DefinitelyNotARobot

Wanting something for unhealthy reasons vs healthy reasons

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Here is a question: Let's say I want a thing, but I want it for unhealthy reasons. How do I transition from wanting it for unhealthy reasons to wanting it for healthy reasons?

When I say unhealthy I mean that it's coming from a place of neediness, a place of feeling like "I'm not enough" or a place of seeking validation. When I say healthy I am talking about it coming from a place of self-love, wholeness and fulfillment.

Like let's take exercise as an example. I would like to get ripped, but it's coming from a place of neediness and validation. I honestly just want to look good so that I am more attractive to girls. That's not a healthy thing in my opinion. Wanting it because I am needy won't actually help me push though the pain of getting to the body that I envision. These kinds of inauthentic reasons don't really motivate me. There are more authentic reasons that I could believe in. Like let's say I am stranded on a deserted island. I honestly wouldn't care about being attractive if I was all alone. I would still care about being in shape though, just so that I could be more confident about my ability to face the dangers of the island. Wanting to get into shape just so that I can tackle life with a little bit more confidence feels more positive and loving than needing validation from other people. I could still attract women, but it would just be a side effect of living a more healthy life and not the main objective.

I want to move away from wanting to get ripped for monkey reasons, but I don't want to throw my plans out of the window either. Not wanting to get ripped for inauthentic reasons, is not a reason not to get ripped.

So how do I move from A to B without doing some weird rationalization dance? I guess having the intention to find a more authentic reason is already a good start, but how do I actually do it?


Reminder to give yourself a compliment! ❤️

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I recommend the life purpose course. Leo will give you the frame works that will help you deepen your contemplation with regards to this. Positive vs negative motivation.

Contemplate, feel in to it, and allow this self discovery process to unfold over time.


"Now here's the Sun and it's alright, Now here's the Moon and It's alright..But every-time you close your eyes... Lies" -Arcade Fire Rebellion

Personal Growth Vlog - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzVkdPNRrNT7SN1aoco2MdA

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There are no healthy reasons for wanting things. Let go of all desires. Admit you don’t really want anything. 


“Nowhere is it writ that anthropoid apes should understand reality.” - Terence McKenna

 

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16 minutes ago, Bodhitree said:

There are no healthy reasons for wanting things. Let go of all desires. Admit you don’t really want anything. 

This is false and dangerous spiritual bypassing. 

You are here and you will have to survive.


"Now here's the Sun and it's alright, Now here's the Moon and It's alright..But every-time you close your eyes... Lies" -Arcade Fire Rebellion

Personal Growth Vlog - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzVkdPNRrNT7SN1aoco2MdA

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32 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

This is false and dangerous spiritual bypassing. 

You are here and you will have to survive.

How so? The Buddha survived on a single grain of rice a day for a long time, before he decided to abandon asceticism for the middle way. We don’t need as much food as we think we do, that’s for sure. 

But further, a lot of ‘wanting’ is about desire for things that we don’t really need. Cheeseburgers, fast cars, beautiful women, the world is full of things which tempt us. There is a saying, rich is he who does not want anything. That is not external richness that is being talked about, it is an inner richness. 

Wanting is in the mind. If you can develop a spirit of letting go, an inner attitude of not clinging to thoughts, desires and things, then you are a lot closer to spiritual enlightenment. Highly developed beings live in an attitude of giving and service, and a key step to getting there is not to spend your time chasing all the things that society conditions you to want. 


“Nowhere is it writ that anthropoid apes should understand reality.” - Terence McKenna

 

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Posted (edited)

37 minutes ago, Bodhitree said:

How so? The Buddha survived on a single grain of rice a day for a long time, before he decided to abandon asceticism for the middle way. We don’t need as much food as we think we do, that’s for sure. 

But further, a lot of ‘wanting’ is about desire for things that we don’t really need. Cheeseburgers, fast cars, beautiful women, the world is full of things which tempt us. There is a saying, rich is he who does not want anything. That is not external richness that is being talked about, it is an inner richness. 

Wanting is in the mind. If you can develop a spirit of letting go, an inner attitude of not clinging to thoughts, desires and things, then you are a lot closer to spiritual enlightenment. Highly developed beings live in an attitude of giving and service, and a key step to getting there is not to spend your time chasing all the things that society conditions you to want. 

It's more about the quality of your desires. You can have healthy desires and I think that life is actually built upon healthy desires. Notice how you yourself fail to meet your desire to not have desires by desire to not have desires.

