Daphnedenninghoff23

The path of love

105 posts in this topic

This is kind of a continuation of my post regarding my relationship of 8 years. I just felt an urge to share it. 

I and my partner have recently opened up our relationship consciously.

He has been pushing his true sexual feelings away for a while now, and I see this. 
I used to not understand male sexuality, and I judged it. As a woman, I felt very judgemental. 

But since this year, we have decided that, since he feels this pull, to explore it..together.

The intention behind it is play, but also to learn and grow. 

On Monday my partner has a date with a girl and possibly will have sex with her. 

At the beginning of our relationship, I was very needy and very jealous. 

But I have been encouraging him to share honestly his most private thoughts, opinions, needs..everything with me. 

He has told me things...that other women would hate to hear. Cause truth can hurt. 

But the weird thing that is happening is that I am just loving him more and more. Not in a way that it's like a feeling. 

It's more like...the strongest sense of acceptance that I ever experienced. 

He has felt that. And he is very much in awe that I have this capacity to love him even in places that he judges himself very much. 

This stuff...is healing. Even for me. Loving him in this way... comes naturally. It also opens me up to love myself that way. I actually feel filled with love. It's spilling out of me. 

I even...feel love for the girl he is going to have a date with. This...for me....is something I never thought I was capable of.

I also recently had my second deep realization regarding my own true nature. Actually, this happened while completely surrendering to what is currently happening within my relationship. Weirdly enough. 

I feel so vulnerable. But it's beautiful.

I never thought this was possible. And I am inspired to deepen my realizations, to love even deeper, to dissolve all that is untrue, and to love all of reality. 

I feel...like this is my purpose. To love..To learn to unconditionally love. 

I also had this as a kid. When I was a child, I always wanted everyone to be accepted. Even the things that I did not understand. I wanted people to be showered with love. I can see that this may have eluded to what my purpose is. 

Tears are filling my eyes as I am saying this. 

What amazed me even more that I told him...from the bottom of my heart...that: The truth is, you might fall in love. You might want to leave me. And maybe you will. I will not stop loving you. I find that this is impossible. You are not mine. You are not my prisoner. You are free. And I wish for you to explore life as you should and learn what you need to learn. Feel free to always come back, if you feel pulled to experience things with me. And if not, just know you are loved. 

It brought him, and me to tears. Sorry, I am just in awe that this kind of love is possible. I just had to share. 

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There's definitely a deep connection to Source going on there, it's beautiful.

Thanks for sharing.


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This is good as long as you're not self-sacrificing.

Your unconditional love is not complete unless you love yourself. And if you sacrifice your boundaries and needs for his, then it isn't loving towards yourself.

Mind you, I'm not saying that you are self-sacrificing. I'm just saying to be mindful of your feelings and not to disregard them. 


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I'm not getting a good vibe here.

Seems like you're simply convincing yourself of the inevitable.

I see a lack of self confidence and lack of boundaries and the inability to stand up and say no.

 


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Posted (edited)

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

his is good as long as you're not self-sacrificing.

Your unconditional love is not complete unless you love yourself. And if you sacrifice your boundaries and needs for his, then it isn't loving towards yourself.

I hear you. And I fully understand where you are coming from. Yet I would like to point out what I said above 👆 

The love that opened up within me has to include me, because I am the source of this love. It does not exclude anything. 
 

And it includes myself. I never felt so loving towards myself in my life. I am seeing all these things about myself that I also used to judge and I just feel acceptance and love for it. 
 

It’s as if this whole experience just opened up my ability or capacity to love in general.

I would like to be like this with everyone and everything. I naturally feel like expressing it.

So yes, I fully understand your concern. And all of this is difficult to explain in words. But to be honest it felt more toxic to hold my partner as a prison and get angry at him for looking at other women and judge him for everything that did not meet my expectations. 

This feels like clean drinking water. Very pure. Very innocent. But definitely not lacking in intelligence. It’s beautiful. And I wish I could share it with everyone.

Edited by Daphnedenninghoff23

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Posted (edited)

2 hours ago, Daphnedenninghoff23 said:

This is kind of a continuation of my post regarding my relationship of 8 years. I just felt an urge to share it. 

I and my partner have recently opened up our relationship consciously.

He has been pushing his true sexual feelings away for a while now, and I see this. 
I used to not understand male sexuality, and I judged it. As a woman, I felt very judgemental. 

