machinegun

How to be the leader in male social circles?

22 posts in this topic

I'm pretty bad at making friends. I've only ever had one real friend. The friend groups I have been apart of have all designated me into being that one guy who's always getting roasted. In my past, I prefered one-on-one friends or female friends. 

But, at my core I'm masculine. I want other male friends who are like-minded and whom I can talk about my mission with. 

Previously, I've been on the bottom, I want to reverse that.

 

(Resources?)

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It's pretty easy being the leader because most ppl don't want to be.

  • Take the initiative when it comes to planning/inviting. I have a philosophy/economic discussion group that I started. They were my friend beforehand, but we became a real group after I gave it a vision and started planning study sessions and hang out stuff. 
  • Make the decisions. Most people don't want to make a decision. This can be as simple as where to eat. Everybody is "fine with anything", so no one makes a decision. Be the one that says "Yo, let's go here."

That's about it.

If you're gonna be a leader, you need a vision to unite people to do activities to meet that vision. That vision can be starting a business together, having the most bomb parties, anything. 

Having a vision for something greater and the assertiveness to bring it about will give you the gravitas to become a leader. 

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@Chew211 I'm very jealous of people who are naturally the leader, as if god had the grace to just appoint them to lead. They lead naturally, and they have a powerful aroma at all times. How is it possible to accomplish this?

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@machinegun

Lol, powerful aroma.

There is no "natural", God appointed leader. To think that there is would mean your caught up in a fetishistic illusion. Leader is a position within a socio-symbolic network, and it's that position that necessitates you behave in a way that leader's behave. Sure, some people have a disposition to become the leader, but someone with the same position who doesn't occupy the leader's place in a socio-symbolic network would simply be an asshole. No one is born a leader. No one is genetically destined to become a leader. With animals, it comes down to genetics, because their social network isn't symbolic, i.e. mediated through language. 

Occupy the position of leader, and then you get the powerful aura, which is essentially other people projecting their fetishism onto you. You "lead naturally" when you get used to occupying the position. 

Dispel your fetish, and go lead something. 

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@Chew211  Fetish is a good way to put it lol

 

@RendHeaven YES. My idea of building a friend group revolving around our unique missions isn't my idea (it's from a book called way of the superior man). I feel as though the killer mentality which brings forth emotions like ambition and passion, is the true embodiment of masculinity. This is what woman are attracted to, and it also makes men feel good about themselves. 

However, if you're very emotionally vulnerable like me this emotional state is very hard to maintain. When I get roasted by others it de-thrones me, and I feel more and more shitty about myself. Until I can figure out how to make it stop, I will never be the person I want to be.

 

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Jealousy seems to say something about others but actually, absolutely, does not. 

Let the beliefs about yourself go. 

Come to terms with what you actually, deeply want. 

Unfettered by beliefs, it will manifest. It already is. 

What you want might turn out not to be seen any certain way at all, but to see clearly. 


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

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On 7/13/2021 at 9:17 AM, machinegun said:

The friend groups I have been apart of have all designated me into being that one guy who's always getting roasted

Instead of worrying about becoming a leader you should address this first. The way you carry yourself must scream "weakness" if your always designated as the butt of group.

When someone says something about you you don't like call it out and address it, you will lose friends if you do this but the ones that stay will respect you and would be more inclined to let you take the lead.

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@Bando Rather than weakness I think I'm a rather ditzy character. A lot of times I'm unintentionally funny because I lack awareness of my surroundings. This leads to roasting. It's a hard life

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Posted (edited)

On 14/07/2021 at 9:35 AM, RendHeaven said:

@machinegun

Do you resonate with my latest journal entry?

 

I hate to break to you but the manga ending was.....{spoiler noises}. I was in love with it too, but the ending was so bad I was angry for a full week. You could even get me worked up about it now

Edited by lmfao

Hark ye yet again — the little lower layer. All visible objects, man, are but as pasteboard masks. But in each event — in the living act, the undoubted deed — there, some unknown but still reasoning thing puts forth the mouldings of its features from behind the unreasoning mask. If man will strike, strike through the mask! How can the prisoner reach outside except by thrusting through the wall? To me, the white whale is that wall, shoved near to me. Sometimes I think there's naught beyond. But 'tis enough

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3 minutes ago, lmfao said:

I hate to break to you but the manga ending was.....{spoiler noises}. I was in love with it too, but the ending was so bad I was angry for a full week. You could even get me worked up about it now

God dammit. I'm hearing this from everyone lol. That's such a damn shame...

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Posted (edited)

@RendHeaven You've finished up to season 4 part 1 have you? Two days is a very short time to have binged it all. 

The ending was so bad I wasn't able to listen to My War without getting PTSD
But now I can still enjoy this banger

 

Edited by lmfao

Hark ye yet again — the little lower layer. All visible objects, man, are but as pasteboard masks. But in each event — in the living act, the undoubted deed — there, some unknown but still reasoning thing puts forth the mouldings of its features from behind the unreasoning mask. If man will strike, strike through the mask! How can the prisoner reach outside except by thrusting through the wall? To me, the white whale is that wall, shoved near to me. Sometimes I think there's naught beyond. But 'tis enough

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@Chew211lol you are so right.

When friends don't know what choice to pick, I just think which is better and if I haven't picked in some seconds I just pick something I feel, maybe analyze it a little more with friends and then we just go somewhere. Haha, this is so true about desicions. I try to make both decisions that I like and also not to waste way too much time to think where I go, it's really simple and seems like superpower to some people 

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On 15/07/2021 at 11:35 AM, machinegun said:

A lot of times I'm unintentionally funny because I lack awareness of my surroundings. This leads to roasting. It's a hard life

I feel you man. I couldn't read social cues for half my life. Awkward was part of my nickname.

Totally possible to develop yourself out of it.


I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

https://calendly.com/erik-coaching/add-coaching-free-strategy-consult

Besides that, ♂ I offer single breakthrough calls for men on social life, dating, relationships and sexuality.

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On 14.7.2021. at 5:30 PM, Nahm said:

Jealousy seems to say something about others but actually, absolutely, does not. 

Let the beliefs about yourself go. 

Come to terms with what you actually, deeply want. 

Unfettered by beliefs, it will manifest. It already is. 

What you want might turn out not to be seen any certain way at all, but to see clearly. 

Oh yes 2 Porsches!

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On 13/07/2021 at 2:17 PM, machinegun said:

Previously, I've been on the bottom, I want to reverse that.

There's different types of masculine leaders:

  • The guy who makes decisions
  • The guy that gets stuff done
  • Physically strong/threatening guy
  • The ideas guy
  • The guy that knows what to do in all situations
  • The guy with vision and purpose
  • The guy who can talk to anyone
  • The guy with charm and charisma
  • The guy with brains
  • The guy with balls

Maybe even a mix of the above.


Consiousness is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is.

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5 minutes ago, LastThursday said:

There's different types of masculine leaders:

  • The guy who makes decisions
  • The guy that gets stuff done
  • Physically strong/threatening guy
  • The ideas guy
  • The guy that knows what to do in all situations
  • The guy with vision and purpose
  • The guy who can talk to anyone
  • The guy with charm and charisma
  • The guy with brains
  • The guy with balls

Maybe even a mix of the above.

Makes me wonder. 🤔

Connor. 

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