Boshra

I want advice

14 posts in this topic

I want help with something, I’m a highly emotional being, there is a Spectrum theres people by nature that’s very cool headed cool emotionally, and on the other end of the Spectrum there’s people that’s very energetic by nature and very emotionally upbeat and there’s no discrimination because with the right emotional intelligence those both people can succeed into creating a awesome genuine beautiful creative liberated high quality emotional life style I understand awareness and emotional intelligence and having a passion is the foundation for something important relatively. but with my problem I repress my emotions and I don’t know how I do it, is there any advice.
Another thing about me that might help as a insight for the advice I want, I’m constantly researching and creating principles and trying to internalize values .
I’m feeling like I’m constantly
Miserable and suffering .

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I can definitely relate, emotional repression has been a big issue for me too and it's taken a lot of inner work to resolve it. We often learn these behaviours when we're young and fragile and not living in a very emotionally-supportive environment, and it can take lots of discipline and patience to undo them.

The big thing that really helped me personally was to start to become very aware in my body, to notice how this repression manifested physically as patterns of contraction; these patterns can be felt as tightness and heaviness, and they tend to create very dense energetic blockages in various parts of your body. What worked for me in dissolving these blockages was to sit in meditation and simply allow my body to relax and breathe, it did require persistence and discipline but I would feel the blockages gradually breaking down over time. What can also then happen is that the emotions you'd been repressing can then start to arise, I would find myself feeling grief-stricken at certain times, for example, or extremely irritable and angry at others (I also felt various aches and pains, even waves of nausea on one occasion) - this isn't a fun part of the process, but it's necessary and it will pass, eventually.

Hope this helps.


'When you look outside yourself for something to make you feel complete, you never get to know the fullness of your essential nature.' - Amoda Maa Jeevan

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No worries :)


'When you look outside yourself for something to make you feel complete, you never get to know the fullness of your essential nature.' - Amoda Maa Jeevan

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@Boshra I'm sorry to hear about your problem.
I wish I could help, but unfortunately I can't. I lack the ability.


"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."   — Robert A. Heinlein

"I'm allergic to stupidity."   — Chris Colfer

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@Boshra

You need to start working on emotional mastery.

It's essentially about gaining greater understanding of how affects move into awareness as feelings and paired with thoughts create movement, emotions in us, and the lack of consciousness and awareness in this process.

Emotions seemingly happen to us, we're becoming victims under circumstances, we find ourselves involuntarily riding on the emotional run-away trains, seemingly without buying a ticket, without choice whether to or not to get on that emotional train. We simply find ourselves on that emotion train, going nowhere, fast. 

Emotional mastery is about understanding the function of affects, and how to have a healthy relationship with them, so that we can take constructive action and minimize suffering in that process. 

We have the control to create a space, a gap, between affects as an impulse, the coming into our awareness as a feeling, and the creation of emotion.

Creating that space, it gives us room for constructive thought processes to happen, the choice not to ride that emotional train, and turning to constructive responses. 

Why would we ever want to ride that train? It is in no way helpful. We need to learn to observe the arrival of that train, and to choose to not get in it, or rather choose to only ride the positive ones - there are positive and negative affects. 

These affects/impulses exist for a reason, momentanomeous in nature, for us to act upon them. If we fail to act upon them, and revert to repression of emotions, this will fill our glass and it will overflow, resulting in destructive behaviors, emotional outbursts against others and self.

We can repress both negative and positive feelings. 

Depending on our personality, that destructive focus may be internalized or externalized. Although, even for the one that internalize this hurt, sense of wrongness, and suffering, it is very likely to spill out onto the people that we are the most comfortable with, closest to us, and whom matter most to us, family members, a spouse, and possibly even our own children.

If our glass is constantly full, it's going to spill, often, and make mess. The more into a repressive behavior we are, the bigger the glass we create for ourselves, and the bigger the spill it will be, making bigger and bigger messes. 

It is our personal responsibly to develop emotional skills to constructively interact with these impulses. And that calls for us to set feeling if being wronged, and victimhood aside, and take full responsibly for these affects, feelings, and emotions, as well as the triggers and the aftermath we create, it's all our responsibility to own and to change how we relate to it all. 

We are empowered to control our reactions towards this, we cannot control the world and the fact that affects are, and happen, and feelings will be triggered.

