How can i integrate my masculinity?

[Stovo]

34 minutes ago, Marcel said:

@Stovo

I am not triggered whatsoever.

I am completely calm and collected.

I am very passionate and energetic.

But i see what you mean, this easily could come across as triggered behaviour.

I am sorry if i offended you in any way by the way

Apparently we´re on good terms after all

*Brofist

Also as my girlfriend mentioned.

I may actually already be very masculine, its just that i do not feel that way most of the time.

@Marcel It's relative, so it's unlikely you're completely feminine - that would be very rare for a male. Also, you're really young so you have time to integrate things. I am 29, and when I was 22 I was a little pussy lol. I'm sure when I'm 40, I will consider my 29 yo self to be equally as unmasculine.

34 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Seems you're more triggered than he is.. But just hiding behind your insecurity. You didn't call him out. You simply gaslighted him. You basically shamed him for being himself. He wasn't saying bullshit, merely expressing himself. Maybe spare him your projections. 

Don't preach him masculinity when you yourself cannot embody it. 

He has repressed his masculinity. And he needs to be more open about how he can express it, and not be shamed and guilted for who he is. 

There are many feminine men. The way to be Masculine should not need to shame the feminine. Get your head out of the sand. 

 

Of course, I have many things to work on - I am not perfect. 

I didn't shame him or gaslight him, I told him what he should do if he wants to be more masculine. There's nothing wrong with who he is. 

[Marcel]

2 hours ago, Stovo said:

@Marcel It's relative, so it's unlikely you're completely feminine - that would be very rare for a male. Also, you're really young so you have time to integrate things. I am 29, and when I was 22 I was a little pussy lol. I'm sure when I'm 40, I will consider my 29 yo self to be equally as unmasculine.

Of course, I have many things to work on - I am not perfect. 

I didn't shame him or gaslight him, I told him what he should do if he wants to be more masculine. There's nothing wrong with who he is. 

Probably.

I agree with you quite a bit.

I don´t think i am completely feminine either.

But i do have the feeling that i am embodying my feminine self already to a pretty high degree.

At least to a larger extent then my masculine self.

I am not exactly sure how this happened, but this is what i have to work on right now.

So I´ll go ahead and conquer the world my friend.

I appreciate your perspective.

 

[Marcel]

3 hours ago, SgtPepper said:

You are just a boy and you need to grow into a man.

In my experience, the way to grow into a man is to suffer through hardship, surround yourself with other men, begin leading, and start taking massive responsibility for your life. 

It's so important to get in touch with your body and biology. I recommend weight lifting. 

I Already do weightlifting and i agree.

I have been through a lot of pain and suffering in the past. 

I have had two failed suicide attempts and years of pretty severe depression, nearly a decade.

But i go through all that and feel stronger then ever now.

I spent most of time by myself or with my girlfriend nowadays.

I have no friends and no social circle outside of her.

I just don´t resonate with anyone usually, it has always been this way.

Maybe im just weird, i don´t know haha

[Marcel]

@Nos7algiK

Completely agree.

Also im just 22 years old.

So i guess im still pretty young and still have a lot of time to spend with myself.

The perfectionist and analyst can´t help but analyze anything and everything in the most detail possible.

I usually only ask a question on this forum when i feel really confused about something.

And the question for this thread was in my head for three weeks before i posted it.

I usually try self-inquiry and contemplation first, because i want to derive answers by and for myself generally.

But sometimes i just feel so confused that someone elses perspective can really help a lot to get a new light on things.

Maybe my strategy should be refined a bit more, but i think it works great .

[Regan]

You don't need to 'try to be' masculine, or 'try to be' anything.

you just gotta figure out what's going on in your mind, and how this influences your thought patterns, behaviours, actions, emotions, worldview, self-image etc.

essentially there is a lack of self-love, and currently, you're not aware of what's causing that lack

if you imagine each daily experience as a rollercoaster, and you practise mindfulness as an observer of this rollercoaster (your experience), rather than being on the rollercoaster (enmeshed in the content of your experience, so your thoughts, emotions, etc.), then you'll notice the thought patterns you subconsciously fall into

you'll then notice why this is occurring, which will be from an insecurity aka a lack of self-love. when this happens your ego will want to excuse accountability and defend itself by blaming some other rather than feeling into the insecurity, but you gotta notice that too, feel the negative emotion/vulnerability of accepting that you have this insecurity, and try to recognise what you're insecure about, where the insecurity came from (what in your past), what self-limiting belief it has created, why it needs to be felt, and what it's showing you about yourself.

 then you have to accept it and integrate it with the comfort that it is now recognised, making sure you don't fall back into it. easier said than done.

you have to do this every day, otherwise, you'll find that you've been on the rollercoaster for 3/6/12 months (or whatever) amount of time without realising.

ultimately tho this will only happen when you have the realisation of how you're creating your suffering through resisting the necessary changes you need to make, but reading this is not the same thing as having this realisation

once you figure out your lack of self-love and learn to love yourself more, your masculinity will fall right into place through you just being your authentic self and pursuing what you truly want in life

Edited September 7, 2021 by Regan

[Marcel]

@Regan

Lack of self-love.

