B_HAZ

Dating a suicidal person

58 posts in this topic

17 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

If you were this girl's father and she brought home this suicidal dude, you would grab him the by ear and throw him to the curb.

If that's seriously how you feel... then you are lacking empathy.

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15 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

I think people who are against dating suicidal people are shallow, selfish, cold hearted, cruel, lack empathy, etc.

I wouldn't mind dating someone suicidal. I would almost prefer to date someone like that. It's much more interesting to be deep with someone. 

Also the dark side should be explored.

Yes absolutely agree with this. 

 


 INFJ-T loner... .shy girl..@marcel :x.............My name is Hannu. I'm reserved and shy and introverted and sensitive girl. Please be careful about how you talk to me. Only responds to respectful vibes. ✿۞✿•.¸¸.•*`*•✿✿۞✿✿•.¸¸.•*`*•.•✿☼۞۞☼✿•.•*`*•.¸¸.•✿✿۞✿✿

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Posted (edited)

@Javfly33 For example if I'd say a sentence like "You will have a bad day" it became true for her. So much that I had to "reverse the curse" and that was an entire process of it's own.Ridiculous, I know. But imagine loving someone so much, and they just tear your heart out through their toxic behaviour, and eventually after months you don't even know who the hell the person is, why you are with this person, or why you still stay with her. But still you do and you cannot get away from it. It's utterly crazy how much infatuation and neediness can blind us. What's even worse is knowing that you have the key to get away from your suffering, but you actually believe that leaving the suffering will equal more pain than staying in it. 

Delusions = Hell

Edited by QandC

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2 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

I think people who are against dating suicidal people are shallow, selfish, cold hearted, cruel, lack empathy, etc.

I wouldn't mind dating someone suicidal. I would almost prefer to date someone like that. It's much more interesting to be deep with someone. 

Also the dark side should be explored.

I agree with you. 

But this only works if the other person is open to change over time.

Because if they are completely stuck and unwilling to change, like i was in the past, the relationship will inexorably turn toxic.

I have experienced this personally, everyone i interacted with eventually kept their distance with me.

Not because they were shallow, selfish, cold hearted, cruel, lack empathy, etc.

But because i dragged everything and everybody down back then and refused any help or advice or to simply take a different prespective on things.

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1 hour ago, QandC said:

@Javfly33 For example if I'd say a sentence like "You will have a bad day" it became true for her. So much that I had to "reverse the curse" and that was an entire process of it's own.Ridiculous, I know. But imagine loving someone so much, and they just tear your heart out through their toxic behaviour, and eventually after months you don't even know who the hell the person is, why you are with this person, or why you still stay with her. But still you do and you cannot get away from it. It's utterly crazy how much infatuation and neediness can blind us. What's even worse is knowing that you have the key to get away from your suffering, but you actually believe that leaving the suffering will equal more pain than staying in it. 

Delusions = Hell

Haha I had experienced something similar. 

 


 INFJ-T loner... .shy girl..@marcel :x.............My name is Hannu. I'm reserved and shy and introverted and sensitive girl. Please be careful about how you talk to me. Only responds to respectful vibes. ✿۞✿•.¸¸.•*`*•✿✿۞✿✿•.¸¸.•*`*•.•✿☼۞۞☼✿•.•*`*•.¸¸.•✿✿۞✿✿

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3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You expect me to assume that this suicidal guy she's gonna date is some psychological virtuoso? Get real.

If you were this girl's father and she brought home this suicidal dude, you would grab him the by ear and throw him to the curb.


Definitely not condoning the relationship! But suicidal people can be redeemed. I’m not sure about this specific one — we’re only hearing about him in third person, none of us have direct experience with him so it’s impossible to know his psychological profile. Also, simple psychedelics like mushrooms have a profound impact on suicial & depressive symptoms — they’re even great for treating PTSD, as you know! Even with microdosing. So it’s a reversible mental health problem, given access to the right resources (the lack of which leaves this person with nothing to fend for himself, & no one in his corner). Staying friends is probably the ideal option in OP’s case. I’m NOT saying she should date him. That isn’t the wisest option here — nor is cutting him out of her life completely. But it’s OP’s choice to call the shots on that, & her choice alone is sovereign here.

 

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2 minutes ago, Roses_are_red said:

suicidal people can be redeemed.

This^


 INFJ-T loner... .shy girl..@marcel :x.............My name is Hannu. I'm reserved and shy and introverted and sensitive girl. Please be careful about how you talk to me. Only responds to respectful vibes. ✿۞✿•.¸¸.•*`*•✿✿۞✿✿•.¸¸.•*`*•.•✿☼۞۞☼✿•.•*`*•.¸¸.•✿✿۞✿✿

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Posted (edited)

23 hours ago, Blackhawk said:
On 8/22/2021 at 6:29 PM, Leo Gura said:

If you were this girl's father and she brought home this suicidal dude, you would grab him the by ear and throw him to the curb.

If that's seriously how you feel... then you are lacking empathy.

Are you surprised though?

Or... maybe.. and this is just a thought here... instead of grabbing him by the ear and throwing him to the curb, maybe, juuuusssttt maybe, there's a better, more compassionate, and healthier alternative that would results in A) him getting the help he needs, and B) your daughter and family also being safe and not dragged into negativity.  I dunno.  It's just a hunch.   Like, I don't know what that would look like.  Maybe some mixture of him getting support, and depending on the health of the relationship, the daughter seeing him occasionally, supporting him as she can, etc..  I dunno, this depends on the context.  Also, I think a large part of this would have to depend on what the daughter wants to do since she's the one dating him.  So like, if I was her father, I'd have a talk with her about how things are going (or maybe even with both of them to address the issue and even get him help if he wants it), etc., and then just make sure she's making an informed decision.  But going straight to ear grabings and curb throwings... seems just callous and lacking any concern to help or have a positive impact.  Seems a bit drastic, like, things can be handled way more smoothly and less dramatically than that.  Dramatic scenes usually just cause more pain and suffering. 