But since this year, we have decided that, since he feels this pull, to explore it..together.

The intention behind it is play, but also to learn and grow. 

On Monday my partner has a date with a girl and possibly will have sex with her. 

At the beginning of our relationship, I was very needy and very jealous. 

But I have been encouraging him to share honestly his most private thoughts, opinions, needs..everything with me. 

He has told me things...that other women would hate to hear. Cause truth can hurt. 

But the weird thing that is happening is that I am just loving him more and more. Not in a way that it's like a feeling. 

It's more like...the strongest sense of acceptance that I ever experienced. 

He has felt that. And he is very much in awe that I have this capacity to love him even in places that he judges himself very much. 

This stuff...is healing. Even for me. Loving him in this way... comes naturally. It also opens me up to love myself that way. I actually feel filled with love. It's spilling out of me. 

I even...feel love for the girl he is going to have a date with. This...for me....is something I never thought I was capable of.

I also recently had my second deep realization regarding my own true nature. Actually, this happened while completely surrendering to what is currently happening within my relationship. Weirdly enough. 

I feel so vulnerable. But it's beautiful.

I never thought this was possible. And I am inspired to deepen my realizations, to love even deeper, to dissolve all that is untrue, and to love all of reality. 

I feel...like this is my purpose. To love..To learn to unconditionally love. 

I also had this as a kid. When I was a child, I always wanted everyone to be accepted. Even the things that I did not understand. I wanted people to be showered with love. I can see that this may have eluded to what my purpose is. 

Tears are filling my eyes as I am saying this. 

What amazed me even more that I told him...from the bottom of my heart...that: The truth is, you might fall in love. You might want to leave me. And maybe you will. I will not stop loving you. I find that this is impossible. You are not mine. You are not my prisoner. You are free. And I wish for you to explore life as you should and learn what you need to learn. Feel free to always come back, if you feel pulled to experience things with me. And if not, just know you are loved. 

It brought him, and me to tears. Sorry, I am just in awe that this kind of love is possible. I just had to share. 

It´s nice. But why does your partner need sex with other women? Doesn´t he get enough from you? Isn´t he enough attracted to you? Are you the first or just the second woman with whom he had sex, and he just wants to explore? Do you feel the same urge to explore sex with other men?  So many questions. Do you ask them yourself?

How long have you been together?

Edited by Hulia

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2 minutes ago, Zeroguy said:

xD

what? would be a perfect relationship material for you, provided she can also make pancakes?

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1 minute ago, Hulia said:

what? would be a perfect relationship material for you, provided she can also make pancakes?

xD

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Posted (edited)

23 minutes ago, Hulia said:

It´s nice. But why does your partner need sex with other women? Doesn´t he get enough from you? Isn´t he enough attracted to you? Are you the first or just the seconf woman in his life, and he just wants to explore? So many questions. Do you ask them yourself?

How long have you been together?

Hello, Thankyou for your message.

We are together for 8,5 years.

I am my partners first relationship and sexual relationship. 
 

Intellectually, we have reflected and philosophised and looked at why he thinks he needs other women. However the topic kept popping back up. The desire was still there. 
 

He does get enough from me. But within him is the belief that another women will give him salvation. 
 

One of the reason why we decided to go into this is for him to discover, experience and learn for himself why he has these desires and what they mean. And also if they are true.

I can tell him that no women will ever be his salvation. He understands this intellectually. But deeper to the core there is still the belief.

I used to take it personally. Cause I did not understand. And it would trigger my own feeling of not being good enough. But I realized that it has nothing to do with me. I am enough. I am whole. 
 

I realised through my own suffering that nothing outside of me (including my partner) can ever make me feel fulfilled. That’s not their job. 
 

I remember I read a book that said “if you want to men to stop being attracted or to love other women, you cannot expect him to love you or be attracted to you since you are a woman”

And yes, he wants to explore. Through him I’ve been learning a lot about male sexuality and also about my own. About female and male psychology.

I know it’s against the grain to explore like this. I am aware that it seems like I am going against myself.

so I understand the comments.

but you have no clue how much I’m learning about myself.

and how much he is learning about himself. He is learning so much about his associations with other women, his sexuality, his fears, how he sees me and is that realistic is it truthful is it loving like really loving?

what is love?

and where is he just projecting a lack of something?

