Confidence creates suffering in me

[Kalki Avatar]

I just discovered that the reason I mostly suffer unconsciously is because I dont want to let go of my confidence. Because if I do, alot of things will fall off in my life. Like it kinda happened in the past when I was not confident because I was very inwardly in the spiritual path. 

Does anyone have any idea how to deal with this existential problem of confidence and being in the world?

Its like one or the other. Either I suffer but handle my survival and enviornments. Or I dont suffer but loose ability in the world. Unless I reach complete self-realization in the process. 

[BipolarGrowth]

You’re always going to be confident in something. Most people are confident that they suck ass. Some are confident that they don’t. Both aren’t really the point although I find overconfidence is eventually better for producing results than even accurate humility is. You have to be willing to put possible delusions to the test and examine them carefully though still to utilize overconfident possibilities in a way that could help. 
 

I’d say your best bet to resolve this is to deepen into spiritual practice as much as you can. All of this conflict is coming due to you not understanding no-self deeply enough. If you drop the attachment to confidence, I have a feeling this will not negatively affect your life for anything but a short period of time if even that. Losing attachment to confidence doesn’t mean you have no confidence or lose the ability to function successfully. It just means that you have recognized that feeling like you must be confident is not going to help you in the long run. 

[Gianna]

Letting go of yourself completely takes an extraordinary amount of confidence. Actually, I would call it courage. Courage is what transcends when you let go of your need/guard/shield of confidence– that which you are clinging to.

Consider that your confidence now is not actually confidence, it is fear. Only those who are in fear need confidence. The flipside of confidence is knowing. When you are in a state of knowing, you do not need 'confidence'.  So allow yourself to be in a state of knowing and of not needing. Because this is your natural state of being. You are all-knowing because you are self-knowing. You do not need this silly attachment to confidence. You need to listen to your body and your higher state of awareness that is pointing you away from the need for 'confidence'. Let yourself unfold into your natural state of being. Let go of your confidence and you will ironically become the most confident person in the world. You will become defenseless, at ease, and in a state of eternal peace. Because that is what you ARE when you let go of all that you are not.   

Edited July 28, 2021 by Gianna

[Nahm]

@Kalki Avatar

Wondering if you use the word confidence in a unique way. It’s pretty weird word as it is. It can refer to excitement, and also to ignorance, but doesn’t necessarily imply it. Might be a connotation tangle at play.  Maybe the suffering is more motive driven, or whatever the opposite of confidence is might be held in some subtle belief, making it seem as if confidence is necessary. 

[Kalki Avatar]

On 28/7/2021 at 2:05 PM, BipolarGrowth said:

You’re always going to be confident in something. Most people are confident that they suck ass. Some are confident that they don’t. Both aren’t really the point although I find overconfidence is eventually better for producing results than even accurate humility is. You have to be willing to put possible delusions to the test and examine them carefully though still to utilize overconfident possibilities in a way that could help. 
 

I’d say your best bet to resolve this is to deepen into spiritual practice as much as you can. All of this conflict is coming due to you not understanding no-self deeply enough. If you drop the attachment to confidence, I have a feeling this will not negatively affect your life for anything but a short period of time if even that. Losing attachment to confidence doesn’t mean you have no confidence or lose the ability to function successfully. It just means that you have recognized that feeling like you must be confident is not going to help you in the long run. 

The thing is that I know its not sustainable in the long run, but its really effective in this moment. The confidence im talking about is self-belief/core certainty.

My enviornments require lots of confidence to thrive in them. Work, family and even my law degree that will be done this december. In the past I felt very confused even inside true clarity because I did not knew how to ground my mind. It was always changing and going blanc. It was pretty hard to remember and be functional to the level im now...

In your case specially, is there a feeling of certainty? Any feeling of confidence? What practices do you do to stay grounded? The problem is not loosing the confidence. Its the risk of doing it now. But i need to balance it out, Im loosing almost all my perception. I feel like a blind diamond right now. 

On 28/7/2021 at 3:40 PM, Gianna said:

Letting go of yourself completely takes an extraordinary amount of confidence. Actually, I would call it courage. Courage is what transcends when you let go of your need/guard/shield of confidence– that which you are clinging to.

Consider that your confidence now is not actually confidence, it is fear. Only those who are in fear need confidence. The flipside of confidence is knowing. When you are in a state of knowing, you do not need 'confidence'.  So allow yourself to be in a state of knowing and of not needing. Because this is your natural state of being. You are all-knowing because you are self-knowing. You do not need this silly attachment to confidence. You need to listen to your body and your higher state of awareness that is pointing you away from the need for 'confidence'. Let yourself unfold into your natural state of being. Let go of your confidence and you will ironically become the most confident person in the world. You will become defenseless, at ease, and in a state of eternal peace. Because that is what you ARE when you let go of all that you are not.   

