Marcel

No interest in dating or social life

32 posts in this topic

Hey there.

Im a 22 year old male, ( Im an only child by the way, if that somehow matters )  never been in a relationship, never dated anyone, never even got around to holding hands as a teen. I would not consider myself to be  antisocial, but i do not socialize at all and barely have any friends or acquaintances, i literally have just two numbers on my phone, that i text once in a blue moon.

Im not depressed or feel self pity or anything like that, im not even looking for any dating or socializing advice per se, i just feel happy and fulfilled how things are going right now and dont feel the need to change something.

I spent most of my time alone, except when im hanging out or eat dinner with the family. The only thing that really excites me is understanding things, i just love learning about and understanding how reality works, everything else almost pales in comparison. 

But i have been wondering about this for quite a while, am i not missing out on relationships, sex, intimacy etc.? I´d assume that just socializing for that matter, would certainly benefit me in my quest to understand things and would result in a lot of growth, furthering the understanding i so desire, but i just cant bring myself to even want to meet, let alone date anybody. 

Again, i do not feel lonely, depressed or lost, not at all, but almost feels like i am weirding myself out, or maybe im just battling social and cultural conditioning, if that makes any sense. 

Any thoughts on this? 

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Maybe you're very introverted and that's why you don't feel lonely or lost.. Maybe you love being by yourself which is completely fine. 

Is there something else holding you back? 

Do you feel uncomfortable or anxious around people? Do you suffer social anxiety? 

Do you think that people are beneath you or not good enough to talk to? 

Or could it be that you never found some compatible person to get along with, on your wavelength / frequency that you could talk to? 

Or you simply lack practice. 

Only you can tell what's going on in your mind when you think of people. 

 


I'm a leftist liberal SJW. INFJ-T loner... .shy girl..@marcel :x.............My name is Hannu. I'm reserved and shy and introverted and sensitive girl. Please be careful about how you talk to me. Only responds to respectful vibes. ✿۞✿•.¸¸.•*`*•✿✿۞✿✿•.¸¸.•*`*•.•✿☼۞۞☼✿•.•*`*•.¸¸.•✿✿۞✿✿

Quick access to journal entries

 

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@Marcel If you don't have any desire to become intimate with somebody, this is a non-issue. 

Forge relationships with people when you feel like it, in the meantime, do you and don't ask for permission to do you.

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You probably have some autistic tendencies. I do also, and have felt exactly like you for most of my life, until recently.

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Your still young try and go create relationships with others and date, you don't want to regret not moving out your comfort zone in your 20's

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@Marcel My fav type of peeps. 

Somehow they tend to manifest their hero to save them. 

Reached 10k won that game. 

Instead of hurricane just mocking you guys. 

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if you watch leo's latest video he says you have to be perfectly fine with the 1-person universe, your bliss your joy your wonder must come from your own source

but then from this position of invulnerability, i would say you have to bring your experience to the world at large in some way shape or form

seems you are at stage 1, take your time young man and figure it all out

godspeed to you

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Hard to say you don't desire something if you haven't really experienced much of it. Most people dating around your age have no idea what they want and are immature. Still there is a lot of experience to be gained there. It would probably grow you a lot to go gain some experience here. Even the fact that you are posting this would suggest that you are leaning towards getting more into dating. Otherwise, you would have just continued on with your life without a partner and there would be nothing to ponder here. 

Do a bit of research on dating techniques. Don't overdo it and stay away from any redpill garbage. Then go experience it for yourself. You'll only know through direct experience if this is something worthwhile. 

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Posted (edited)

People seem to have different varying degrees of desire/ need for intimacy and connection.

I grew up feeling the same way as you. It baffled me how obsessed people were with socialization when I was more interested in other stuff like

meditation, 

personal development books, introspection etc. I could enjoy socialization but it wasn't that deep of a need within me.

 

Being grounded and chill alone and having interest in the deeper aspects of reality seems like a strength to me.

 

I do think it is valuable to engage in relationships with a few quality people if you can because there are valuable ways you grow from 

feeling and expressing your feelings with people that is just not possible alone. 

It took me a while to actualIy learn and accept this because I was convinced that if I just max out on consciousness through solo spiritual practices

I would become a fully actualized human being.

It turns out a massive amount of growth and an entire dimension of awareness was missing from me being able to bust myself out of

my comfort zone socially simply because I was convinced I didn't need it.

I discovered its not just a need. When you open your heart through breaking out of your comfort zone consciously it opens you up to new dimensions

of experience. Heart awakening/ emotional availability is a must have for a complete path to full awakening/ fulfillment

Edited by Byun Sean

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@RendHeaven Not consistently, sometimes yes and sometimes not at all, its a bit of a wavy pattern.

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This might be true for you, but take the possibility it is actually not true, that you can find excitement in those things.

I can personally relate to what you said. I was very uninterested in relationships (still, to some degree) and sex. Now I'm interested in sex and relationship (not finding a partner, but more like friends).

I could never imagine myself that I would be interested in those things.

