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PepperBlossoms

Feeling Trapped

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I feel trapped.  Trapped in this body.  Trapped in the ideas.

Trapped at work.  Can only do xyz and have to do it like xyz.

Trapped in schedule.  Trapped in having to work 8-5.  Trapped in having to look at computer screen.  Trapped in having to speak language.

Trapped in having to behave a certain way, say certain things, think certain things, move in specific ways.

There are only so many options and choices and freedom.

We are slaves to where we see the boundary is.

Trapped in emotion.  Trapped in sadness.  Trapped in lack of motivation.  Trapped in lack of ideas.  Trapped in rules.  Trapped in shoulds.

Trapped.

It is claustrophobic.

Trapped in how people move around.  Trapped in bodily pain. 

Trapped in money system.

Trapped in how/where you can go.  Stuck on the ground.  Walk on the sidewalk.  Drive between the lines.  Sleep during night.

Trapped in job system.  Cannot take positions you are not qualified for.  Cannot piss people off.  Trapped in doing "what you are supposed to do".

Everyone is copying off of everyone for how to act/be and it is claustrophobic.

If I am everyone, I am contributing to the collective claustrophobia if I go along.  I die as an individual body if I step outside.  It is painful.

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Work is so claustrophobic.  Have to do all of these tasks.  Trapped in that you have to do them and they have to be done a certain way and by a certain time.  Trapped in that you can't just say - I don't want to do these tasks - well you can - by quitting - yes we can speak out and say we don't want to do them and to have someone else do them

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This feeling trapped feeling is something I can relate to. I feel like my mind is free by I have so many constraints of physical reality and the needs of survival in this social matrix. It can be heart breaking.


 "Unburdened and Becoming" - Bon Iver

                            ◭"89"

                  

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Sleep has been bad on some days, okay on others.

Sure I could say that all the rules are made up and we don't have to go by them - but yet gravity isn't gonna go away any time soon.

Sure I could say that I am part of everyone and whatever I do benefits the other me's and all these things we have are from other me's.

I appreciate all the technology and plants and stuff that other me's have created but yet it feels pretty constraining.

Looking at blood cells and how they are constrained in only doing certain things.  Water droplets constrained in that they rumble in the water and go up in the sky and then fall back down.  Words constrained in that stuck on a piece of paper.

I didn't ask to be here - I am just here.  Even if this bodily self/perspective goes away, the other self could still be here.

Even if I leave - the other me's are similarly to varying degrees constrained as well.  Spiders constrained, fish constrained, vapor constrained.

Sure I could try to make things better for the other me's but not sure what that would be.  It seems like a waste of time to improve stuff on Earth when the planet won't last forever anyway nor will the stuff on it.

We are seemingly going to die regardless (of our bodily perspective) so its so weird.

How to make it so that I help all the me's.. not sure.  I think my job has had a bunch of toxicity and that made things worse but will still be constrained regardless of toxicity at other jobs.

Would be nice if we lifted more constraints - easier to switch careers/countries. food/shelter taken care of by the collective.

I disagree in making people "illegal" from other countries.  we have no more right than them to be here. but then there is the potential issue of too many people and overcrowding and not enough adequate infrastructure.  

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On 22/07/2021 at 9:59 PM, PepperBlossoms said:

Sleep has been bad on some days, okay on others.

Sure I could say that all the rules are made up and we don't have to go by them - but yet gravity isn't gonna go away any time soon.

Sure I could say that I am part of everyone and whatever I do benefits the other me's and all these things we have are from other me's.

I appreciate all the technology and plants and stuff that other me's have created but yet it feels pretty constraining.

Looking at blood cells and how they are constrained in only doing certain things.  Water droplets constrained in that they rumble in the water and go up in the sky and then fall back down.  Words constrained in that stuck on a piece of paper.

I didn't ask to be here - I am just here.  Even if this bodily self/perspective goes away, the other self could still be here.

Even if I leave - the other me's are similarly to varying degrees constrained as well.  Spiders constrained, fish constrained, vapor constrained.

Sure I could try to make things better for the other me's but not sure what that would be.  It seems like a waste of time to improve stuff on Earth when the planet won't last forever anyway nor will the stuff on it.

We are seemingly going to die regardless (of our bodily perspective) so its so weird.

How to make it so that I help all the me's.. not sure.  I think my job has had a bunch of toxicity and that made things worse but will still be constrained regardless of toxicity at other jobs.

Would be nice if we lifted more constraints - easier to switch careers/countries. food/shelter taken care of by the collective.

I disagree in making people "illegal" from other countries.  we have no more right than them to be here. but then there is the potential issue of too many people and overcrowding and not enough adequate infrastructure.  

Are you like a freedom seeker ? 

Do you like nature?

Work will feel very claustrophobic especially if you're a carefree free spirited soul kind of a person

 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

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Not sure if you find this video resonating, but in my view it is an answer to at least a good portion of your struggles: 

 

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I find I tend to toggle between extreme optimism, but then this feeling of being trapped in space time to this system makes me want to kill myself. Reality is one hell of a fucking thing. Not sure why I as God am creating this.


 "Unburdened and Becoming" - Bon Iver

                            ◭"89"

                  

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