Blackhawk

Some thoughts about reality and my worthlessness, etc.

90 posts in this topic

21 minutes ago, 4201 said:

This is evidence that you've failed in the past. A correct statement would be "I never had a girlfriend" perhaps. But why would this prove anything about the future?

What's the difference between evidence for "me" and for "you"? I thought evidence was evidence, now evidence is subjective? Is evidence really evidence if it's subjective? In my opinion, this is what we call a "belief".

Maybe you found something I haven't found, perhaps you are capable to predict the future entirely based on the past. If so we could be extremely rich using the stock market right now xD From my POV though, I cannot predict the weather, how my career will be nor how my future relationships will be. It's all unknown, because it hasn't happened yet.

The difference between evidence for me and you is that from your perspective I could be lying or something.

For example I have evidence that my couch is gray, because I can clearly see that it's gray. But it's not evidence for you, because I could be lying or something.

I have much more info about my case than you do, so I know my case much better than you do. There's a billion things about me and my case which you don't know.


"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."   — Robert A. Heinlein

"I'm allergic to stupidity."   — Chris Colfer

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17 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

The difference between evidence for me and you is that from your perspective I could be lying or something.

For example I have evidence that my couch is gray, because I can clearly see that it's gray. But it's not evidence for you, because I could be lying or something.

I have much more info about my case than you do, so I know my case much better than you do. There's a billion things about me and my case which you don't know.

I have no reason to think you would be lying, when making answers I respond from the assumption that what you bring is true. You do have much more information about yourself than I have but all of this information is about past events. I strongly doubt you are capable of predicting the future and know for certain that you won't have a girlfriend.

"Not being able to get a girlfriend" is not an information or a piece of data, it's a conclusion. Is this conclusion correct? We can determine that by looking into what brought you to this conclusion.

If you say "the proof that I can't get a girlfriend lies in information I haven't shared" well we can either go through this information that you haven't shared or else there's very little I can do here. At the end of the day if this information is sensitive to you, you can go through this questioning alone and really ask yourself "How I know I won't ever have a girlfriend? What's the proof?"

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@4201 I'm not deliberately withholding information, except maybe a few things.

It's just that there are so much data that it's not possible to write it all down. There's probably even data which not even I am consciously aware of. All that data leads me to draw the conclusion that I will never have a girlfriend.

But of course you could win 5 million $ on lottery, but in practice you know that you wont win.


"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."   — Robert A. Heinlein

"I'm allergic to stupidity."   — Chris Colfer

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24 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

@4201 I'm not deliberately withholding information, except maybe a few things.

It's just that there are so much data that it's not possible to write it all down. There's probably even data which not even I am consciously aware of. All that data leads me to draw the conclusion that I will never have a girlfriend.

But of course you could win 5 million $ on lottery, but in practice you know that you wont win.

Can you see how, compared to lottery, you have some control over the odds of you getting a girlfriend?

For instance if your odds of finding a girlfriend are at any percentage X, then deciding to live like a hermit in a cave decreases this percentage for instance. Do you agree with this?

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8 minutes ago, 4201 said:

Can you see how, compared to lottery, you have some control over the odds of you getting a girlfriend?

For instance if your odds of finding a girlfriend are at any percentage X, then deciding to live like a hermit in a cave decreases this percentage for instance. Do you agree with this?

I have some control over the lottery too. I could buy more lottery tickets. I'm currently not wasting any money at all on lottery tickets because I "know" I wont win anyway.

Same thing with the girlfriend thing.

But yes living in a cave like a hermit decreases the percentage.


"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."   — Robert A. Heinlein

"I'm allergic to stupidity."   — Chris Colfer

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1 minute ago, Blackhawk said:

I have some control over the lottery too. I could buy more lottery tickets. I'm currently not wasting any money at all on lottery tickets because I "know" I wont win anyway.

Same thing with the girlfriend thing.

But yes living in a cave like a hermit decreases the percentage.

Right now, is your current lifestyle and behaviors such that they offer you the highest possible percentage you could possibly have to get a girlfriend?

Said differently, are you doing everything you could possibly be doing to try and get a girlfriend? Is there absolutely nothing else you could do to increase that percentage?

 

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2 minutes ago, 4201 said:

Right now, is your current lifestyle and behaviors such that they offer you the highest possible percentage you could possibly have to get a girlfriend?

Said differently, are you doing everything you could possibly be doing to try and get a girlfriend? Is there absolutely nothing else you could do to increase that percentage?

No.

And I'm not doing everything I possibly could to increase the chance of winning 5 million $. It would be stupid to waste all my money on lottery tickets.

Do I even want a gf? Because she would either cheat on me or leave me anyway. And that would be bad for my mental health, really bad.


"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."   — Robert A. Heinlein

"I'm allergic to stupidity."   — Chris Colfer

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Posted (edited)

On 21/07/2021 at 3:43 PM, Blackhawk said:

No.

