Preety_India

I want to become more Selfish

101 posts in this topic

@Preety_India There's a difference between being selfish and just rude. The dude tried to help you. Being selfish as you want has nothing to do with acting in badass savage ways. I believe you want to be more grounded and assertive, being more responsible for yourself like Eph7 said. I understand you just wanted to unleash some of that maybe to just cross the line and get that taste of being 'selfish' (maybe you didn't feel it for a long time and it was an impulse). But it won't sustain. I would practice grounding myself and practice stating what I truly want and really feel.

Why do you want to try to become selfish? (the way you imagine yourself to be)
Is it by any chance an escape from embodying your authentic self?

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@Preety_India

If an angry man will always unleash his anger by talking rudely to people and maybe even use violence, how do you think his life would be? Will people want to connect with him? But more importantly, how do you think he would feel inside? It's all a projection. You can accept the way you're feeling, even when feeling angry or some other negative emotion, you can journal about them or sit still and experience  the feeling, not letting it take over your actions. But when you do let it take over then it can cause disaster.

I'm not saying that you won't feel the relief doing what you're doing, but it will backfire. Imagine if all of the people just unleashed what they feel in action being controlled by the feeling, disaster. If we all throw our shit at each other we won't grow. If people decide to litter the planet because in that moment they think "Hey, I'm free to do what I want, I only live once and I don't want to constrain myself, fuck that, it's only me", yeah, planet is fucked. You see where I'm trying to go? 

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@Preety_India Unleashing your feelings by acting on impulses will lead to disaster and won't create a healthy society, and won't help you grow since you're still being controlled by the feelings

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Posted (edited)

@Preety_India

@fopylo

Although, destructive as it might seem, sometimes burning the house down helps with building a new one. 

Somewhat like puberty and freeing ourselves from our parents, just that we're freeing ourselves from ourselves, from our ego constraints. 

Challenging status quo sometimes comes out as an overly exaggerated reaction, only to come back down to find a healthy balance.

So it doesn't have to be unhealthy, that probably depend on what the deeper drive is and what we want to achieve. 

Imagine how perfect life would be if we got everything right the first time. We wouldn't have learnt anything at all :D

Edited by Eph75

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I don't think you want to become more selfish, I think you've been hurt and wish to dump the negative energy onto another. 

Unconscious people are selfish. You can stoop down to their level which ultimately wont work because you've attained a higher level and can't go back.

Process the negative energy you feel by feeling it fully and releasing it.

Loving yourself more is the answer - not regressing and solidifying your ego.

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5 minutes ago, Ya know said:

I don't think you want to become more selfish, I think you've been hurt and wish to dump the negative energy onto another. 

Unconscious people are selfish. You can stoop down to their level which ultimately wont work because you've attained a higher level and can't go back.

Process the negative energy you feel by feeling it fully and releasing it.

Loving yourself more is the answer - not regressing and solidifying your ego.

I guess I resonate with this 

This is the reason why it's so difficult for me to be selfish.

It's like going backwards after going forwards. 

I mean imagine if you are running your car in reverse direction. There's a lot of resistance, the car makes a lot of noise, too much friction and inability to control , maybe hitting some tree on the way back.

I guess this resistance is causing me to not become more selfish.

It's like I'm applying the brake and still forcing the steering wheel, the car is trying to go ahead yet the brake means it is stuck and feels trapped in this state.

This is a difficult challenge on the path of Spirituality.

Going forward but also going reverse.

Trying to become selfless, then it backfires then trying to become selfish becomes difficult.

It's like a candle that is melting. 

I can use the example of a candle to explain this .

The candle when it's solid nobody can make an impression on it because it's  hard to do 

Now in order to progress SPIRITUALLY, the candle has to become melt and become soft.

However in the soft melted state it's very easy to make an impression on it. But this is bad for the candle's health. So the candle needs to become hard again. But this process again needs time and patience..

Once the candle has become hard it needs to become soft again to progress spiritually. 

This cycle will continue endlessly in iterations between hard and soft 

I will have to unlearn my selflessness and charitable attitude and become selfish then once again learn selflessness and then come back to selfishness.

It's like balancing a rod while walking on a tight rope. 

Holding the rod helps me survive on the rope. If i keep focusing on the rope too much, I might lose focus on the rod and fall off balance. If I focus too much on the rod, then I'll survive but I'll forget to walk on the rope.

 


 INFJ loner... .shy girl.. 

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@Preety_India You get tested to see if you're committed. Dedication to spiritual work means you have integrity to your principles. Personally committing to a teacher you resonate with (jesus, buddha, mohammad, krishna, etc..) makes it so much easier. Otherwise it's just your ego + consciousness trying to overcome the world and it's unlikely you will succeed. 

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Posted (edited)

2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Going forward but also going reverse.

Looking in the rear mirror doesn't take you backwards, but it does allow you to investigate the past through the present.

The beauty with the past is that we can change it, by changing our mind. With shifted new perspective the meaning of the past can and will change.

