Husseinisdoingfine

Why do women remain in abusive relationships?

41 posts in this topic

@Leo Gura That makes sense in theory however reality is different. 75% of divorces are filed by women and almost all relationships of my friends it was the girl that ended it. I even made once a thread about women cheating from a John Anthony lifestyle video. I think what you said only applies if the guy really keeps his shit together and either stays neutral or raises his value as the relationship goes on. If you get complacent then you ll get dumbed eventually. 
Bottom line: Never stop growing

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5 hours ago, Preety_India said:

@diamondpenguin Number one rule to remember with a hot man is that "you should never flake on them."

Give him respect, never hesitate and never flake.

Hot men are very annoyed when they're ignored or flaked on, they feel they don't deserve it. 

Don't piss them off by discussing unnecessary logistics 

Do what they say. And never flake on them.

They like "no fuss, no baggage."

If you don't obey a hot man, he is gone with the wind.

 

Hit the nail on the head.

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@Preety_India  Either I've previously misunderstood you, or you've grown a lot in the past year. Very impressed with your nuanced perspective. Glad to see you found satisfying relationships


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25 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

@Leo Gura That makes sense in theory however reality is different. 75% of divorces are filed by women and almost all relationships of my friends it was the girl that ended it. I even made once a thread about women cheating from a John Anthony lifestyle video. I think what you said only applies if the guy really keeps his shit together and either stays neutral or raises his value as the relationship goes on. If you get complacent then you ll get dumbed eventually. 
Bottom line: Never stop growing

I never said the women endure it forever. Eventually the woman wises up and leaves, after much wasted time.

Nothing I said contradicts your statistics.

Worrying that women will leave you or cheat on you is a super beta thing to do. Never do it.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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@Leo Gura

Quote

Worrying that women will leave you or cheat on you is a super beta thing to do. Never do it.

What is the solution if one actually does that and can't help with himself?

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Posted (edited)

1 hour ago, Karmadhi said:

75% of divorces are filed by women and almost all relationships of my friends it was the girl that ended it. I

By the time a woman leaves she will have already been unhappy and thought about it for a while and will have put up with a lot of things until she becomes exhausted and leaves. 
Because what most women cherish is intimacy in relationships, and she can put up with not getting intimacy for a long time (mostly because she doesn’t understand what she wants and is holding out hope that the man will change) so many women go unfulfilled because it’s normalised that men are emotionally unavailable.  So a man will feel there is no problems in the relationship as long as he is getting sex, but just sex alone is unsatisfying for a woman.  So this would make sense why more women divorce than men, because women are generally more unhappy in their relationship.  
And there is more awareness about this stuff now than there used to be, women don’t need to stay in unhappy relationship.  But they used to because that was all they knew. 
so really this statistic is just showing the extent of how much women aren’t happy In their relationships/marriages. 

Edited by Tangerinedream

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Wow this thread blew up, apparently there are people who have been abused are typing on this forum. Plenty of people. I hope this can all serve us as a dangerous reminder to VET and SCREEN those who we get romantically involved with. Have high standards, not of looks and money, but of integrity.


لا إله إلا الله، وليو رسول الله

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2 hours ago, bazera said:

@Leo Gura

What is the solution if one actually does that and can't help with himself?

Stop making excuses and just cut those thoughts out of your mind.

Work on your self-esteem perhaps.

The notion that a woman will cheat on me has never crossed my mind. Because I got more important things to do and because I work on building up my value such that I am not worried some guy will be better than me.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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@Preety_India So thats really how it works for women? You have to bend over backwards for those guys pretty much over they get upset? Im sorry fo you girlies. That sounds like your giving up your life for the man. What if I don't want to be his bitch, what if I want him to be my bitch? 


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@Tangerinedream Nah, it is usually because the guys were acting insecure, a bit needy and were not being fun. That is worse than abuse apparently.

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26 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

@Tangerinedream Nah, it is usually because the guys were acting insecure, a bit needy and were not being fun. That is worse than abuse apparently.