I mean, I can understand taking that approach if the daughter wanted out of the relationship since things were getting bad and the guy kept trying to get back together and invade boundaries n such.

Edited by Matt23

"Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down"   --   Marry Poppins

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Posted (edited)

I would just go with my gut feelings... what you're comfortable with... how you feel about it.. etc. Do you enjoy your times together? stuff like that.. And maybe talk to him about your limitations in dealing with his suicidal thoughts/suggest other help and resources and that you wouldn't be able to solve all his problems etc I think drawing some boundaries is always healthy and I guess how he reacts to that can help you decide. Some people have chronic depression and are very aware of the boundary issue and try very hard not to be 'a burden' or use that as a way of getting their way, it just depends on how aware someone is about that. (I guess I am not encouraging or discouraging because I think you would know better :) )

Edited by puporing

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 This problem or issue with actually dating someone that is suicidal is that the relationship can become one-sided very quickly.

Suicidal ppl can become soul suckers. Constantly moaning and groaning how miserable they are, complaining endlessly to their partner, because they lack awareness that its often "all about them" and they don't have the skills to cope with supporting another person's wants and needs in a relationship. They only see their own.

If someone is already in a long term relationship then this is usually not a deal breaker if their partner has recognized a change and the person is seeking help.

However, if it's a new relationship, ugh, I'd say the suicidal person should get some real help, then come back to the relationship in 6 months, because right now they are not well.

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On 23/08/2021 at 3:56 AM, Preety_India said:

I wouldn't mind dating someone suicidal. I would almost prefer to date someone like that. It's much more interesting to be deep with someone. 

Also the dark side should be explored.

This is just neediness masquerading as virtue.

You can say this because it sounds cool and makes you feel righteous. Until you actually date a suicidally depressed person.

Then you won't say it anymore, if you survive it.

I've only had the experience of dating a manic-depressive for awhile, and God, never again.


Erik Jongbloed - Transformational Coaching  
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Kill indecision and self-sabotage - Go from reactive to proactive - Become organised, focused and motivated

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@flowboy Blackhawk said the quote you used, not Preety. I think she just used the quote in her post.

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19 hours ago, flowboy said:

This is just neediness masquerading as virtue.

You can say this because it sounds cool and makes you feel righteous. Until you actually date a suicidally depressed person.

Then you won't say it anymore, if you survive it.

I've only had the experience of dating a manic-depressive for awhile, and God, never again.

You aren't able to understand me fully. Although the quote wasn't mine but I agree with it

Let me explain it to you. I dated an American guy who had MDD, that is major depressive disorder, he had NPD and bipolar, he was suicidal if he didn't get his MDD meds. 

I would say it was extremely emotionally challenging phase of my life, being extremely kind and gentle with him when he would lash out in rage at me. 

Yet I did not judge him for being suicidal or for his disorder 

 

I would say it's a challenge to date such people, but I happily took on the challenge, as long as the person is not abusive, I wouldn't mind dating them, I can let go of their mental disorder or even slowly get them out of it. 

The guy I was dating back then, when 1 full year had passed, he began to feel happier and better because of all my efforts and support to keep him happy 

I had almost successfully dragged him out of depression. 

The relationship didn't work or last because he was abusive as hell. 

But I never felt disappointed by his mental illness or his suicidal or manic episodes. 

I was thoroughly patient with him and it bore fruit at least on that front. 

Too bad he messed it up later after I healed him


 INFJ-T loner... .shy girl..@marcel :x.............My name is Hannu. I'm reserved and shy and introverted and sensitive girl. Please be careful about how you talk to me. Only responds to respectful vibes. ✿۞✿•.¸¸.•*`*•✿✿۞✿✿•.¸¸.•*`*•.•✿☼۞۞☼✿•.•*`*•.¸¸.•✿✿۞✿✿

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6 hours ago, Preety_India said:

he began to feel happier and better because of all my efforts and support to keep him happy 

 

6 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Too bad he messed it up later after I healed him

I want to point out that the phrases in bold suggest this was a codependent relationship. 

Just something you may want to reflect on, because if ppl have a tendency to get into codependent relationships this pattern seems to repeat over and over.

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@Ananta yep. 


 INFJ-T loner... .shy girl..@marcel :x.............My name is Hannu. I'm reserved and shy and introverted and sensitive girl. Please be careful about how you talk to me. Only responds to respectful vibes. ✿۞✿•.¸¸.•*`*•✿✿۞✿✿•.¸¸.•*`*•.•✿☼۞۞☼✿•.•*`*•.¸¸.•✿✿۞✿✿

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   Lol seriously, even someone with low common sense and low intuition avoid dating suicidal people. They can literally feel how that person can drain their time and energy, that would have been put elsewhere. Tell the person to get help, and next, unless you have unlimited time and energy to involve yourself with such people.

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Posted (edited)

@Danioover9000 What If that person said he will seek help and work on himself?

Would you take on his word 

Edited by B_HAZ

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Quit that relationship on first day. I speak from past experience, otherwise he/she will drag you for years and in the end you will be seen as bad. 


Singer

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