Daphnedenninghoff23

The path of love

105 posts in this topic

Just now, Daphnedenninghoff23 said:

Hello love, i have seen your comments. 

And to answer your question. No, it's not comfortable. That is the whole point. 
We both consciously chose this, to see what would it trigger. What it would bring up. What we could learn. 
So comfortable is not the right word. I do feel, like I mentioned, very accepting, very loving. But comfort has little to do with this. 

Are you comfortable with this behaviour? 

 

So are you like Experimenting and seeing how it's gonna be like and how the both of you are gonna measure up to it, something like that ?

 

 


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4 minutes ago, Hulia said:

I agree with it. But if he decides for you or other girl, he should stop having sex with 3rd parties. I mean, after he has explored enough. 

Hmm, I still think you are looking at it that he should choose. That's not the point. If he explored enough he can stop.

It's not like he should.  

And to be honest, I hope he never stop exploring life. Imagine that. If you want to be with me... become dull, and never explore. Sounds like a very conditional type of love. 

I understand. Like I said. I understand you so well. 

But it comes from fear. 

 

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14 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

So are you like Experimenting and seeing how it's gonna be like and how the both of you are gonna measure up to it, something like that ?

 

 

 

It's life doing it's thing. It's spontanious. We don't know how it will go. It's not a controlled experiment. And we do it because it happened naturally like this. 

 

4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@Daphnedenninghoff23 what would happen if he suddenly stopped exploring?

Would that make things boring between the two of you ?

Also have you considered exploring stuff with other men yourself ?

If he stops exploring other women in this way, then I dunno. 

Can't know what the future holds. Thats the beauty of life. it can also be scary right. We want to know what the future will bring us. 

Boredom will and can happen. I know this. We are together for 8,5 years. I am not afraid of boredom. 
But, boredom is also something interesting to explore. However, I noticed boredom never stays either. 

Right now, I do not have the desire to explore with other men. 
I do not see any need in it. 

 

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59 minutes ago, Daphnedenninghoff23 said:

Hello love, i have seen your comments. 

And to answer your question. No, it's not comfortable. That is the whole point. 
We both consciously chose this, to see what would it trigger. What it would bring up. What we could learn. 
So comfortable is not the right word. I do feel, like I mentioned, very accepting, very loving. But comfort has little to do with this. 

I see your courage and I really do feel that you are aligned and grounded in how you approach this.

Many years ago, I've been in a relationship with a similar arrangement. I learnt a lot.

I learnt to appreciate the whole of my partner's sexuality. Not just the side that was pleasing and easy for me to accept.

I learnt to enjoy other people's enjoyment, and take myself, and my egoic interests and worries out of the equation.

There were many insecurities on my side that caused some explosive fights. I definitely did not know what I had signed up for.

But I'm glad I did it.


I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

https://calendly.com/erik-coaching/add-coaching-free-strategy-consult

Besides that, ♂ I offer single breakthrough calls for men on social life, dating, relationships and sexuality.

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16 minutes ago, flowboy said:

I see your courage and I really do feel that you are aligned and grounded in how you approach this.

Many years ago, I've been in a relationship with a similar arrangement. I learnt a lot.

I learnt to appreciate the whole of my partner's sexuality. Not just the side that was pleasing and easy for me to accept.

I learnt to enjoy other people's enjoyment, and take myself, and my egoic interests and worries out of the equation.

There were many insecurities on my side that caused some explosive fights. I definitely did not know what I had signed up for.

But I'm glad I did it.

Thankyou. 

I believe you right away when you said you learned a lot. 

Relationships can be great teachers. 

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25 minutes ago, Daphnedenninghoff23 said:

Thankyou. 

I believe you right away when you said you learned a lot. 

Relationships can be great teachers. 

I still vote for a break in a relationship. It can teach you something too. That you can live without him. After he returnes to a relationship-modus with you (if he doesn´t, he is a hopeless idiot, don´t regret), you´ll be more secure and relaxed, because you know, no matter what, you can do without him.

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Wow, Daphne, this is so beautiful - thanks for sharing :)


'When you look outside yourself for something to make you feel complete, you never get to know the fullness of your essential nature.' - Amoda Maa Jeevan

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@Daphnedenninghoff23 It happened also to me, that my BF looked at some girl on the street and told - wow, is she hot! And I wanted to know, what makes him hot about women. But if he had had her in his head for longer, or even made an effort to learn her or to have sex with her, no, it´s not nice. But well a mature man who has gone through a lot of disappointments would recognise the difference between an image in his head and a real person. Since your partner is not mature he has to go through this experience, I can follow. But he has to go alone without your support - and let´s hope this experience won´t be nice for him, let´s hope it will be disappointment after disappointment, so that he comes back to you crying and groaning 😜

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17 minutes ago, Hulia said:

@Daphnedenninghoff23 It happened also to me, that my BF looked at some girl on the street and told - wow, is she hot! And I wanted to know, what makes him hot about women. But if he had had her in his head for longer, or even made an effort to learn her or to have sex with her, no, it´s not nice. But well a mature man who has gone through a lot of disappointments would recognise the difference between an image in his head and a real person. Since your partner is not mature he has to go through this experience, I can follow. But he has to go alone without your support - and let´s hope this experience won´t be nice for him, let´s hope it will be disappointment after disappointment, so that he comes back to you crying and groaning 😜

You are completely missing the point.


I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

https://calendly.com/erik-coaching/add-coaching-free-strategy-consult

Besides that, ♂ I offer single breakthrough calls for men on social life, dating, relationships and sexuality.

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Just now, flowboy said:

You are completely missing the point.

Obviously I do. What is the point in loving one person and having sex with another? It´s too twisted for my small female brain. 