Well this is the dilemma.. if the option is abusive-strong man or weak-needy man, most would choose the abusive/toxic strong man (whether that be physically or emotionally abusive, or emotionally unavailable) 
we need more strong-loving men with feminine masculine balance ,  when that happens the world will be better place 😍 

 

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Posted (edited)

I believe this issue exists at a fairly high rate on both sides of the spectrum. I've personally seen an alarming number of women abuse men in the open, but not have seen too many men do this. I've been told by others from their experiences at an alarming rate of women being abused by men, but not so much men talking about their own abuse.

I don't believe the question should strictly pertain to women, but rather it's a human trait. Most likely born from some childhood trauma. People will allow themselves to be extremely uncomfortable as long as the object that causes their distress is perceived to be in scarcity. The same can apply for a job that has a severe negative effect on one's physical/mental health.

Though, from my own biased observations there are some subtle differences in the longevity of staying. It seems as though, there is a greater chance than not that a woman will eventually leave the toxic relationship even if it's years down the road. But, it seems as though when a man gets into this situation he will never leave it and the only way to freedom is the woman leaving the relationship themselves.

I can't say why this is, but I'll take a guess and believe it's possible that because a woman is more open to her friends/family about herself in general. She will be more willing to talk about her abusive situation. Some don't even realize that what is happening is wrong until someone else informs them of the toxic behavior taking place. Eventually with enough support it can help her reflect on the situation and come to her senses. While a man seems more closed about himself therefore rarely talking about the potential abuse he can be facing. Even so, it usually brushed off as his own issue without much external input to reflect on. 

Edited by Nos7algiK

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Posted (edited)

3 hours ago, diamondpenguin said:

@Preety_India So thats really how it works for women? You have to bend over backwards for those guys pretty much over they get upset? Im sorry fo you girlies. That sounds like your giving up your life for the man. What if I don't want to be his bitch, what if I want him to be my bitch? 

Ok I don't want to derail the topic but since you asked me I had to answer. This is my last response to you on this thread because it's kinda derailing the topic.

But it seems it's useless advice for you?

Pleasing someone is not called "giving up your life" for someone. You're taking a very small thing in an extreme direction. 

I don't think we're on the same plane of thinking. 

Hot property doesn't walk up to you, you have to walk up to the hot property and it's completely fine because you are dating someone way out of your league 

You seriously think that a hot guy has time for your games and shit? No he got plenty of options. 

He is not going to wait a 100 years  for a flakey girl to say yes once in a lifetime. He will walk away and into the arms of a girl who doesn't play coy games and says yes because she understands he needs her and she needs him too. 

In short flakey games won't work on hot guys because they are not insecure desperate guys waiting like a dog. They have respect. So if you don't respect them then they'll walk away.

If you think that it's bending over backwards, then why are you asking how to please them? 

By your logic then, if a hot girl passes by and a guy buys her a drink to please her, is he bending over backwards for her? Absolutely not. That's some incel mentality and one of the reasons a lot of men stay incels is because of this "stuck-up" bullshit where they cannot even budge an inch for someone. Then in that case they can stay as they're and bemoan later. 

Why will a hot guy invest in me if I give him nothing in return but flakey responses ? Why should he keep pleasing me then ? 

If I'm pleasing a hot guy, he is pleasing me as well. In fact I'm doing far less than what he needs to do to please me, he has to do a lot in the bedroom to please me. So I might please him as well for what he'll do for me. 

When a guy keeps waiting for a girl who is constantly flaking on him, then he is not a hot guy. He is a needy desperate guy that every woman will avoid like the plague 

If you think that pleasing someone is bending over backwards then that's an ego block that won't serve you well in relationships. I never said about breaking boundaries. I'm talking about pleasing here. 

If I give a great blowjob to my favourite man, that's not called bending over backwards. By that logic if he is giving me a great orgasm, then is he bending over backwards? Absolutely not. It's called pleasing each other.

And hot guys want to be pleased but they are going to be pleasing as well. He is going to give me hot sex that a desperate dude can't.

So if you buy a hot girl a nice drink, chat her up, no big deal (unless you're a stuck up) and in return you get hot sex from her.

That's how sexes work in dating 

If I'm as cold as a dead fish, why would a hot guy invest his time and be interested in me ? 

