Start of my Vision Journal

[actualizingmover]

I noticed that there could be a big value in putting my Journal up here because 1. It will motivate me more to do it regularly and 2. I could get input on my vision and my journey.

So i'm 22 currently in Tanzania but from Europe.

My Vision: Building a Ecovillage for me and my family which also serves as a constant living place and a retreat for other people who want to self actualize and learning more about themselves and advancing spiritually. It will be built in a free country in a natural place surrounded by green. Programm will include: Yoga Classes, Meditation, Primal Movement courses, Work in the garden, Circles for exchange, Conscious Parties, School for conscious children, Music, a place where people are welcome to live and go when they want but also for people who want to immerse themselves for a condensed time and get the most out of it.

I'm currently living in a Rasta village in Tanzania, Daressalaam and this village greatly influenced my vision. Here they have organic farming, drum and dance classes, A safe living space for the kids and their creative exploring process of becoming a free, creative, fundamentally strong and happy human, i see constant expansion of this village and people act from a place of acceptance and love and letting others be the way they are but always open to connect, talk and for new ideas. The country is of course poor but here my guesthost Rasta Mambo has opened a place for people to come and be welcome in a place that accepts and doesn't judge. A truly nurturing place for everybody who is arriving.

My Medium: I am moving to become a Primal Movement Coach. All my life i have enjoyed few things more than moving, but now I have the clarity to channel my knowledge into this medium which will allow me to teach my students about living a  free, healthier and happier life in their body and spirit. My next step here is to take a 3 months online course under Ido Portal and to make a Yoga Teacher License. These will bring me closer to my vision

My Values:

Freedom

Health

Awareness

Responsibility

Authenticity

Self-Actualization

Connection

Passion

Gratitude

Growth

Understanding

Cursiosity

Travel

Calmness

Inspiration

Nature

Comfort

 

My Top 6 strenghts:

Curiosity

Braveness

Wisdom

Ability to forgive

Spirituality

Social Intelligence

 

My passions:

Movement

Spiritual Development and spiritual discourse. I'm really seeing the fundamental benefits of developing spiritually. It is the truth, maybe the only thing that truly deeply matters and the hidden goal of everybody in this world. Spiral dynamics are really opening up a lot for me and i see myself at green to yellow, sometimes getting glimpses of turquoise but sometimes also still in orange, blue and even red. I truly enjoy systems thinking, and it's given me a new peace within me and a new sense of purpose. I can be authentic, i can finally be myself and free myself of my chains. I have everything within me and all the tools to lead a fulfilled life. I take 100% responsibility of my life which is the most important thing any human can do to evolve our species and ourselves. Victims mentality is unserving.

Inspiration: I'm passionate about inspiring others to get closer to their essence and to be aware of their ego, which i want to channel through Movement and spiritual teaching along the road 

*It's a process* 

Also i really enjoy free travelling, adventure and doing things out of the ordinary which arre really giving me a new perspective constantly. Perspective is key. The more perspective you have, the freer you are and the more interpretations you can see in situations. The more perspective, the more open minded 

I want to start this journal to hold myself more accountable in my process, since i'm losing motivation when i'm allowing my ego to take control which often happens when i just work for myself. When i'm just working for myself it's easier for my ego to trick me and in the end i'm not just working for myself, i'm working for the evolution of consciousness so i might aswell give my gift here everyday to spread more of myself  wherever i can. Sometimes i see this abundance that i have within me and that I'm basically a tool for creation, but sometimes i fall into being absorbed in petty problems and i cannot access my power and intrinsic motivation but I'm looking for something external, which is fine at times but not sustainable for long term as a balance is needed.

TO put it together: My habits i want to cement within myself: 

1. 30 mins of meditation/day, 20 in the morning, 10 in the evening

2. Daily reading and putting together my learnings digitally into notion

3. Daily Movement and daily studying of the human body and new movement techniques

 

Goals: 

1. By April 2022 i want to have my first free-of-charge movement disciple for one month -> I want to build a proper training until then

2. By June 2022 i want to earn 800€ / month remote to fund my expenses and give myself more freedom

3. By June 2023 i want to publish my first E-Book on consciousness in different cultures around the world which will allow me to study cultures around the world currently Rastafari

4. By 2026 i want to earn 3000€ /month as a Movement Coach and start to assist people in living a freer, healthier and happier life. 

5. I want to study Spiral Dynamics deeply and go through content of actualized.org deeply to approach stage turquoise

 

-> I now notice a discrepancy between two of these things: I have committed to put in 10000 hours into Movement so it will be hard to also put in much time into spirituality -> i will prioritize Movement over spirituality but will still work considerably on my spirituality.

 

Here i want to put my journey, my journal to stay on track, commit myself deeper and record my waking hours, my daily producitivity and the reasons that my producitvity is lacking at times in times when i have no or less clarity, becoming aware of my patterns

 

I am committing to putting up a sometimes longer, sometimes shorter post *daily*

 

[actualizingmover]

Another Day another Sunrise

Yesterday evening i went to a campfire at the beach and met some new and old friends there.

Also a cute girl with whom i talked spiritually and just for fun, which was nice after almost 4 months of basically retreating to inner work. I realized that a balance is important especially if you have yellow spiral aspects in you. Not neglecting your relationships and community is essential for holistic growth and happiness.

Also i connected with a new friend who has the same interests in movement as i do and so we said we will train together which is awesome. You attract your own vibe. The outside world is a mirror of your inside world.

After i talked to a very spiritual rasta friend of mine, who i know or a while but havent gone really deep with yet. 

He is living in the Nature at the beach and goes swimming everyday before bed and in the morning, is really in tune with natures cycles and his body and is eating only alkaline food. He is always healthy and energetic when i see him and deeply calm.