Whether we create movement in us, emotions, is something that we can create great intention within us to learn to master. 

To make this happen, we need to understand how we relate to feelings. Often it incorporates the inability to communicate feelings in a non-triggered state, which acts as a reliever, a valve, keeping equilibrium in our system so the pressure does not build up.

This is where acting upon affects is so important. They need some action, either create change possibly by setting boundaries, internal or external, to embrace through acceptance, or letting go via no action by choice (choosing no-action is an action).

These should never, ever, be suppressed. They will come back to humaunt you in unpredictable and destructive ways. 

People experiencing low emotional mastery tend to create control mechanisms that work to reduce the suffering involved in the negative emotional process, through avoidance of experience.

Essentially adding layer after layer of control that try to ensure that we don't end up in an emotional state. Of course, this works in a way, but adds something that we cannot control and which perpetuates the suffering involved, pushing it and us towards a breaking point with increasingly violent outbursts. 

Learn more a out affects, e.g. try Google Tomkins Affect Theory, learn what affects are, and what they are for, and what kind of action they are calling for.

Investigate you triggers, these are yours to own and to disarm. Where there is a trigger, you need to befriend it, but first you have to learn to see them, then you can own and disarm them one by one. 

For each trigger owned, the more space and pressure will be relieved from your system and the more momentum you gain.

Also, you need to dig past the surface, where triggers help you become aware of past happenings that you have repressed by not taking action, you need to bring these out of the shadows and address them, in constructive ways. 

There is a reason why you have ended up using what you do as your personal coping and survival strategy. You need to learn to unveil and see that is underneath to fully accept whatever is there. From there you can create powerful change. 

Exposing yourself to others is a part of this process, talking to people, perhaps a professional, therapy, but also exposing your inner self to friends and family, dropping roles, façade and allow yourself to act in a more authentic way. 

Notice how talking feelings/emotions with family, those with whom it ought to be easiest to turn to for this, and to find support with, often is the hardest. But doing so, is often the thing that carry the greatest effects. This regardless of their ability to receive what you share, that sharing is more-so for the facilitation of your own healing. 

Learning to do all of this will result in the emergence of emotional detachment.

Affects are, there is no way of controlling what is. 

Feelings may be, when something comes into our awareness. 

Emotions, movement in us, happens after attachment of thoughts. 

Notice how detachment of engaging thoughts helps reducing the occurrence of unfavorable feelings. 

Simply explained, that which means nothing to us does not call for our attention, and passes us by, without causing ripples. 

There are numerous things that mean nothing to you but which triggers others, and vice-versa, there are numerous things that trigger you but carry no what-so-ever meaning to someone else.

This is represented by the bagage we carry with us, past experiences, biases, social context, upbringing and so on, and so on. This creates our triggers. 

We also need to learn what kind of bagage we carry with us, and choose to let go of such bagage that is weighing us down, through processing and acceptance. With no knowledge of what is in our backpack, we cannot free ourselves from it. 

In all of this, in this process, there should be no shame, no guilt, and an abundance of self-acceptance and compassion.

Love what you find, love yourself, and that love will guide you and set you free. 

I hope you find some sort of value in this. 

Bottom line, you have to create this for yourself, and there is no reason not to start right now. 

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Posted (edited)

I would bring external all that you are internalizing. I would then do physical practices like allowing exercises, focus mediations, breathing, journaling. My advice would be to start shamanic breathwork. Then, as your emotions begin to surface (as they will from the breathing exercise) you can let them out consciously/with awareness and do not act on any negative emotion before letting it pass through you completely. 

For instance, the week after my first shamanic breathing exercise I experienced intense anger. Nothing was really happening, but I could see I was dealing with an unresolved emotion of anger that had to pass through me. Same with anxiety, nihilism, etc. Just experience the emotion until it loses its charge. Then, let it go. 

Edited by Gianna

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Well suppressing emotions is something that the world sorta just 'learns' you, in order to fit into certain things you have to repress things. What I like to do when I feel uncomfortable emotions is just to go sit or lay down and feeling it/giving yourself the company of your presence. Then it can also be good to first express how you feel about a certain situation, and then look for better feeling thoughts that give relief. It can be a lot of fun to go through life and even hope that emotions will come up, and then look for good feeling thoughts that give relief. Just looking for thoughts that give relief, and keep looking for whatever thoughts give relief, and again give relief and again and again.

