How can i integrate my masculinity?

[Marcel]

 

I am a 22 year old male, but a very very feminine one at that.

To a point where i believed that i was transgender until very recently.

But meeting my girlfriend and having a lot of conversations finally made me realise that i am definitely a man at my core being.

I think i already embody my feminine side to a pretty high degree.

But my masculine side ...

I honestly feel that i don´t even know how to act masculine, at least i feel that way. I feel really girly and feminine.

And i do have the feeling that i have a lot of suppressed masculine in my system.

But for the life of me, i don´t know how or when this must have happened.

So what do i need to do to embody my masculinity more?

I am asking this because, for a very long time i had a huge aversion to anything that was not feminine.

I almost felt disgusted by other man. Now, for clarity, i did not hate or judge anybody.

But thinking of myself in terms of masculinity felt repelling to me in my teens.
 

[asifarahim]

Read way of men by jack donovan.best book on masculinity.this book is a healthy stage red and purple.masculinity is a stage red thing..

If your goal is to be more masculine then this book is everything u need

 

[Tim R]

13 minutes ago, asifarahim said:

masculinity is a stage red thing..

Masculinity has nothing to do with SD. 

[asifarahim]

@Tim R just read way of men and u will understand

Basic idea of masculinity is be more stronger than the other person, be more couragious ,form a tribe etc

[Preety_India]

 

Tough to answer. 

• Work on shadows in your teen years that caused you to abandon masculine aspects 
• Work through insecurities that you have around being a male 
• Assume a protective role 
• Throw away guilt of being a man 
• Love your own masculinity
• Be proud of being a male 
• Don't shame yourself for being a man 
• Take on leadership in areas of your life and lead the women around you. 

 

[Marcel]

@Preety_India

I just realised.

My dad and my granddad are the two male people in my life that i spent the most time with:

Dad: Emotionally repressed, seems distant and cold in relationships.

Granddad: Unhealthy stage red, gets from one extrem to the next, verbally abusive at times, hot headed

Maybe these two defined my idea of masculinity for me.

And that is why i repressed it so much.

Because i may have associated masculinity with feeling pain and being abandoned

Masculinity equals pain and abandoning others

That might have been how i perceived it back then.

And because of that reason i may have leaned feminine so much.

Almost too much. Leaving masculinity behind entirely to some degree.

 

Thank you darling. 

You gave me so much insight once again.

Love you.

 

[Stovo]

There's nothing necessarily wrong with being a feminine guy, just as you also have masculine girls. 

If you DO want to be more masculine, get the fuck off this forum and go out and conquer the world. Stop telling everyone how much you love your girlfriend, nobody cares. Become a leader, master your life, be sure of where you're going, read books about masculinity, be secure, stop caring what others think of you, learn confidence, learn game, and so on...

Some of this is learned with age, which is why men tend to mature like fine wines and why some women like older men. 

[Opo]

Kill something every day. 

[LastThursday]

@Marcel the real peace comes in accepting how you are. However, more masculine behaviours can be learnt over time, but don't take on being a caricature of being male, there is a wide spectrum of masculinity.

I would say, instead of looking to become "less feminine", look to embrace more desirable traits instead and not worry about whether they're feminine or masculine. So become the person you want to be instead of the man you want to be.

[Preety_India]

@Marcel glad I was able to help. 

 

[Preety_India]

@Stovo telling him to be secure, maybe take your own advice sometimes! 

He has been on this forum for barely a month and you're telling him to fuck off the forum when this is hardly his 4th question in this section? 

Meanwhile you have been here since 2018.

I guess you need more help than others who you try to advice 

 

Edited September 3, 2021 by Preety_India

[Marcel]

@Stovo

1 hour ago, Stovo said:

There's nothing necessarily wrong with being a feminine guy, just as you also have masculine girls. 

If you DO want to be more masculine, get the fuck off this forum and go out and conquer the world. Stop telling everyone how much you love your girlfriend, nobody cares. Become a leader, master your life, be sure of where you're going, read books about masculinity, be secure, stop caring what others think of you, learn confidence, learn game, and so on...