There is something to be said about having a healthy quality of unattachment. This is something I practice. For example unattachment of outcome or what others think of me is something I think is healthy to embody. But, then again these things can be toxic and lead to the harming of others.

But there is no reason to starve yourself or limit your potential in life. That is a false humility in the guise of enlightenment.

I actually think that when you lean to far to one sit with attachment or unattachment you are not truly enlightened. Enlightenment says nothing about having healthy desires, tastes, opinions or preferences. 

Truly, to me enlightenment is an alignment with truth and a healthy understanding and embodiment in life. Being liberated does not mean we must starve. In fact, to me it means we are free to do whatever the fuck we want because we take full responsibility for our lives. We authentically embody our lives.

There are many aspects of enlightenment and to focus on anyone of them, or to lean to far to one side is likely to lead to some form of toxic spiritual bypassing.

A profound spontaneity, a radical acceptance of what is, a clear mind that is present and unattached and that is free to make high quality choices, a maturity, a balance, wisdom, patience, life long learning, acceptance of not knowing, becoming construct aware, develop a high level of body awareness etc all of these things to me mean more than simply unattachment. The enlightened one reconciles radical paradoxes and embodies a way of living that is algined with the highest cosmic wisdom.

I am still early on my path, making mistakes all the time. So, take what I say with a grain of salt.

Edited by Thought Art

"Now here's the Sun and it's alright, Now here's the Moon and It's alright..But every-time you close your eyes... Lies" -Arcade Fire Rebellion

Personal Growth Vlog - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzVkdPNRrNT7SN1aoco2MdA

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16 hours ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

I honestly just want to look good so that I am more attractive to girls.

When you're hungry you have a desire for food. The desire to attract a mate is survival just like hunger. Is hunger unhealthy? No!

Neediness in itself is ok. But if neediness becomes addiction, then it is not serving the purpose it's meant for, it becomes unhealthy. Everything in moderation.

Are you addicted to looking good? Are you going beyond your basic need to be attractive?


Consiousness is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is.

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Just now, LastThursday said:

Are you addicted to looking good? Are you going beyond your basic need to be attractive?

It's actually quiet the opposite. I didn't care about how I looked for a lot of my life because I didn't love myself and I felt like I didn't deserve good things. I'm currently discovering the whole self-love thing and I want to be there for myself and listen to my needs and desires, but I also feel like I first have to learn how to love myself before I go out there and share my love with others. I honestly just want a girl friend because I feel like that will fix something. Constantly feeling lonely sucks and I want someone who I can be with, but I also realize that I should focus on being there for myself first. Everything else would just devolve into toxicity.

So there is the catch. I do want a girlfriend (and I don't think that there is anything wrong with that by itself), but it's coming from an unhealthy place. Getting into shape just so that I can fulfill that desire comes from the same place. I want a quick fix for not being able to accept myself so I am looking for it in another person, but I know that I should find it within myself first.

That's why I am interested in moving from a negative space to a more positive one. There are also other areas in my life where I have the same problem. I know that the answer is already somewhere within me, but I wanted to see if someone could offer some guidance.

But maybe I just have to be more patient with myself. I guess that is what @Thought Art meant by

2 hours ago, Thought Art said:

Contemplate, feel in to it, and allow this self discovery process to unfold over time.

 


Reminder to give yourself a compliment! ❤️

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@Thought Art I would agree there is no reason to starve. But what do you think is finding your potential in life? How would you measure it — money, family size, or even total number of people whose life you have changed? Is someone who works in a hospice assisting the dying less succesful than the CEO of a Fortune 500 company?

I’m getting on towards 50 years old and have engaged in quite a few spiritual undertakings in my life, and have experienced enough success in my careers that I would say I have been at the top, I’ve architected products used by millions of people around the world, I’ve worked at some of the most prestigious tech companies. I’ve also experienced sudden life changing illness and periods of great stress. Currently I am out of a job and living with my parents. 

I have a good friend who is an ambulance paramedic. He is one of the smartest people I know, but has chosen not to exploit his intelligence but become a Buddhist and help people. Has he fulfilled his potential? Have I?

The thing is, you do not know what avenues life will take you down, but if you develop your spiritual potential, and don’t get hung up on status or fame, and can easily let go of things, it will stand you in good stead. 


“Nowhere is it writ that anthropoid apes should understand reality.” - Terence McKenna

 

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