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Chris_Esoteric

Acceptance Over Everything & A Deep Desire To Experience Absolute Infinity

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I've been practicing the art of acceptance, if you will, for a while now! My mind is extremely chaotic, more than the average person. I think about some of the craziest shit, you can possibly imagine. I practice Mindfulness Meditation, along with Wim-Hof Breathing and Cold Therapy. The Wim-Hof Method is much more effective for me, compared to regular meditation. Due to having a chaotic/unstable mind, I find it a lot more difficult to calm myself. In fact, I don't even know if I'm meditating, correctly. All I know is, the older I've gotten, the more self-conscious and disorderly my mind has become.

I wish I can just force myself to accept whatever circumstances I go through, in life. I have trouble accepting the possibility of things like becoming homeless, being hated, being criticized (especially by people I look up to), being forgotten and dying prematurely (I struggle with insomnia, possibly chronic insomnia, I heard little sleep can, eventually, lead to premature death). I'm so eager to experience a glimpse of absolute infinity but I'm limited as to what tools are available so, I'm working with what I can. I don't even know if I'm making progress. I'm learning from different people on YouTube and online, in general. Hearing all these different perspectives is confusing, to say the least. I feel like I'm drifting from ABSOLUTE TRUTH. I NEED HELP WITH THIS!!!

Edited by Chris_Esoteric

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Start first by healing your insomnia and whatever else health issues you have. 


I live my life in a dream; the constant threat of a rude awakening keeps me on my toes.
-Mettley Zimmer

 

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@Chris_Esoteric You sound just like me!  Stuff I am wondering, as I woke up at 3:30 am maybe and haven't fallen back asleep is to find ways to make the environment not wake me up as well as get enough exercise and not eat certain foods.  My anxiety is high too though and it's been a rough month.  I am finding that talking with people one on one has been helpful.  I have bought sleeping pills and tried that but it really doesn't fix the insomnia and so I guess I really don't suggest those.

I wish the anxiety wasn't there as it is like - okay I too want to just accept everything - not sure if anxiety is from toxins in body, dehydration, uncomfortable A/C setting, not performing to par at work, social anxiety, etc.

Yeah I feel like my mind has gotten more chaotic the older I have gotten as well but I would also say maybe we are more self aware of all the things going around and so there are more things to consider whereas previously we had less things we were aware of and so less things to process.  There is more stuff to organize and play around with.

I started seeing a therapist and started going to the gym again and those two have helped quite a bit.

It is fun to open up new ways of thinking about/experiencing/exploring infinity - it could be that we like it so much that we are anxious because there are so many things that can go wrong in life that will prevent us from getting deeper in this experience or being able to continue to explore it. - it is like the stakes are higher now that we have something that we value that seems so intriguing.  (There are like 2093840384028 reasons/solutions for being anxious so just one baby step at a time).

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Suffering leads to the search for solutions, and the solution is this path that you are undertaking. In my opinion, when you have a chaotic mind, full of anxiety, insecurity and trauma, meditation is almost impossible. the first thing is to tackle that. from two perspectives, outwards, committing to yourself to have an orderly life, be whole, as brave as possible, honest. and the interior, self-inquiry. For this, psychedelics seem to me to be of enormous help, specifically mushrooms in medium doses. make you see your anxiety from a completely different perspective, almost visual, with very fast and permanent healing effects

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