integral

Treatment for Rape Trauma and Nympho disorder?

30 posts in this topic

Recently found myself in a position of helping a 13 year old girl, she was raped at 9 by her step father (they covered it up and she is still forced to live in the same house as him). Major Trauma, PTSD, Depression, Child Regression, Ticks followed as well as a very hyper activate sex drive that is far beyond what I thought the human body is capable of.  

I've encouraged seeking professional help and going to the police, but she refuses for it will disrupt her social life by being forced to move to a new location.

She listens to everything i say and I've done the best i can to help manage the stress and improve the quality of her life, but in the end root issues will not be resolved with out her taking action/responsibility in self-healing and resolving living situation. 

Nympho issue is connected to the trauma and as a coping mechanism, as she stats it: to masterbate is to wash him off of her and give her back control/consent. 

I'm asking for advice/help/resources/books. What does she need to know/learn? What practices can help her move forward/heal? Thanks! 

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@integral I'm not sure if it's helpful at all, but maybe check out a movie called Nymphomaniac. I'd seen it 5-6 years ago and don't remember a lot of it. At the time I was deeply asleep and didn't gain any wisdom from it, but maybe you would.


Have faith.

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Posted (edited)

@integral  In al seriousness, can she come live with you?

Because from what I've heard, it's really a nightmare to be placed in a strangers' home by child protective services. Not a bright outlook from there.

She needs therapy - at least EMDR and talk therapy, I'd say - but any therapist would be obligated to call the cops, at least where I live. If that would lead to him being seized, great - but if it means her having no home because the mom failed to protect her - not so great.

Does her mom know about this?

Edited by flowboy

I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

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5 hours ago, flowboy said:

@integral  In al seriousness, can she come live with you?

She has a loving father that will take her in, but she refuses to tell him about the rape or trauma.

5 hours ago, flowboy said:

Does her mom know about this?

The mother worked to cover it up, she is a house wife with no job, father brings home all the money, she doesn't want to loss him, dependent. Also ignored and pretended it didn't happen.  

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Posted (edited)

20 minutes ago, integral said:

She has a loving father that will take her in, but she refuses to tell him about the rape or trauma.

Fine then. She should move in with him. To tell him or not, is her choice. She can do that when she's ready.

To get her to agree to therapy, negotiate with her. Sweeten the deal. What does she really want?
It's important to respect a child's free will and not override it by default, but also she's 13 and doesn't have the knowledge or maturity required to clearly see what she needs. That's what you are there for now. So if you feel responsible for this person, then make it your mission to find her a good therapist who she likes, and get her to voluntarily go, preferably combined with EMDR sessions, and get her to move in with her dad where she's safe.

Perhaps it's okay to say "okay you don't have to tell your dad, but then you do have to do therapy", perhaps the deal needs to be sweeter. Get creative.

I applaud you sir, for taking this responsibility upon you.

Edited by flowboy

I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

https://calendly.com/erik-coaching/add-coaching-free-strategy-consult

Besides that, ♂ I offer single breakthrough calls for men on social life, dating, relationships and sexuality.

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Sad thing at 13 she isn't mature enough to recognize that not addressing or healing this trauma will 100% fuck up her future/ how she forms relationships.

Find subreddits that have a similar story to her, (theres tons of them) and ask her to create an account and read others stories/ encourage her to write about her own experience. She isn't going to be able to confide in others because she blames herself and her mother trying to cover it up has made her lose all faith in others trying to understand her.

When she realizes that others are going through this and its not just her she will open up. 13 is such a vulnerable age because maturity hasn't even started to form the most you can do is show her the resources she can use to understand herself and try to lead her to them.

 

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@integral  Well, first of all kudos to you sir, hugely appreciate that you are helping her and below are just my suggestions written down in one go;

Youre focusing her on the past which sucked, or the present which sucks. 

Do the whole Jordan Peterson Shenanigans.  https://selfauthoring.blob.core.windows.net/media/Default/Pdf/WritingBenefits.pdf

She needs

1) a compelling vision for her future (age 20-25 where am I, what am I doing, how awesome can life be? How do I GET THERE NOW?)

2) What if I stay where I am? Stuck there? 

Get her motivated, make her strong instead of how sorry you feel for her horrible life. Thats not helpful. 
Buy her a diary book and let her write 
Get her school tutoring 
Find out if shes passionate about sports or drawing --> foster that ! 


It doesnt help her nickles when she "resolves all her trauma" but ends up like her mom with no job bcs no one told her she needs to do sh1t to improve.

All the best dude!

 


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Damn, that's a powerful commitment, the universe will repay you the kindness @integral

Great tips by everyone above. On top of everything that has already been said, something like bach flower remedies can be really nice gentle way to help people who are healing from traumatic experiences. These things can be purchased online or often on Amazon. 

