Posted July 23, 2021 Holy fucking shit! Did you hurt her physically? If so, you should seek therapy. This is your frustration reaching a higher level. This is serious. Arc Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 23, 2021 (edited) 12 hours ago, Harlen Kelly said: @StarStruck How do you get so emotionally invested on a complete stranger chick? There is nothing to be ''sad'' about, a chick rejected you, so what? Far worse things will happen in your life. People do, I have had such problems, if you like the person, it's very easy. The sad thing is the breaking of the whole bet or paradigm with you being in their life, somehow. The whole emotional inertia is that sadness. Edited July 23, 2021 by Applegarden8 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 23, 2021 Oh shit you ARE already in therapy. Fuck man, I wish you the best. Stay out of trouble. Arc Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 23, 2021 Notice in your post how you’re trying to justify your behavior. But whatever you did is not justified. She just wasn’t interested. And you applied all kinds of other meanings onto that. And you got mad at the noise inside your head and took it out on her. In fact, if the woman was initially interested, she probably lost interest because you have this tendency to lash out. It’s easy to sense it on a man. My recommendation is to bring this up with your therapist and discontinue meeting women until you’re no longer dangerous to them. If you’re interested in developing Emotional Mastery and feeling more comfortable in your own skin, click the link below to register for my FREE Emotional Mastery Webinar… Emotionalmastery.org Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 23, 2021 (edited) @StarStruck We've all done shit we're not proud of. Especially the people here acting 'holier than thou'! The only thing I'll warn you about is repeating the same mistakes over and over again. One thing I'm seeing from your posts is that you're not getting the help you actually need here. Your situation definitely is too complicated for this forum to be able to make sense of it! Or for a therapist even. Edited July 23, 2021 by Parththakkar12 "Do not pray for an easy life. Pray for the strength to endure a difficult one." - Bruce Lee Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 23, 2021 (edited) The reason I recommended a therapist is I could see you were not being heard/seen by the commenters. That was all. Edited July 23, 2021 by Jacob Morres Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 23, 2021 (edited) 11 hours ago, StarStruck said: She hurt me so I had to hurt her, otherwise the anger would destroy me. If I were you, I would deeply question this idea that "anger would destroy me". The way you say it is such a nice encapsulation of resistance to feeling. "I can't feel! I wouldn't handle it! It would destroy me!" But feeling is just like seeing: both are consciousness. It's like saying you opening your eyes would destroy you. Indeed, if you were to feel the anger, it would bring an end to the pain, to the anger, to the problems, to the shame, to the judgements. Why are you afraid to feel? Oh because you think you are those problems. You think you have trauma and problems about yourself. You know that feeling would sublimate those issues, and so ego interprets feeling as losing itself since ego thinks it is associated or "has" those issues. But it's not itself it would be losing, but what is identified with, which is only pain. Your true self is without the anger problems and trauma. You shared that your true self is just sad from what has been done. You can fully be yourself again and drop all of this bullshit, all that is needed is to feel. At the end it's up to you, stay in hell and keep believing you need to do things to avoid your anger, or allow feeling and be free from all this pain. Edited July 23, 2021 by 4201 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 23, 2021 6 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said: @StarStruck We've all done shit we're not proud of. Especially the people here acting 'holier than thou'! Absolutely! No need to torture yourself about it, better to focus on feeling instead. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 23, 2021 Girls will flake on you all the time for no reason. Get used to it. You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 23, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, Parththakkar12 said: @StarStruck We've all done shit we're not proud of. Especially the people here acting 'holier than thou'! The only thing I'll warn you about is repeating the same mistakes over and over again. One thing I'm seeing from your posts is that you're not getting the help you actually need here. Your situation definitely is too complicated for this forum to be able to make sense of it! Or for a therapist even. This is so true. 3 hours ago, Emerald said: Notice in your post how you’re trying to justify your behavior. But whatever you did is not justified. She just wasn’t interested. And you applied all kinds of other meanings onto that. And you got mad at the noise inside your head and took it out on her. My recommendation is to bring this up with your therapist and discontinue meeting women until you’re no longer dangerous to them. Those are a lot of assumptions. It is the exact opposite, I'm a person who doesn't lash out. She knew that and that is why she treated me like trash. It is in human nature to lash out. I was always a person who would swallow it and this time, I just couldn't bare it. Yes, it felt great to have her on the phone crying, and then I told her off and I said I don't want anything to do with it. It is part of character building. This happening changed me so I won't be the same and don't do the same. Lashing out was just a new learning experience. Something I don't have experience with. Quote And you got mad at the noise inside your head and took it out on her. lol. Let's not all act stoic here. It is part of self-love. I did everything in my power to not do it. 2 hours ago, 4201 said: If I were you, I would deeply question this idea that "anger would destroy me". The way you say it is such a nice