He is definitely seeing the interconnectedness, vibration and energies around him and the world and is very sensitive towards these. He inspired me to go swim with him at night and it was a deeply spiritual experience: "Now it's cold but when you dive and go fully in it it will be normal" 

He taught me that thinking and judging the water as cold, and thinking about going out again creates all the pain. If i'm present and not thinking i can really enjoy the water as it is and merge with it. It is important to connect with the Elements.

We talked very deep about nutrition and the bodys natural abilites and natural state. Sleeping in childs pose is something he recommended. I tried but couldnt fall asleep yet and turned onto my left side

 

 

Today i woke up rested at 5.20am, i think the earliest i have ever woken up naturally 

I walked around the garden at dark when i noticed that i dont need to go back to sleep now, so i decided that i will try biphasic sleeping and go to sleep later at noon

I went to the beach at dark, saw the sunrise, meditated and did breathwork. I gave thanks to the ocean and realized that the ocean has incredible wisdom in it. How much wisdom and truth must be held in these infinite waters.

I did some cartwheels, sat and enjoyed and plucked some coconuts to drink and a new fruit that i dont know the name of

 

then i walked back with two coconuts and now im getting tired and i will continue my sleep (reading "Why we sleep" by Matthew walker right now)

Also about sleep: I'm reading the book by one of the leading sleep scientists, but then yesterday i talked to this guy who is incredibly connected to nature and he is opposing Walkers thesis that you need at least 7 hrs by saying that sleep is like death and you need only 4 hours *if* your body is fully reset and in its natural state - the complete opposite of science but he still has so much credibility because he actually lives like that for 10+ years. Hm, don't know what to believe but  i think ill just listen to what mother nature tells me. 

 

Now i'm kind of uninspired to read about yoga anatomy, i think it's exactly what draws me to primal movement, that it's not so systemized and more natural

Living my values of connection, nature and health while slacklining with the kids.

I have the true realisation that in the end only what you do matters, not what you imagine and think about. Of course visualization and imagination is an incredible tool, but it's also a tool to create the life you wish to live which means that what you do with this imagination is what it comes down to.

True growth comes by acting your ideas out and not mentally masturbating to them. There's a time for planning and there's a time for action

 

Today was a truly blessed day. 

I went to the beach to find nature and lying in nature i was able to understand that we all come from nature and that nature is our essence. To spend time in nature might be a fundament for real spiritual development.

I said sorry to myself for all the stress i've caused myself, mental and physical and forgave myself - liberating

Salaam aleikum - May peace be upon you.   What a wonderful greeting

Peace Love Power may be the true values everybody should live

May the whole world find peace. 

After i did a night dip in the ocean, which had the same effect as yesterday.

Just by knowing that a higher level of consciousness exists, it's easier to get glimpses of it i believe.

The power of breathing deep and not thinking gave me warmth in my body while the surroundings were cold and windy

After i came back home i watched some instagram stories which have yet again given me an underlying feeling of needing to get somewhere, becoming known, being a publically accepted and honored person. Basically me realizing that i have not yet built something, but am still in the beginning stages of actualizing myself. This gave me some moments of not feeling enough, but in the end it is a process too that i don't want to force but i want it to develop naturally. I'm still insecure in a way and search for an outside confirmation of my way.

Let's see how it develops

[actualizingmover]

Woke up at 7.50 

Plucked some leaves for herbal tea

Meditated

Deep relaxation

Starting to organize a beach cleanup event (Not exactly in track with the values i have defined for myself but does that matter if i can unite people for a common cause)

Few thoughts on the beach at a very spiritual beach experience with my friend:

Connecting with the elements is extremely powerful

Natural Movement is a key to higher connectedness with our true nature

What if reality doesn't exist before us, but we create reality(trees, the seas, beach,etc..) by observing it and so consciousness is first and then "reality" comes

Quantumphysics, doppelspalt experiment could be one of the most fundamental realisation of humankind if everybody would understand it

Maybe there is a higher consciousness that is surrounding us all and is basically the advanced form of us

Time is truly an illusion

Creativity =/= Creating something new
Creativity = Gaining access to what is already there but hidden

After i went to buy gymnastic rings and through town. 

I did not finish my to do list, but somehow it doesn't really hurt me because i have a clearer picture of what is truly important to me: Natural Movement, High quality relationships, Spiritual development, Development psychology, Financial development.

Of course i need to check my to dos but if i replace them with another "on purpose - Activity" i can still accept it. 

Living on purpose is Freedom, peace and love and power

 

Now it's time for a nightly swim to cleanse my soul in the eternal, infinite ocean

Good night

 

 

[actualizingmover]

I woke up quite stressed today,sometimes many things come at once:

Organizing a Beach Cleanup

Phone broke, losing lots of contacts for said beach cleaning organization

Money Money, if i had infinite money i would just repair my phone -> I let my feelings be dictated by my money. 

Money is energy, that can bring you things. For me it is important to have energy, so i want to earn enough money to do all the things i want. Thinking that i don't need money would actually be fear of not being able to make money. It is a tricky thing but probably very easy once you understand it.  I want to get customers for my movement coaching and i think i'm able to do that. Next step: Book ido portals coaching

But i also want to make money passively -> Invest in Education

The beautiful thing about spirituality is that it evolves if you evolve yourself

Losing phone contacts sucked, because yesterday i talked to a cute girl , got her number and then my phone broke and i lost it. I think one part of me wants to repair my phone just to get this number back - but is that a bad thing?  

why does it have to be bad or weak to feel like you want to maintain a connection? Toxic pickup philosophy that stayed in me imo "I would never do anything for a girl, this human connection isn't worth anything i just care about myself" ANd this is crazy to say, because in the pickup scene i felt so deeply weak if i'd have done something like that but now i see that many guys in the pickup scene are just deeply insecure and not idols. I might have surpassed them in some way, or maybe i'm just justifying my weakness - who knows? 

