capriciousduck

Getting Triggered

66 posts in this topic

I seem to get triggered when I see an actress or a girl outside when I go for a walk. That triggers pushes me somehow to watch pornography. Currently, I am doing nofap. Do you think it's a good idea to try cut off external triggers(by not watching movies or going outside) or am I missing something here?

However, I am aware that I can't keep on escaping like this, by not looking at a girl. But what would be the best way to act in this situation?

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23 minutes ago, capriciousduck said:

That triggers pushes me somehow to watch pornography.

Stop that ^^^

It is possible to get triggered and not act on it. You are not a robot or a Pavlovian dog. Avoidance is never a cure, instead do the work on yourself. Work on your impulse control.


Consiousness is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is.

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Posted (edited)

Porn hits the brain's reward centres powerfully. Which kind of re-programs it to want that stimulus again in future. I would say all hard-drug addictions work this way. It's possible to de-program the brain and sever the link between the trigger and the behaviour. There's many ways to do this.

One of the simplest is will power. You get trigerred, but do nothing no matter how tempting it is, eventually the craving dies down again. It's a matter of tapering down, not trying to stop the addiction and never doing it again. You're pitting one part of the brain (higher reasoning) with another part (limbic system). The more you practise the easier it gets.

It's probably worth keeping a diary of the times you watch porn. Just a list of times and dates. That gives you feedback on your impulse control and you can see things improving.

Avoidance doesn't work, because you can't control the world. No matter how hard you try you will probably get triggered by something eventually.

Edited by LastThursday

Consiousness is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is.

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Earlier, when I tried nofap I got pain in my balls. Is that normal? And what about porn kind of dreams? 

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If the pain is temporary and doesn't last for hours or days then it's fine. The pain is probably due to prolonged muscular contractions in that area. Sperm production decreases if you don't masturbate. Sperm will naturally die and be replaced.

I would say dreaming about porn is ok, you can't control your dreams. Fantasising is also fine, but if it's triggering you to watch porn, then it's not going to help in the short term. Once you build up some impulse control, then you can fantasize.


Consiousness is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is.

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Fapping will increase sperm production. New sperm quality is higher than old sperm. If you're interested in impregnating someone, then ejaculate regularly. There is no pressure build up from not masturbating, your body makes as much as it needs to.

Porn is bad for lots of reasons. One is that it can replace normal behaviour which is to go out and have a relationship with a real person (reward without working for it). Another is that largely you don't know under what circumstances the porn is being shot in and why, maybe the actors a low paid or being coerced. And by watching you are contributing to demand. It also programs the brain to view the opposite sex in a very specific and very unrealistic way, which doesn't match reality.

 

 


Consiousness is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is.

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1 minute ago, Lucas-fgm said:

It's true. But the main reason that made me stop watching porn is that with time it can lead you to watch pretty dirty, perv, disgusting stuff.

If that reason works for you then that's good enough. Having good reasons not to watch porn helps with impulse control.

 

 


Consiousness is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is.

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Posted (edited)

@capriciousduck Notice how much unnecessary suffering and misery you are creating in your life by adhering to a radical ideological position in regards to masturbation. 

Is all that suffering worth it?  

Edited by Harlen Kelly

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3 hours ago, LastThursday said:

Fapping will increase sperm production. New sperm quality is higher than old sperm. If you're interested in impregnating someone, then ejaculate regularly. There is no pressure build up from not masturbating, your body makes as much as it needs to.

Porn is bad for lots of reasons. One is that it can replace normal behaviour which is to go out and have a relationship with a real person (reward without working for it). Another is that largely you don't know under what circumstances the porn is being shot in and why, maybe the actors a low paid or being coerced. And by watching you are contributing to demand. It also programs the brain to view the opposite sex in a very specific and very unrealistic way, which doesn't match reality.

 

 

Very good points. A very matured perspective to an age old debate.

Kudos to you. You've a very illumined mind.

 


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5 hours ago, capriciousduck said:

I seem to get triggered when I see an actress or a girl outside when I go for a walk. That triggers pushes me somehow to watch pornography. Currently, I am doing nofap. Do you think it's a good idea to try cut off external triggers(by not watching movies or going outside) or am I missing something here?

However, I am aware that I can't keep on escaping like this, by not looking at a girl. But what would be the best way to act in this situation?

Good that you notice being triggered.

But the point of being triggered is not to avoid it, but to introspect and dissolve it.

Next time it happens, take some time to feel what it is!

Then write about it.

Then do a Byron Katie worksheet on it. (yes, this takes about an hour)

Do that a couple times and it will transform you.


I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

https://calendly.com/erik-coaching/add-coaching-free-strategy-consult

Besides that, ♂ I offer single breakthrough calls for men on social life, dating, relationships and sexuality.

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And generally how long can one stay without jerking off(both to porn and masturbation)? 

Is it man's nature to ejaculate in a timely basis? Or is it just the illusion created by the porn industry?

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@flowboy Byron Katie worksheet? I am new to it. Will look it up.

Thanks for all the answers guys.

