Onecirrus

What is a woman's social life like?

19 posts in this topic

Ladies, I'm curious about your social habits and want to deepen my understanding of social dynamics. Here are some questions I'd like answers to. How many friends do you have? How often do you see them? Do you talk on the phone or just text? Do you do activities together or just chat? Do you have male friends? Where did you meet your friends? What would you want men to know more about you? How often do you feel alone?

Thanks!

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I'm probably not the best example, because I have has some issues with avoiding friendship in the past 10 years or so. I've been very much a hermit because part of me fears loss of friendship enough, that romantic relationship has been mostly what I've been focused on. And I've been so focused on parenting my children. 

So, it's a current goal of mine to regrow a healthy social circle.

Now, I have probably several hundred more distant friendships that I could draw from to develop deeper connections. And I have even more acquaintances that I know on top of these distant friendships.

But I only have a couple of friends that I talk to regularly (at least once per week), both of them are male. One is a guy I used to be in a relationship with who I talk to a few times a week. The other is a guy friend of mine who I talk to once a week. 

Then I have a couple guy friends that I chat with every other month or so.

So, I am seriously in need of closer female friendship.

When I had a healthier social circle over half of my close friends were female. I had about 10 close friendships with people I'd regularly interact with. And then, I probably had about 50 or so people in my outer circle who were more casual friends that I would see here and there. 

But right now, I feel very cut off for the most part. 

I talk over Skype/Zoom with my friends that I mentioned above. We just chat because I live far away from each of them. Two live in the UK. One lives in California. And the other lives in Pennsylvannia. I live in Florida. 

I've met most of my friends (distant and close) that I have now through my YouTube channel. It connects me with a lot of likeminded people. 


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23 minutes ago, Emerald said:

I had about 10 close friendships with people I'd regularly interact with. And then, I probably had about 50 or so people in my outer circle who were more casual friends that I would see here and there.

I am exhausted just reading that, Lol.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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28 minutes ago, Emerald said:

I had about 10 close friendships with people I'd regularly interact with. And then, I probably had about 50 or so people in my outer circle who were more casual friends that I would see here and there. 

People who have 10's of friends and 100's of people to talk to almost feel like alien species to me lol. Just as I feel to them tbh? I'm talking literaly to noone nowadays, only to my parents and relatives. Only focusing on writing and so for the past couple of months. So, I wouldn't say you're a hermit, by any means.?

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I'm a hermit pretty much. I'm bad at making friends. 

If I have a friend, then it's mostly 1 loyal person. 

I'm a lone wolf type. 

 


I'm a leftist liberal SJW. INFJ-T loner... .shy girl..@marcel :x.............My name is Hannu. I'm reserved and shy and introverted and sensitive girl. Please be careful about how you talk to me. Only responds to respectful vibes. ✿۞✿•.¸¸.•*`*•✿✿۞✿✿•.¸¸.•*`*•.•✿☼۞۞☼✿•.•*`*•.¸¸.•✿✿۞✿✿

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12 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

I am exhausted just reading that, Lol.

Says the man who spends a significant portion of his time on his forum... socializing. :D 

But it was really easy back then because I lived in direct proximity to them. It wasn't really overwhelming. They were just woven into my daily lifestyle because of school and having a very social boyfriend at the time, who I lived with for my last two years of high school. So, we'd hang out with a few friends several times a week together. 

But once I went to college, my focus got pretty singular with regard to working and growing myself. And I also started having some avoidant tendencies. And so, I'd ONLY have a romantic partner and that's it. And then I became a mom, and so I was pretty shut in at the point. 

But all throughout, I always enjoyed my solitude... even at my most social.

But now that I have really experienced being cut off from a wider social circle (and not just my fun little hermity ways), I recognize how much I truly enjoy social interaction and need it to thrive.

Also, I think it's really important right now to move from the atomization that Stage Orange causes to move towards the community focus of Stage Green. 

When we perceive ourselves as separate from others (and from the planet) we tend to behave in cancerous ways. So, regrowing a social circle and becoming more community-focused is what's wise right now. 


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15 minutes ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

People who have 10's of friends and 100's of people to talk to almost feel like alien species to me lol. Just as I feel to them tbh? I'm talking literaly to noone nowadays, only to my parents and relatives. Only focusing on writing and so for the past couple of months. So, I wouldn't say you're a hermit, by any means.?

Honestly, it was just pretty normal back then. I even identified with being a person who enjoys solitude. I would be known by others that way too. It was always like me to be stealing away into my interests.

I just lived in a small town where you'd see everyone pretty often. Also, I never had internet back then, and most people I knew didn't have it. So, we'd just hang out with friends a few times a week.

