Preety_India

Root cause of all my problems- I'm not Selfish

23 posts in this topic

I have finally figured why I suffer so much.

And the root cause of my troubles.

The root cause is that I'm not selfish.

I'm barely selfish. But not selfish enough to maintain survival.

I'm simply surviving but selfishness is not a solid background underneath my survival

My survival is aimless like that of a poet who sits down by the river and keeps writing songs but never actually does anything that will truly help his survival. His bare instinct is helping him.

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

This thread is the root cause of all my problems.

 

 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Finally God is showing me the way.

 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm so relieved that at least part of the puzzle might get solved.

So one big chunk in the picture has been detected and resolved or at least on the path to resolution.

This looks a jigsaw puzzle with big chunks.

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes getting there somehow. 

I feel so nervous.

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I need to start gathering practical exercises to help myself become more selfish and then track my progress

 

It's almost like having a manual on how to be selfish.

With being selfish I also wanted to learn how to become unfuckwithable.

So there are a couple of things here.

 

 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

 Things I need to learn 

  • How to be more selfish
  • How to be unfuckwithable...not allowing oneself to be fucked over.
  • How to be more Machiavellian
  • How to motivate myself better
  • How to balance selfishness and charity / empathy 
  • How to master stage Orange and self preservation 
  • How to balance selfishness and spirituality

These are some key questions

Also a lot of these components discussed are very paradoxical and contradictory to each other. This explains the paradoxical nature of life.

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Another question that I can add to the list is

How to raise vibration to a more balanced level. Not just vibrating to attract good people. 

But vibrating to repel bad people by establishing boundaries. (Unfuckwithable)

Vibrating to develop psychic resonance as well as vibrating to master spirituality. These are 2 different things.

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Certain elements that I can see in the posts above are -

  •  Seeking to be more opportunistic
  • Seeking self preservation
  • Seeking self protection
  • Building of the fortress.... protection in general. 
  • Seeking masculine qualities

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

  • Seeking stage Red and stage Orange
  • Elements of opportunism 
  • Elements of selfishness
  • Elements of logic and craftiness
  • Elements of greediness 
  • Elements of survival 
  • Elements of passion, purpose driven, assertiveness,leadership, go getter
  • Elements of preservation
  • Elements of gathering- hunter gatherer masculine aspects
  • Elements of strictness, discipline-again masculine
  • Elements of rigor ... tenacity
  • Elements of mastery
  • Elements of productivity, desired results 
  • Elements of goal orientation,vision making 
  • Elements of motivation (imagine Tony Robbins )
  • Elements of core discipline
  • Elements of integrity and Stage Orange ethics 
  • Elements of ambition 
  • Elements of judgement 
  • Elements of implementation, action, outcome, practice

 

Most of these elements if observed carefully are masculine.

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Men were known for hunting gathering 

 

 

In order to get more selfish, I'll have to embrace masculinity.

Masculine elements are horribly lacking in me 

Males are driven.

 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

I need to use this thread for this

 

 

 

Like the guy in the thread says -

Stage Orange

Stage Red

Stage Masculine

 

 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So for this journal 2 threads are most relevant

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Something I need to get over is this fear 

56 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

 

I hardly ever debate @Leo Gura

This is probably the first time I showed some spine debating him. I'm usually scared of him. 

I tend to recoil in fear of him because he is more logical than me and I have fear of authority. He is male, authoritarian, founder of the forum, so that definitely makes me nervous and I try to not argue too much with him. 

So whenever he comes down on me, I tend to cower back and flee the argument. 

This is my typical response to any authoritarian male (sometimes to authoritarian females as well) 

Male aggression makes me cower back as a typical response. I'm just glad Leo is never too aggressive with me. In a way he doesn't need to. If he says even a little, I immediately leave his discussion and don't drag it further. For me just a few words is enough to start recoiling back.

I'm too shy and reserved and fearing kind of person, not how people imagine me.

A tiny bit of authority can make me submissive.

 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I want to become a recluse again.

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm tired of fear dominating the whole of my life.

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

 

 

 

 

 I think the pattern of a life purpose has started to emerge. I am having a distant intuition of my life purpose, although it seems vague right now to me, it is absolutely fascinating and I would be full of passion to pursue it through and through. I feel a little embarrassed and hesitant to reveal it thinking what others might think. But I need to reveal it anyway. 

 

So here it is. My life purpose is to manifest God in my life through my art, expression, a career in organic farming and through teaching kids. I know it sounds vague and maybe I won't be able to make much money out of it, but at this point in my life, money has taken a backseat. For me leading a deeply spiritual life is important. Without it, my life would be unfulfilled. 

 

My parents pressurised me into picking a financial career. I got good grades and worked as an intern for a year but I was frustrated at the end. I dropped it and started pursuing my studies again. This time I want a change.

 

I want to lead a beautiful life, with or without money. Maybe few years down the path, I might turn into a hippie or a monk in a cave or any isolated place. But it has to be serene and beautiful. That's what I always wanted. People might judge me as useless or unsuccessful but for me my success lies in doing that which fulfills me on a deeper level.

 

I think I should listen to the voice of my passion because I believe that I will be my authentic self only if I do what I truly love pursuing. 

 

This thought came to me when I was taking a quiet walk through nature and I realized that almost every bird, tree, flower, leaf, even the wind and rock, every creation in nature was actually a manifestation of God. And then I thought, well, I'm a creation of God too.....

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You’re having a lot of insights and it is a good thing. Your mind seems very active right now. I don’t know why it is the case, maybe you’ve done a lot of psychedelics recently or other stuff.. But be careful. It seems to me that you’re also a little bit losing touch with reality right now.(I might be wrong..)

I would suggest you do not take harsh decision for the week to come. Take the time to think through all the insights you get on your life. Take also a good rest. maybe time to disconnect from this forum for a day or two :P 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
18 minutes ago, Ilan said:

You’re having a lot of insights and it is a good thing. Your mind seems very active right now. I don’t know why it is the case, maybe you’ve done a lot of psychedelics recently or other stuff.. But be careful. It seems to me that you’re also a little bit losing touch with reality right now.(I might be wrong..)

Thank you. Hugs 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now