You can ALWAYS stop playing the game.

[The0Self]

Yes. But there is also no one playing the game — Except, incomprehensibly, that’s not even a meaningful statement. Saying there never was someone having a life is as insubstantial as every single other thing. There is honestly nothing happening.

Edited July 21, 2021 by The0Self

[roopepa]

@nuwu I think I get you.

You are burning alive. So am I.

Wanna be friends? 

 

[Windappreciator]

@nuwu wait.. monica?

[Nahm]

@nuwu

This is not a place of hip firing ostracism. I don’t believe what I see, I believe in you. This is a place of unity, and you belong. Don’t quit, continue expressing. Adopt an outlet for this energy, for this transmutation, such as running or biking, writing poetry, singing, painting, sculpting, etc. Keep expressing, be mindful of the context in which you do, but indeed do. A clearly defined & communicated “rant” or “vent” thread perhaps. Allow it out. I believe in you. All things are possible for you. Believe in yourself until you know yourself. Know yourself until you are yourself. As yourself, this is enough, and your being is the giving of yourself.  If you want to be banned in this process, ask someone else. I do not believe in ostracism, in fragmentation, in judgement. This has all gone on long enough. The help is here and you will realize the nuw u sought; the old one must be relinquished, that the rebirth can arise. It will. Have faith. It is infallible.  

Don’t shoot from the hip, holster in the practice. Understand the importance of the practice. This is not the wild west. This is a place of actual compassion & awakening. 

[nuwu]

@Nahm I don't know what to express anymore. I am another drop of never-ending agony inside an ocean of futility. I don't know what could be realized from my perspective other than proving myself extremely deplorable and shameful. I can hardly talk about anything since I understand we all are the same, and all my fears arise from the structure of consciousness as a whole. But I can't contain it anymore, I really hate myself. I just want to disappear, as If I had never existed.

I have been struggling with this for way too long and have been making no progress whatsoever. In the end it doesn't even matter, this is just another scream into the abyss that will be forgotten. I'm sorry for everything.

[Windappreciator]

@nuwu how long has that been going for, you're longing to be destroyed or being hollow long?

Edited July 21, 2021 by Windappreciator

[Nahm]

1 hour ago, nuwu said:

@Nahm I don't know what to express anymore. I am another drop of never-ending agony inside an ocean of futility. I don't know what could be realized from my perspective other than proving myself extremely deplorable and shameful. I can hardly talk about anything since I understand we all are the same, and all my fears arise from the structure of consciousness as a whole. But I can't contain it anymore, I really hate myself. I just want to disappear, as If I had never existed.

I have been struggling with this for way too long and have been making no progress whatsoever. In the end it doesn't even matter, this is just another scream into the abyss that will be forgotten. I'm sorry for everything.

You’re doing fine expressing right now. Expression is not “this other thing”, it is already underway. You’re communicating, you’re addressing, you’re doing great. 

This. What is this, which is said to be struggled with? 

This, is really, actually, thoughts. The repeating of these thoughts, is, belief. The ‘holding’ of beliefs, is thought attachment. Thought attachment is suffering. 

That is, you believe those thoughts. You belief those thoughts are true, about you. 

Those thoughts are not true about you. 

You are experiencing what many experience, before embracing the practice. This is the first Ox-Herder picture, “searching”: the recognition there is suffering, there is a path of cessation of suffering, and the adopting of the practice which brings an end to suffering, aka, ultimately, enlightenment.

In the third Ox-Herder picture, from the diligence, the faith in, adherence to, and implementation of, the practice… the herder has the “glimpse”. The glimpse, is the result of the practice, the relaxation and the cessation of the habit of focusing on these thoughts which do not feel good. The “glimpse” is a feeling which is sofa king Good, the feeling, and only the feeling, completely validates what the herder has been told by teachers, which are simply messengers, those which had faith in, adopted, and implemented, the practice. 

The practice releases all discord. The old habit, is to believe the thoughts. Thus, the thoughts hijack the practice, via the belief that the discord is about you, others, or the world. On the path of the practice, of cessation, the herder is ‘duped’, ‘bamboozled’, many times by such discordant thoughts. This is the “catching” or “taming” of the ox (the following pictures)

When the “glimpse” occurs, it equals - first hand, direct experience, of actual clarity. That is, it is absolutely realized that it is thought & the believing of alone, which is the suffering, and not how you are, who you are, what anyone else says or does, or anything which is wrong with the world. 

While there is a plethora of help available, countless resources, millions of people who’s paramount passion is to help you, there is a simplicity as well; to recognize the suffering earnestly, and adopt the practice… or to continue to strife, struggle, and suffer. 

From the great peace we all come, and indeed into the great peace we all do return. This is never in question, isn’t it so? 

The only variable is wether or not you listen to the feeling, intuition, guidance - and get on the path, and thus inevitably know, live, and celebrate the great joy of “the best of both worlds” or, the middle way. 

No one can make you, because in truth you are already free. It is your choice. It is in your hands. 

We are here to help you, we are with you not against you. These are tools to help with expression and understanding emotions. 