Are you in this state of no confidence right now? What is your experience in relation to it right now? 

I have done that in the past, not needing confidence is not really the problem. I dont need to feel trapped to feel secure. Its really about other side things, like having a grounded mind in relation to my life situations. If I drop my confidence at this moment, lot of things will change that I may not know how to manage. The risk is not so much in loosing the confidence, but exactly at which moment. Because lots of karmas can desenvolve out of this. For example, I can not influence, socialize with high skill or even manipulate if I loose the confidence, which then a chain of things will start to fall in my life. Creating a chaos inside of another chaos. People unconscious minds can read my being in nano seconds to know how they can interact with me. If they feel I have no shield, a weak one, see my vulnerabilities, by instinct they will try to take some advantage out of me. It has happened alot in the past. It is really tiring trying to go your own way while others dont understand you. Their expectations dont match with my behaviours and it can really get annoying or even into trouble. Another thing is, I can set boundaries. Being a temporary mind is really effective in comparison to being in Mid spiritual path. The True confidence you speak of, only truly comes in avance stages of the path where you have stabilized in non duality, no coming back. If not you will be shaky and weak in the eyes of others. Also, girls and people are seduced by my confidence. Its like magnet. I dont even need to try to impress, look too good, show money, etc. Its like people can instantly feel my presence and energy and everything changes. I can feel girls wanting to get fck by me just by their stare at me. You know how hard it is to make money without confidence or sell an idea... I mean this are some of the positive sides of it inside the survival paradigm. Ofc you dont need this in higher consciousness, but the thing is that the more I upgrade my consciousness the trickier it gets to handle my cultural enviornments, people, chores, etc. Its very risky. Its like playing with fire and gasoline. I have to be almost like a bomb technician when doing spirituality. If not I might waste my life. It would be nice if Leo could make a vid on how to do proper safe spirituality, not only tell its dangers. 

On 28/7/2021 at 4:23 PM, Nahm said:

@Kalki Avatar

Wondering if you use the word confidence in a unique way. It’s pretty weird word as it is. It can refer to excitement, and also to ignorance, but doesn’t necessarily imply it. Might be a connotation tangle at play.  Maybe the suffering is more motive driven, or whatever the opposite of confidence is might be held in some subtle belief, making it seem as if confidence is necessary. 

Im referring to confidence as to thr strength of my ego Shell. The level of density and compression it creates. Its full of itself. Im conscious there are various things creating my suffering for which I need to set aside more time. I got trapped in this survival paradigm. Like I always have to be going forward in a hurry. My mind always finds a way to make me feel guilty and tricked back into distraction. So Yeah, motive is one its causes. Inside of it, also emotional baggage I have gathered in the world by survival, fights and setting boundaries. But also, the size and strength of my ego kinda creates an un natural feeling. Out of aligment. Where would you recommend to begin with? My mind has taken a life of its own and its hard to control right now, give me a direction where to shoot. I dont have the same amount of time and energy I used to in the past to be all day in spiritual mode, where I used to find all my tricks, insights and techniques. 

[BipolarGrowth]

It is sustainable if you learn to love watching yourself die and dissolve in front of you. I’m sorry, but any true enlightenment has that as an aspect to it even if you change it to fancy and pleasant language. All progress is death to the old. The only question is: How many balls do you have when it comes to embodying your authentic self will full honesty and emotion? 

[Gianna]

6 hours ago, Kalki Avatar said:

Are you in this state of no confidence right now? What is your experience in relation to it right now?

Me, personally. No. I am not in a state of confidence. My confidence is actually shrinking. It's scary and makes me feel like I am losing what I know. But another part of me is growing. This part of me is gaining enough understanding to feel comfortable with not knowing and instead receive. The more I grow and the more I know, the more I can count on not needing to know and creating space for listening and understanding. This actually gives me back a lot of the confidence I lost, but it is a different kind of confidence. It is more of a willingness, courage. Because I am willing to not know, not be confident, and instead receive. But feeling states are where I am directing my focus. (this is why I am getting so specific in the different types of emotions lol!)  I am trying to learn emotions right now. But this is why I say to have courage, instead of confidence. Confidence is fake courage! 

