Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
Aaron p

How to go about making sure you have the right partner?

18 posts in this topic

So my focus in life has been philosophy now for the majority of my life...self improvement, growth, spirituality, mysticism etc. (This will continue to be one of my primary focuses)

And I've had girlfriends, but not very serious ones. I'm only maturing a lot recently see, and I feel like I'm at the point where I'm mature enough to contemplate having proper relationships with girls. 

Does Leo have any videos about how to make sure your partner is the right one? 

I mean... logically I could assume that dating is like test driving lots of different cars. The thing is, I haven't been seriously talking to a lot of different kinds of girls...and I've recently got into a relationship with a girl. She seems pretty level headed, she likes spirituality, she's a powerful thinker.

I think my primary question is this...with having no serious relationships whatsoever up until now, would it be safe to assume that my very first serious relationship should be seen as a testing ground? I mean, the girl seems nice and I resonate with her...but I don't Wana put all my eggs in one basket in a sense.

 

What's your guys thoughts?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Aaron p said:

Does Leo have any videos about how to make sure your partner is the right one? 

You can never know if its the right or not. On some level, you have to have faith. 

But if you want to find out practically if you guys are good for each other, go on vacation together. Don't preplan everything and allow the vacation to be a sort of adventure. 

If you enjoy your vacation, then you have a good partner. If you hated your life after the vacation, keep searching for someone more compatible.

The vacation will serve as a preview of your life together going into an unknown future.

And you surely need to have joy with your partner in that future. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 minutes ago, JosephKnecht said:

You can never know if its the right or not. On some level, you have to have faith. 

But if you want to find out practically if you guys are good for each other, go on vacation together. Don't preplan everything and allow the vacation to be a sort of adventure. 

If you enjoy your vacation, then you have a good partner. If you hated your life after the vacation, keep searching for someone more compatible.

The vacation will serve as a preview of your life together going into an unknown future.

And you surely need to have joy with your partner in that future. 

 

Haha that's so awesome thanks man

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'd be wary about assuming a relationship is testing ground just because it's your first serious relationship. There are plenty of people who have a happily ever after with the first partner they ever had. Obviously it's not the typical case, but it's common enough for me to know a few of these people. 

I think it can be helpful to accept that things might fall through and keep that in the back of your mind, especially if you're falling too hard too fast, but assuming they'll fall through is taking it to the other extreme.

This isn't universally true, but I've found that your emotional health, trauma, and the relationship role models you had growing up play a huge role. I needed to do a lot of test driving to figure out what a healthy relationship looked like and what I wanted, but I have friends who got into a healthy relationship with a compatible partner on the first attempt. They all had very stable childhoods and parents in happy marriages, which I didn't, so I had a lot of weird ideas about relationships I needed to unpack first.

But at the end of the day, there's no point in over-intellectualizing your relationship (I'm very guilty of that myself). If you're with someone you have to put all your eggs in their basket, or it's not going to be a relationship worth having anyway,

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, Aaron p said:

So my focus in life has been philosophy now for the majority of my life...self improvement, growth, spirituality, mysticism etc. (This will continue to be one of my primary focuses)

And I've had girlfriends, but not very serious ones. I'm only maturing a lot recently see, and I feel like I'm at the point where I'm mature enough to contemplate having proper relationships with girls. 

Does Leo have any videos about how to make sure your partner is the right one? 

I mean... logically I could assume that dating is like test driving lots of different cars. The thing is, I haven't been seriously talking to a lot of different kinds of girls...and I've recently got into a relationship with a girl. She seems pretty level headed, she likes spirituality, she's a powerful thinker.

I think my primary question is this...with having no serious relationships whatsoever up until now, would it be safe to assume that my very first serious relationship should be seen as a testing ground? I mean, the girl seems nice and I resonate with her...but I don't Wana put all my eggs in one basket in a sense.

 

What's your guys thoughts?

The right partner is ultimately the one you decide to commit to.

There is no perfect partner waiting in the ether. You create one by deciding to go all in.

Of course, there are some people with red flags. I’m not suggesting abandoning all boundaries. But at a certain point, you just have to pick someone and commit.


Follow me on Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/akourakin/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The right partner is all about values alignment.

Know your core values and quickly figure out her's.

