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Khr

Self image of "being a good person"

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Hi All,

I wrote about my friend in another forum, but basically we had a conversation with her and it didn't go well, but that's besides the point.

She told me that she "likes to think of herself as a good person" and she doesn't like to be in situations where she doesn't feel that way about herself.

I've been thinking about it and I remember over the life of our friendship this was causing a lot of issues. For example, when I wasn't feeling well on one of our trips and she was an as* about it, she would later on keep saying that it was my fault that I wasn't feeling well because it was basically self inflicted. It was so hard for her to admit that she was being an as* that she needs to find an excuse to feel good about herself.

Then I remember another incident happened when we were talking about white privilege and all that stuff. I remember I got mad at some point because she kept using words such as "oh I am just trying to enlighten you" or "I just want to shed some light on you". I got mad because I knew exactly what she was saying about the white privilege stuff, but I was talking about it from a yellow perspective, and it felt to me like she was talking down to me. So I told her that if she cares as much as she says she does, maybe it's already time to do something, how about she sells the 3 $2000 purses that she bought recently and donate the money (the reason why I brought it up is because a few days ago she was telling me how she bought the 3 designer purses, but they don't really bring her happiness anymore, she wasn't even eager to open the boxes from the store to look at them). She got so butthurt about that comment she kept telling me over the next few weeks how she wants to volunteer in South America, teach kids English (didn't happen of course), snapped at me at a few occasions, kept telling me stories of how she's been helping her friends and how much of a caring person it is.

I remember feeling something was very off and very wrong about it, but I can't understand why. Why is it a bad thing to have such a strong attachment to this kind of self image? Is it an indication of a strong ego? 

I know I shouldn't be digging into it too much and focus on my own work. But this is kind of important for me to understand because I always allow toxic people in my life and I need to learn to identify them.

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2 hours ago, Khr said:

Why is it a bad thing to have such a strong attachment to this kind of self image? Is it an indication of a strong ego? 

It's not bad. It's simply an image of oneself that is false. It is a part of ego and everyone (that's not enlightened) has atleast one.

2 hours ago, Khr said:

I know I shouldn't be digging into it too much and focus on my own work. But this is kind of important for me to understand because I always allow toxic people in my life and I need to learn to identify them.

See if you can spot your own self image. Also can you find the part of you that attract "toxic people" into your life?


He has no will of his own.
He dwells in reality,
and lets all illusions go.

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Posted (edited)

yeah i used to be like this too. what i a had to realize is that if you feel like you're a good person, without being able to acknowledge the opposite of that you inhibit you will have blind spots. blind spots is such a good word for it because I really was blind to it. 

i smoked a bunch of weed, watched leo's green/yellow videos and had an intense desire to own my shadow here and is what helped me integrate myself  

also helping people doesnt even necessarily make you a good person. like there are definitely shadow desires that make you do things. not to say those parts of you are evil, but it really is a massive lack of self-awareness. who knows why you're helping people 

Edited by Jacob Morres

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It's a very common attachment and common shadow.

Being a good person gives so much validation! Yummy!

Same as being right.

 

As to why you attract these kind of people maybe has to do with you yourself having attachments in a similar fashion.

Don't worry - everyone does, the question is to what degree.

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You can never be good to everyone. You may think you are being 'good' when you work extra hours for your boss. For example, your work ends at 5pm but you decided to be 'good' and work till 6pm. Now what that means is that you are being good to your boss but being unfair and bad towards your family who needs you  to come back earlier.

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