Know that this is just what I have experienced. I am the type of person that needs to strengthen my ego instead of breaking it down– essentially the difference between an empath and a narcissist. A narcissist needs to break down the ego; an empath needs to strengthen it. So a lot depends on what type of ego you have. If you are a people pleaser, you need to strengthen your ego. You need to be confident. If you are a narcissist, you need to break it down, you need to let yourself be vulnerable. 

6 hours ago, Kalki Avatar said:

I can not influence, socialize with high skill or even manipulate if I loose the confidence, which then a chain of things will start to fall in my life.

When you are being confident, are you being authentic? Are you being vulnerable? Most casual confidence is confident because it knows it is not being vulnerable, authentic, and so nothing can actually hurt it. Maybe those bad things are supposed to happen and you are supposed to work through the feelings of those circumstances in your body– release them from your body. And then you will stop attracting it in your life. Maybe you are meant to learn from this pattern by shifting your perception. When you think of this happening in the past, what do you think the lesson was? Was it to let yourself be vulnerable? To not have expectations? To detach from outcomes? 

 

6 hours ago, Kalki Avatar said:

but the thing is that the more I upgrade my consciousness the trickier it gets to handle my cultural enviornments, people, chores, etc. Its very risky.

what do you mean by this? 

Edited August 3, 2021 by Gianna

[RickyFitts]

6 hours ago, Gianna said:

Me, personally. No. I am not in a state of confidence. My confidence is actually shrinking. It's scary and makes me feel like I am losing what I know. But another part of me is growing. This part of me is gaining enough understanding to feel comfortable with not knowing and instead receive. The more I grow and the more I know, the more I can count on not needing to know and creating space for listening and understanding. This actually gives me back a lot of the confidence I lost, but it is a different kind of confidence. It is more of a willingness, courage. Because I am willing to not know, not be confident, and instead receive.

This is great, I love this. It's something I really struggled with a few years back when I was suffering with anxiety, I had to learn to be comfortable with not knowing (and boy, it wasn't easy). Trust, I've found, is such a big word.

6 hours ago, Gianna said:

When you are being confident, are you being authentic? Are you being vulnerable?

This is such an important question. For me, true confidence is quiet and unassuming, it doesn't feel the need to announce itself.

[Nahm]

@Kalki Avatar

Confidence is the natural & wonderful feeling of having unfettered of self doubt etc, not a doing / something you’re doing. The monkey mind narrative about you doing it is unnatural & discordant (suffering). It’s like taking credit from yourself… yourself feels, awkward, odd, about this. The narrative feeds the fear of what other people might think of you, while there is no actual such separative experience which justifies that, so again, it feels off. Imagine going to Disneyland and having the entire place literally to yourself. And then worrying about what other people, which are not there, think, about you. If there is discord, it’s not with Disneyland. 

[Gianna]

7 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

it doesn't feel the need to announce itself

Yes! Because it is True. And the Truth is all the Truth needs. 

[RickyFitts]

3 hours ago, Gianna said:

Yes! Because it is True. And the Truth is all the Truth needs. 

Exactly! I want to get that on a bumper sticker 

[Gianna]

@RickyFitts that would be a very True bumper sticker  

[RickyFitts]

@Gianna It sure would 

[Kalki Avatar]

@BipolarGrowth

On 2/8/2021 at 7:07 PM, BipolarGrowth said:

It is sustainable if you learn to love watching yourself die and dissolve in front of you. I’m sorry, but any true enlightenment has that as an aspect to it even if you change it to fancy and pleasant language. All progress is death to the old. The only question is: How many balls do you have when it comes to embodying your authentic self will full honesty and emotion? 

Yeah, but being courageous alone brings problems. I have learned the hard way to stop being a hot crack head, including enligthenment. Maybe am not supposed to get enligthenment at this stage of my life because of my life situations. It has created many relative problems in the past. Everytime I deconstruct my self, alot of chaos starts around me. And I have the balls, Cuz I have done it before, but didnt understood why so many things where occuring the way they were. It was simply too much to handle at the same time. Enligthenment is a luxury that requires exclusivity. This has thought me to be very strategical, smart and intellectual with everything. Not just courageous. Its not enough for true success. Just look at Jesus...

 

On 3/8/2021 at 1:10 AM, Gianna said:

Me, personally. No. I am not in a state of confidence. My confidence is actually shrinking. It's scary and makes me feel like I am losing what I know. But another part of me is growing. This part of me is gaining enough understanding to feel comfortable with not knowing and instead receive. The more I grow and the more I know, the more I can count on not needing to know and creating space for listening and understanding. This actually gives me back a lot of the confidence I lost, but it is a different kind of confidence. It is more of a willingness, courage. Because I am willing to not know, not be confident, and instead receive. But feeling states are where I am directing my focus. (this is why I am getting so specific in the different types of emotions lol!)  I am trying to learn emotions right now. But this is why I say to have courage, instead of confidence. Confidence is fake courage! 