There should be a significant overlap in values otherwise your relationship has no chance.

Spiral Dynamics is helpful here. She must be close your stage.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes. I agree with @Leo Gura.

It's about alignment of values. 

 


I'm a leftist liberal SJW. INFJ-T loner... .shy girl..@marcel :x.............My name is Hannu. I'm reserved and shy and introverted and sensitive girl. Please be careful about how you talk to me. Only responds to respectful vibes. ✿۞✿•.¸¸.•*`*•✿✿۞✿✿•.¸¸.•*`*•.•✿☼۞۞☼✿•.•*`*•.¸¸.•✿✿۞✿✿

Quick access to journal entries

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I do the first few exercises from the Life Purpose Course about value discovery with every girl I date. xD

I just bring paper and markers to a date and we have fun scribbling and discussing our core values.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

you have no idea what you should looking for and what you find attractive in your partners when you are new to serious relationships. its a road of mastery . you need experience of being in serious relationships for at least 5 years to be able to determine if someone is proper for you or not.

enjoy the journey;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

if you wanna consider her for long-term relationship or even as a marriage partner, put her through some tests.

if she acts out like a child, time to reconsider, if she acts like she's gonna support you, she's the keeper! 

 

Edited by hamedsf

"If you kick me when I'm down, you better pray I don't get up"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

 

On 28/08/2021 at 8:49 PM, Leo Gura said:

The right partner is all about values alignment.

Know your core values and quickly figure out her's.

There should be a significant overlap in values otherwise your relationship has no chance.

Spiral Dynamics is helpful here. She must be close your stage.

@Leo Gura would it be fair to say that people who develop themselves extremely fast are more likely to be alone since it'd be hard to find someone who grows at the exact same rate as you?

 

On 28/08/2021 at 8:49 PM, Leo Gura said:

 

Edited by Aaron p

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Once you gain enough experience in meeting different kind of women, you'll quickly gain a sense for what you like and don't like. Know your own values and see what their values are. If they match, that is a proper foundation for a good relationship. Experience teaches you this. 

Who are you as a person? What does your life look like? What does your future look like? Do you want to explore and have adventures? Are you intellectual? Spiritual? How can she connect to your life? How can you bring her along in a way that is fulfilling for you both and has both of your best interest in mind? What are her goals, ambitions, her future plans? How can you you connect to that? Can you both be part of something bigger? 

You can connect to someone on many different levels - Emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, sexually. The ideal relationship has connection on all these levels. 

Go into the relationship with the mentality of 'I stay with you as long as we are having a good time and staying connected - Once any of us don't feel like the relationship is benefiting us, we can walk away. We don't owe each other anything'. That way you allow yourself to stay open to experiment and explore different people without guilt. Make sure she feels that way too. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I once asked someone "How do I know I'm with the right person?" and he answered "When you don't ask yourself that question anymore."


*
Check out my website for more resources, videos and 1:1 coaching

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, flume said:

I once asked someone "How do I know I'm with the right person?" and he answered "When you don't ask yourself that question anymore."

Really? Is that even possible and realistic?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 8/28/2021 at 4:59 AM, Aaron p said:

Does Leo have any videos about how to make sure your partner is the right one? 

He doesn't, but here's something powerful I learned from a dating coach recently. 

In seduction, you need to ask her qualifying questions when you're getting to know her for the first time. Qualify her. You want a certain girl, so show them that through your inquisitive interest.

You say you're into philosophy and spirituality, right? That probably means you read a lot. Maybe say something like "Hey, you seem intelligent. What books do you read." Or maybe "Hey, you have a chill vibe; are you spiritual." By qualifying her early, you can rate her on your own personal scale and then decide if you want to date or not.

On 8/28/2021 at 4:59 AM, Aaron p said:

[W]ould it be safe to assume that my very first serious relationship should be seen as a testing ground?

Of course! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

turns out shes badshit crazy lol

 

*exit sign lights up*

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Falling in love is very much like awakening. Seems like you’re the thinker, and the thoughts, strategizing, planning, etc all matter. LOL but they don’t. It’s all a facade. The thought narrative about you doing isn’t actual, it’s apparent. Thoughts which are a smokescreen to the fact you are presently love in love. Sounds conflicting if you think about it. 


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0