And I'm not doing everything I possibly could to increase the chance of winning 5 million $. It would be stupid to waste all my money on lottery tickets.

Do I even want a gf? Because she would either cheat on me or leave me anyway. And that would be bad for my mental health, really bad.

Fair enough, I don't think you should rush getting a girlfriend asap if you have things to work on. I just wanted it to be clear that getting a girlfriend is a matter of investing time and energy and whenever you feel like doing that, you can.

It sure would make a lot more sense to seek a girlfriend from a place of happiness and optimism rather than from a place of pain and neediness. For that you will need to fully understand that pain and allow to truly feel it. I highly recommend meditation as the most direct way to do that. 

You like to say people who feel great are "bullshitting themselves" with positive stories but if that was the case you could just bullshit yourself to happiness, which you already noticed you are not able to do. You can judge the spiritual books as beliefs or hallucinations yet a good spiritual book (like Ralston's) shouldn't be claiming anything but simply question the reader about its own bias. If you sincerely question your own beliefs they will stop making you suffer. You don't need any book to do that, meditation alone suffices, but books are quite nice launching pads in my opinion.

Edited by 4201

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Posted (edited)

@4201 @mememe Ok.

I'm doomed to be alone for the rest of my life 

Another weekend of total loneliness ahead.

Old people, homeless people, prisoners, douchebags, psychopaths, evil people, murderers and narcissistic people are less lonely than me.

Edited by Blackhawk

"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."   — Robert A. Heinlein

"I'm allergic to stupidity."   — Chris Colfer

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5 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

@4201 @mememe Ok.

I'm doomed to be alone for the rest of my life 

Another weekend of total loneliness ahead.

Old people, homeless people, prisoners, douchebags, psychopaths, evil people, murderers and narcissistic people are less lonely than me.

Perhaps as a kid, whining and complaining was an effective way to get people's attention on you. But as you grow older, nobody cares about your problems as you are judged autonomous enough to take care of them.

That does not mean you have to stay alone though, there are actions you can take to meet people and make friends. In the end it is your choice to either make those moves or not make them.

You can also choose between suffering being alone or being OK with it. Also up to you.

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13 hours ago, 4201 said:

Perhaps as a kid, whining and complaining was an effective way to get people's attention on you. But as you grow older, nobody cares about your problems as you are judged autonomous enough to take care of them.

That does not mean you have to stay alone though, there are actions you can take to meet people and make friends. In the end it is your choice to either make those moves or not make them.

You can also choose between suffering being alone or being OK with it. Also up to you.

I think I don't want friends. Just a girl to love, or maybe friend with benefits.

9 hours ago, mememe said:

why is that so? 

in this case the counterintuitive move what would that be? 

you see i‘m also often stuck with the concept of counterintuitivity instead of doing counterintuitive stuff. i‘m realizing that - it’s a lack of being spontaneous - maybe in actuality there are reasons to it, but in the long run creating circumstances which don’t allow you to stick with habits are pretty nice, too. ofc after a while you forget how spontaneity works.

what keeps you from spontaneously not being alone?

How could I spontaneously not be alone? It's not that easy.

Whatever.. I'm really sad. I'm a defeated dead soul who don't want to exist anymore.


"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."   — Robert A. Heinlein

"I'm allergic to stupidity."   — Chris Colfer

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Posted (edited)

@Blackhawk my impression from this thread and others (please correct me if I'm wrong), is that you have some kind of long-term chronic condition which affects your communication skills and your ability to form close friendships. There's either no professional help available, or if there is, it doesn't work or you've given up on it. 

 

2 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

I think I don't want friends. Just a girl to love, or maybe friend with benefits.

How could I spontaneously not be alone? It's not that easy.

Whatever.. I'm really sad. I'm a defeated dead soul who don't want to exist anymore.

 Isn't there a disconnect between not wanting friends, and wanting a girlfriend / friend with benefits? Even if you only have one friend who happens to also be your sexual partner, you still need to get those friendship-making skills. And unless you're some amazing sexual athlete, you'll be doing the friendship part for more time than having sex. 

I was going to suggest you try building your talking and socialising skills gradually in baby steps, maybe have a goal of making one regular friend this year, before stepping up to try the dating scene. But perhaps you don't want that kind of advice? 

Also I'm so sorry to hear you don't want to exist. Can I reframe that another way, that you (just like the rest of us) don't want the sadness to exist, you want the happiness to exist. Wishing you well man. 

Edited by snowyowl

Relax, it's just my loosely held opinion.  :) 

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52 minutes ago, snowyowl said:

@Blackhawk my impression from this thread and others (please correct me if I'm wrong), is that you have some kind of long-term chronic condition which affects your communication skills and your ability to form close friendships. There's either no professional help available, or if there is, it doesn't work or you've given up on it. 

That's correct.

53 minutes ago, snowyowl said:

Isn't there a disconnect between not wanting friends, and wanting a girlfriend / friend with benefits? Even if you only have one friend who happens to also be your sexual partner, you still need to get those friendship-making skills. And unless you're some amazing sexual athlete, you'll be doing the friendship part for more time than having sex. 

