I'm going through some kind of social crisis

[KaRzual]

And i'm really teared apart. One one hand - i really don't give a fuck about other people. Their silly things they talk about and say to me, some fucking stories, lies, bullshit and just unimportant thigs. I get it, maybe they like it that way. But it tires the fuck out of me. i mean i like to engage in some spontanous conversations or ask people about something that interests me. 

So yeah on the one hand i really don't feel a need to socialize. I'm up to sometimes meet my friends and maybe do some stuff. Apart from that i'm seeing my gf 2 days on the weekends. 

But, on the other hand - i feel like it takes value out from me. Me not wanting to talk, to socialize, i feel like a weirdo sometimes. I imagine myself being on a wedding with my gf (i hate those events) and being fucking forced to sit at the table. Unbearable conflict rises. I really don't want to force myself into some contact with other people, but i feel like it's stripping me out of some social power and social proof.

It's tiring. Feels like i want to eat the cake and also to have it. 

[Esilda]

2 hours ago, KaRzual said:

And i'm really teared apart. One one hand - i really don't give a fuck about other people. Their silly things they talk about and say to me, some fucking stories, lies, bullshit and just unimportant thigs. I get it, maybe they like it that way. But it tires the fuck out of me. i mean i like to engage in some spontanous conversations or ask people about something that interests me. 

So yeah on the one hand i really don't feel a need to socialize. I'm up to sometimes meet my friends and maybe do some stuff. Apart from that i'm seeing my gf 2 days on the weekends. 

But, on the other hand - i feel like it takes value out from me. Me not wanting to talk, to socialize, i feel like a weirdo sometimes. I imagine myself being on a wedding with my gf (i hate those events) and being fucking forced to sit at the table. Unbearable conflict rises. I really don't want to force myself into some contact with other people, but i feel like it's stripping me out of some social power and social proof.

It's tiring. Feels like i want to eat the cake and also to have it. 

I'm noticing that your mind is forming lots of generalisations, instead of focusing on the thoughts I encourage you to maybe instead experience fully the sadness underneath the anger you have that leads to those generalisations.  

You're socialising with us, right? Which I don't blame you because we're a cool bunch of people .

How much are your judgements due to underlying shame which as a defense mechanism creates feelings of judgement to protect you from experiencing the dissonance of their complexity?

I hope you are doing okay 

Edited August 12, 2021 by Esilda

[Terell Kirby]

2 hours ago, KaRzual said:

And i'm really teared apart. One one hand - i really don't give a fuck about other people. Their silly things they talk about and say to me, some fucking stories, lies, bullshit and just unimportant things.

I can relate. As you unpack your own bullshit, you start to see it more clearly in others.

This is where you have to get comfortable being alone. The more authentic you are, the more you have less social ties. But don’t be jaded, trust that like minded folks will gravitate towards you over time. The number of connections will be small, but the quality will be well worth the wait.

[KaRzual]

6 minutes ago, Esilda said:

I'm noticing that your mind is forming lots of generalisations,

It's called limited space. Listen - i work at a shop. I've got plenty of clients and some of them want to talk just for the sake of talking. This is tiring for me. i think you would understand that. 

7 minutes ago, Esilda said:

instead of focusing on the thoughts I encourage you to maybe instead experience fully the sadness underneath the anger you have that leads to those generations.  

And that's the great one. I 100% agree with you. 

7 minutes ago, Esilda said:

You're socialising with us, right? Which I don't blame you because we're a cool bunch of people .

Well: 1. this is a place where i can talk with people that have really something interesting to say and i can listen to them happily. 2. I can close the tab and the socializing ends.

8 minutes ago, Esilda said:

How much are your judgements due to underlying shame which as a defense mechanism creates feelings of judgement to protect you from experiencing the dissonance of their complexity?

Do you mean the complexity of other people? I don't really get it. 

9 minutes ago, Esilda said:

I hope you are doing okay 

Yeah i'm really happy of myself and how many changes i apply to my life. However sometimes i'm really lost. 

[KaRzual]

9 minutes ago, Terell Kirby said:

I can relate. As you unpack your own bullshit, you start to see it more clearly in others.

 

Yeah. There are many elements of social exchange that appear disguisting to me now. I try to bullshit others less and be more genuine so i'm really conscious about this now. It backfires tho. 

11 minutes ago, Terell Kirby said:

This is where you have to get comfortable being alone. The more authentic you are, the more you have less social ties. But don’t be jaded, trust that like minded folks will gravitate towards you over time. The number of connections will be small, but the quality will be well worth the wait.

Thank you for those words. I have 3 friends which i can trust and be able to talk with them freely. That's really important for me. 

[Waken]

Well, I think the most obvious answer is to let go of the concern of how others see you. If you don't feel like socializing more, than to me the answer sounds like don't socialize more. You don't want to be 'normal', you want to be you

Edited August 12, 2021 by Waken

[Esilda]

1 minute ago, KaRzual said:

It's called limited space. Listen - i work at a shop. I've got plenty of clients and some of them want to talk just for the sake of talking. This is tiring for me. i think you would understand that. 

I do meals on wheels with the homeless so I understand the difficulties of communication with various types of people sometimes.

 

1 minute ago, KaRzual said:

Do you mean the complexity of other people? I don't really get it. 

Because people are complex and then not complex at the same time, its like it depends on what mirror we're going to hold up to the person. Whether we use the mirror of looking at all their flaws vs strengths, what they can control vs what they can't, what is them vs how they're influenced to be them.

1 minute ago, KaRzual said:

Yeah i'm really happy of myself and how many changes i apply to my life. However sometimes i'm really lost. 

We all get lost and together we can help each other become at least somewhat found  

Wishing you the best