StarStruck

How to deal with girls wanting favors and treats

112 posts in this topic

13 hours ago, StarStruck said:

So I took this girl for ice cream and she said she also want a hamburger and 5 minutes later she also wanted fries and then something else. 

My intention was just to buy ice cream. I bought her a hamburger out of niceness but then she wanted more and I said no but it kind of killed the mood a little bit. 

How could I handle this situation in the future? I think she sensed I was a nice guy. 

In bars girls ask for drinks too. It is easy to say no but how can I say no and not ruin the mood and still get her. That is what I'm asking. 

As a general rule, don't buy girls anything unless you sleep with them or are dating them.

If you're on a date and/or there is some clear sexual tension and attraction - buying drinks is okay. If they are interested they will often reciprocate and buy you a drink as well afterwards (at least in Europe).

If you buy her something and she's explicitely asks for something else, leave her. Don't expect your dates to work straight out of the box. Some of the girls you meet will be completely crazy and or might exploit you. That's related to their not so good personality and you should aim to screen those.

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15 hours ago, StarStruck said:

So I took this girl for ice cream and she said she also want a hamburger and 5 minutes later she also wanted fries and then something else. 

My intention was just to buy ice cream. I bought her a hamburger out of niceness but then she wanted more and I said no but it kind of killed the mood a little bit. 

How could I handle this situation in the future? I think she sensed I was a nice guy. 

In bars girls ask for drinks too. It is easy to say no but how can I say no and not ruin the mood and still get her. That is what I'm asking. 

Hahaha you should try findom that will give you a taste of the dinamics of beta behaviour


A thought can´t ever tell you how you feel.

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8 hours ago, ivankiss said:

Of course women don't owe me sex. And I do not owe them anything, either.

Still; I give and I recieve.

It is my absolute joy and pleasure to treat the girl I'm seeing, take her out for nice dinners, buy her cute, little presents, etc. I'm not doing any of that to get sex. At least not directly. I do it because I like it. It feels good, to both of us.

But if I sense any sort of entitlement or bitchiness from the girl, I'm out the door sooner than she can blink.

@ivankiss @Mason Riggle 

This is the type of attitude in guys I am looking for. Guy must feel awesome to do little things for his GF and treat her well. I do the same in the relationship where I try my best to do little things for my guy 😁

But guy's attitude like hey we r equal and I do not owe u anything and we should do 50/50 after you are my GF, I will break up. That's not how I want to be treated. 

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I think because of my own background, in the past I've tended not to feel comfortable with guys buying me things. Even while dating, especially if it's more expensive gifts, and even if we've been dating for a very long time. I feel like I got indoctrinated pretty hard in retrospect here. It used to make me feel like a prostitute (I always like to add that I have nothing against sex workers at all, but in the context of my parents, very VERY uncomfortable.)

But I tend to be sensitive to the perceived energy/ intention projected. For example, if it's clear that you're giving me something because you want something in return, like it's super transactional, pass. Likewise, emanating cheap/ stingy vibes isn't that appealing either. Look. a person can easily be both emotionally stingy as well as cheap in the traditional way. And that is definitely a turn off.

 

 

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@Vzdoh absolutely. I'll gladly treat my date. I'll offer the burger and fries before she asks. 

I think the OP was referring specifically to situations where the girl asks for or expects 'treats and favors'. 

Open your own door, but if I pay attention to your actual needs and desires and fulfill those, I don't need fake chivalry, and you won't have to ask for treats. 

I expect the same in return. If I'm not fulfilled, it's my choice to leave, and I don't owe any other explanations. I offer you the same understanding. I won't ask you for shit. But I will appreciate what you offer.  

 


"I could be the walrus. I'd still have to bum rides off people."

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Posted (edited)

@Preety_India I'm not. I think there's chivalry and fake chivalry. 

Edited by Mason Riggle

"I could be the walrus. I'd still have to bum rides off people."

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Just joke with her that you're a feminist and believe in equality, which includes equality of the bill LOL.