We literally time-travel ever day, when engaging with the past. Change yourself and you rewrite history. Events are of course still events, what is, is, but the meaning of events means everything.

Imagine forgivness of the source of every pain of the past. A time-machine it is. The only obstacle is in our minds, and bending the mind, bends reality. 

❤️

Edited by Eph75

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8 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Now in order to progress SPIRITUALLY, the candle has to become melt and become soft.

However in the soft melted state it's very easy to make an impression on it. But this is bad for the candle's health. So the candle needs to become hard again. But this process again needs time and patience..

This analogy sounds like a limiting belief.

You have ideas about spirituality that aren't true.

Spirituality is like realizing that the candle was never even there. It has nothing to do with being a pitiful puddle of melted wax. 

Fuck this social doormat narrative.

You can be a badass bloodhound and aligned with God.

You make it sound like you have to pick one or the other, but no, you can be both. There is no conflict.

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Posted (edited)

@RendHeaven you sound like a real d*** and if you want to be badass stop conflating your visual blind spots for spirituality 

and by the way some doormats actually ARE loved.

Edited by mememe

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2 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

You can be a badass bloodhound and aligned with God.

@RendHeaven

But if you're aligned with God doesn't that mean you're super highly conscious already, and thus try to act in a more consciously way like trying to improve mankind, caring for people or something like that?

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5 hours ago, fopylo said:

@RendHeaven

But if you're aligned with God doesn't that mean you're super highly conscious already, and thus try to act in a more consciously way like trying to improve mankind, caring for people or something like that?

Precisely.

You lose the idea of feeling like the world is out to get you, because everyone is you, and your MO is to share your abundance.

Doesn't get more badass than that!

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Posted (edited)

42 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

Precisely.

You lose the idea of feeling like the world is out to get you, because everyone is you, and your MO is to share your abundance.

Doesn't get more badass than that!

sounds like alignment with ignorance in general. just depends on the perspective.

is it cosy here for the ego?

it’s more d***ass than badass from my perspective.

but hey if it makes you feel good.

Edited by mememe

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If a fish is selfish, it is a selfish fish.

If a shellfish is selfish, it is a selfish shellfish.

 

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On 7/26/2021 at 8:31 PM, Preety_India said:

Give me some tips and suggestions on how to become more Selfish. 

 

Quote

I lack self preservation instinct or at least there's something fundamentally screwed with my self preservation compass. I always throw away my own good and become the sacrificial lamb in every situation. I lack being selfish. This is not a boundary issue. It's like I have to force myself to be Selfish in every situation and my mind usually goes mute on this. I start acting like a mule and become too sacrificial. I have realised it's getting detrimental to my well being. I need to act selfish or die trying.  It's good to be empathetic but I want to be selfish like other people around me.

I struggle thinking selfishly because the strategy or technique/value system is missing. 

I want to hone my opportunistic side for better survival. 

I know that this sounds a bit contradictory especially after I began my spiritual path. However midway on this spiritual path, I realised that if I don't act selfishly there is a foreseeable danger to my life. That won't go according to plan.  So the damage control mode was to focus back on survival. 

I have now understood that my spiritual job involves to not only grow a building but also a fortress at the same time or else the building is gone and I'm finished. So selfishness has to be an important part of this equation in the sense of self preservation. This is tough Because I never properly learned or integrated skills of survival and selfishness. I always operated from a paradigm of giving giving and giving more, but never understood how to grab instead of "give." Now I'm struggling to grab for myself. 

If you have always been selfless the majority of your life, becoming selfish will feel like learning Greek and vice versa, that is if you mostly been selfish, then suddenly becoming selfless becomes an arduous task.

I know this sounds like a foolish question but whatever, at this stage I need to save myself. That's my priority.

Any practical tips and exercises please. I don't need your lecture/spiritual platitude. 

More Selfish = less “selfish” in thought. As in, that is all a story about a separate self which is a complete abstraction of thoughts / doesn’t actually exist. Actual Selfishness is indicative of The Self, and isn’t arrived at by actions or thought, but ‘fallen back into’ by letting go of those thoughts, and the retelling of the story about a you which lacks, has a past, it’s own good, sacrifices, has a being, needs to act this or that way, is empathetic, has other people around them, struggles, etc, etc. That is the story of the self, which is the veil of The Self. That ‘veil’ is literally made of The Self. 

To hone the opportunistic side make a dreamboard. What you write on it will manifest. Maybe start a business or company, or whatever you want to create & experience.

The opposite of the apparent ‘true’ paradigm of having always been selfless is more accurate. The most impactful thing you cold employ, is the letting go of your own defensive, deflective and projective mechanisms, which means first experiencing these reactions consciously, demystifying, or collapsing, causation. Just like you write what you want on the dreamboard and the universe becomes it, then it’s a matter of ‘being in receiving mode’… the universe is literally being the response you desire in regard to your path. Are you in ‘receiving mode’? 


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

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