If Reality is already Love, what is the point in socializing? + Trip report

[Javfly33]

Im on holidays staying at my mom's house, in the town I was born and raised.

Sometimes I feel alone in my room at night and I feel I should have done done proper socialization the previous day to have been able to get a date with a girl or have some friends to go have a drink that night. Just to avoid the pain of feeling alone. I don't have a problem with being alone usually, but in this case, being in my town triggers some trauma points of my ego. 

I feel this necesity of feeling finally "One"/Loved/Accepted with the people of the city I was born. I don't know why but my ego , since I was I think ~14 years old, constructed a story about how this city sucked and the people of this city were losers and different than me and basically "I was too cool for them". Of course this was a defense mechanism of the ego due to trauma I suppose, but I fucking believed that shit for the next ~10 years almost, which costed me not socializing almost at all during the years which you are supposed to go more parting, having the first dates with girls, etc. I also changed city a lot because "this city was not for me". (In fact I don't live here)

However in my last 5-MeO-DMT (although I had done already some progress before that year) I had a powerful vision of being ONE with the people of my city. It was particularly meaningful because I had been judging (and feeling judged) by the people of my city, (the city in general, I thought this city was lame, boring, etc). And suddenly 5-MeO put me to the ground to have sex in an orgasm of metaphysical love with my the people of my city. I felt so United with everyone. It was so meaningful, fucking beautiful, that was pure art from God what I experienced. ?FUCK?

And now I think, why stress out of having someone or some girl to have a date with, if at the end of the day we Are One For Ever For Eternity ? Hahahaha. 

I guess it depends on your state of consciousness. You must have realized the truth endless times to finally believe the unbelievable, that you can't ever get Love because love is not a thing you can get, is what reality is. 

Thanks for reading ?

[Javfly33]

Of course by this I'm not trying to encourage avoiding mastering socialization, but saying that socialization should come from a place of joy (you want to share stuff with people) or desire to improve an aspect of yourself which eventually will make your life more profound and according to your true nature, rather than socializing because of feeling "incomplete" from a place of scarcity.

[mandyjw]

Used to feel the same about where I live, particularly hated the town I ended up moving to. I remember after having a few releases and dropping judging thoughts I went to a big event where everyone was crowded together and sort of tapping into the energy of the gathering. Crazy love. 

[Matthew85]

@Javfly33 There is no should or shouldn't. You can choose to explore anything you wish. But, I would suggest you wanted the richness and diversity of experiences a human life can provide, or you wouldn't have created it. 

[iboughtleosbooklist]

All you can do is play your role. You'll know what the next step is ?