If this is all love then can I act however I want as long as I'm not hurting others?

[iboughtleosbooklist]

Since I was young I just wanted to be a clown and make others laugh. I'd be the best at making meta jokes or making really weird faces. My personality moulded to whoever I was with, and I'd always laugh at my own jokes, but also feel bad if they didn't like my jokes or criticised me.

My whole life was a story, I just loved what life put in front of me. I always jumped from friend to friend, I'd get obsessed with one person at a time and make it my purpose to make them like me or invite me to their birthday or to sleepovers etc. Life was simple back then when I devoted myself to others.

Currently though, I need nobody except my YouTube gurus and my musical heros. They are so interesting to me, but I'm aware my life appears extremely sad to others in society, especially my parents. But I know if I lived to make them proud, I wouldn't be living authentically. I'm enjoying the child state.

But I've also got this GNARLY EGO. I judge so many people, I could never hang out with them. I could never do a 9-5 and surrounded myself with them. I'd rather just merge into infinite love. But this is the ego speaking, but it's so dense, it would be so painful to become a "normie" because I've built these self protection mechanisms over years. But I know I was happier when I was a young clown. 

But then again, this is all there is. It's already 100% complete. So wtf? Can I seriously just stay as a recluse? Do I have any choice? Is there any "better" ways to live or is that just all an illusion? Is there any difference between living a selfish life and a selfless life? I'm not hurting anyone, but I'm not helping anyone either...

[Nahm]

Which is it, all love or you & others?

This sounds like all the I’s conditions, seeking outside validation to bypass within, to skip the practice, vs, well practiced, and the actual substance within. Love is the idea of love, but the idea of love is not love. 

Perhaps you heard a story or two about how awakening of the true nature = not doing this or that, and are a true clown lost in the conjecture of fools. 

[Tim R]

51 minutes ago, iboughtleosbooklist said:

Is there any difference between living a selfish life and a selfless life?

@iboughtleosbooklist I'm going to answer that one with "yes". Not as an ultimate answer to this question, but as an answer for you.

[iboughtleosbooklist]

@Nahm mate I love your posts, they seem to resonate as "true" but what you just wrote is too cryptic for me, I've never been good with puzzles.

If we are gonna go full non-dual, then the appearance of "my body" is actually just another "other" on the "screen of perception" (if that even exists either). I haven't done 5MEO so I'm not gonna pretend I understand the workings of God like Leo claims to.

I do still heavily identify with "my" body. I know it's part of the illusion, and wherever I look is "all that there is" in that moment, which isn't even a moment because there's no time either. Honestly I don't even know why this was written, I guess the caffeine just spawned this trash collection of words. We are dogs barking. I just remember feeling happier as a kid but that memory is just some phenomena happening in this moment. Empty fullness is all that exists apparently, and it'll never get better than now... yet how could anyone know that? It could just be another ingeniously crafted illusion.

My apologies for wasting anyone's time who reads this, I'm a mess.

[impulse9]

There is no other. Hurting others is hurting yourself.

[Nahm]

4 minutes ago, iboughtleosbooklist said:

@Nahm mate I love your posts, they seem to resonate as "true" but what you just wrote is too cryptic for me, I've never been good with puzzles.

Cause you’re in the matrix, the thought story of the I moving through time, which has never been good with x. If you’re looking for a mate to join in the confusion, look elsewhere. 

4 minutes ago, iboughtleosbooklist said:

If we are gonna go full non-dual, then the appearance of "my body" is actually just another "other" on the "screen of perception" (if that even exists either). I haven't done 5MEO so I'm not gonna pretend I understand the workings of God like Leo claims to.

You are what understanding is. Under… standing. Likewise, the appearance of the body is you. You are free. So free, you can focus on the thought it is ‘other’, and put up with (suppress) that discord. You can also listen to the guidance intrinsic within. Understanding & God is two. Nonduality is the pointing, the way, of not two. Understanding is readily available, but the belief of the I in time has a secondary belief that understanding is in a future, or is “this thing” which “someone has”. Don’t be such a readily & easily convinced fool, it is not in your nature & does not resound.

4 minutes ago, iboughtleosbooklist said:

I do still heavily identify with "my" body. I know it's part of the illusion, and wherever I look is "all that there is" in that moment, which isn't even a moment because there's no time either. Honestly I don't even know why this was written, I guess the caffeine just spawned this trash collection of words. We are dogs barking. I just remember feeling happier as a kid but that memory is just some phenomena happening in this moment. Empty fullness is all that exists apparently, and it'll never get better than now... yet how could anyone know that? It could just be another ingeniously crafted illusion.

My apologies for wasting anyone's time who reads this, I'm a mess.

Only the practice. Not beliefs and secondary beliefs justifying, cancelling out, etc, etc. Only the practice will do. 

[Leo Gura]

You can act however you want, including hurting others.

This has always been the case.

[iboughtleosbooklist]

@Nahm Thank you for writing all that out. I do need to do the practices, I think I understand them but I never actually did them. I probably don't want to do them because I like the idea of waking up, but actually doing it is terrifying. 

[Nahm]

@iboughtleosbooklist

?? 

Waking  up is not terrifying, it happens literally every single day. It just isn’t noticed, because wakefulness is appearing as, and veiling itself as, the activity of thinking.

If you don’t like how an idea feels, don’t hold it. You wouldn’t hold a hot coal in your hand, because you would listen to the pain. Meditation is the letting go of the hot coals, listening to the suffering.