We are also here to help you with the life you desire to live and the things & experiences you desire to create. No man is an island, and fear is not the end of this. We are with you, we are for you, we believe in you. You are not crazy, foolish or stupid. You just haven’t gotten on the path yet. 

[Zeroguy]

Have no single clue. 

Taken path. It will take ages so I will skip it for now. 

[nuwu]

@Nahm

8 hours ago, Nahm said:

You’re doing fine expressing right now. Expression is not “this other thing”, it is already underway. You’re communicating, you’re addressing, you’re doing great. 

My ego is such an atrocity, I don't even know where to start. I feel incredibly empty and full of s**t, both at the same time. So miserable and disgusted by life I may have started being obsessed with ways to blame all this suffering on the "field" which would somehow have obscure mechanisms leading to huge misunderstandings and misery, if not properly harnessed by some magical construct or something. But to be honest, even within a dualistic mindset, this reasoning doesn't hold since if there is one thing I am sure about myself, deep down I want to understand feelings, prior to knowing. Nevertheless I... I may be really stupid but, what if the source of suffering were the fire by itself? What would I do? I am lost.

I sincerely hoped there was some singularity of light connecting us, wanting everything to be as happy and comfy as possible, which would keep me safe no matter what states of consciousness I would find myself in... Yet the current world is such a painful sight. I really don't get it. In the end, I can see fragments of these in you and everything, so maybe it's not hopeless.

8 hours ago, Nahm said:

That is, you believe those thoughts. You belief those thoughts are true, about you. 

Those thoughts are not true about you.

I give up. This is interesting to consider. I don't actually need to be attached to thoughts in order to understand Truth. At least, I don't know if I have to, since the mechanism of understanding is undefined in my pov. Though there are some strong indications attachment leads to delusion.

It's just so damn all terrifying. To the point, I don't know if I can blame myself for writing all those pitiful posts. I simply used to have some random monke dream in some random universe, and now suddenly my source of awareness is supposed to be the one of some infinite entity who created everything? What's even the meaning of this? Worst thing about this, what protects me from breaking my mind is the fact we are all in the same boat, and somehow this makes me feel a little bit safer.

8 hours ago, Nahm said:

Ox-Herder picture

From what I understand from this path, I would still be stuck oscillating between first and second stages, with hardly any success in meditation and trips. I don't know if I'm too desperate, or have too many health issues to cope with in the first place (this has personally improved a lot for me lately, so it doesn't feel like its over yet).

8 hours ago, Nahm said:

That is, it is absolutely realized that it is thought & the believing of alone, which is the suffering, and not how you are, who you are, what anyone else says or does, or anything which is wrong with the world. 

I've been wondering what it means to be alone. Is the appearance of other avatars in the dream even togetherness? Is it inherent to distinction within duality? Where (or when) is my awareness? It's just weird. I've always felt alone and stuck with those ideas of solipsism, and no one to hear me cry. I initially created this account with the intent of quickly getting banned through ruthless/inconsiderate/satiric funposting, to collect attention and to cope with loneliness for at least a brief period of time.

@4201 Sorry again for the what you had to read in my previous replies. It wasn't targeted at you nor anyone, but myself. I'm posting satire from the bottom of hell. I feel like your first answer broke a dam from how my self-hatred got called a game, and how somehow I am deserving of anything.

@Windappreciator Way too long...

Edited July 22, 2021 by nuwu

[4201]

1 hour ago, nuwu said:

@4201 Sorry again for the what you had to read in my previous replies. It wasn't targeted at you nor anyone, but myself. I'm posting satire from the bottom of hell. I feel like your first answer broke a dam from how my self-hatred got called a game, and how somehow I am deserving of anything.

No worries man. I spent my whole teenage years being extremely aggressive to literally everyone, I kinda know the drill. Seeing you was a bit seeing my old self. 

You seem to attach a lot to this story that "your case is too bad to be helped". But that's just an idea about yourself, which is not true. Drop the idea and the roleplay will drop as well. Hell/suffering is an idea.

You could even ask yourself why you sent me this hateful message and notice that perhaps, it was to confirm to yourself "how bad" of a situation you are in. "Look at how dysfunctional I am! Please validate this idea about myself!" But that's just not true. You acted like that because you decided to, but that doesn't mean you are like that, it's just a role you played because of an idea.

That being said you are always welcome here to ask for help and express your feelings (as long as you follow the forum guidelines but that's really not my problem). I'm glad this is turning out into a situation where you are actually open to seek help from @Nahm because that can only do good for you. An even more powerful way to exchange with him would be with sessions, in which you can talk to him on skype to really go deep into your problems. My experience with him was very useful and insightful.

[Nahm]

9 hours ago, nuwu said:

I don't even know where to start.

With foundation. Proper sleep, diet, and daily morning meditation.

If inquisitive thoughts continue to arise, google, research answers, look into things. As emotions arise, express in a journal, and utilize the emotional scale to understand how you’re feeling & why.  Focus on which emotion you’re experiencing, vs self referential thoughts. (Those thoughts about yourself which aren’t true or accurate). 

Play the effortless ‘game’ of choosing a better feeling thought, all day… cause it feels good, and you are perfectly deserving of good feeling. 

@4201 ?