Since I learned about pick up, whenever I see a hot girl walking down the street...

[Emerald]

5 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

 

@Emerald I wouldn't mind in accepting the second one but I really think here is the first one ??‍♂️

pD: of course ultimately I want to approach to have success with women and achieve the phase of dating/sex/receiving feelings of attraction/love+validation from women which ultimately will make feel good about myself.

But approach is just a step, the final goal is becoming attractive man. 

@WaveInTheOcean

What are your motivators for becoming an attractive man?

Surely, success with women, sex, connection, etc. will be part of that motivation.

But do you notice any other motivators? Is there any sense of trying to get away from something?

[Emerald]

4 hours ago, Axiomatic said:

LMAO who the fuck are they, and why wouldn't he 'deserve' them?? gtfo with that

You misunderstood what they're saying. 

They're saying that that would be the internal negative narrative that a man who is neurotically approaching would have in his mind that makes him feel like he ALWAYS has to approach.

He's not saying that the man is inherently undeserving. He's alluding to the man's negative mindset that keeps him feeling insecure.

[Javfly33]

9 minutes ago, Emerald said:

What are your motivators for becoming an attractive man?

Surely, success with women, sex, connection, etc. will be part of that motivation.

But do you notice any other motivators? Is there any sense of trying to get away from something?

I'm not sure. I think in one hand there's purely a biological drive and masculine side that is lacking in my human-embedded consciousness which if I don't resolve/achieve my mind won't work well and will develops neurotic behaviours even more concerning. 

And the other one yeah it's the psychological aspect of my ego.

As I said I think one of my biggest motivators is the incredible intense pain I feel when I like a lot a girl and I feel I'm not good man enough for her. 

I think that pain is what I am fundamentally trying to get away from.

As I wrote in a recent topic, I recently put a knife in my throat in front of my crush and his boyfriend because of feeling this emotional pain after hearing them fucking all night. Talked to them afterwards to explain them why. that was pretty healing. But I think it comes a point you can't really heal yourself completely without taking action. 

 

[Emerald]

7 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

I'm not sure. I think in one hand there's purely a biological drive and masculine side that is lacking in my human-embedded consciousness which if I don't resolve/achieve my mind won't work well and will develops neurotic behaviours even more concerning. 

And the other one yeah it's the psychological aspect of my ego.

As I said I think one of my biggest motivators is the incredible intense pain I feel when I like a lot a girl and I feel I'm not good man enough for her. 

I think that pain is what I am fundamentally trying to get away from.

As I wrote in a recent topic, I recently put a knife in my throat in front of my crush and his boyfriend because of feeling this emotional pain after hearing them fucking all night. Talked to them afterwards to explain them why. that was pretty healing. But I think it comes a point you can't really heal yourself completely without taking action. 

 

This is probably why there's that feeling like you 'have to' approach. 

It attaches a meaning onto it which is connected to the deeper self-esteem wounds.

You're in a position where doing pick-up won't really answer to those wounds. And chances are, if you become successful with women, those wounds will still be there but take on different forms that could be harmful to yourself and others.

My advice is to practice pick-up concurrently with some deeper healing practices that address the self-esteem wounds at their roots... which (and you may not believe me) have very little to do with your relationship to women. 

If you focus on the former (pick-up) without focusing on the latter (deeper emotional healing), you will end up addressing the surface level issue without dealing with its roots. It will give you the illusion of growth and transcendence without actual growth and transcendence. 

[Javfly33]

@Emerald I get you, and I agree. But what I've done the last 2 years have all been introspection, psychedelics, and even therapy.

But action, little, very little.

So even though you have a point, I can guarantee you it's time for me to stop trying to "figure things out" from my bedroom, and trying to achieve "complete healing" in the 9th LSD trip. I actually need the opposite now. Action.

But yeah, this doesn't meant that when I incorporate an habit of socializing and dating, I will stop doing inner work. I plan to still do it.

Btw, why do you say they have very little to do with my relationship with women? 

What exactly is for you "my wound"?

You know I talk already with a lot of people and I've become kind of tired of the word "self esteem". I mean it's just a word.

For me, my problem or wound is basically an energy. Yeah, energy. I vibrate at lower levels of the Self Spiral. Hate/shame/unworthiness energy. So basically you just can't "figure it out" in the couch talking to a therapist. (Even though it can be part of the process). This energy is no joke. I suspect I heredate it from my father as a kind of "karmic energy". It requires a dramatic change (rising your vibration) in how you think, act, etc from the present moment. 

My whole ego identifies with vibrating at this energy (this is actually what my ego Is. I actually suspect that when I start having success with women and being confident, I will be very fucking close to Enlightment. Because the ego will not be able to re-form itself)

Edited July 7, 2021 by Javfly33

[Emerald]

51 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

@Emerald I get you, and I agree. But what I've done the last 2 years have all been introspection, psychedelics, and even therapy.

But action, little, very little.

So even though you have a point, I can guarantee you it's time for me to stop trying to "figure things out" from my bedroom, and trying to achieve "complete healing" in the 9th LSD trip. I actually need the opposite now. Action.

But yeah, this doesn't meant that when I incorporate an habit of socializing and dating, I will stop doing inner work. I plan to still do it.

Btw, why do you say they have very little to do with my relationship with women? 

What exactly is for you "my wound"?

You know I talk already with a lot of people and I've become kind of tired of the word "self esteem". I mean it's just a word.

For me, my problem or wound is basically an energy. Yeah, energy. I vibrate at lower levels of the Self Spiral. Hate/shame/unworthiness energy. So basically you just can't "figure it out" in the couch talking to a therapist. (Even though it can be part of the process). This energy is no joke. I suspect I heredate it from my father as a kind of "karmic energy". It requires a dramatic change (rising your vibration) in how you think, act, etc from the present moment. 

My whole ego identifies with vibrating at this energy (this is actually what my ego Is. I actually suspect that when I start having success with women and being confident, I will be very fucking close to Enlightment. Because the ego will not be able to re-form itself)

I say that it doesn't have to do much with women because the situation with women is more of a reflection of the wound as opposed to the origin of the wound.

And the wound itself comes down to that hate/shame/unworthiness that you feel.

It could be a generational wound that's been absorbed from your dad. Or it could be some events that have happened to you. Or it could be (and very likely is) both.

But I recommend doing some body-work, so that you can experience those emotions directly on the level of the sensation in the body. That's what really helps you let go of those feelings. 

Mind you, these negative emotions are also forming part of the bedrock of your identity/ego structure as it presently is. So, letting go of these feelings will also mean a "death" of certain aspects of your identity. 

So basically, the first step is to focus your attention and awareness on the sensations that arise in the body when you feel hate/shame/unworthiness and really sit with them. Don't let your awareness run away from it. Face it directly.

And once you do this, the body will usually shake or cry (sometimes even vomiting can happen) to release these feelings. And this is the part of the process where you have to face death. 

[Javfly33]

On 7/7/2021 at 10:28 PM, Emerald said:

 

Mind you, these negative emotions are also forming part of the bedrock of your identity/ego structure as it presently is. So, letting go of these feelings will also mean a "death" of certain aspects of your identity. 

So basically, the first step is to focus your attention and awareness on the sensations that arise in the body when you feel hate/shame/unworthiness and really sit with them. Don't let your awareness run away from it. Face it directly.

And once you do this, the body will usually shake or cry (sometimes even vomiting can happen) to release these feelings. And this is the part of the process where you have to face death. 

???