Some of this is learned with age, which is why men tend to mature like fine wines and why some women like older men. 

You don´t have to read my posts pal.

Also, a  bit of politeness would not hurt you.

Just ignore me if you don´t like what i post about LMAO

 

how is talking about loving my girlfriend not masculine? 

That´s not holistic, twisted and partial.

 

Also, you seem to be underestimating me quite a bit.

I pushed myself to lose 40kg and get out of suicidal thoughts after a failed suicide attempt by myself, without help and now i am in a relationship with the most loving and beautiful girl in the entire universe.

So please get of my posts in the future if you think you´re super smart, especially when you dont act in a polite manner, i cant stand it.

I lead my mom out of the same situation i was in, by myself, without help or god damn support from anybody.

I am not saying this brag, bragging is for fools.

I say this, because i do not give a shit about what anybody thinks of me.

I have tortured myself in my own mind to such a degree that there is nothing anybody could do to offend me anymore.

I have suppressed masculine traits for sure, but they are just under the surface.

I can turn from friendly to sociopath in a second if anybody is trying to put me down.

I am absolutely not a doormat, like you seem to suggest dear genius.

This not supposed to be some wanna be gangster SHIT.

This is not supposed to be some wanna be "im hard" NONSENSE.

I have a high level of mastery in many areas in my life and i hate to be underestimated, especially by impolite smart asses.

Leave me the hell alone if you don´t like my posts and develop some social skills and start being polite.

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

2 hours ago, Marcel said:

@Preety_India

I just realised.

My dad and my granddad are the two male people in my life that i spent the most time with:

Dad: Emotionally repressed, seems distant and cold in relationships.

Granddad: Unhealthy stage red, gets from one extrem to the next, verbally abusive at times, hot headed

Maybe these two defined my idea of masculinity for me.

And that is why i repressed it so much.

Because i may have associated masculinity with feeling pain and being abandoned

Masculinity equals pain and abandoning others

That might have been how i perceived it back then.

And because of that reason i may have leaned feminine so much.

Almost too much. Leaving masculinity behind entirely to some degree.

 

Thank you darling. 

You gave me so much insight once again.

Love you.

 

I figured that it had something to do with your family where you might have ingrained the process of shaming yourself.. 

To be honest you're actually very masculine in my opinion 

But it seems for some reason you don't see it because you're somehow suppressing it in order to compensate for some things in your teen years. 

You're subconsciously shaming yourself for being a man simply as a result of your environment. 

Think about it this way. How cool you might have felt as a man  if your environment wasn't the way it was.? 

Work on yourself from this feeling and your masculinity will naturally flow out of you without you forcing it to appear. 

Once you remove your mask, you will be removing blocks in your expression of your masculinity. 

 

 

[SgtPepper]

You are just a boy and you need to grow into a man.

In my experience, the way to grow into a man is to suffer through hardship, surround yourself with other men, begin leading, and start taking massive responsibility for your life. 

It's so important to get in touch with your body and biology. I recommend weight lifting. 

Edited September 3, 2021 by SgtPepper

[Nos7algiK]

Be yourself, it's as simple as that. If you are a man who feels more feminine to the point where you once questioned your own assigned sex, then that is who you are. There is no reason to say you should or shouldn't be anyone due to what society says. You attracted a partner because of who you are. If you change who you are, will your partner still be attracted to you? Ideally most would say yes, but many relationships end because people change themselves for the "better".

What would life be if we all tried to be the same? It's not that you are unique or different, it's simply you are just you. Depression doesn't come from us unable to change into what we believe we should be, but rather it stems from not accepting us for who we are "now". As long as you aren't directly harming others, you should fully embrace who you are. Also understand it's difficult to fully know who we are and that needs to be accepted as well. Live out the mystery of the self and have faith your natural expression of self is all you need. The riches you seek pale in comparison to the treasure you already hold inside of you. 