I disagree with people telling me that this means that I have no self-worth. This takes a lot of self-worth.  This takes a lot of self-love.

this is a journey of learning about what it means to be human. Imagine if you were only bound to having three different experiences the rest of your life?

imagine if a relationship meant that you were not a free person and that you could only experience a very limited set of things.

we decided to go on this adventure because we feel that there is something to learn within this experience that might help us grow.  That will bring us to higher levels of consciousness of what is going on inside of us and in other people.

So no this has nothing to do with feelings of not being enough.  And, to be honest even if those feelings do come up… what a beautiful invitation to look at that consciously and closely and intimately.

Edited by Daphnedenninghoff23

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6 minutes ago, Daphnedenninghoff23 said:

We are together for 8,5 years.

I am my partners first relationship and sexual relationship. 

Ok. I understand your partner. And also you. But I would probably make a pause in a relationship. I couldn´t have sex with a man, knowing that he has sex with other women. Evene if understnd and don´t judge. 

I would return to relationship again, if his need for other women and experiences is satisfied.

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Good, as long as he's not exploiting your goodness.


Have faith.

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I think, with this attitude you make it too easy, too comfortable for him, you also give him more chances for success with other women. He goes into his dates confident and self-satisfied having such a great backup as you.

I would realy withdraw from him for the period of time. He should ask himself painful questions, like whether it is worth of it, what he is doing. He should miss you.

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Posted (edited)

1 minute ago, Hulia said:

I think, with this attitude you make it too easy, too comfortable for him, you also give him more chances for success with other women. He goes into his dates confident and self-satisfied having such a great backup as you.

I would realy withdraw from him for the period of time. He should ask himself painful questions, like whether it is worth of it, what he is doing. He should miss you.

xD can't help it.

Edited by Zeroguy

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3 minutes ago, Zeroguy said:

xD can't help it.

What? It´s like feeding someone with cakes 3 times a day. Not good for teeth and overall wellbeing.

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1 minute ago, Hulia said:

What? It´s like feeding someone with cakes 3 times a day. Not good for teeth and overall wellbeing.

I don't like cakes or I eat candies drink sodas and sugary stuff like that at all.I don't even like it ...more on salty side oriented.

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38 minutes ago, Hulia said:

I think, with this attitude you make it too easy, too comfortable for him, you also give him more chances for success with other women. He goes into his dates confident and self-satisfied having such a great backup as you.

I would realy withdraw from him for the period of time. He should ask himself painful questions, like whether it is worth of it, what he is doing. He should miss you.

 

Hmm, he should miss me? I understand why I would want him to miss me. 

I don't think he should. I don't think he has to stay with me at all. Unless it is his own free will. 
If he finds another girls that he wants to have a relationship with, then that's how it must be. 

Why would I fear impermanence? I mean, I could fear it, but that makes me a very neurotic and controlling and needy person. I know, cause I used to be like this. 

Thoughts like: "What if he finds someone better? What If I am just a back up? Because what If he doesn't need me anymore right? What does that say about me?"

I eventually started wondering what does this have to do with love? 

We cannot tell what the future holds. Neurotically trying to control a person to make him stay with you because he might just find someone that he enjoys more with... is that love?

I was wondering... What if he does. I don't think it's bad to ask that question. 

I don't feel like I am a back up. Simply because I don't feel like he owns me and neither do I. 
I am happy with my own life. I find it very interesting and fulfilling. And I see it more like this. He is always welcome. 
I love his presence, and I love talking to him. 

He does ask himself these painful questions. I ask them together with him. As that is the whole thing we are doing. And it's beautiful. I ask myself also painful questions. I do not shy away from them. 

So I love that you ask me these too. I like that you give me your perspective on it. 

Thankyou <3

 

 

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9 minutes ago, Daphnedenninghoff23 said:

I don't think he should. I don't think he has to stay with me at all. Unless it is his own free will. 
If he finds another girls that he wants to have a relationship with, then that's how it must be. 

I agree with it. But if he decides for you or other girl, he should stop having sex with 3rd parties. I mean, after he has explored enough. 

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1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

@Daphnedenninghoff23 can I ask you something?

Are you really comfortable with his behaviour?

 

Hello love, i have seen your comments. 

And to answer your question. No, it's not comfortable. That is the whole point. 
We both consciously chose this, to see what would it trigger. What it would bring up. What we could learn. 
So comfortable is not the right word. I do feel, like I mentioned, very accepting, very loving. But comfort has little to do with this. 

Are you comfortable with this behaviour? 

 

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