I did not think about it from this angle at all, wow.

That was very enlightening.

I´ll work on it, because i really want to.

Thank you very much for your response.

 

[Marcel]

On 3.9.2021 at 9:24 PM, Matt23 said:

Maybe try going to some Men's groups. -- The Mankind Project is one. 

Read books on it. 

Do things that you feel put you in touch with your masculine side.  

Talk with guys, hang around them, have conversations about life with them.

I don´t enjoy doing that at all haha 

It usually bores me to death.

There is just so much emotion and vulnerability lacking in these conversations, at least in my humble opinion. 

But you are right.

This is definitely one way of accomplishing what i set out to do.

Thank you for your suggestions. I appreciate your perspective.

[Preety_India]

On 07/09/2021 at 7:12 AM, Regan said:

You don't need to 'try to be' masculine, or 'try to be' anything.

you just gotta figure out what's going on in your mind, and how this influences your thought patterns, behaviours, actions, emotions, worldview, self-image etc.

essentially there is a lack of self-love, and currently, you're not aware of what's causing that lack

if you imagine each daily experience as a rollercoaster, and you practise mindfulness as an observer of this rollercoaster (your experience), rather than being on the rollercoaster (enmeshed in the content of your experience, so your thoughts, emotions, etc.), then you'll notice the thought patterns you subconsciously fall into

you'll then notice why this is occurring, which will be from an insecurity aka a lack of self-love. when this happens your ego will want to excuse accountability and defend itself by blaming some other rather than feeling into the insecurity, but you gotta notice that too, feel the negative emotion/vulnerability of accepting that you have this insecurity, and try to recognise what you're insecure about, where the insecurity came from (what in your past), what self-limiting belief it has created, why it needs to be felt, and what it's showing you about yourself.

 then you have to accept it and integrate it with the comfort that it is now recognised, making sure you don't fall back into it. easier said than done.

you have to do this every day, otherwise, you'll find that you've been on the rollercoaster for 3/6/12 months (or whatever) amount of time without realising.

ultimately tho this will only happen when you have the realisation of how you're creating your suffering through resisting the necessary changes you need to make, but reading this is not the same thing as having this realisation

once you figure out your lack of self-love and learn to love yourself more, your masculinity will fall right into place through you just being your authentic self and pursuing what you truly want in life

Really appreciate you taking the time. That was very helpful. Thank you for that. 

 

[gggkkk]

@Marcel Besides the conceptual and intellectual work try to do masculine things. 

-lift weights 

-run a Marathon 

-get into a fight (in a safe environment ofc)

- approach girls 

-do psychedelics (in moderation) 

-think as if you're the shit. (In moderation) 

And lastly try to always push your comfort zone and face the fears that you have. 

I have noticed myself that doing these activities, automatically make your more confident, masculine and proud. 

Edited September 12, 2021 by gggkkk

[blessedlion1993]

Masculinity is beautiful. 

Fuck more women
Spend time alone without distraction
Get in your body, run . lift, yoga

Strong determination sits
Nature with your shirt off

Semen retention

[hyruga]

Just refer to this over and over again. Most of the stuff you need to integrate your masculinity is a subset of self-actualization.

And you can also do shadow work. Teal Swan likes to do shadow work. Maybe look for her.

 

Edited September 12, 2021 by hyruga

[martins name]

There are 3 masculine chakras: root, naval and throat.

All chakras have 4 fundamental expressions:
                 repressed
                 ⬋         ⬊
expressive,      fear-based expression
                ⬊           ⬋
           god-like catharsis

 

Root chakra (muladhara) safety
repressed: ungrounded, scarcity, uncomfortable, frozen like a deer in a head-light
expression: caution
fear-based expression: fear, greed, gluttony 
god-like catharsis: grounded, secure, comfortable, flourishing, one with the earth, abundant

Navel chakra (manipura) power
 repressed: victimhood, powerless, submissive
expression: striving
fear-based expression: anger, destruction, domination
god-like catharsis: powerful, omnipotent, generous, joy

Throat (vishuddha) truth and future
repressed: holding in truth, 
expression: expressing truth, future-authoring, self-actualization, logos
fear-based expression: lying
god-like catharsis: integrated

 

Power is a sophistication of survival. For example, you need to first be secure to pursue power. For example, you can't push your body to become stronger if you don't have enough to eat. You can't fight if you are overcome by fear. Only the strong survive.
 

Future authoring is a sophistication of power. For example, knowledge is power. You need guts to speak your mind.

