Someone here

Rant about my anxiety

56 posts in this topic

 

 to the people that don’t get it and don’t even try to understand it: I mean what the hell? All other illnesses get attention, but when it comes to mental health there are still people that think I am just “nervous.” or "pretending" or creating my own suffering. If that was the case .. I wouldn’t be trembling, crying, screaming, panting, dry heaving. So go educate yourself before you go to someone with anxiety and tell them something that is bull crap and make them feel insane.

When people say, “That gives me so much anxiety” in a joking way, it’s not a joke. I go through nights with 3 or more panic attacks. I pace around my room as if it’s going to help. I text at least 10 people asking if they are awake just to make me feel less alone. Just when I feel like I’m doing well, it comes back. It has followed me for years and it gets worse when I feel like I have no one, when I feel like no one gets it.

Change is extremely hard for me. Something as simple as rearranging my room can flip my world around. Anxiety and panic attacks are extremely painful some days, it is so hard to get up out of bed in the morning and go to class. I know I can be extremely irritable when I am anxious, but that is mostly because I am so mentally exhausted. I am so tired of calming myself down over and over again.

I am so tired of trying to explain this to people that may just never get it. The best way I can describe it is this: Think of a situation where it feels like you might die. It feels like that. It’s so hard to not push people away because I depend on others so much and that’s because anxiety makes you feel helpless. It’s not something that’s particularly curable. People say there are things that I have not done to help myself which makes me so angry because I have been trying and working as hard as I can to make this go away.

I know I can be okay and I know this is not forever, but when you go entire days feeling anxious, it’s easy to think that this is how you’ll feel forever.


I live my life in a dream; the constant threat of a rude awakening keeps me on my toes.
-Mettley Zimmer

 

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@Someone here Sorry to hear about what you go through. 

Have you explored autism? You mentioned change is difficult. Just wondering about the neurobehavioural stuff also. I'm no expert but worth looking into. 

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@Surfingthewave autism? You mean the disorder?  No I don't have it.  Just anxiety and depression. 


I live my life in a dream; the constant threat of a rude awakening keeps me on my toes.
-Mettley Zimmer

 

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@Someone here Ugh, that sounds challenging. I've had a period too not to long ago where anxieties and worries got big enough to result in panic attacks. So I know what that can be like.. not nice, I feel you man. Would you like to talk about it, have suggestions (like what I feel helped me) or you just wanted to express yourself in this thread?

Edited by Waken

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@Waken thanks 

Sure go ahead and suggest what has helped you. 


I live my life in a dream; the constant threat of a rude awakening keeps me on my toes.
-Mettley Zimmer

 

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@Someone here Where has the panic /anxiety come from? Was there a particular incident or it is a more general feeling? 

CBT is good therapy for panic and anxiety. 

Do you have a job/meaningful life purpose? Pets are good to help distract. How much exercise are you getting? 

Sounds like you know that thoughts are not real. Sounds like you are identitifying a lot with the anxiety, giving it power. Why do you think that is? 

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I think anxiety collapses the different between mental and physical illness. The fight, flight and freeze response is a combination of brain functions, hormones and feelings. 

I've started using headspace.com for my guided meditations, they have a module on managing anxiety which I've started, will let you know how I get on. It's on a paid subscription though. 


Relax, it's just my loosely held opinion.  :) 

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1 hour ago, snowyowl said:

I think anxiety collapses the different between mental and physical illness. The fight, flight and freeze response is a combination of brain functions, hormones and feelings. 

I've started using headspace.com for my guided meditations, they have a module on managing anxiety which I've started, will let you know how I get on. It's on a paid subscription though. 

@snowyowl "@" me too bro, good luck.

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Anxiety is awful.

I suffered many years of social anxiety, general anxiety& depression which affect my life a lot.

People didn't understand me and I felt like what's wrong with me?

Am I the only fucked up person in this world?

Then I figured out that it's very common in our modern society,

Some people struggle with it more, some less, but you are not alone my friend.

 

Today I rarely have anxiety/depression attacks. 

I can list you the things that helped me to cope with it, maybe something will be helpful:

1. Breathing exercises

2. Long walks everyday

3. Writing a journal 

4. Cutting toxic people in my life

5. Avoiding stressful places like stressful work places and environments 

6. Meditation/Yoga

7. Educating myself about anxiety and depression

8. Spirituality

9. Art

10. Music

 

 

 

 

 


“My meditation is simple. It does not require any complex practices.

It is simple. It is singing. It is dancing. It is sitting silently”

 OSHO

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@Alysssa thank you :)


I live my life in a dream; the constant threat of a rude awakening keeps me on my toes.
-Mettley Zimmer

 

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@Someone here No problem:)


“My meditation is simple. It does not require any complex practices.

It is simple. It is singing. It is dancing. It is sitting silently”

 OSHO

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I feel awful for you that you have to go through that @Someone here. I've gone through something similar and come out the other side (it seems), but from your post not to the degree you are going through. It's very tough, but not impossible!

Of course mindfulness meditation can help if you are aware of that practice. Sitting silently with our thoughts and becoming an observer helps take out the "sting" of them so to speak. As you realize most of them aren't useful, and just contribute to the "feeding" of the anxiety.

Depending on the severity though and how severe the symptoms you've described are some of these practices can only do so much for you. It might be wise to seriously consider seeing a therapist or getting some medication to ease the suffering.