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On 26.7.2021 at 9:43 AM, Eph75 said:

try Google Tomkins Affect Theory

cool, that’s a nice direction! 

On 26.7.2021 at 9:43 AM, Eph75 said:

Investigate you triggers, these are yours to own and to disarm. Where there is a trigger, you need to befriend it, but first you have to learn to see them, then you can own and disarm them one by one. 

wow - i do realize i also have some emotional work to do on that. i didn’t even know i was armed to the teeth.

 

On 26.7.2021 at 9:43 AM, Eph75 said:

Affects are, there is no way of controlling what is. 

Feelings may be, when something comes into our awareness. 

for me i noticed affects are feeling rough, feelings are more subtile warm, confused or questioning emotions. and affections are usually somewhere between warm and burning.

@Boshra basic chakra work is helpful to find out about emotional blockages and also to work on them. although the real work only starts with awareness.

 

 

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23 minutes ago, mememe said:

wow - i do realize i also have some emotional work to do on that. i didn’t even know i was armed to the teeth.

You're literally a bomb just waiting to go off :D

Jokes aside, the realization of not knowing opens the mind for wanting to find, with curiosity, all aspects of self that were not yet aware of, including our triggers, large and small. 

Having the intention to catch our triggers makes it fairly easy when combined with developing a sensitivity to feelings arising. We are a bit different depending on whether we are thinking or feeling individuals, or if we're developed in both areas. I literally feel this as a separate sensation, as energy in my chest. This makes it easy to investigate into, as I become aware of triggers (and everything else) before they've activated my thoughts. 

Feelings we often make into an enemy as they've caused us suffering, and made us overly emotional, but as you say, they are questioning, confused and helpful to us, as a tool, and we best approach them with love, acceptance and curiosity, befriending them in that process.

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On 7/24/2021 at 1:56 AM, Boshra said:

with my problem I repress my emotions and I don’t know how I do it, is there any advice.

I’ve done that as well a good bit in my life and at times, still do.

Lots of good knowledge coming from @Eph75 and others.

Make friends with yourself and express what you feel. We’re multidimensional and it’s more than okay.

On 7/24/2021 at 1:56 AM, Boshra said:

Another thing about me that might help as a insight for the advice I want, I’m constantly researching and creating principles and trying to internalize values .

I can see where that might be a problem. These will come as concepts in your mind. Concepts crowd out spaciousness. Cultivating spaciousness, an open empty mind, brings something with it. I can’t say what that is. A feeling of calm and peace can be a part of it. It can’t be a goal. Being present without expectations I would say is almost mandatory. Enjoy simply being present with spaciousness of mind. You might even forget about there being a something else but in time or to be more precise, in the timeless, it will arrive with understanding.

Often the most difficult part is letting go. Letting the mind become still and quiet.

I joke to myself about the advantages of being an airhead. Lightheartedness can help.

Who needs all the weight and burden of seriosity?

 


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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On 7/24/2021 at 2:56 AM, Boshra said:

Another thing about me that might help as a insight for the advice I want, I’m constantly researching and creating principles and trying to internalize values .

One way of repressing emotion is by thinking that there is someone who has those emotions, someone who has principles and values. Thoughts say "they" (the thought I) is one way and not another way, or they think they are one way when they want to be another way. Emotion, outside of a thought attached to it or a thought judgement of it, is only feeling, and only now. Thinking is the only way that we seem to not feel, but thought can only repress itself, so it does no good to try to repress thought. Like @Zigzag Idiot said, making space is so helpful, because your focus is on the space, you're enjoying the space, not trying to swat flies "thoughts) out of the space because all you can think is that your space isn't pure enough. That thought is itself another fly, another thought. A thought trying to look back at itself and secure itself as " finally pure" will not succeed. 

Rather than making yourself into what you should be, and avoiding what you should not be, give thought to what you truly love and enjoy. 


My Youtube Channel- Light on Earth “We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”― Robert Frost

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@Eph75 😂 

thanks, this is indeed a part of emotional work where there still is a lot to contemplate for me.

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On 7/24/2021 at 2:56 AM, Boshra said:

theres people by nature that’s very cool headed cool emotionally, and on the other end of the Spectrum there’s people that’s very energetic by nature and very emotionally upbeat

Meditation and understanding emotions experienced (rather than identification via emotions, comparative thinking & projection). 


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

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