 

This is the map of masculinity. The advice I'd give you is to aim for the highest expression of masculinity. The expressive and fear-based expressive state of a chakra is seeking god-like catharsis, so if you want to go through the expressive states like you are going through a tunnel towards the light of god-like catharsis. 
You want to marry masculinity with feminity. Power + love is so much more powerful than power alone. with love power becomes like a sun, nourishing every being on our planet with its powerful rays of light. Penetrating all the dark places and nourishing them. I'd also advise doing chakra meditation on these chakras. Feel into the desired quality and try to expand it through your whole body, and radiate it outwards.

As regards to Spiral Dynamics the right-hand stages, being, beige, red, orange and yellow are all masculine stages. They correspond to the masculine chakras, yellow reusing the root chakra. @asifarahim @Tim R You are both wrong.

Edited September 12, 2021 by martins name

[bejapuskas]

Being transgender is not the only possibility, there are other kinds of identities you can accept as your own, for example gender non-conforming or non-binary. Studying these terms or talking with such people can show you some of the useless, irrational and limiting gender expectations and roles that society tries to convince you about. While some of this programming you might perceive as useful and be comfortable with it, some of it you can just try to get rid of, for example men being jealous / feeling bad when their female partner makes more money than them, that's just mean. 

[Marcel]

@martins name

wow that was so insightful.

I already do meditation on the chakras.

I started about 2 months ago with the root chakra.

I love the idea of marrying the feminine with the masculine.

9 hours ago, martins name said:

You want to marry masculinity with feminity. Power + love is so much more powerful than power alone. with love power becomes like a sun, nourishing every being on our planet with its powerful rays of light. Penetrating all the dark places and nourishing them. I'd also advise doing chakra meditation on these chakras. Feel into the desired quality and try to expand it through your whole body, and radiate it outwards.

That was such a good explanation on the chakras as well.

Thank you very much for response.

 

[Marcel]

@bejapuskas

You´re right.

I´ve certainly stuck myself in a box.

I guess i just need to play around with more ideas and talk to a lot of diverse people.

I am certainly not transgender, i know that much by now.

Non-binary does not fit me completely either.

I´ll eventually find the answer im looking for.

Until then i´ll just enjoy my feminity hehe

[martins name]

@Marcel I'm glad  
It can be good to go heavy on one chakra to get to know it but eventually, you want to try to be more rounded. As I've explained a bit, chakras work together. For example, you could be missing out on aspects of the root chakra if you don't have the security and certainty that comes with an open navel chakra, or if you ignore your heart chakra then you will miss out on the healing power of love that could heal the root chakra.

[Marcel]

3 hours ago, martins name said:

@Marcel I'm glad  
It can be good to go heavy on one chakra to get to know it but eventually, you want to try to be more rounded. As I've explained a bit, chakras work together. For example, you could be missing out on aspects of the root chakra if you don't have the security and certainty that comes with an open navel chakra, or if you ignore your heart chakra then you will miss out on the healing power of love that could heal the root chakra.

Yup. Totally Agree.

I´ve noticed it myself actually.

I went from root to heart maybe about a week ago.

And the difference is significant.

[blessedlion1993]

@martins name That was actually really helpful diagram. 

I find that my naval chakra might be blocked, does just meditating on it help? which kriyas? any books you rec? Thx

[itachi uchiha]

U might wanna join macho arts like combatative sports.my recommendation is bjj.traditional martial arts like karate are shit.boxing,wrestling,judo,mma cause life crippling injury.bjj is the safest sport 

[martins name]

@blessedlion1993 @Marcel

Try doing this navel chakra meditation:

1. Assume a gentle smile.
2. Breathing deeply. On the out-breath, feel this love-infused, joyful, generous power radiate from your gut/navel area/manipura chakra location out into every direction. (If you have trouble creating an emotion, remember a time when you felt that emotion strongly or imagine a scenario.)
3. Hold the out-breath for a little while.
4. Imagine a beautiful, powerful sun i your gut, radiating beautiful, warm, nurturing, blindingly bright light. (You don't have to see the sun just think/feel/intuit it)
5. Feel it nourishing you.
6. Then everyone in the universe equally, like the sun nourishes all life on earth. Even alien life looks up into the night sky and become mesmerized by the distant sight of our sun.
7. Feel your loving breath stoking the fire of your sun like a flame needs oxygen.
8. Feel the humor of the life, laugh it up, heal the world with the sound of bubbling joy.
9. Feel the utter perfection of the world. Feel completely at peace.
10. Continue step 2, 3 and 4 while keeping your sense of peace. Do it for as long as you like, i recommend 30 minutes. 
11. You can experiment with placing the sun in the middle of your head and radiating joy from there. This simultaneously opens the third eye chakra. It will feel absolutely blissful.

Success in this meditation is measured by well being. Let your intuition guide you to it.