Since i grasped the concept of yellow thinking, i cannot make a strong "things are like this" - Statement anymore because 1st I don't know and 2nd there is always the other side and in life nothing is right or wrong, just consequences you have to deal with (- Californication quote - great series for personal development too i think. Now that i think about it again it goes way deeper than i thought before)

 

Just listening to the orange spiral dynamics video, i thought i' much more yellow than i am but i think it just have a "small" percentage in yellow. I can relate to yellow but probably im more in green still. What an adventure. This model gives me confidence in my personal evolution and the certainty that it'll evolve great if i prepare myself daily for evolution

 

Anyway my stress is reducing by seeing things clearer as simple steps. 

"Want to get your phone back -> Repair it, don't cry about the money"

 

Repaired it -> Got rid of stress, but now new stress is arising:

I don't really care about cleaning a beach - i care about moving and developing spiritually and holistically, this is my purpose. It's not about fixing symptoms, it's about finding and curing root causes

So this is why i feel stressed when organising a beach cleanup, because i get in contact with lots of energy that pulls me in some directions, and it takes away from my time that i would put into my purpose. It's this feeling of choosing not to be on purpose, that drives me tired. But this may just aswell be my orange inclination to always want to evolve and grow forward and be on purpose. Can i allow myself to be off purpose and do i put myself into prison once again when i dont allow myself to be "off-purpose". Isn't it true that i just am. Here and now. isn't every present second one that should be enjoyed, whatever it is that you do? I think that's the middle ground between enjoying the moment but with something bigger in mind. That i complain, that a beach festival organisation is too "low consciousness" for me is also not fair because in a country like tanzania, nobody will jump to being fully conscious straight away. It's about stepping the different stages and orange and green are steps that society and people need to take. 

The more i use "concept language" like "green" and "orange" the more i feel that the world cannot be put in concepts just like that. Thy help, but they are not everything. They need to be dropped eventually.

In the end if my purpose is the development of consciousness, i can start by helping people to step one stage up in the spiral and not by trying to give them a rope to skip evolution.

Adhering to concepts is nice, but i forget that all these "stages" are also feelings in me, patterns in me, it is amazing but i can imagine how it could be too narrow. I cannot fully put myself into one category and i certainly don't even want to. I don't want to put myself into this dualistic category, i want to be one with myself and everything and still be able to handle my worldly tasks with ease. Realizing that these worldly tasks are important for my development. After all it's a mixture of both.. or is it? aahhahhshhhahah losing myself in these concepts is challenging. Time for a break!

 

 

 

 

 

[actualizingmover]

Woke up at 10am kind of stressed.

Paradigm: I have to organize this cleanup, so  many things i must do, etc.

It's stressful and not with ease.

Long meditation with Mojiji. He really brought me back to my self. That which is infinite and forever. That which is the source of all. Mind is nothing but a tool. Underlying every thought, every action, every feeling is the infinite true self. Truly. An Ocean of consciousness, pure consciousness. From pure consciousness only beauty springs and nothing is hard. Pure consciousness with waves of activity, but coming back to pure consciousness everytime because that is what really is.

Now i can just flow with the work, use timeblocks to manage my time and enjoy every second.

 

Just realized: 

There's a part within me who wants to be" taken seriously"

Don't make fun of me i'm a serious guy, dont tease me.

haha

If i'm not taken seriously i fear that what i say is not good enough, is not valuable enough. Basically i fear to be an impostor.

I fear that all the work i put in and out is being made ridiculous by not ebing taken seriously. I fear that what i do lacks substance and that other people see something that i don't see and that that is my weakness. I fear that what i put out is not good enough, i fear being rejected. I draw some of my self worth, still, after all this inner work, from the image i present. Well actually not, iw ould say that i put out good stuff and say the things i believe are true and that makes me more authentic but then i did not yet figure out how to deal with being ridiculed and talked down upon. I'm addicted on talking down upon people or on the same level mostly actually, but i still find difficulty in handling being talked down upon with ridiculing comments. 

For what do i have this realization? 

I can now put out things more for myself. Talk about things that i truly truly believe are true and serve my purpose aswell as others, and then complete distance myself from the responses. I have done everything in my power to channel my most beneficial thoughts for the world. What the other person answers has nothing to do with me and if she is ridiculing me, she might also face some issues with herself. Maybe the person ridiculing me has not found herself yet or is too narrow minded to accept truths out of her reality. Maybe ridiculing others is just an indicator of pain, insecurity, search for more. Maybe ridiculing others is a secret cry for more meaning in life that one cannot find within himself and so needs to find it in taking a stand against others. That's a form of identity isn't it? Or maybe that all is just my own opinion and perspective and im not seeing something obvious between the lines of ridiculization. Maybe it is even love - Don't you just ridicule people you truly trust and have some love for ? Maybe i'm just not capable of seeing the underlying love yet and maybe i'm again taking myself too seriously. Maybe being ridiculed is exactly what i need but only if i can take it and still put out my beneficial truth into the world without restraint but welcoming ridicule.

Maybe i can welcome ridicule and start to love ridicule, laugh about it and still keep doing my thing. After all isn't love the underlying motivation of all actions?