Basically it was a process of slowly slowly discovering my authentic self through meditation work. It was quite a surprise for me, but also not so. I was excited, yet it seemed kind of like it was always natural to me, just deeply suppressed as to even not consider it as a possibility.

Continue with the work you're doing, your search for understanding, you curiousity, your meditation work. It might come back and actually help. Just keep going with the intention of becoming more authentic

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@Preety_India Im certainly pretty introverted, i seldom miss company. I dont have anxiety, at least i dont think so, but maybe there are some subconscious limiting beliefs that i am currently not aware of. Yes i do sometimes catch myself in the thinking that people are beneath me, maybe thats one of the reasons  why i dont generally seek out conversations, also i wouldnt know what to talk about, probably a symptom of not having enough practice haha. I do believe i´ve never really met anyone that is compatible with me and I certainly lack experience, i mean i have never asked anyone out in my entire life, some experience and testing certainly wouldnt hurt me.

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1 hour ago, Average Investor said:

Hard to say you don't desire something if you haven't really experienced much of it.

@Average Investor That is a very good point, direct experience is king as Leo would say. I should probably just have some fun with this process,

I don´t even know what red pill is, but thanks for the heads up.

 

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1 hour ago, Byun Sean said:

I do think it is valuable to engage in relationships with a few quality people if you can because there are valuable ways you grow from 

feeling and expressing your feelings with people that is just not possible alone. 

It took me a while to actualIy learn and accept this because I was convinced that if I just max out on consciousness through solo spiritual practices

I would become a fully actualized human being.

 

@Byun Sean

I had / have the exact same thought process, "if i just max out consciousness and become fully actualized everything else will take care of itself. "

Which, in hindsight, is complete delusion and wishful thinking, a feel good fantasy so to speak.

Its very fascinating to see that i am not the only one who had / has this thought process.

 

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@fopylo I think im the exact opposite when it comes to relationships, sleeping around casually, friendship plus, one night stands etc. don´t feel right to me at all. Whenever i do think about relationships once in a while, i can only imagine myself being in a long term intimate relationship, but this train of thought  is all theory and mental masturbation on my part, having some experience in this sector could and probably will prove my thinking wrong.

Will definitely keep up the curiosity, meditation, and so on, i certainly still dont really feel authentic.

 

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Posted (edited)

Ha, I liked your post, and can definitely relate to your story. I'm sharing about myself for in case that might put some things for yourself in a slightly better feeling perspective. I'm quite a quiet and peaceful person, and always liked being by myself. I generally just feel much more peaceful that way. Only very recently found that the term 'highly sensitive person' seems to apply to me, which partly explains why I often liked being alone, because being with other people on this planet can come with some unease for me. In terms of dating, I would also feel an intimate and long term relationship matches better with me. Anyway, about 9 or 10 years I rolled into spirituality and I was pretty much constantly busy with that from that point. I messed around a little with girls before, but not that much. Sometimes the thought would come up during my business with spirituality about if I shouldn't date a girl, but no one really landed on my path and I didn't feel like making work of it. Sometimes the thought would come up, but it would pretty much just stay with a thought. Then 2 years ago I thought 'okay, maybe I'm missing out on this dating thing' and I'm missing out on some development. So I dated a bit, had a bit of sex with some female but in the end it didn't seem to work out, so we ended things. Met up with someone after that but the energy just wasn't quite there. In hindsight, as is usually the case, I suppose I'm glad I did it, even just so I'm more at ease with not spending effort at it now. 
My thoughts on how to do life now are just going with the flow, going with the current of creation. Doing what's most attractive, good feeling in the moment and not doing things out of a trying to get something or trying to make something happen or from a neediness or whatever. My understanding of that is is that if you go with the current, the stream, all will unfold in a way just right for you

Edited by Waken

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@Marcel Yeah, this is exactly it. You don't want those at all because your thinking doesn't even entertain that idea, it has different priorities.

When I imagine intimate relationships I also imagine long term and that idea turns me off. I just don't feel like this is right for me for where I am. If I'm really honest, I care for getting experience and having sex with different partners without having to be loyal to them. Maybe somewhere along this path it will lead me to want a girlfriend. It's all about discovering your most authentic self with baby steps.

If you being the most authentic means you will have tons of sex, this doesn't mean to be resistant of it and hate that idea. The thing is that the moment you get there it you will feel actually very good.

Remember, after all, it's your authentic self, and being authentic feels free and cool

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8 hours ago, Marcel said:

@Byun Sean

I had / have the exact same thought process, "if i just max out consciousness and become fully actualized everything else will take care of itself. "

Which, in hindsight, is complete delusion and wishful thinking, a feel good fantasy so to speak.

Its very fascinating to see that i am not the only one who had / has this thought process.

 

it turns out the full opening of the heart chakra IS a dimension of consciousness which is only largely available by working with people.

 

I think the reason it isn't discussed as much is because most people seem to have the opposite issue with turning inward to solo spiritual work and

keep distracting themselves with too much socialization.

 

 

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