encapsulation of resistance to feeling. "I can't feel! I wouldn't handle it! It would destroy me!" But feeling is just like seeing: both are consciousness. It's like saying you opening your eyes would destroy you. Indeed, if you were to feel the anger, it would bring an end to the pain, to the anger, to the problems, to the shame, to the judgements. Why are you afraid to feel? Oh because you think you are those problems. You think you have trauma and problems about yourself. You know that feeling would sublimate those issues, and so ego interprets feeling as losing itself since ego thinks it is associated or "has" those issues. But it's not itself it would be losing, but what is identified with, which is only pain. Your true self is without the anger problems and trauma. You shared that your true self is just sad from what has been done. You can fully be yourself again and drop all of this bullshit, all that is needed is to feel. At the end it's up to you, stay in hell and keep believing you need to do things to avoid your anger, or allow feeling and be free from all this pain. In the past, not so long ago I would actually dissociate from my feelings and that would just destroy me. Last two weeks I actually started feeling and I got very unstable. When you feel anger you want to direct it to something. This time it was by lashing out and to be honest it felt liberating but I wouldn't do the same thing again. I learned from dating her so I don't think I will be hurt again; in the same way. Recently I read Peter Levine's book about trauma and they say you can either fight, flight or freeze. This time I just decided to fight back. Next time I won't put myself in the same vulnerable position that I have the necessity to strike back and hurt others. 1 hour ago, Leo Gura said: Girls will flake on you all the time for no reason. Get used to it. I got flaked a lot in the last several months and I take it wonderfully. This girl strung me along, played with my feelings, lied to me, made false promises and just disappeared without saying anything although we had the same feelings towards each other; this can't be faked. Ok, she can change her feelings but I just got surprised by how quickly women can change their feelings about a guy. After that she just enjoyed my misery by not responding and giving any explanation. That is truthless. I was just to hurt to not strike back. If I wouldn't have done it I would hate myself. Edited July 23, 2021 by StarStruck In Tate we trust Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 23, 2021 4 minutes ago, StarStruck said: Recently I read Peter Levine's book about trauma and they say you can either fight, flight or freeze. This time I just decided to fight back. Next time I won't put myself in the same vulnerable position that I have the necessity to strike back and hurt others. Well good to know. INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues Cleared out ignore list today. .. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 23, 2021 You need to follow hoodville on instagram Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 23, 2021 Just now, Frenk said: You need to follow hoodville on instagram Why ? INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues Cleared out ignore list today. .. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 23, 2021 9 hours ago, Preety_India said: Whatever you did, even if it's minor and yet bad/hurtful then simply don't do it Understand that this whatever you're doing is not because of the girl's reaction to you or your gestures but the product of your own insecurities. I have contemplated a lot on your issues. That is so sweet. Thank you. Quote The conclusion I'm coming at is this- You focus too much on others and how they react to you and what they do to you. You project an awful lot on what the other person is doing even when they're doing very minor.. But you make huge stories out of the little things they do and hurt yourself more than necessary, more than how much the situation will actually hurt, your own stories keep hurting you and keep adding more hurtful details to the story . These details are generated from excessive projecting on the girl or many girls that you interact with. However what you fundamentally lack is the ability to look inside. You keep pointing the finger to the girl and her reaction but keep avoiding pointing the finger inside yourself Point the finger to you and look at your own mountain of insecurities. You're so awfully insecure that even if a girl looked at you the wrong way you'll go into total meltdown. You won't show it to her. But you will show that rage and resentment here You have passive anger which is worse than active anger Your rage,resentment and anger for not being accepted by a girl is showing in all of your posts This doesn't mean that you're a bad person. No you're not. You're not a bad person. But you got to work an awful lot on your insecurities and grow out of it You'll keep hurting your own feelings as long as you don't target and work on these insecurities . Those girls are not rejecting only you. You're not the only male on planet Earth. Those girls are probably rejecting a lot of men However you're making it so so personal and getting hurt and also generating revenge out of this hurt for which nobody is really Responsible. Women don't owe you Sex. You're not understanding that those women are fully within their right to reject you. Yet you feel very entitled to their body and emotions. Target your own insecurities. Work on your cognitive dissonance. Stop hurting other people to justify your needs. Stop being entitled to other's will and action. They don't have any contract with you. They are strangers. They don't owe you anything simply because they give you their number Work on yourself. Inner work Stop doing stupid things. It won't help you. You only keep dragging your insecurities the more you keep screaming about how you don't get what you want Be secure with yourself and then you won't be stressed out about rejections. That is so true. You described me very well. The thing is that I really opened up my heart to her and I saw she opened up her heart for me. What really hurt me is her