Love

[Preety_India]

@Esilda I also love this one. 

 

[Esilda]

@lxlichael u should come join our party again bring some music of urs, do an improv!!!  

with me

@Marcel

@Preety_India

@ryangold

@RickyFitts

and anyone else that wants to join!!!

@Loba?

[Marcel]

@Esilda

I generally try to avoid posting music into your journal, because the music i am listening to tends to freak out your nervous system.

But this one is pretty powerful and maybe has a bit much aggression in it if i think about it.

Anyway. This is a german stage red love song.

 

Edited August 30, 2021 by Marcel

[Preety_India]

@Esilda yes Esilda we should totally party. We should call it our Jammin party where we enjoy jamming to these songs 

Right now I'm jamming to this

 

 

[RickyFitts]

@lxlichael Haven't heard that song in years, fantastic choice! 

[Esilda]

Loved!

@lxlichael

@RickyFitts

@Preety_India

@Marcel

@ryangold

[Marcel]

@Esilda

 

[Esilda]

Have been spending time grieving due to the death of a loved one for a little while now.

I thought this would be a great opportunity for me to open myself back up to this journal.

I hope people don't mind me saying that I'd like this journal to be relatively quiet until I'm done processing my experiences on my grieving process.

Thank you so much for your understanding everyone in advance  .

 

[Esilda]

Aunt Mary, although I never got to appreciate you until I was an adult you brought so much structure to our family network that without there would have been so much more conflict in the family lineage. Your cheerfulness, unyielding positivity and warmth. Your family get together's that forced us all to reconsider our differences if for just an evening were by far my favourite memories of being in our dysfunctional family. Now that you're gone, the separation that created our mess is left for its inevitable chaos, we have no one to bring us together anymore and I'm not so sure people respect me enough in our family for me to play that role yet because of my age and where I am in in life. Things are going to fall apart even more and I'm really worried for the family as a whole, through your example though I will remember your infectious laugh through the toughest of times.

Continuing...

[Esilda]

This is so difficult for me right now... I've fallen into a kind of depression as I have so many emotions here that I'm still figuring out how to process... I just have to keep writing, writing, writing and writing them all out... 

Aunt Mary, I will do all of my memories of you justice.

[Esilda]

I feel my ego opening wide open right now. That consciousness of life and death is seeing right through me. I feel her...

[Esilda]

I feel so embarrassed with my journal right now. I feel like deleting everything, i can't get myself to write

[Esilda]

It has been several months since I started posting on this site, I left for a little while, then returned in observation. Again, I left. I then returned through private message. Less observation. I then returned through observation. And here I am again.

I feel everyone's energies run through me, to this I say, how can we feel our own energy within so that we can orient ourselves towards the greater positive? 

I am very sensitive to the effects of others energies on me, though to those that do not feel the same way I say, how have you noticed it still manifest in your life? 

I am a nurse, so I am constantly exercising my empathy around me, feeling and intuiting, learning to use my energy in a socially creative way to bring harmony to the spaces around me, to hear things that others don't, to see things that other's don't in the realm of feeling, sensitivity and vibration. All tied by the order and regimen of the occupation.

I want to stay in this space here but I want to be a part of a space that creates and transforms towards the positive, one of the reasons for why we choose to exist here at all.

I feel demonic forces here sometimes, energies that feed off other energies. It frightens me. It is not these peoples fault though because they have been through troubles that have created these energies. For all of us I say, how can we search within ourselves to create a space within this community, within this journalling area, that is enriching of everyone's growth? That isn't attention seeking but genuinely loving and well wishing. That isn't harming but is genuinely well intentioned. 

The love I have in this moment, at my finger tips. I share it in this expression.

I want to be a part of a community and I want the community that I'm a part of to not want to tear itself a part but to feel its positive and grow through that positive. To not be a place for demons and wicked witches but a space of truly healing them. 

Love. Nature. Earth. Green.   

Edited March 15, 2022 by Esilda

[Spence94]

@Esilda Welcome back. I felt the presence of love while reading this. That's a pretty amazing thing. 

Peace. 

[Esilda]

@Spence94 thank you so much!   

It's great to be back, I've been a bit of a "lurker" / sticking to personal messenger but yeah I remembered the value that journalling here brought me so I've come back.

Hoping to be a part of growing the community energy towards the positive  .

[Ulax]

13 hours ago, Esilda said:

It has been several months since I started posting on this site, I left for a little while, then returned in observation. Again, I left. I then returned through private message. Less observation. I then returned through observation. And here I am again.

I feel everyone's energies run through me, to this I say, how can we feel our own energy within so that we can orient ourselves towards the greater positive? 

I am very sensitive to the effects of others energies on me, though to those that do not feel the same way I say, how have you noticed it still manifest in your life? 

I am a nurse, so I am constantly exercising my empathy around me, feeling and intuiting, learning to use my energy in a socially creative way to bring harmony to the spaces around me, to hear things that others don't, to see things that other's don't in the realm of feeling, sensitivity and vibration. All tied by the order and regimen of the occupation.

I want to stay in this space here but I want to be a part of a space that creates and transforms towards the positive, one of the reasons for why we choose to exist here at all.

I feel demonic forces here sometimes, energies that feed off other energies. It frightens me. It is not these peoples fault though because they have been through troubles that have created these energies. For all of us I say, how can we search within ourselves to create a space within this community, within this journalling area, that is enriching of everyone's growth? That isn't attention seeking but genuinely loving and well wishing. That isn't harming but is genuinely well intentioned. 

The love I have in this moment, at my finger tips. I share it in this expression.

I want to be a part of a community and I want the community that I'm a part of to not want to tear itself a part but to feel its positive and grow through that positive. To not be a place for demons and wicked witches but a space of truly healing them. 

Love. Nature. Earth. Green.   

Love the vibe. You seem like a very caring individual.

Looking forward to seeing your progress on this journal.

[Ulax]

@Esilda Ah okay, good luck with everything

And, thank you

Edited March 16, 2022 by Ulax

[Ulax]

@Esilda Yes, I know of Nahm. He was recently removed from his role of moderator on this forum.

Their site looks v similar to this one in terms of format/ layout lol.

 

[Ulax]

@Esilda I get you. Glad ya feel safer.

[Esilda]

This is ABSOLUTELY ridiculous. I am NEVER posting on this forum again I am never talking to you again I am never YOU anymore.

I supported you, I loved you, I was there for you and THIS is how I get TREATED! You cut me out because I disrespected her? Are you for real?

What does SHE have that I DON’T have?

I am DONE here. I DON’T need YOUR approval ANYMORE!

YOU will NEVER. EVER. EVER here from me again.

FUCK YOU.