Something like this https://www.ausflowers.co.uk/collections/combination-flower-essences/products/sexuality-essence-drops and this https://www.ausflowers.co.uk/collections/combination-flower-essences/products/transition-essence-drops

No need to go for this brand in particular. 

  • Homoeopathic may also be useful in situation like this and 
  • Herbalists claim that rose tincture feels like a "hug in the bottle".

 

But all of these are only marginal unless deeper work is done to help heal & forgive. And most obviously her environment needs to change. 

This is at  the point that child protection service should potentially be contacted and father prosecuted but that would be up to qualified qouncelor to decide. 

Kudos to you brother! Best of luck. 


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Posted (edited)

@integral

Alright, let's do this.

All I'll say will be a generalization, it will be partial and possibly wrong, because I've got little info. Nonetheless don't take what I'll write for granted.

First of all, you need to be extra caring. Being through what she has been through that destroys her trust in men and manhood (the literal idea of men). She might behave in a receptive manner to what you say, but deep down you don't know how much she fears men and how much a shell of a person she is. She might behave like that because she is so paralyzed that she has put so many metaphorical walls to keep people from seeing into her and her hurt. She could be in a serious state of prolonged shock, which she is covering up unconsciously, emotionally speaking. She might be aware mentally of what happened, but the emotions could not be there, because she has blocked them or she has dissociated from them so much that she is numb to the pain and any emotion regarding the event.

You have to be super attuned to her and her needs.

She might listen to what you suggest, but she's 13, she's too young to understand, and also she was raped, which adds a huge block to her ability to be mature and understand she needs help. I think she won't be ready soon to start healing. You have to be patient. VERY patient.

A huge thing you could do is finding a serious FEMALE (preferably) therapist, someone with the skills to deal with sexual abuse, PTSD and C-PTSD (complex-PTSD, which involves developmental trauma), and everything connected, and talking to the therapist about her situation (without her there), and seeing what could be done. For example, you could plan this with the therapist, if the therapist thinks this could be a good idea: you make the therapist and the girl meet casually (you might need to be there), with the intent of giving her the opportunity to have a safe relationship without the fear of feeling "being hospitalized".

If you want to give her informations and perspectives, I highly suggest you learn for yourself first. First of all, this teaches you how serious the situation is. Second, this teaches you how to better caretake her. Third, how do you know which info she needs? Fourth, you have responsibilities to how you treat her. You might be the only safe relationship she has.

Going into the practical stuff, here's the frameworks, ideas and methods worth learning (in no particular order):

  • C-PTSD
  • Inner Child Work
  • Parts Work (gestalt therapy)
  • Somathic Experiencing (SE)
  • EDMR
  • Rosen Work
  • Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS)
  • Tension, Stress and Trauma Release Exercises (TRE)

 

Here are some books I read on trauma that could be helpful:

  • Shadows Before Dawn, by Teal Swan: this has a story of abuse inside, which could provide a new perspective and a frame of reference for healing. But on the other side if she's not ready the story could traumatize her more.
  • The Completion Process, by Teal Swan: this has a poweful exercise which she could not be ready for, but still this book is invaluable because it teaches how trauma and trauma healing work.
  • Trauma and Memory: Brain and Body in a Search for the Living Past, by Peter A. Levine & Bessel A. Van Der Kolk: this book provides stories and a powerful model for dealing with trauma.
  • Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving, by Pete Walker: book with extensive theory on trauma, and some good exercises.
  • Healing the Shame That Binds You, by John Bradshaw: book with extensive theory on shame based trauma. This integrates greatly with the book by Pete Walker.
  • The Body Keeps The Score, by Bessel Van Der Kolk: book with theory on psychosomatic effects of trauma.

 

If she's ready to heal, the first thing she needs is SAFENESS. This means she has to re-gain safeness in her body, in her mind, in her emotions, in her relationships, in her environment. So exercises like grounding exercises or emotional vipassana could be useful, or some other type of body-based healing work.

 

If you'd like more info, check out my posts. I may have additional resources or info on trauma.

 

 

Edited by Superfluo

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On 12/7/2021 at 2:34 AM, Preety_India said:

sei un brav'uomo

Nice italian:D

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Thanks guys for the help. It seems the situation is even worse then i thought, the stress caused sleeping disorder (waking up with rape nightmares 3 years after the incident), adrenal burn out, skin and digestion issues, all related to I assume stress.  

I focused on being her friend and protector/teacher, that is the experience she is receiving (masculine containment). It seems to have helped quite a lot. 

On 7/13/2021 at 10:08 AM, Superfluo said:

If she's ready to heal, the first thing she needs is SAFENESS. This means she has to re-gain safeness in her body, in her mind, in her emotions, in her relationships, in her environment. So exercises like grounding exercises or emotional vipassana could be useful, or some other type of body-based healing work.