Great conversation initiated with Spiral Dynamics with a Tanzanian friend here. In Tanzania people do not open up and talk about deep topics too much. There's not too much empathy, so people tend to be more reserved and eat a lot of problems up inside. Shedding a light on your shadow is not something that is regularly done, i would expect. The country is between red and blue with some orange. But my friend tried to understand what i explained to him with spiral dynamics and he essentially also understood and was very open to me and explained me his life story with lots of childhood trauma, deep father issues. I was able to grasp deeply how powerful trauma is in everybody and how "mild" my own trauma was and how this mildness actually helped me to evolve a lot. Man he has some crazy shit happening and i listened. He identified deeply with his life story and the stories he believed about himself - Not being good enough, never making anything out of his life. We had a long talk  and i essentially tried to lead him towards understanding that he is not the stories, he's been told.  He tried to understand. i told him that he is not what he beliefs, he is not his thought. He is a blank white piece of paper, a hurt child that has a lot of paint splashed onto him. I tried to explain that underneath all, he is still the blank white page. That his feeling of needing to live up to his father and impressing him is a story he's believed. That he can forgive himself for all the things that he has done in the past, that he did it in the means of survival. That he can even thank himself for doing these things because they let him survive. That he can accept his past and the things he has done and himself. That he is perfect the way that he is. I think this hit him the hardest and deepest and i think this meant a lot to him, at least that's what i like to believe.  We talked about taking responsibility and escaping victim mentality, about spiral dynamics in action in Tanzania, about my trauma. That there's no person you "should" be. What kind of bullshit is "should"?

Arrive here, arrive where you are, accept this person and realize that everything in life has led exactly to the point where you are now and that you are perfect the way you are right now. Arrive here, because only from here can you move forward. You are full and perfect and wonderful. 

My friend had a lot of green tendencies, he has travelled to europe, south africa etc and i really understood deeply again how travelling changes your perspective and develops you

Sometimes you can only see development that you, yourself have also gone through, when you see it in another person. This way you can see a mirror of yourself and realize how far you've come. I travelled plenty, but me being in my bubble i rarely really realize how crazy my mind has been opened through travelling, but when i see it in another person i can really grasp my own development. 

I think the growth in the coaching business is a big indicator that the world is moving ahead and that we are approaching higher levels of consciousness as a civilization and with higher levels, higher oppositions come into play (Theory: The chinese communist party and total surveillance with the internet could be our opposition towards evolving as a civilization from a higher consciousness perspective as a +pole attracts a -pole. But maybe that's just disserving, dualistic thinking .)

Anyway it is really nice to see spiral dynamics in action when you talk about people and countries, as it is really applicable. I feel that maybe not everybody lives through the phases with the same intensities, my friend did not seem to live through a lot of blue, but maybe that's just my limited perspective

I really, really enjoy talking about these things and bring clarity to my friends and people around me. This is definitely a solid part of my vision. I want to be a teacher of conscious, happy and healthy living. There is a deep sense of necessity and purpose in there for me and i think the world deeply needs this. And Movement is my Medium.

Then i ate Chapati. ah i just wanna enjoy my food. But yeah, conscious eating -> take consciousness academy course

 

Time for cleansing the soul with a nightly swim in the ocean. May you find peace. May you find love. May you find power.

 

 

 

[actualizingmover]

Woke up late again, 10 am

It's not like it's the worst thing ever but i just dont like waking up late, it's taking away from my lifes quality

Anyway, did my mojiji meditation again, can only recommend 

 i think it's this one

 

After i started to learn how to learn better. Actual tips on getting the most value out of material, i think this could be a 10x skill for life. 

I have problems with following my timeblocks efficiently because i lack seriousness in my daily work. There's not this flowstate because i do things a bit wishiwashi how i feel. Disciplined deep work is the key -> Read Deep Work

 

After i read a book  about natural movement which really inspired me again that lack of movement is such a fundamental issue that i want to tackle, Movement is such a basic necessity for a healthy life.

 

I really enoyed moving around while reading, not being still as i "am supposed to be" for studying. Actually i learn way more when i have physical freedom -> Standing Desk

 

Then i answered some question in my next learning facebook group, i really feel in flow when i'm actively connecting with likeminded people. It's just a great feeling

Then my date was canceled, but if you have a purpose you always know what to do so i wrote some more on my Blog about my Ecovillage

I feel good, theres still this lack tho when i don't work efficiently. I really want to learn how to create this workflow where you're so deep in that nothing can distract you.

I want to be able to tick everything of my list and it's not a hard task, t's very simple but i lack time management and seriousness in my work. Keeping timeblocks and not stopping work in the middle to eat. -> I will watch a summary of deep work

 

My selfmanagement journey is still on the way.

 

Anyway after i really let loose and enjoyed the day, move a shitload, played football with chiildren and friends, really moved like a monkey. I'm a monkey. I really am. And i'm supposed to move like one

 

Excessive Physical idleness is death

 

Then i talked with a German man about the Corona situation, he is planning to stay in TZ for a long time and go into the forest and i kind of sympathize with his point that the world is making everybody take vaccines and that there's a deep agenda behind it and i would really like to take myself out of it but i also want to live my life, travel, connect with likeminded people on purpose and be free. How do i solve this dilemma, i don't know but my gut tells me to stay in Tanzania, my head tells me to go to Portugal but my gut also a little bit because i don't know how crazy it really is there. I have to put some attention to this issue soon, because it's coming. Winter is coming and for some reason, obviosuly, i don't want to be in Germany in Winter, it's not going to happen - so i need to research portugal. I don't know if anybody is actually reading these paragraphs but if you do, this all is basically my personal brain dump for the day and that's how i treat it and it feels really good -Put your thougts on Paper. Next up i want to put my thoughts into drawings and draw more.

 

In a way i agree with the german man that there is a war happening and theres a big conspiracy but in another way i really wanna live without fear and i don't know the facts. This is the thing with conspiracy and facts. 

Time for the beach, laying back and swimming under full moon. Eid Mubarak. 

[actualizingmover]

Woke up at 8, that really kickstarted my day better than waking up at 10

Got my todos done pretty well, moved alot and organized a movement class for tomorrow -Doing something for your purpose just gives you the greatest feeling ever. Nothing feels more right then this. Also i booked the Ido Portal Online COaching so for the next three months i will learn from Ido Portal himself about movement. Wow, this will be insane!