Seems to work well for me. She'll forget all about being hungry when you're arguing with each other! xD

But yea that's a bit of a red flag anyways. A healthy independent woman would just pay for their own if they wanted something extra..... not try to push things and act pissy or awkward when they don't get what they want. In that case you are dating a girl, not a woman.

Also I know you're still learning but you need to not get stuck in getting overzealous that "nice guy" is synonymous with "bad". You can still be genuinely nice, and have a calm peaceful demeanor and garner respect. It's done by being tactful and smart about which boundaries need to be set, and when. Have a piercing sharpness about your decisions that is so clear they can feel it.


"Your mind can never change, unless you ask it to. Lovingly rearrange, the thoughts that make you blue."

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14 hours ago, Vzdoh said:

@StarStruck @Mason Riggle 

 

When a grown as adult wants unconditional love from someone without doing anything, for me it means he is still a boy inside and needs mommy to love him unconditionally 😝😝😝

That is what I want to be honest and it is not healthy. I need to work on that.

 

14 hours ago, Emerald said:

I would say to just go along with the demands if it's not too crazy money-wise. Get her the ice cream, the hamburger, the fries, etc.

But then, just don't go out on another date with that woman. It seems like a bit of a red flag to demand something on a first date. 

Either that, or you can go on one more date and see if the demanding behavior repeats itself. 

Pickup guys I know pay until they get in her pants. If sex is the only thing you want as a guy that is the best way to go.

 

14 hours ago, Mason Riggle said:

@Vzdoh good thing I'm not trying to date you.  I don't enjoy spending time with such materialistic people.  You don't know what my situation was at the time, or what other value I might bring to the table.  

Some people can be ruthless. They see a man as an extension of their own survival. They don't see them as a person in their own.

14 hours ago, ivankiss said:

Of course women don't owe me sex. And I do not owe them anything, either.

Still; I give and I recieve.

It is my absolute joy and pleasure to treat the girl I'm seeing, take her out for nice dinners, buy her cute, little presents, etc. I'm not doing any of that to get sex. At least not directly. I do it because I like it. It feels good, to both of us.

But if I sense any sort of entitlement or bitchiness from the girl, I'm out the door sooner than she can blink.

Would you still buy them gifts if they didn't give you sex though?

12 hours ago, flowboy said:

@StarStruck True, but it's not really about the informational content, rather the emotional content.

I can talk about IT in a way that is entertaining to girls, people rather, who don't understand the subject at all.

Because I talk about how it makes me feel, I express a wide range of emotions in the stories I tell. So following along is like an epic adventure, even if you have no idea what those words mean.

It is necessary to not just share your information, but also (most importantly) share your emotional experience.

Being stoic is not helpful.

The range of emotions you talk about should be a healthy mix of exciting, cool, heart-warming, and some sad, and some scary, et cetera.

If you fail to express feelings that are connected to stories, you won't have a lot of successful dates.

I get that but me being stoic is not a choice. It has become part of my personality. It is not that I don't have emotions so probably I could train to be more emotionally exuberant. Seduction happens on the emotional level so I know this is my Achilles heal.

 

 


My journal on self-actualization, relationships and dating:

Pickup Express Journal

 

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16 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

I get that but me being stoic is not a choice. It has become part of my personality. It is not that I don't have emotions so probably I could train to be more emotionally exuberant. Seduction happens on the emotional level so I know this is my Achilles heal.

Understandable. As a defense mechanism against being affected by too much negativity, it's totally working.

It also defends against making connections with people, and being relatable to girls, though.

Doesn't have to go away overnight. Just knowing that that is what you eventually need to develop out of, is enough. Take it one step at a time.


I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

https://calendly.com/erik-coaching/add-coaching-free-strategy-consult

Besides that, ♂ I offer single breakthrough calls for men on social life, dating, relationships and sexuality.

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6 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Would you still buy them gifts if they didn't give you sex though?

If I'm aiming to get the girl to be in a relationship with me, then yes.

If she's just a potential fuck buddy, then no. Or at least not for long.

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