Insight on why I was addicted to PMO

[EugeneTheSage]

Yesterday evening I was sitting still in my room looking at rainy outdoor. I felt amazing. I felt too nice. And I identified this urge to relapse by masturbating. It is so hard to keep yourself in high-energy state. Life is too intense to tolerate it. It is much easier to remain in zombie-like lethargic state after masturbation.

I have a lot of changes in my life: I am doing super-energizing Shambhavi Mahamudra Kriya meditation, eating much healthier - almost just greens and fruits, I am doing foam roller massage for my legs - I feel much more relaxed now.

Also today I looked at my old unfinished 3d modeling project (see attachment): it was amazing! Unfortunately I didn't have enough computing power to render it well so I've dropped it. But it gave me an idea: "Hey man, you have lot of creative potential. You just don't know how to control your mind"

So because I am not master of my mind It hurts me in the form of depression. As I received the kick of inspiration because of this insight I started to notice tension is acumulating in my calf and thigh - the area I am working on with massage. So another lesson: I don't know how direct my energy so it blocks in the body and creates disease. In order to prevent disease my body tries to release this energy. And guess how?

It's nice that I have loose schedule on the current job (cannabis farm) so I can take time and sit and observe the feelings. Because if there would be no time room I would go into unconscious reaction to feelings and relapse. So I was observing the feelings and did not relapse. But still there is more to unaddict yourself than just few times not doing it.

Thats the story!

Hope these insights would be helpful to someone!