 If I want him, I need to please him. If he wants me, he needs to please me.

 

It seems like you don't even know the basics of dating, let alone dating hot guys, you're far away from getting anywhere closer to those goals.

 

 

Edited by Preety_India

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6 hours ago, Tangerinedream said:

By the time a woman leaves she will have already been unhappy and thought about it for a while and will have put up with a lot of things until she becomes exhausted and leaves. 
Because what most women cherish is intimacy in relationships, and she can put up with not getting intimacy for a long time (mostly because she doesn’t understand what she wants and is holding out hope that the man will change) so many women go unfulfilled because it’s normalised that men are emotionally unavailable.  So a man will feel there is no problems in the relationship as long as he is getting sex, but just sex alone is unsatisfying for a woman.  So this would make sense why more women divorce than men, because women are generally more unhappy in their relationship.  
And there is more awareness about this stuff now than there used to be, women don’t need to stay in unhappy relationship.  But they used to because that was all they knew. 
so really this statistic is just showing the extent of how much women aren’t happy In their relationships/marriages. 

Ofcourse, these stupid men..

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@Preety_India Lol, textbook intp or intj response. But, I'm just trynna find someone I can love. I don't care about leagues, and insecurities, and incels, and all that gossip. I'm just trynna be a loving person to someone. Thx for info, lets stay positive. 


Love life and your Health, INFJ Visionary

 

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On 7/15/2021 at 11:02 PM, Husseinisdoingfine said:

This absolutely boggles my mind. If a woman is being physically hit, insulted, etc, why don’t they just leave?

Sure, you could say not having financial recourses to leave. But I have met women where that was not the case, but rather they would break up, reconnect, be abused, breakup, reconnect, be abused, etc… 

Why is this? Why do people call their abusers cell phones after leaving? Even after physical violence.

 

Many times, it's because they fear that the man will kill them or harm their friends/family if they leave.

Other times, it's because they are financially dependent upon the man.

Other times still, it's because they don't want to upend their life as it is.

There is also the factor of minimizing the seriousness of the abuse, especially if it's emotional abuse. 


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@Emerald yeah thats why you got to devote your life to a kind of work, not to one person. 


Love life and your Health, INFJ Visionary

 

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They believe that they are the ones who are bad/wrong/not-enough. 


My Youtube Channel- Light on Earth “We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”― Robert Frost

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On 7/16/2021 at 2:36 AM, Preety_India said:

I didn't mean to say to say yes when one feels like saying no. 

If the woman feels like saying no then simply say no and move on 

But appealing to each other is what opposite sexes do for each other. It's a part of the game .

That doesn't always mean that boundaries are getting destroyed. If there is any problem with comfort level, communicate that problem.

Some girls and guys simply get lazy or flake for simplest reasons 

It's about showing the same level of eagerness and willingness as the other person.

Nowhere have I mentioned compromising with one's boundaries. 

I'm talking about having fun with a person who you're super attracted to.

It's similar to telling a man to not upset his girlfriend by saying something obnoxious 

Similarly a woman who is flaking too much even when it's unnecessary can piss off a guy. 

Not always is a woman right. Maybe she isn't respecting his needs. Maybe she is always pushing him away 

You're jumping the gun here too early and immediately assuming that I meant that the woman is going against her comfort zone 

No. I'm talking about a woman who really wants that guy bad but is playing stupid games not realising that she is annoying that guy 

Desperation is when you're feeling discomfort and still doing things.

Trying to please the other person is part of creating romantic chemistry. Nothing absolutely wrong with two people trying to please each other.

The guy is also going to please her sexually in bed. She is going to please by not pissing him off.

Now if the guy is pushing her boundaries where he says something or demands something that she cannot be okay with, then that's called abuse 

Not everything is abusive 

I apologize if I misunderstood anything. I agree with you on how guys, or really anyone, don't like it when you play games, flake on them, and lack consistency because those can all be easily interpreted as you not being into them. It's natural to want to make the other person feel desired and help them get their needs met. All I'm trying to say is don't lose sight of your needs, wants and boundaries by getting caught up in what the other person wants because when you go that far, things don't always go down too well. c


Speaking into the void that sometimes answers back 

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