Overtime you will naturally develop any skill or personality trait you need as long as you trust in yourself and feel comfortable with yourself. I understand this is easier said than done. But, practice doing it and then it no longer needs to be said. It's just done.

Edited September 3, 2021 by Nos7algiK

[Stovo]

9 minutes ago, Marcel said:

@Stovo

You don´t have to read my posts pal.

Also, a  bit of politeness would not hurt you.

Just ignore me if you don´t like what i post about LMAO

 

how is talking about loving my girlfriend not masculine? 

That´s not holistic, twisted and partial.

 

Also, you seem to be underestimating me quite a bit.

I pushed myself to lose 40kg and get out of suicidal thoughts after a failed suicide attempt by myself, without help and now i am in a relationship with the most loving and beautiful girl in the entire universe.

So please get of my posts in the future if you think you´re super smart, especially when you dont act in a polite manner, i cant stand it.

I lead my mom out of the same situation i was in, by myself, without help or god damn support from anybody.

I am not saying this brag, bragging is for fools.

I say this, because i do not give a shit about what anybody thinks of me.

I have tortured myself in my own mind to such a degree that there is nothing anybody could do to offend me anymore.

I have suppressed masculine traits for sure, but they are just under the surface.

I can turn from friendly to sociopath in a second if anybody is trying to put me down.

I am absolutely not a doormat, like you seem to suggest dear genius.

This not supposed to be some wanna be gangster SHIT.

This is not supposed to be some wanna be "im hard" NONSENSE.

I have a high level of mastery in many areas in my life and i hate to be underestimated, especially by impolite smart asses.

Leave me the hell alone if you don´t like my posts and develop some social skills and start being polite.

 

 

 

 

@Marcel There's nothing wrong with your posts or how you act at all. My point was that how you act is not masculine, and your topic here is about your desire to be more masculine.

Look at how triggered you got when another male called you out and challenged you on your bullshit. Do you think this is how a masculine person would react?

But to be absolutely clear, you can be however you want to be and I respect you for who you are, it's just how you act is not masculine and that's the topic here. 

[Marcel]

1 hour ago, LastThursday said:

@Marcel the real peace comes in accepting how you are. However, more masculine behaviours can be learnt over time, but don't take on being a caricature of being male, there is a wide spectrum of masculinity.

I would say, instead of looking to become "less feminine", look to embrace more desirable traits instead and not worry about whether they're feminine or masculine. So become the person you want to be instead of the man you want to be.

 

I suppose this is the exact thing i needed to hear.

I am not quite sure why i am / was so obsessed about the whole masculine / feminine labeling business in the first place.

Because in the end it does not matter.

What matters is being authentically myself.

Thank you very much for your reply.

[Marcel]

@Stovo

I am not triggered whatsoever.

I am completely calm and collected.

I am very passionate and energetic.

But i see what you mean, this easily could come across as triggered behaviour.

I am sorry if i offended you in any way by the way

Apparently we´re on good terms after all

*Brofist

Also as my girlfriend mentioned.

I may actually already be very masculine, its just that i do not feel that way most of the time.

Edited September 3, 2021 by Marcel

[Preety_India]

5 hours ago, Stovo said:

Look at how triggered you got when another male called you out and challenged you on your bullshit. Do you think this is how a masculine person would react?

Seems you're more triggered than he is.. But just hiding behind your insecurity. You didn't call him out. You simply gaslighted him. You basically shamed him for being himself. He wasn't saying bullshit, merely expressing himself. Maybe spare him your projections. 

Don't preach him masculinity when you yourself cannot embody it. 

He has repressed his masculinity. And he needs to be more open about how he can express it, and not be shamed and guilted for who he is. 

There are many feminine men. The way to be Masculine should not need to shame the feminine. Get your head out of the sand. 

Stop attacking my boyfriend. 

 

 

Edited September 4, 2021 by Preety_India

[Matt23]

Maybe try going to some Men's groups. -- The Mankind Project is one. 

Read books on it. 

Do things that you feel put you in touch with your masculine side.  

Talk with guys, hang around them, have conversations about life with them.