sudden change of attitude. She texted me and she agreed to come to my home, and she cancelled few hours before it would happen. Afterwards she gave me the cold shower and then just totally ghosting me. I just couldn't understand somebody being like that. She knew my feelings for her. It was vile, immature and evil. Afterwards she saw me suffering; was trying to call me and text her to get an explanation and she didn't respond. What I did I did out of self-love and healthy egoism. She thought she would get away with it because I was a nice guy. Guess what? I'm not that guy any more. You are - somewhat - right about my insecurities.. but people with insecurities deserve to be treated with respect too. I was already working on those issues and I'm not pointing fingers at her. I'm already working on myself regarding that topic. In Tate we trust Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 23, 2021 Just now, StarStruck said: That is so sweet. Thank you. That is so true. You described me very well. The thing is that I really opened up my heart to her and I saw she opened up her heart for me. What really hurt me is her sudden change of attitude. She texted me and she agreed to come to my home, and she cancelled few hours before it would happen. Afterwards she gave me the cold shower and then just totally ghosting me. I just couldn't understand somebody being like that. She knew my feelings for her. It was vile, immature and evil. Afterwards she saw me suffering; was trying to call me and text her to get an explanation and she didn't respond. What I did I did out of self-love and healthy egoism. She thought she would get away with it because I was a nice guy. Guess what? I'm not that guy any more. You are - somewhat - right about my insecurities.. but people with insecurities deserve to be treated with respect too. I was already working on those issues and I'm not pointing fingers at her. I'm already working on myself regarding that topic. I'm glad I'm able to help you. I read your post like 4 times, I had to put a lot of effort in trying to understand how you were feeling exactly. Because it's online and written stuff, it's incredibly hard to get to know how you are exactly thinking about the situation. Yet I apologise if I said anything that might not have been true but even then I get the opportunity to know more about you when you deny it so it kinda refines my understanding INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues Cleared out ignore list today. .. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 23, 2021 1 minute ago, Preety_India said: I'm glad I'm able to help you. I read your post like 4 times, I had to put a lot of effort in trying to understand how you were feeling exactly. Because it's online and written stuff, it's incredibly hard to get to know how you are exactly thinking about the situation. Yet I apologise if I said anything that might not have been true but even then I get the opportunity to know more about you when you deny it so it kinda refines my understanding I'm not even telling the whole story how she cancelled and rescheduled like 3 times and after that some other things happened. I just didn't want to make my story very complicated. Some people might think I'm overreacting but I'm not. I'm a very mild person in normal circumstances but she made me very mad. My therapist sees me as a nice guy too. If I tell my therapist what I did she wouldn't believe me so I'm not going to. In Tate we trust Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 23, 2021 11 minutes ago, StarStruck said: - right about my insecurities.. but people with insecurities deserve to be treated with respect too. You're right about this and I apologise if you felt a bit judged..and you should discuss with the therapist only if you are comfortable in my opinion. INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues Cleared out ignore list today. .. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 23, 2021 @StarStruck I kinda saw this coming, which is why I encouraged you to look at your needs from a higher perspective. @Preety_India See? When I said he could transcend the neediness through spirituality, you were shortsighted and sarcastic. This behavior is a direct result of neediness, and could have been avoided simply by doing the inner work. But you're a rookie, and I don't blame you Foolish until proven other-wise Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 23, 2021 2 minutes ago, Gesundheit2 said: @StarStruck I kinda saw this coming, which is why I encouraged you to look at your needs from a higher perspective. @Preety_India See? When I said he could transcend the neediness through spirituality, you were shortsighted and sarcastic. This behavior is a direct result of neediness, and could have been avoided simply by doing the inner work. But you're a rookie, and I don't blame you Yea I get it that it's neediness but I also think it's neediness combined with some insecurity. Insecurity breeds fear and fear causes a person to react more strongly than usual. It's not a good place to be in because it keeps hurting the person in cycles and these cycles are difficult to stop. It becomes a wound that's difficult to heal and easily leads to flaring up whenever that wound is touched. That wound needs to heal so it doesn't flare up again. Also under the influence of such insecurities, the mind finds it difficult to differentiate between reality and thoughts and this leads to a lot of misunderstanding. For example if you hold the insecurity that your girlfriend might cheat on you, then even if your girlfriend is simply talking to a random guy, your mind will interpret it as her trying to cheat on you or more interested in that guy leading to unnecessary confusions and conflicts eventually destroying the relationship. So inner work on targeting these insecurities is important. INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues Cleared out ignore list today. .. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 23, 2021 It would be interesting if the girl in question could read this topic and know how you feel and WHY you did her "evil" shit Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