If something like that is getting in the way of you functioning in daily life or going out in the world to fulfil any obligations, the problem needs to be tackled and handcuffed like a violent person in public.

The stuff talked about in Actualized.Org can help, but it's mostly for healthy already stable people. If you don't feel stability then I would ignore everything here and seek professional help.


"Never held a high regard for Darwin, selection takes too long.
A little kick in the pool shouldn't do us wrong.
Devouring the very last invention man would ever need.
But exponential growth is a frightening thing, indeed.
"

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On 9/1/2021 at 10:46 PM, Surfingthewave said:

Have you explored autism?

It sounds more like panic disorder to me.

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@Someone heree

I feel you, I advise you to seek a good therapist who at least uses cbt therapy and even get a meidcation, if it really feels unbearable. I'm not 100% sure about your situation, but usually chonic anxiety is an mind's protection mechanism that keeps you in constant state of resistance toward everything. Letting go/sedona method for resistance is really powerful for loosening things up, also Byron Katie's work is gold. Don't forget to be gentle with yourself, remember that self-love and forgivness is what you most need, fear is what got you initially into the situation where your currently at. But it wont be easy and there most likely will be setbacks, it will take lots of patience and courage. But healing is possible no matter how severe your situation is, just don't rush the process and seek help if neccessary.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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@Someone here Didn't feel to respond earlier, only now that I see the thread bump up again. Well, already some good advice seems to be given here.

For me a bunch of things helped, I'll mention some of the most important things for me. One was following in life what feels best in the moment, following the flow, which can be just relaxing or such. It will help to get you in touch with your passions, what you like and so it will help refocus your mind. It can help quite fast.

Also, some of the techniques from Abraham Hicks (reaching for better thoughts) worked quite well to change my thoughts about certain things. I found that much of my anxiety was based on what others thought. For example, there could have been a fear/thought of going crazy, and underneath that the thought of how others would see me as crazy, which created anxiety. Or there could be a thought of doing/needing to do certain things (e.g. interacting with specific people in uncomfortable situations), while the people and situation in question itself didn't even resonate with me. I can't check others people experiences and mind, but I would think that's actually something that's very common.. So if you can recognize that what the anxious thought is about, isn't even something that is really relevant for who you are/your life's path, you will then relax some of that anxiety. And so if I just follow what resonates with me/follow the flow, a lot of the situations and interactions with people where I had anxieties about wouldn't even happen. I can let the connection to these things go. 

Another thing that feels like quite a biggy for me is not separate from the doing what feels best to you thing but can be useful to put down separately anyway. One thing I would do is I would worry about what if anxiety will come up again, and there would be some anxious thinking about how it could be prevented. That didn't help lol. So at some point I was like 'well.. I'm not going to try to avoid/manage another anxiety attack again, if it comes up again it comes up again and that might suck balls, but I'm not going to manage it anymore. I'll see what to do about it when it comes up again. Then I have at least time between possible attacks where my experience is nicer and more relaxed and then that will expand in my life too.'

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Depression is awful.

I suffered many years of social anxiety, general anxiety and depression which affected my life a lot.

People didn't understand me and I felt like what's wrong with me?

But then I started to practice Expressive Therapy For Depression

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On 03/09/2021 at 7:35 PM, snowyowl said:

I've started using headspace.com for my guided meditations, they have a module on managing anxiety which I've started, will let you know how I get on. It's on a paid subscription though. 

Reporting back on the headspace course. Well, so far it's not quite what I expected, but perhaps is what I should have expected :)  The teacher started off by saying it's not intended to get rid of anxiety, rather to change our relationship with it. It's part of the body/mind's fight & flight response anyway.  The technique so far is a standard mindfulness of breathing meditation, although he's mentioned some changes to come later in the course (he's from a Buddhist background). I'm practicing feeling into the anxiety (and other mental states) without resisting it, but noting it and returning to the breath; also we're to practice attention to the body inbetween meditation sessions. Over time, this should build up a foundation of stable attention on the present moment and relaxing into feelings like anxiety, so they don't spiral out of control into a bigger problem than necessary.

But it's going to take time and practice, I'm reminded of Leo's recent video on "Why Valuable Things Require Development Over Time" there's no magic bullet to curing anxiety apart from a long-term commitment to daily practice. 

Edited by snowyowl

Relax, it's just my loosely held opinion.  :) 

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Anxiety and panic attacks are kicking in once again.. I'm tired of this shit :(


I live my life in a dream; the constant threat of a rude awakening keeps me on my toes.
-Mettley Zimmer

 

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I have had anxiety although not to the point of anxiety attack (or maybe yes and i Dont call It like that).

What has helped me the most have been having the good or bad luck to push myself into situations that elevated that anxiety.

For example in my last job i was like 2 months straight going to work feeling anxious. The last month was even crazier because i had even more responsability. When i started this job, the same day on the morning i went previously out to do some pick Up, which also makes me anxious, with a Guy i didnt even knew. 

It wasnt a Conscious choice, i just had learned to be demolished and accept again and again the anxiety, to the point where It gets to a point you Dont feel It anymore. It was all in your mind. I feel now nowdays. I just had Broken again and again and insensitized my nervous system. Now days i may experience "anxiety" Rising Up But since I no longer fight It, i Dont Care, It ends Up dissapearing. A dumb joke of the mind shouting "danger" which i can no longer even hear. I have surrendered.


All an imagination baby --

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