Also, it helped that I lived with my boyfriend and his family at the time. He was a lot more social than me, so he'd kind of break me out of my comfort zone. 

And earlier than that, I mostly lived at my friends' houses on the weekend. 


Enrollment now open for my Shadow Work Group Class! Limited spots available. 

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Posted (edited)

Mine is currently pretty non-existent aside from my partner, as I'm trying to focus on life purpose, reading, and healing in general. I do go out to some random Meetup events sometimes but don't usually keep going, and connect with the odd friend here and there see how they're doing. I'm just going through a phase where I need to be free of distractions and obligations. Maybe will come out of that when I feel like I got my life purpose in a decent spot.. we will see. :)

Edited by puporing

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Posted (edited)

@Onecirrus 1 close friend, I met her at work. We hang out, do drugs, get our nails done, do our makeup together, go shopping and partying. 1 male friend is my brother. I prefer talking in person over texting and calling.
 

One thing I wish men knew. That girls just wanna have funnnnnn

 

hope this helps! 

Edited by KennedyCarter

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Posted (edited)

I have 2 best friends that I hear from on a regular basis and I am also part of 3 different friend groups consisting of 4-5 people each. One group is for going out and having fun, the other group are my childhood friends that I know for 15+ years, the other group are colleagues from my college. And I have a lot of acquaintances that I see here and there (small town). 

I also have one friend that I met in elementary and we were very close back then, but I only chat with her through text lately because she has depression, and rarely goes out, but I still consider her somewhat close.

And I have male friends. I have three male childhood friends that I still keep in touch cause we all live nearby (one I met when we both were 4 years old). But as I grow older, it is hard for me to acquire heterosexual male friends (cause they often have hidden romantic motives), but I have gay friends. 

I met these people either in elementary, college or just through their social circle. For example, I befriended sister of my ex-best friend and then I met that sister's best friend and then her friend and inception goes on lol.

And no, I don't feel lonely. I rarely do. I remember feeling somewhat lonely in high school, but that was weird period of my life.

 

Edited by somegirl

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13 minutes ago, KennedyCarter said:

One thing I wish men knew. That girls just wanna have funnnnnn

Oh, we know ;)


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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4 hours ago, Onecirrus said:

How many friends do you have? How often do you see them?

I have 3 friends out side of school and a couple at school. The ones at school I see on a regular basis. One of them I live with so I see her everyday. I also have a handful of acquaintances that I see regularly in my classes. Not close to them but they are nice to have to be able to keep up with course work and ask for help.  

4 hours ago, Onecirrus said:

Do you talk on the phone or just text? Do you do activities together or just chat?

I talk and text on the phone with the friends I don't see on a regular basis. I probably talk to them once a month or so but we're still close because we already built that bond growing up over the years. Every few months or so we meet up and either hang out, get food, or do something else like watch a movie, cook together, have a picnic, go on a drive, etc. 

For the couple friends at school, I don't do much other than chat with my roommate since we're pretty much always around each other but we still give each other space and we have our other social circles as well. My other friend and I just get food or study together because most of the time we're busy and we want to be around each other but not make it into a whole thing. 

4 hours ago, Onecirrus said:

Do you have male friends?

Used to growing up when I had more of a social life. Was pretty close to them as well but as I grew up me and my friends naturally grew apart because we were developing as people differently and intuitively figured we need to give each other space (isn't really a guy friends thing, it was the group of people I was hanging out with at the time). My guy friends and I were platonic. I did naturally develop feelings for one of them after a year of knowing him but I mean that's 1 out of like 10 guys I was friends with. None of them ever had feeling towards me nor have they expressed anything seriously. 

I don't even know if this counts but a couple of the friends I have that are outside of school have younger brothers that tag along with me when I'm hanging out with my friends (their sisters). I'm also acquainted with my friends' younger brother's friends as well and basically am cool with them. Even though I'm not friends with them necessarily (as in I'm cool with them, enjoy their company, and hang out occasionally but I'm not super close with them), I would say they are still a part of my circle. 

4 hours ago, Onecirrus said:

Where did you meet your friends?

Mostly school/college as well as through family friends and cultural/religious events growing up. 

4 hours ago, Onecirrus said:

How often do you feel alone?

Platonically speaking, not often. But I did deal with that a lot growing up when I first started growing apart from people and had no idea how to deal with the situation because I didn't have proper guidance in those situations nor did I have the life experience to have some objectivity. But I do have a longing for human connection since I've been pretty isolated in the last couple of years. Repressed is a better term than alone. I guess the closest thing to loneliness I have felt recently is feeling like I'm going crazy because no one is relating to what I'm going through and  because I was being gaslighted and emotionally invalidated at home. Relating can help you see the relativity of a situation instead of getting stuck in your own head and that can be incredibly helpful at times. But when I'm by myself outside of my family, I very rarely feel alone. I also really enjoy doing a lot of things myself. 

