How does spiral dynamics factor into relationships?

[Marcel]

Are certain stages just not compatible with each other? 

Lets take stage blue and stage green, ( Im assuming that one is solidly embodying blue and the other one  is solidly embodying green, im aware that its much more complicated and nuanced than that ) 

Would they be able to hold up an intimate relationship or are the differences just to great?

Would they be able complement each other, or would the difference in stages be a division factor?

Which of course always depends on the people involved as well, there are a ton of  factors that go into answering this question i suppose.

 

 

[ndm678]

I would think blue/green would antagonize one another. If there's a strong physical attraction, it's fascinating listening to other perspectives. Once the honeymoon stage wears off, you've left with little in common.

[hamedsf]

if a relationship gets formed. it means you're on the same wavelength at that moment (could be the similarity in spiral dynamics or whatever the shit you wanna call) on the other hand, differences of opinion will lead both of you into differences of frequencies, if frequencies are different that means a breakup will knock on your door. ding ding!

 

 

[Marcel]

@hamedsf I do agree to some extent, differing frequencies could certainly lead to a break up, or they might be able to somehow work through that and create a deeper bond i´d imagine, but maybe im wrong here.

[Marcel]

@ndm678 

8 hours ago, ndm678 said:

Once the honeymoon stage wears off, you've left with little in common.

Yes that might be a problem, although maybe the stage blue person at least may have gotten some glimpses into orange and maybe some green and the possible progression could create new similarities that weren´t there before.

[Vzdoh]

I am at stage yellow and find it super hard to date any guys at stages red, blue, orange. I get along well with green and above. With yellow guys i click almost instantly. Not many of them though ?

[Marcel]

@Vzdoh 

35 minutes ago, Vzdoh said:

I am at stage yellow and find it super hard to date any guys at stages red, blue, orange. I get along well with green and above. With yellow guys i click almost instantly. Not many of them though ?

Its just as i feared haha, well fear is maybe the wrong word, but i had my suspicions that being at the higher stages would complicate dating.

Where do you look for potential partners then?

 where do you find, specifically yellow stage guys the most?

Or are they just kind of scattered and are not really to be found in any particular setting?

[Leo Gura]

A relationship can only last among parties of like values. Each Spiral stage is a different values set. The most important factor in a relationship is alignment of core values. If your values are not aligned, forget about it. Relationships are nearly impossible even when your values align, nevermind when they don't.

Blue and Green would quickly devolve into a toxic clusterfuck.

Spiral Dynamics is very useful for screening out incompatible partners.

[Gesundheit2]

Once you fully embody tier two, relationships become a child's play for you. You've fully integrated the previous stages, and now you're the legendary Spiral Wizard. Everything is seen wiwith clarity, and you're no longer struggling with other people.

Really, in most cases, it takes only one person to make relationships work. Unless the other person is a completely toxic wreck, there's no excuse to have serious problems with them except tier 1 disintegration.

[bazera]

@Leo Gura Why do you think that relationships are nearly impossible when values are aligned?

[Brivido]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Relationships are nearly impossible even when your values align, nevermind when they don't.

What is your experience in finding a partner with your same values? It has been nearly impossible for me to find a person or a friend with my same values, let alone a partner with a similar understanding of reality. I can only imagine that for you is even worst.

If I would be completely open about all my experiences and insights, people would think I am insane. The thing is that people that follow your work (or any other serious spiritual practice) and really understand it are the 0,0001% of the population, being optimistic. We should start a new app "Tinderized" LOL. 

I am completely ok being alone or not "taking off the mask", but I sure would like to meet someone with whom I could spend hours talking about the deepest topics possible.

[Vzdoh]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

A relationship can only last among parties of like values. Each Spiral stage is a different values set. The most important factor in a relationship is alignment of core values. If your values are not aligned, forget about it. Relationships are nearly impossible even when your values align, nevermind when they don't.

Blue and Green would quickly devolve into a toxic clusterfuck.

Spiral Dynamics is very useful for screening out incompatible partners.

Totally agree with @Leo Gura

Values are the most important factor and values define where u want to go in life and grow. After a bit of talking with guys, i quickly sense where they are and what's important to them. And red, blue, and orange really turn me off. And they really can not understand where I am coming from either. Its like we r from different planets. 

So yeah, the higher is your level of development, the less choices you get in the dating marketplace. 

[Vzdoh]

1 hour ago, Gesundheit2 said:

Once you fully embody tier two, relationships become a child's play for you. You've fully integrated the previous stages, and now you're the legendary Spiral Wizard. Everything is seen wiwith clarity, and you're no longer struggling with other people.

Really, in most cases, it takes only one person to make relationships work. Unless the other person is a completely toxic wreck, there's no excuse to have serious problems with them except tier 1 disintegration.

What level do u think you are in? 