I also worked standing up and i can really feel the philosophy of movement growing on me. The book i'm reading: Natural Movement by Erwan Le corre is really a recommendation i can give to give you a better picture of the whole culture.

What a deep fundamental spiritual aspect it has really fulfills me everytime, I definitely want to get deeper into it.

Be here be now be in your body and feel it, get to know it really.

Mind + Body is still something you observe, nothing you are. I am not my body, but i love him and i want to get to know him better so that i can take better care of it. 

Also today i could really start viewing my mind as just a thing that thinks in my body. There's no separation between mind and body. The mind is just the part of the body that is able to think and so survive and learn. The mind is the most amazing thing ever and has brought us so far as a species it's incredible. What a fantastic tool for us.

 

The self isn't reachable, not able to attain. It is just beneath everything and a huge ocean in which everything swims.

I watched a very freaky documentary about the world today and i was really scared about these developments, but when i know about this deep ocean beneath it all i can breathe and i know where i am and i don't need to have fear. Everything i ever wanted to find in my life was myself. When i'm at my self nothing can bring me down and everything i do is important.

I also felt in the ocean when i was trying to dive deep after reading the book, How afraid i was of diving and in the end dying. I wanted to dive to the ocean floor but i was really scared and couldn't do it for the first 3 times. Then i saw it as a meditative practice. I breathed deeply and calm, got my body to rest. Then i dove to the floor, step by step without thinking about it, just going and trusting myself. I reached the floor and let myself in total calm drift up to the top.

I beat my fear by being calm and present

Fear comes from the mind. It warns you. It wants you to survive. But fear is not always appropriate, some situations you know you can handle and make you thrive. In these you need to accept fear. You need to see it and act anyways. Just go through the fear and on the other side is heaven. Freedom. Space. Integrity. Love. You just need to jump. Just jump and see for yourself.

Also i realized that truly listening to your body is a fundamental skill for every human. Awareness. Observing yourself. 

Connected with knowledge, this is so powerful for a good life.

Fear is a mechanism. It is not the truth. If it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger as cheesy as it sounds

It was truly an incredible day for growth

I can think better with eyes open and be better with eyes closed. The eyes are the windows to the world, if they are shut you can look inwards.

Also one thing: I don't know what's actually true. I can only make my own truth in the moment. What's "true" in the sense of worldliness is essentially never known, because time goes on and things will change. I can only be present, i can not control the world, i can only observe and act with what i think is right.

Fear is a mighty weapon. It can lead entire civilizations. If you know how to handle fear you are a mighty man. The Evil Genius. The Beautiful Evil man. How impressive pure Evil is just neutrally seen.

How big of a construct can be built on fear. We see it everyday in our world. So many people are lead by fear. Fear is the driving factor for so many people. 

I wonder what would change if people would realize that fear is just a mechanism of your mind to help you survive as the animal that you are. That there is nothing to fear. That the world is beautiful and perfect and everything is okay. You are okay. Your fear is okay. Your instincts are okay.

Feel inside you and you know it is true. You are beautiful in every way.

 

Good Night

 

[actualizingmover]

If there's one thing i want you to know is that you are not your body, you have a body.

Feel how it feels to have a body.

The feeling is enough. No need to label the feeling with a word. The feeling is true, the feeling is real. The thought comes from outside

The feeling comes from you, Out of your truth. Out of your infinite ocean. Words hurt. Labeling and forming opinions hurt. Don't hurt yourself, just be.

[actualizingmover]

Guitar playing and singing in the morning. Feeling into the music is like in the movie "Soul" entering flow state. Music is easily getting you in the moment and in your craft if you let it and hold nothing back

I even started playing bongos and it's all about being present and allowing yourself to try and get into flow slowly

Then food and quality conversation. Quality conversations are really another level of satisfaction.

Then i gave movement class: Everybody was a little sceptic at first but then after start everybody joined because it just looked like play and not like a "technique that i can't do anyway" like Yoga for example where people have preconceptions of. SO people joined, we did monkey movement, i enjoyed explaining and i enjoyed the freedom of the class. no strict rules - generalization as a principle. Our strength is generalization and adaptability in the bodily sense. I'm not talking about business, where you need to specialize down or other things but in a physical sense we should act more generalized.

Kids joined and did our movements and did the same and felt understood by adults.

You really felt how the kids are acting from instinct.

Then we did Dance class and danced. Dance is a great natural movement and feeling music is a Key thing

 

Some exercises to do regularly: Feel your spine vertebrae by vertebrae from bent over to standing 

Connecting with nature and people and my body all day

Music is art.

I want to live a balanced life, rather than an extreme one where i lack in certain areas of life

Creativity is accessing what's within, not searching something from outside

Passion, you can take with you anywhere in the world. If you know yourself truly it doesn't matter where you are and you can adapt to every place, because you don't identify with it but just enjoy it's tweaks and differences.

Art means allowing yourself to feel into your actions. If you feel into whatever you're doing and see it as art and creative, then everything is art.

Masaka is a man who is really listening to himself and not others. Maybe sometimes a little with himself but i don't think he cares as long as he regularly connects. Maybe i can give him some company by engaging in important talk rather than "small talk" or maybe a truly spiritual person doesn't care because he knows himself already and is drawing power from within rather than outside 

Fear is a huge tool to use for powerful people and even yourself. Fear is guiding you in many ways. Be aware.

 

Commitment is important but fluidity and realness is also important. In relationships i don't know how to combine them. I don't necessarily want to put labels on my partner but also i feel that thereby comes  a lack of commitment. After all having a  "girlfriend" is more committed than having a  "girl".

 

It was a very amazing day, connect with nature, people, your body and your purpose daily and you live a happy life.

Much Love and feel

[actualizingmover]

I feel kind of a void coming up in my upon waking up. Like there's something that i'm missing and not calculating in.

Like there is something that is missing.