Romantically, there is a longing for wanting to connect. But again, I think repressed is a better word to describe my situation rather than lonely. I really want a relationship but I'm not desperate for one to where I'm willing to lower my standards and compromise my boundaries just go along with anyone or any situation even if it doesn't feel right. Like, I'm not willing to do anything to get this thing met because again, it's a want but not a need.  

4 hours ago, Onecirrus said:

What would you want men to know more about you?

That's a broad question and I have no idea where you're thinking of going with this. 


I'm just here man.....

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Thanks for asking :x

17 hours ago, Onecirrus said:

How many friends do you have? How often do you see them? Do you talk on the phone or just text? Do you do activities together or just chat? Do you have male friends? Where did you meet your friends?

I have two really close female friends and one male friend who is a previous partner. I recently moved so they are in a different state and I have yet to make any solid friends here. I have a couple internet friends, too. 

I get a lot of social interaction through my jobs. I've made friends and met lovers while working and I feel lucky to be able to interact with such a wide range of people. I used to be a dog-walker too and that required a huge amount of social abilities. I date and occasionally meet people through dating apps.

I'm very introverted naturally and used to be cripplingly shy but in the past few years have been making massive strides to get out of my shell and am becoming the "good with social stuff" person I've always wanted to be. Hating people and being extremely judgmental of them is such a drag. 

17 hours ago, Onecirrus said:

What would you want men to know more about you? How often do you feel alone?

I rarely (if ever) feel physically alone. I have a very supportive family and again, lots of social interaction through my work. However, I often feel spiritually alone. I do wish I had more friends that I could connect with on things like art, psychedelics, spirituality etc. 

Men need to know not to be too nice. I appreciate the sentiment but I like a man who isn't afraid to take control and who can treat me like a slut sometimes ;) 


"You Create Magic" 

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@Leo Gura

7 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

I am exhausted just reading that, Lol.

Me too. God damn.

My hermit brain could not handle so many connections at all.

I literally only talk to my girlfriend and to my parents / grandparents 99% of the time nowadays.

I am completely satisfied with that.

I cannot imagine such a big social circle, holy sh*t haha.

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7 hours ago, Emerald said:

 

When we perceive ourselves as separate from others (and from the planet) we tend to behave in cancerous ways. So, regrowing a social circle and becoming more community-focused is what's wise right now. 

I completely agree with that.

Alone time is fun, but complete isolation is probably a step too much, i should know haha

I do not have a social circle outside of my intimate partner and i feel completely satisfied with the way it is.

But i guess it would not hurt me to develop some social connections here and there.

I´ve been a complete hermit for about the last 12 years.

Maybe its time to get out of my cave for a little bit for once^_^

 

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@Flowerfaeiry

Is it normal for women to be close friends with previous partners?

Like, i get it. This does seem like a valuable social contact.

But i can´t help but get a bit of a weird vibe of such a relationships.

I would not have an issue if my girlfriend was close friends with a previous partner.

But this social dynamic seems a bit odd to me.

I don´t know, maybe im just weird haha 

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1 hour ago, Flowerfaeiry said:

 

Men need to know not to be too nice. I appreciate the sentiment but I like a man who isn't afraid to take control and who can treat me like a slut sometimes ;) 

Wow that went 0 to 100 haha get it girllll

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18 minutes ago, Marcel said:

 

Is it normal for women to be close friends with previous partners?

He's the only ex I've remained friends with. 


"You Create Magic" 

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Posted (edited)

I'm not a lady, but I'm relating strongly to a lot of the responses so far, so I'll add my story to the soup too, as encouragement.

Currently, I have 2 guys that I'd consider very close friends. They are on their respective spiritual journeys and are startlingly mature for their age (20ish).

I have a couple dozen more people that I hang out with regularly and bond with, but there's a sense that they will "never understand me" because they're not serious about contemplation and introspection the way I am. I often dumb myself down to vibe with these people.

Aside from that, I loosely consider anybody that I interact with a "friend."

I had an amazing 40 minute conversation with my uber drive today. Even though I'll never see him again, he felt like a "friend."

At the end of the day though, I understand that even my 2 closest dudes are temporary. Furthermore, I only hold them in high regard insofar as they serve my egoic survival agenda (acceptance, being listened to and understood, they provide massive value to me through their presence, energy, and insights, etc.) Truly, they are not any more special than someone I feel unable to befriend.

Being friends with all of humanity is my ultimate ideal, but fundamentally I'll always be alone, as are we all.

Edited by RendHeaven

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