Know that this is just what I have experienced. I am the type of person that needs to strengthen my ego instead of breaking it down– essentially the difference between an empath and a narcissist. A narcissist needs to break down the ego; an empath needs to strengthen it. So a lot depends on what type of ego you have. If you are a people pleaser, you need to strengthen your ego. You need to be confident. If you are a narcissist, you need to break it down, you need to let yourself be vulnerable. 

When you are being confident, are you being authentic? Are you being vulnerable? Most casual confidence is confident because it knows it is not being vulnerable, authentic, and so nothing can actually hurt it. Maybe those bad things are supposed to happen and you are supposed to work through the feelings of those circumstances in your body– release them from your body. And then you will stop attracting it in your life. Maybe you are meant to learn from this pattern by shifting your perception. When you think of this happening in the past, what do you think the lesson was? Was it to let yourself be vulnerable? To not have expectations? To detach from outcomes? 

 

what do you mean by this? 

What I mean by upgrading my consciousness, is that people cant relate the same way with me. And that brings some problems to a chain of things that I depend of which they are in charge. Or for example, if I dig very deep, like in the past, I may realize I dont want to finish college or even quit my job. Or not even want to socialize and talk. Stop being productive, etc. This just a few examples. And these things can be managed even after dissolving, but it requires alot of time and space to do this work and Inner change correctly without causing external disturbance to others. This is the problem in Mid path. You are in shaky ground, neither truth nor confidence. Its very risky territory. Neither in the deep ocean or the coast. Trapped in between. It has happened before. Also, I think another factor is that many of you live in advanced countries. For which people can still be open to relating with you by being "different". Its a little bit more normal the idea. Even to have a soft energetic aura, in the eyes of others is fine, specially if you are a man. Over here, if you dont have a strong dense masculine aura, you are already a pussy, subject to bullying, exploitation, etc. Culture has alot to do. I think im just gonna be doing some inner engineering and karma modifications. Energy work, yoga, etc. To at least be in a better position. But i cant destroy all of my confidence right now. Maybe some part of it. I still need some ground. After I get in the right state and heal, I can continue my journey to financial freedom and then finally, finish the spiritual path. Its a more realistic and probable outcome than just throwing the dices with survival at risk. Do you do shadow work? If yes, any tips? 

 

On 3/8/2021 at 9:47 AM, Nahm said:

@Kalki Avatar

Confidence is the natural & wonderful feeling of having unfettered of self doubt etc, not a doing / something you’re doing. The monkey mind narrative about you doing it is unnatural & discordant (suffering). It’s like taking credit from yourself… yourself feels, awkward, odd, about this. The narrative feeds the fear of what other people might think of you, while there is no actual such separative experience which justifies that, so again, it feels off. Imagine going to Disneyland and having the entire place literally to yourself. And then worrying about what other people, which are not there, think, about you. If there is discord, it’s not with Disneyland. 

This actually true. But what I see is that this perspective is too advanced to be adecuated to people trapped in survival with risk. The reason im in survival is because my situations have demanded it in order to truly survive as a body mind organism. Even I, who have experienced truth. 

Edited August 4, 2021 by Kalki Avatar

[Nahm]

@Kalki Avatar

It’s feeling over perspective. 

[Terell Kirby]

On 7/28/2021 at 1:47 PM, Kalki Avatar said:

I just discovered that the reason I mostly suffer unconsciously is because I dont want to let go of my confidence. Because if I do, alot of things will fall off in my life.

Notice that this a construct your mind is coming up with. Could it be that you are afraid of the responsibility that having high confidence entails? Being able to talk the talk is also being able to walk the walk. It's challenging, but confidence is a much needed ingredient to be successful in any arena of life - including spirituality.

[Gianna]

6 hours ago, Kalki Avatar said:

What I mean...

I understand. Of course, only to the best of my ability. But I am excited for you. Follow whatever you desire and don't ignore discomfort  We all are on the path of fulfilling our needs... of expansion! 

[KaRzual]

9 hours ago, Gianna said:

I understand. Of course, only to the best of my ability. But I am excited for you. Follow whatever you desire and don't ignore discomfort  We all are on the path of fulfilling our needs... of expansion! 

Beautifully said