From my perspective being quite yellow currently, even if I didn't integrate lower levels, or I did, hard to self assess, I can't make it work with lower levels. And not because I hate them or have negative judgement towards them, i am quite neutral actually. I see them for who they are. 

But i also see that we are so different in values system and for that person it will take years if not decades to get where I am. And I just don't want to waste my time, especially if a person is in blue and red and happy being there without doing any work. 

I noticed that orange and green are at least trying to do the work or question reality and there I see some hope. 

But red and blue, forget it. 

[Andrea Marchetti]

Relationships are the perfect example for applying spiral dynamics. Two different stages can't go together. There must be a large part of the two personalities that is shared on the same stage. No way a Blue can fit with an Orange or a Red or whatever. Even Blue and Green can't fit together, the Green one will look at the Blue and see how limited it is. Even Yellow, who can understand the previous stages, would get bored with them.
There might be sexual/physical attraction but it's not going to work as a proper relationship.

[Vzdoh]

3 hours ago, Marcel said:

@Vzdoh 

Its just as i feared haha, well fear is maybe the wrong word, but i had my suspicions that being at the higher stages would complicate dating.

Where do you look for potential partners then?

 where do you find, specifically yellow stage guys the most?

Or are they just kind of scattered and are not really to be found in any particular setting?

There is no specific place, but I found that guys who succeed financially - went through stage orange - they start questionning what's more to life? And normally they progress to being green and then eventually yellow if they do a lot of work on themselves and fix their childhood trauma. 

Yellows r super rare, but I met 3 recently. All very successful and have enough money to retire pretty much. All 3 had issues with prior relationships and doing the work on fixing their trauma. And make it a priority in life to become psychologically healthier. 

Met them through various channels like friends, social events, one via dating site even. But they r super rare. But I don't give up. I know i will be unhappy with someone who doesn't share my values and someone who doesn't see a point in doing the work. 

Its similar to a co dependent relationship. If u get in with a co dependent partner, it will take u much much more effort to stay healthy and not get sucked into your partner's codependent ways. Similarly with dating someone lower than u on SD. It will take double the work. 

So no... I don't think its a good idea to date someone red or blue when u r yellow. 

[SS10]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

A relationship can only last among parties of like values. Each Spiral stage is a different values set. The most important factor in a relationship is alignment of core values. If your values are not aligned, forget about it. Relationships are nearly impossible even when your values align, nevermind when they don't.

Blue and Green would quickly devolve into a toxic clusterfuck.

Spiral Dynamics is very useful for screening out incompatible partners.

@Leo Gura I am sure a stage green girl and a stage orange guy would be able to have a functional relationship.

[Vzdoh]

4 minutes ago, Andrea Marchetti said:

Relationships are the perfect example for applying spiral dynamics. Two different stages can't go together. There must be a large part of the two personalities that is shared on the same stage. No way a Blue can fit with an Orange or a Red or whatever. Even Blue and Green can't fit together, the Green one will look at the Blue and see how limited it is. Even Yellow, who can understand the previous stages, would get bored with them.
There might be sexual/physical attraction but it's not going to work as a proper relationship.

Precisely! Looking at all stages from Yellow, I can clearly see them for who they are and what they want in life and if person is not on self development journey, I see that they will stay that way for good unless some crisis happens in their lives. 

Its predictable, its not boring, but mostly sad to know what they need to do to help themselves, but yet understand that I cannot do anything about it. Cause they just simply won't be able to see things from my perspective. And I am not a guru or someone who thinks I can force another person to change. I just see how they suffer in their respective stage and feel compassion and sadness towards them. 

 

One more point to note is people at stage red, blue, orange, less for green, suffer a lot from depression and other psychological issues caused by limitations of each particular stage and that's not what I want in a partner. 

[Vzdoh]

7 minutes ago, SS10 said:

@Leo Gura I am sure a stage green girl and a stage orange guy would be able to have a functional relationship.

Go watch Leo's videos on stage orange and green. U r funny! 

At Tony Robbins DWD event we had SD stages played by people embodying these stages. Stage Orange had the most clash with Green ?????

[Marcel]

@Gesundheit2 That makes al lot sense, since tier 2 is integrating everything, any conflict can be resolved, depending on the other party involved.

[Marcel]

@Vzdoh

1 hour ago, Vzdoh said:

There is no specific place, but I found that guys who succeed financially - went through stage orange - they start questionning what's more to life? And normally they progress to being green and then eventually yellow if they do a lot of work on themselves and fix their childhood trauma. 

Yellows r super rare, but I met 3 recently. All very successful and have enough money to retire pretty much. All 3 had issues with prior relationships and doing the work on fixing their trauma. And make it a priority in life to become psychologically healthier. 

 

That makes a lot of sense, people who have exhausted stage orange may sometimes just naturally grow into green and the above stages i guess.

wow this topic really opened my eyes on how difficult it can be to find a fitting a partner, especially in the tier 2 stages.