I asked myself, what is wrong?

My body told me that it wants to go this way of life with other people who are equally minded.

It told me that it wants to go the way together. That i want to go this way in life with as many good people as possible. That i really don't want to be a lone wolf, not that i am one right now, but in a sense of professional things i definitely am. Nobody in my direct surroundings is interested in the things that i'm interested in and that's hurting me, not limiting, but simply that there is potential missing. I will put some attention to this and act accordingly.

Either Way i had a great day with a deep connection to a new friend. 

We spent all day together talking and applying spiral dynamics. My learnings from today:

- Sex is freedom and fun, not a task to succeed in. Pressure is not necessary, it can just be this friendly thing

- Sex is normal and should be taken easily

- Money is energy, doesn't have a meaning, the meaning is socially conditioned

- Concepts are limiting, Oneness is truth. Even Spiral Dynamics is ultimately limiting

- Good relationships are part of my purpose

-  As a Human i'm adaptable, just because i feel that i have evolved through different stages, doesn't mean that i cannot use my knowledge to communicate and interact with people better through this. The danger i see in spiral dynamics is that i sometimes, even though i know that'S not the purpose, see myself as above - because of the model. That creates pain within myself and separation from my surroundings. I could instead just interact with people on their level and be happy and not afraid to lose my progress.

- Stop working so much, it's an orange trait. Too much work and too little enjoying is not sustainable

[actualizingmover]

Woke up very late after coming home very late yesterday

One guy from my village went schizophrenic and is shouting the whole time.

I feel a lot of compassion and i want to help. But i don't know how. I'm doubting myself. I want to be a person who can teach, help and heal people physically and mentally and i see that i'm not there yet. I have a lot of education to do and my skills and knowledge are not nearly there yet. I have to learn more, topic knowledge and interpersonal skills to teach better and get people to act themselves. I want to bring the potential and the true peace out in people.

Fuck, it's really important to prioritize your time for your passion and grow in this area. 

Learning and bringing your learnings together - exploring mind mapping

Swimming long and far - running fast

Intention: Take meditation more serious as i know of its benefits well enough

You need to give yourself Room for Art and learning, you need to make it comfortable for yourself so that you can reap the benefits. Be your own friend, put some effort into your development

 

 

[actualizingmover]

Woke up very late after coming home very late yesterday

One guy from my village went schizophrenic and is shouting the whole time.

I feel a lot of compassion and i want to help. But i don't know how. I'm doubting myself. I want to be a person who can teach, help and heal people physically and mentally and i see that i'm not there yet. I have a lot of education to do and my skills and knowledge are not nearly there yet. I have to learn more, topic knowledge and interpersonal skills to teach better and get people to act themselves. I want to bring the potential and the true peace out in people.

Fuck, it's really important to prioritize your time for your passion and grow in this area. 

Learning and bringing your learnings together - exploring mind mapping

Swimming long and far - running fast

Intention: Take meditation more serious as i know of its benefits well enough

You need to give yourself Room for Art and learning, you need to make it comfortable for yourself so that you can reap the benefits. Be your own friend, put some effort into your development

 

 

[actualizingmover]

I am infinite

I am an infinite ocean

Fear is an illusion like success. Success is in the moment. Fear cannot exist in the moment. It is an instrument. If you know yourself fear cannot touch you. If you are present and understand the infinity of the world, the worlds little stories like Corona cannot touch you as they are just a small wave in the infinite ocean of consciousness. of existence. If we identify with the worldly we will believe the stories of the world. If we realize that we are the observer of the happenings then we can see them from a neutral perspective

If we learn to love that which challenges us the most we are full and whole and solid. Love the world. Love the politicians and you have peace in yourself.

The hate is the cancer. The hate in your brain is what makes you unhappy and disconnects you from the source.

Meditation is a practice that's not only beneficial when you're alone but especially when you're in stress situations. In these situations you can practice meditation the best. To be adaptable for the challenges of life

Clean your aura before going to sleep. Clean your body from the day to find rest at night.

[actualizingmover]

Finished the Spiral Dynamics Video series today with turquoise. 

The Spiral model is a really next level model to understand the world and people and culture. I'm a big fan even though i see the limitations of duality and mind-understanding, i still want to transition deeply into yellow and understand everything around me. I want to read and learn and apply. I kind of limit myself by saying that i cannot read books without summarizing, because i'm not always in the mood too summarize but i truly want to read and learn much more. 

I guess the answer is to take notes casually when something is a big thought and otherwise just keep reading normally. 

There's so many books to read and i want to read all of them, yet i'm limiting myself by not reading much in actuality.

I want to set a smart goal: 

From today i will read every day for 45 minutes in the morning, no excuses.

I will put it into my morning routine before doing exercise too not go into exercise too cold but already have done something before.

 

This is the morning routine I'm aspiring: 

Wake up at 7

Meditate, Give thanks, Visualize the day, Get an overview over tasks

Read for 30 mins

Exercise

(Breakfast)

 

That's just me

 

Anyway

I definitely want to develop spiritually and consciously more than materially. I feel like by that i kind of have a shield around me for many worldly desires but also i need to be aware that i truly live through these desires to transcend them (Money, Work, even sex to a certain degree (going into tantra sex))

I might have more orange in me than i thought. When Leo said that you need to be careful as your orange ego might think you're already yellow, while i'm still orange.

I also haven't lived through the excesses of green. I'm vegan, i organise beach cleanups, i stand for the human rights, but i'm certainly not an extremist and i feel that i have a lot of yellow in me. SO maybe there's a bit or both. I will put up an analysis of my spiral percentages on here soon, about where i see myself. But orange: Improving myself, making money. Those are the things that i still see myself struggling with in orange

Learning: Learning = Behaviour change

Gave my 2nd Movement Class; Was very fun again. 

I learned: Proper explanation together with feeling goes a long way.

