjoy alone time, and when I have pms it’s like a dark cloud is following me around and I don’t handle stress so well, so I get easily overwhelmed and feel depressed..i also can become more clingy and wanting to be close to my partner.  but rarely would I lash out or start arguments unless there was some deeper resentment going on. 
I would yell at my mother during my teen years and always had a certain feeling of anger and frustration towards her.  So it could be something like this. 
the feminine needs masculine containment to feel safe and secure in the world, so of they don’t have that then it turns them hostile and defensive. 
 

Edited by Tangerinedream

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Actually aren’t you the one In an open relationship? I’m not saying this is the reason, but it could be the unconscious reason, maybe your gf doesn’t feel secure and contained by you In the relationship so she is feeling resentful, and so it comes out in bursts of anger or frustration towards you.  You try and ignore her or leave her alone so that emphasise more that you aren’t containing her.  And come to think of it, girls who I know of In open relationships were often hostile towards their partners, they weren’t truly happy but were pretending to be out of fear of losing them.  
a feminine woman feels the most safe and secure with a masculine man who offers containment and grounds her but gives her enough space to flow, without making her anxious of abandonment.  Because as soon as she fears that he can’t be trusted or that he will leave her easily, it forces her to go in her masculine mode which is defensive, hostile, passive aggressive, argumentative or close off all feelings. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

One day you will be dying. You will know it is your last breath, and you would give anything just for one more second of her bitching at you. 


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
34 minutes ago, Spiral said:

Surely there most be other girls available?

Are you referring to his open relationship?

Sure, when your partner is feeling at their most insecure and vulnerable, and their emotions are bothering you, that's the perfect time to go sleep with someone else.

Flawless advice, really. Top notch.

Edited by flowboy

Erik Jongbloed - Transformational Coaching  
*
Kill indecision and self-sabotage - Go from reactive to proactive - Become organised, focused and motivated

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
59 minutes ago, flowboy said:

Are you referring to his open relationship?

Sure, when your partner is feeling at their most insecure and vulnerable, and their emotions are bothering you, that's the perfect time to go sleep with someone else.

Flawless advice, really. Top notch.

That’s not what I mean. I mean if your partner is bring you down on the regular and there doesn’t seem like you can do anything about it. Perhaps you should reconsider your relationship. Now sure I don’t know to which extent this effects him so perhaps he can cope.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, Spiral said:

That’s not what I mean. I mean if your partner is bring you down on the regular and there doesn’t seem like you can do anything about it. Perhaps you should reconsider your relationship. Now sure I don’t know to which extent this effects him so perhaps he can cope.

Ok, I misunderstood. That's a valid point


Erik Jongbloed - Transformational Coaching  
*
Kill indecision and self-sabotage - Go from reactive to proactive - Become organised, focused and motivated

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wouldnt just blame it all on PMS. It seems like you are invalidating her but what she feels is what she feels, whether you approve or understand it or not. PMS may be causing these feelings, but they are as true to her as the sky is blue.

Perhaps you can think of how you can actively help her during these times? To reduce the intensity?

I find I always need plenty alone time, I need to not be left hungry, plenty of sleep, and gentle calmness (just like a baby really) Try to listen to her needs just for those few days, this will seep into your relationship in general and make you a stronger couple. 

And also, if she gets too much then respect your boundaries and take yourself away, for a walk or drive. That should be fine. I think during tense moments, space is key! 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Nahm said:

One day you will be dying. You will know it is your last breath, and you would give anything just for one more second of her bitching at you. 

:x


Have faith.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, I actually like being given space when I feel like I'm at my most sensitive and volatile; I actually ask to be left alone to reduce social/ sensory stimuli and to keep it to the most comfortable minimum. I also prefer to avoid unnecessary fights and conflicts most of the time. Being asked to be left alone is very rarely something that bothers me, I usually moreso have had issues with the reverse where it feels like people are forcefully prying their way into my life, or demanding and consuming my time and energy. Some people might say this is the result of a dismissive streak, I guess.

But, lord, if I heard any version of this, my eyes would be rolling out of my head so hard they might fall out.

On 9/3/2021 at 2:23 PM, Twega said:

I'm not the angry type at all. So I don't lash out at her, but I get really tired and agitated, but not angry. When she gets her period, her awareness drops. She exhibits all the nouns in psychology that describe someone with low awareness (projection, repression, denial). She uses false analogies to make her point. I see it as completely a waste of time to even talk or reason with her when she is PMSing.

When she stops, she is fine and might even be more aware and more conscious and loving than me. It's weird. Hormones are a hella of a drug.

Men get "bitchy" and hormonal too, especially if they're horny. (And at least some of us women too.)

Edited by modmyth

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I do find though that premenstruation and menstruation is when I tended to naturally do a lot of emotional releasing, especially in the past. Less so now. When I did, I used to get headaches/ migraines and body pains and cramps, there was a deep connection to unprocessed and stored emotions, traumas, and problematic relationships with people. It was also often affected by how stressful a month I had, my levels of fatigue, whether I had been getting good quality and enough sleep. Whether I had been exercising and moving enough (or alternatively, too much). But it was also affected by my overall emotional and psychological state too.

I would also sometimes get more sensitive in a raw sensory way, which is why I would reduce stimuli and most socialization, excessive time spent in public, etc. It's like fluorescent and bright lights would be extra bright (blindingly so), loud noises would feel 10x as loud, like nail on chalkboards. Patience would be at an all-time low. Everything is just very in your face all the time. I'm also prone to sensory/emotional sensitivity overall though.

I would sometimes start fights coming from a reactive perspective if he failed to give me enough space.

The female reproductive system strikes me as so fragile sometimes. Even stress and strong emotions, especially in combination with lifestyle factors, can cause us to stop menstruating. There is a lot we collectively don't understand about it IMO, especially the emotional and psychological aspect and how it all ties in together.

Potential hormonal issues and what it feels like from a first person perspective aren't something which shouldn't be discounted from an empathetic perspective. Like for example, I know that I'm "lucky" that my periods are really regular, short and consistent. Some women have very irregular periods, some women have hormonal issues or have issues like endometriosis. I've heard of women getting their period for 10-15 days which like almost half a month, with brutal cramps and a myriad of other symptoms, which doesn't account for PMS either. I have heard this sentiment like "a period/ PMS is not an excuse" but try to imagine what this might be like, bleeding for 1/3 or 1/2 a month. That shit is draining.

It feels like people expect you to ****put on a happy face**** as if hormones do not affect you at all. This alone gets exhausting and pretentious (in the literal sense), otherwise you get written off as hormonal, unreasonable, and "crazy" by default, like it's the butt of jokes and what not.

Edited by modmyth

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

One takeaway point of this is that menstruation/ the menstrual cycle IS actually one of the most major ways that the female body processes emotions and trauma (and issues relating to emotional openness). It's feature, not a bug. Stuff coming up is stuff that is trying to release itself out if you will let it; it's not evidence of "lower consciousness" just because it might superficially appear that way. But you might be apt to repeat the same patterns chronically still, just like with anything else.

Edited by modmyth

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

some girls and their periods! such a negative adventure they wanna make out of a blue! 

well, I found this by my dating experiences: the more she's angry and reactive in her period, the more trauma she has inside. 

basically, period make all of the deep-rooted emotions come to the surface.

so my advice for you: 

be non-reactive, if she gets reactive every time, but don't let her disrespect you because of the excuse of period. 

so if she continues to do disrespectful behaviors, terminate it. real men want respect more than love. 

Edited by hamedsf

"If you kick me when I'm down, you better pray I don't get up"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now