Makes sense, she has stated she trusts me and that's a huge importance for her. 

She's a insanely fast book reader, ill likely buy her books as gifts, she willing to read anything. 

On 7/13/2021 at 10:08 AM, Superfluo said:
  • Shadows Before Dawn, by Teal Swan: this has a story of abuse inside, which could provide a new perspective and a frame of reference for healing. But on the other side if she's not ready the story could traumatize her more.
  • The Completion Process, by Teal Swan: this has a poweful exercise which she could not be ready for, but still this book is invaluable because it teaches how trauma and trauma healing work.
  • Trauma and Memory: Brain and Body in a Search for the Living Past, by Peter A. Levine & Bessel A. Van Der Kolk: this book provides stories and a powerful model for dealing with trauma.
  • Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving, by Pete Walker: book with extensive theory on trauma, and some good exercises.
  • Healing the Shame That Binds You, by John Bradshaw: book with extensive theory on shame based trauma. This integrates greatly with the book by Pete Walker.
  • The Body Keeps The Score, by Bessel Van Der Kolk: book with theory on psychosomatic effects of trauma.

 What would be a good starting point on this list? 

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Posted (edited)

@integral

If she wants understanding, Complex PTSD. If she wants exercises to do, The Completion Process or Shadow Before Dawn.

Keep in mind that there could be more powerful books, these are suggestions from my experience.

Edited by Superfluo

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On 7/11/2021 at 11:51 AM, integral said:

Recently found myself in a position of helping a 13 year old girl, she was raped at 9 by her step father (they covered it up and she is still forced to live in the same house as him). Major Trauma, PTSD, Depression, Child Regression, Ticks followed as well as a very hyper activate sex drive that is far beyond what I thought the human body is capable of.  

I've encouraged seeking professional help and going to the police, but she refuses for it will disrupt her social life by being forced to move to a new location.

She listens to everything i say and I've done the best i can to help manage the stress and improve the quality of her life, but in the end root issues will not be resolved with out her taking action/responsibility in self-healing and resolving living situation. 

Nympho issue is connected to the trauma and as a coping mechanism, as she stats it: to masterbate is to wash him off of her and give her back control/consent. 

I'm asking for advice/help/resources/books. What does she need to know/learn? What practices can help her move forward/heal? Thanks! 

If you don't mind my asking, how do you know her? Are you a family friend? Teacher? 


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16 minutes ago, Emerald said:

If you don't mind my asking, how do you know her? Are you a family friend? Teacher? 

I am family friends with her bf. He came to me for help with her. 

Why is there a potential danger? 

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14 minutes ago, integral said:

I am family friends with her bf. He came to me for help with her. 

Why is there a potential danger? 

No, that's not why I asked. I asked to get more context, so that I could give you better information. 

It's different based on how you know her.

How old are you? Are you very young too?


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On 7/11/2021 at 6:53 PM, flowboy said:

Perhaps it's okay to say "okay you don't have to tell your dad, but then you do have to do therapy", perhaps the deal needs to be sweeter. Get creative.

That's a good point, but wouldn't the parents have to pay for treatment? Could all of this be done confidentially?

On 7/11/2021 at 6:53 PM, flowboy said:

I applaud you sir, for taking this responsibility upon you.

lol thanks :), but its easy when living in abundance of love, there is more then enough to go around. 

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Posted (edited)

4 minutes ago, Emerald said:

No, that's not why I asked. I asked to get more context, so that I could give you better information. 

It's different based on how you know her.

How old are you? Are you very young too?

ah i see, thank you.

I'm 32 and their both 13, ive always been good with children, seems to be why the 3 of us connected. 

Edited by integral

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13 minutes ago, integral said:

That's a good point, but wouldn't the parents have to pay for treatment? Could all of this be done confidentially?

You can make up another reason that she needs to see a therapist, and then maybe her dad can pay for it or her mom. Bullying, insecurity, emotional outbursts, there's so many things that any 13 year old girl could need therapy for. Really, any 13 year old should have access to therapy, now that I think about it.


I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

https://calendly.com/erik-coaching/add-coaching-free-strategy-consult

Besides that, ♂ I offer single breakthrough calls for men on social life, dating, relationships and sexuality.

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2 hours ago, integral said:

ah i see, thank you.

I'm 32 and their both 13, ive always been good with children, seems to be why the 3 of us connected. 

Well, you are the adult in the situation. You can't put too much stock in what kids want for themselves in these situations because they just don't have enough perspective yet. And any bond of friendship should be put secondary. 

If I were in your shoes, I would get in touch with the girl's father and inform him about what has happened. 


Enrollment now open for my Shadow Work Group Class! Limited spots available. 

Click here to learn more!

 

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