-> I will explain things more slowly and engaging -> Asking questions to engage the listener

Learn coaching techniques

Read more

 

sometimes you need to break limiting beliefs of other people even if it doesn't feel so good in the first moment and you might be a little bit much, it's important to break limiting beliefs and trauma in general.

 

[actualizingmover]

On Materialism:

In Tanzania if you want to meet a girl in the club, it is the standard that girls want money or ask you to buy them something. It is not an option, something you can do but a prerequisite for meeting girls. When I first heard this i didn't believe it, because I so deeply believe that personality is the thing that matters most in dating with a certain amount of good looks. I put so much value into my personal development and growth, that i'm just astonished that in another culture it doesn't matter in dating whether you're a cool guy, charming, funny, whatever but that you can get almost everything with money. Like i said, when i first heard about that i even found it a funny thought to entertain to just buy yourself through life, get girls by buying them a beer or two and otherwise needing few social skills.

But after a while I realized the deep fuck up within this system. People are never valued for who they are but always for what they have here. It doesn't really matter if you're the most charming guy and few girls will even care how funny you are, if you can provide beer and money. 

This way society is being built deeply on materialism and people who value personal growth like one of my Tanzanian friends have a very hard time getting equal level girls, equally conscious or with similar value systems.

This sucks, because it's very hard to actually get feedback for your personality like this if you're always valued on your possessions.

So people need more willpower to truly develop themselves and not their bank account and few people have this intelligence and energy and awareness. And this is the reason that some countries are underdeveloped and others are further developed. In  A society stuck in materialism doesn't give a lot of space for individuals who want to develop on higher levels. It constantly drags you down and suffocates you in materialism. Not Freedom. True knowledge of the self. When you're stuck in only your belongings, you can't be fulfilled because belongings guarantee survival, not happiness.

Materialism truly does not equal happiness.

What matters in Life is the experiences you make, the things you learn and apply, your growth, your expansion of perspective, your passion and living in peace. The more you develop yourself the happier you are and even if it hurts sometimes, it's always better to live conscious than to live unconscious.

What used to excite me was getting more girls, getting more success for the sake of security and so on.

Now I'm also excited by success, but by personal success. By building things in the world that mirror my inside and realize my self. I'm excited by learning and understanding. Learning from life, developing my skills, making experiences and integrating them and improve through this.

Also about being reflected by interactions with people. Seeing neutrally how your relationships are going directly reflects yourself. If you have a good energy your relationships will also improve, if you have a bad energy your relationships will be shallow and surface level.

 

Contrary perspective:

Maybe this whole materialism shows that it is actually not necessary to develop yourself if you can simply go for money and so always have simple goals and baseline happiness around this. I don't feel like people are necessarily unhappy just because they're not so conscious of what they're doing but they're simply doing it and accepting the status quo and working around it. From my perspective i think that this "happiness" is a lower level happiness than high conscious happiness, because this happiness is forced by society and circumstance and not self based.

but let's entertain this perspective..

Maybe spiritual awakening is not as necessary after all if you are not aware f your unconscious. If you have awoken to a certain degree, looking back will  be painful but if you are living in true unconscious happiness instead of conscious self doubt this could simply be a new way to look at life.

 

But i don't agree with this perspective at all personally, because i always felt something nagging on me even when i was unconsciously happy. Now i feel consciously in self doubt sometime, but at least i'm clear and i understand myself and that is giving me a lot more freedom in life

 

Namaste

[actualizingmover]

Yesterday i let go of a long relationship with a friend.

I came home after being out long last night after finishing a very successful cleanup event where we collected 700kg of trash. We went to a bar afterwards through which the last article was created.

We had a birthday party coming up in the evening and i invited a good friend with whom i made the cleanup 

We enjoyed the food a lot, i danced crazy with all the other people feeling so good, so fulfilled in this community of Rastafari where peace and love are the narrative.

I'm just so grateful to learn that i really value community and i don't want to miss it in the future.

Dancing and moving is freedom

Expanding and growing is freedom

Discipline and willpower is freedom

Letting go is freedom

Now me and my friend we're living apart from each other. I value growth, love, togetherness. I value reflecting myself, communication, health, freedom, consciousness, responsibility, Authenticity, Self-expression.

He doesn't start evolving, he's in my eyes regressing and going into a hole and is not showing signs of wanting to change. He is not talking even if there is something to talk about. He is repressed and in my view ego identified and i don't want to invest anymore energy into this relationship. I don't want to make him talk if he doesn't want it. Or invest more energy than i get back. I want to move forward. I let go but i'm a helium balloon. I let go to rise up, not to fall down.

I found peace in this decision and i can conserve my time and energy to use it in the right places. It is soo unbelievably important who you give your energy. We all have limited energy and we shall put it into moving into our own right direction.

Now i commit to full growth and open minded transparency.

I want to learn, try new things, grow, build my life on my terms. Self actualize. I will only surround myself with those who value me, my time and my energy.

Peace and love

[actualizingmover]

Why do i have to be productive? Why do i have to get everything done? Why do i have to keep my schedule and to dos?

because if i wouldn't then who would i be

Who would i be if i didnt get things done and felt good all the time

Who would i be off-purpose

Who would i be if i felt bad

Who would i be if i was sad, angry, Who would i be if i raged

Who would i be if i expressed negative emotions

Who would i be if i expressed sadness, compassion

Who would i be if i just let my deepest inside out

Why do i strive for personal success?

Because it just feels right to learn and because i become more complete

Am i not complete yet?

Do i not know enough yet?

Am i not enough yet?

Can i not feel perfect yet, right now. Am i not perfect like i am now even if i didnt have knowledge

Who do i want to impress? Who do i fight?