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Posted (edited)

12 minutes ago, capriciousduck said:

And generally how long can one stay without jerking off(both to porn and masturbation)? 

Indefinitely.

You should separate masturbation from ejaculation.

Masturbation from time to time is healthy. Staying in touch with your sexuality. You could even do it every day if you have time.

Ejaculation drains your energy and is addictive. Should only be done if you have too much prana. You find your own frequency, generally between once every 3 weeks and once a year, depending on age. More than once a week is simply addiction.

Don't focus on that right now, focus on letting your triggers transform you. Much more important.

8 minutes ago, capriciousduck said:

Byron Katie worksheet? I am new to it. Will look it up.

It's very good. You can download it for free on her site, and there are some great interviews with her doing "the work" live with people, so you can get an idea.

Edited by flowboy

I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

https://calendly.com/erik-coaching/add-coaching-free-strategy-consult

Besides that, ♂ I offer single breakthrough calls for men on social life, dating, relationships and sexuality.

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11 minutes ago, flowboy said:

You should separate masturbation from ejaculation.

Masturbation from time to time is healthy. Staying in touch with your sexuality. You could even do it every day if you have time.

Ejaculation drains your energy and is addictive. Should only be done if you have too much prana. You find your own frequency, generally between once every 3 weeks and once a year, depending on age. More than once a week is simply addiction.

I'm confused. Isn't that same, how can they be different?

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl.. 

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I noticed that during my previous relapses I used to jerk off many times in a single day after days of successful nofap. Is it the intended effect? Normally, I used to fap once a day but after the relapse I used to jerk off many times in a day.

Another question. Let's say I ground myself from all entertaining media and from anything else that would trigger me. I know this is sort of avoiding, but let's say I avoid the external triggers and stay nofap for a month. Will then the brain rewiring takes place? 

Or should I have to go head-on with the triggers and see what is it doing to me? (which I think is a very difficult task to me)

To give you some background, my aim was not to get horny after seeing a beautiful girl(not a hot girl). I wanted myself to be able to appreciate the girl's beauty instead than not to get horny at night and start jerking off. I feel like I am aiming for some non-natural ability. Am I?

I in no means saying that I want to stay free of sexual activity for life. I just want to live a good life. I don't want to get horny and do all the bullshit stuff like fapping.

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13 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I'm confused. Isn't that same, how can they be different?

 

Ejaculation is squirting semen out.

Masturbation is playing with one's sexual sensations.

One doesn't have to follow the other.

In fact, that is the key to a non-repressed healthy relationship to masturbation.


I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

https://calendly.com/erik-coaching/add-coaching-free-strategy-consult

Besides that, ♂ I offer single breakthrough calls for men on social life, dating, relationships and sexuality.

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Just now, flowboy said:

Ejaculation is squirting semen out.

Masturbation is playing with one's sexual sensations.

One doesn't have to follow the other.

In fact, that is the key to a non-repressed healthy relationship to masturbation.

You're saying something that is simply impossible. One has to lead to the other or else it would lead feelings of deprivation and represssion and then frustration. 

I'm like...................this never happens. 

One is done for the other. 

 


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Posted (edited)

@capriciousduck  The key lies in separating some things that are too tangled up.

Getting horny does not mean you have to go and masturbate.

Masturbating does not have to mean you go all the way to ejaculation.

Not getting horny as a reaction to seeing a hot girl is indeed aiming too high.

Not having the compulsion to masturbate until ejaculation, as a response, can be unlearned.

Try doing the worksheet instead of masturbating next time. Use whatever thoughts you have around the trigger.

Edited by flowboy

I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

https://calendly.com/erik-coaching/add-coaching-free-strategy-consult

Besides that, ♂ I offer single breakthrough calls for men on social life, dating, relationships and sexuality.

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Just now, flowboy said:

Masturbating does not have to mean you go all the way to ejaculation.

You're being misleading. Then it won't be called masturbation. It's only being horny. Or getting an impulse but not acting on it. However masturbation is a whole process meant for ejaculation.

 


 INTP loner... .shy girl.. 

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Posted (edited)

5 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

You're saying something that is simply impossible. One has to lead to the other or else it would lead feelings of deprivation and represssion and then frustration. 

I'm like...................this never happens. 

One is done for the other. 

 

I guess this will be a bit of a reality shift for you.

I masturbate from time to time, I would say between 1 and 3 times a week. I don't ejaculate. I simply enjoy myself for an hour, and then go back to life as usual. I preserve my energy.

I feel satisfied.

I don't feel deprived.

I don't feel a compulsion to cum, with or without a partner.

Also, I have a wide network of friends and acquaintances who live the same way, and have woken up to this possibility.

They don't want to go back. It improves their sex life, life energy level and outlook, positive mood, amongst other things.

 

It's all the benefits of "nofap" without the unhealthy repression.

Edited by flowboy

I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

https://calendly.com/erik-coaching/add-coaching-free-strategy-consult

Besides that, ♂ I offer single breakthrough calls for men on social life, dating, relationships and sexuality.

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