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Posted (edited)

2 minutes ago, Hulia said:

Obviously I do. What is the point in loving one person and having sex with another? It´s too twisted for my small female brain. 

This is not a game of punishment.

It's an exercise in Love and radical Trust.

It only makes sense from a higher vibration.

Trusting that his enjoyment is good for you too. Trusting that he will come back to her. And if he doesn't, even trusting that that is for the good of all.

It's a monstrous task, but very freeing.

Edited by flowboy

I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

https://calendly.com/erik-coaching/add-coaching-free-strategy-consult

Besides that, ♂ I offer single breakthrough calls for men on social life, dating, relationships and sexuality.

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2 minutes ago, flowboy said:

This is not a game of punishment.

It's an exercise in Love and radical Trust.

It only makes sense from a higher vibration.

Trust in what?

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Posted (edited)

3 minutes ago, Hulia said:

Trust in what?

The Universe... God... whatever you prefer to call it.

Trust that if you let go completely, and stop ALL egoic control, that what happens then, is exactly how it should be, and for the good of all.

 

That probably feels wrong to you. And as me, in my ego, in my personal situation, it feels a bit wrong/scary too.

But perhaps you can glimpse how freeing it would be. To not have to control anything anymore, and trust life to take care of you.

 

I can't speak for OP, just giving my own interpretation here.

Edited by flowboy

I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

https://calendly.com/erik-coaching/add-coaching-free-strategy-consult

Besides that, ♂ I offer single breakthrough calls for men on social life, dating, relationships and sexuality.

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19 minutes ago, Hulia said:

Trust in what?

Higher vibrations. xD

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4 hours ago, Daphnedenninghoff23 said:

I hear you. And I fully understand where you are coming from. Yet I would like to point out what I said above 👆 

The love that opened up within me has to include me, because I am the source of this love. It does not exclude anything. 
 

And it includes myself. I never felt so loving towards myself in my life. I am seeing all these things about myself that I also used to judge and I just feel acceptance and love for it. 
 

It’s as if this whole experience just opened up my ability or capacity to love in general.

I would like to be like this with everyone and everything. I naturally feel like expressing it.

So yes, I fully understand your concern. And all of this is difficult to explain in words. But to be honest it felt more toxic to hold my partner as a prison and get angry at him for looking at other women and judge him for everything that did not meet my expectations. 

This feels like clean drinking water. Very pure. Very innocent. But definitely not lacking in intelligence. It’s beautiful. And I wish I could share it with everyone.

I had read on another of your replies that you are his first experience.

So, I know from experience what it is like to be caught between a rock and a hard place where you have to think, “If I stay with the love of my life I will never experience sex or romance with another person ever again. And if I want to experience these VERY DEVELOPMENTALLY IMPORTANT experiences, I will have to lose my partner.”

I felt that way all the time with my first love. We were together for 4 years and I was sure I wanted to marry him one week into the relationship... at age 16. And I repressed my sexuality for the whole relationship because I didn’t even let myself acknowledge attraction to other guys because it felt threatening to the relationship which I valued do highly.

And after the relationship ended I did some plant medicine and recognized that being married to some future outcome of the relationship imprisons us both and kills it dead in the water. 

So I was adamant that I would never cause a person to feel that “never ever again in your life” feeling. But I always had a hard time applying the same openness to myself because I might very well fall in love if I decide to date and have sex. 

So while I can give my partner openness, I can’t give myself openness... and that creates a power imbalance and with it feelings of powerlessness. And that’s the feeling that makes me feel bad far more than it is about the other person exploring their sexuality.

So in my relationship with my husband, I had a rule that he didn’t have to forego sex with other women as long as it was just sex. And this was a relief to him because he didn’t have to fight his sex drive to be with me. And we’d discuss his sexual feelings frequently. So he felt he didn’t have to leave his variety-seeking drive at the door. And it allowed him to express more of his sexuality to me.

But he never actually went out and had sex with another woman. So, I don’t know how I would have felt had he actually done it.

Maybe I would have been okay with it... or maybe I’d have felt broken up about it. But simply having the open relationship understanding was much healthier in many facets.


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24 minutes ago, Zeroguy said:

Higher vibrations. xD

:)))))

Oh these higher vibrations...

Zero, how do you think, if somebody is capable of higher vibrations, does he still need lower vibrations? And if so, does he have preferneces, like higher vibrations feel better than lower? Or is it all the same for him? Vibration.

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47 minutes ago, flowboy said:

The Universe... God... whatever you prefer to call it.

Trust that if you let go completely, and stop ALL egoic control, that what happens then, is exactly how it should be, and for the good of all.

 

That probably feels wrong to you. And as me, in my ego, in my personal situation, it feels a bit wrong/scary too.

But perhaps you can glimpse how freeing it would be. To not have to control anything anymore, and trust life to take care of you.

 

I can't speak for OP, just giving my own interpretation here.

 I am not a control freak. If a guy wants to test other women, he can do it. But without me. I won´t hinder him, but I also won´t support him. The chances that after testing and comparing he won´t make a mistake but comes back are 50 x 50.  

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Posted (edited)

4 minutes ago, Hulia said:

@Daphnedenninghoff23 You should have met him later, so that you are not the 1st or 2nd or even the 3rd his relationship:(

That would be ideal. But it is what it is.

Also, I think what you said about letting a man go so that he can have the sexual experiences he feels he needs to have is another good method of approach. That’s where I’d be at this point in my life if I were in this scenario.

Just give him some time and space to do what he needs to do.

And if he comes back later, then conversations can be had between the two of us about whether or not the relationship is something to revisit.

Edited by Emerald

Enrollment now open for my Shadow Work Group Class! Limited spots available. 

Click here to learn more!

 

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