I was going to suggest you try building your talking and socialising skills gradually in baby steps, maybe have a goal of making one regular friend this year, before stepping up to try the dating scene. But perhaps you don't want that kind of advice? 

Also I'm so sorry to hear you don't want to exist. Can I reframe that another way, that you (just like the rest of us) don't want the sadness to exist, you want the happiness to exist. Wishing you well man. 

Even if I would want a friend, it's not possible because no one likes me.

Why would I want a friend? There's nothing that I would like to do with a friend. Maybe get drunk would be fun. Or maybe trip balls on psychedelics or other drugs. But other than that I don't know.


"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."   — Robert A. Heinlein

"I'm allergic to stupidity."   — Chris Colfer

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Posted (edited)

2 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

Even if I would want a friend, it's not possible because no one likes me.

You're not an unlikeable person at all. Ok I'm no psychologist, but my guess is this is more about other people finding it hard to get close to you, chat and socialise etc because of your condition. All I can suggest is to go back to professional help to practice and develop the social skills which you do have. Even if you have a disability limiting you in that way.  I mean, you can chat with us in the forum so you do have communication skills.  Don't let the lack of perfection get in the way of making improvements. 

2 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

Why would I want a friend? There's nothing that I would like to do with a friend. Maybe get drunk would be fun. Or maybe trip balls on psychedelics or other drugs. But other than that I don't know.

Maybe you're sad because you're lonely being by yourself most of the time? Friends can stop you being lonely. Separation is a difficult feeling to have long term. Connection, with people, animals, nature etc, feels good not only because it's true, but it also allows us to express ourselves, let our energies out into the world rather than bottling them up.  And we receive energy back from the world too. 

Thinking about it, I choose most of my regular friends because we have something in common which I already like doing - like country walking or meditation for example - which are more enjoyable when I can do them with someone else, at least sometimes. When I'm by myself I've only got myself to talk to (ie thinking), there's no-one else to listen to me or for me to listen to. I guess if you haven't got any hobbies etc you can share with others, apart from drinking/drugging (when you're not your normal self anyway), it makes it that much harder to connect.  I've noticed you do highly value rationality, evidence and logical thinking - do you have any intellectual type pursuits which could give you a platform to meet other people? 

Edited by snowyowl

Relax, it's just my loosely held opinion.  :) 

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@snowyowl Yes I'm sad because I'm completely alone 24/7.

No there's no intellectual type pursuit which could give me a platform to meet people.

I don't know what more to say.


"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."   — Robert A. Heinlein

"I'm allergic to stupidity."   — Chris Colfer

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25563-Albert-Einstein-Quote-Insanity-is-

We all know you don't respond well to advice, so this quote is just meant as a little reminder that you may want to make a change 😉.

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Posted (edited)

59 minutes ago, Ananta said:

25563-Albert-Einstein-Quote-Insanity-is-

We all know you don't respond well to advice, so this quote is just meant as a little reminder that you may want to make a change 😉.

Albert Einstein never said that.

It's not that I'm not responding well to advice, it's that no advice can help me. Advice aren't miraculous things you know. For example advice can't make you 50 feet tall.

I'm not expecting different results. I expect everything to be exactly the same until my death. So I'm not insane.

And what change could I even do?

Edited by Blackhawk

"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."   — Robert A. Heinlein

"I'm allergic to stupidity."   — Chris Colfer

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Posted (edited)

1 hour ago, Blackhawk said:

And what change could I even do?

Which one of these do you believe?

  1. There are no changes you can make to improve your situation. Your current situation is the best it could possibly be and any change would make it worse, because it is already the best.
  2. There are changes you could do to improve your situation but you are still looking for them and hope we'd give you suggestions.
  3. There are changes you could do to improve your situation but you don't want to do them for a specific reason (unwillingness to do efforts, fear, etc.).
Edited by 4201

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4 hours ago, 4201 said:

Which one of these do you believe?

  1. There are no changes you can make to improve your situation. Your current situation is the best it could possibly be and any change would make it worse, because it is already the best.
  2. There are changes you could do to improve your situation but you are still looking for them and hope we'd give you suggestions.
  3. There are changes you could do to improve your situation but you don't want to do them for a specific reason (unwillingness to do efforts, fear, etc.).

None of them.

A shortened version of #1: "There are no changes you can make to improve your situation."

In the same way like there's no change you can do to become 50 ft tall.


"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."   — Robert A. Heinlein

"I'm allergic to stupidity."   — Chris Colfer

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Posted (edited)

6 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

 #1: "There are no changes you can make to improve your situation."

This was my point regarding your attitude.

In past posts of yours that were the same as this one you were given an array of different things to try to improve your situation and you didn't respond well to any of them, which leaves you in the same situation time after time, but "wanting" a different result, even if not expecting it.

Good luck.

Edited by Ananta

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