I fight my friends, I fight people - "I am better than others, on another stage"

I can't display love and compassion for my friend. Not displaying love and compassion hurts

I can't express my true critical feelings and thoughts

i have to hold back. My thoughts are not valid. I cannot hurt others. I need to only uplift others, i can't criticize. I'm afraid of being wrong, being not at the point where i can criticize. I'm afraid to speak my mind. I'm too positive and i don't acknowledge the negative. I'm afraid of the negative. 

I fight negative energy. i don't accept it i want to get rid. I'm afraid of saying hard truths because i feel like i need something that validates my opinion, my truth. I feel like i'm not in the position of saying hard things. I feel less. Judged. 

I always have to be strong, positive. Peace and love. I cannot let myself fail. I am afraid of expressing my inside

I'm afraid of expressing my feelings and my thoughts

I'm afraid of expressing my dark side

 

 

[actualizingmover]

Took the leap and spoke about everything with my friend. Everything that was bothering me. Every issue that I have between us. Very hard. Very emotional. Not fun. 

So happy to have done it. I feel peace of mind and actual peace. It is the most important thing to talk about your feelings and what's going on in your mind. With the people who are close to you especially. If you never talk about the small issues they will accumulate and will create alot of emotional baggage. After time it will become even more difficult to speak it out and you will suffer.

After 1 day of not talking, we finally sat down to talk.

The issue we figured out: Bad communication of small issues between us.

NOw we have peace, i still won't completely invest into the relationship because we are not looking completely in the same direction but we at least get along and i can accept it again. I can accept him and he can accept me.

Love over hate 

Communication is Key. Communication is Key

[actualizingmover]

Crazy Day: Morning wake up at 8.30 got an invitation to make a boat trip to an island

Said yes.

Smoked some before the trip and had crazy learnings and an incredible day

Learnings:

- opposing to my belief, i do not know exactly always what's up in the heads of other people

-> I will stop acting like i do know and inquire more

- It's not my task to convince somebody else to do something good or convince of an invitation. Everbody can make their own decision. I don't have to make anybody do anything. I'm not responsible for the happiness of other people.

-> I will be conscious when i have expectations for complying to an invitation and i will not go an extra step to convince people of something

- It's not about having the goal to be a specific kind of person or living some kind of life; It's about always  being this person already and living this life everyday.

-> When i think i need to get somewhere i can read this truth and meditate on why i want to get somewhere.

- You don't always learn directly during the experiences, you also learn in the time after the experiences and with the experiences that build on this experience. Experience stacking = Life

You learn through trying new things and ways based on experiences which lead to  you making better experiences and learn new ways that function better

-> Always get enough sleep and write down learnings to integrate them

- It takes all kinds. If everybody would be like you the world wouldn't be a nice place. The variety in people is what makes the world beautiful and interesting and what makes it work.

Embrace variety and embrace different minded people, they are necessary to keep this life going

There's a place for everybody in this world

The part that wants to crusade over people is the part that is afraid of variety in people, thoughts, customs, ways of life. Which stems from insecurity about the own way -> you can only accept others if you already accept yourself

-> Start accepting others more and meditate more on the integral perfection within everybody

Every person is art 

 

- Only because a girl finds me awesome doesn't mean that she is good for me

I have to be attentive to letting people in my life that just want coaching because i won't be challenged like this. I always have to surround myself with people who i can learn from und who don't just learn from me. 

-> I will always have at least 2 people around me that can teach me things

-Thinking that others are mad for missing invitations is just me being afraid of not being informed and invited for an event

-> I will be more attentive when i invite people about this underlying expectation

- I am perfect as i am and problems with people exist only in my head sometimes because my brain is used to these thinking patterns and so i create my own pain. I associate the feelin uncomfortability because i often think about feeing uncomortable through the limiting belief that i get judged. This leads to not acting freely und feeling uncomfortble which repeats the belief.

-> Break the chain at the limiting belief itself; Forming a serving belief

- People who look at me too much stress me because they make me self conscious when i actually just want to be present in the moment. Too many looks get me into my head. -> Egodefense

-> Accept that i can't control other peoples looks and observe how my attention comes to my mind in these situations

- MAterialism can be healthy, when it's about your things that you want to keep because you have use for them

Excessive materialism is unhealthy

-> Take better care of your things, it's healthy

 

Big realisation: 

Every extreme includes the counterextreme

Every advantage contains the disadvantage

Exmpl:

Progress is nice but includs environmental damage. In our Paradigm the one can't happen without the other. A holistic approach doesn't exclude nature.

 

It's about finding unity not separation. To see everything as an organism not only the advantages

Oval is sacred - First unity then separation, then unity

-> Understand that separation is part of the process to stronger unity

 

- It's not really about eating the cookie, it's about the experience of eating the cookie -> I can eat slowlier & more conscious and so stretch the experience and eat less. Eating is simply an experience that has to be enjoyed in order to listen to ones body & to understand it

-> Remind this regularly before eating: It's not about eating the food, it's about the experience of eating the food

 

- Exploring my feminine side has made my life so much better

-> Don't hesitate to explore the feminine further. DOn't be afraid of masculine judgement and fully embrace and indulge into your feminine. Gender is just a construct

 

- Maybe we need mass extinction to fight overpopulation so sacrificing ourselves is a necessary sacrifice

-> Take a more open stand towards current topics

 

- Don't fuck around where you live, it will only make you problems.

 

- Challenging myself makes me happy

-> Find more creative challenges everyday

 

- Follow your feelings more than your thoughts

- Movements real world application shows how incredibly important it is and what potential there is behind it.

-> COntemplate deeper towards "Back to nature" Workshops in Movement

 

What an incredible day, my mind came a few times but i was so in my body and feelings that i rarely noticed and paid just little attention to it. Feeling is much nicer than too much analysing and thinking

 

 

 

[actualizingmover]

i realised that i dont want to put my deep inner processes on the internet anymore