Aurum's 7 Ingredient Recipe For Zero Fear Of Rejection

[aurum]

Is it really possible to have 0 fear of rejection?

To tell the truth, I don't know. But I do know you can get so damn close that's easily irrelevant.

One of our fellow forum members recently messaged me asking me how to overcome this fear of rejection, especially in terms of doing cold-approach. I'd thought I post it here and expand a bit for anyone who might benefit.

This is going to be heavily based off my experience doing pickup, but I'm seeing that this really can apply to even something like sales calls or a job interview.

Also, I'm calling this a recipe because they ALL work together. Miss a piece, miss a crucial part of the end result.

Let's get to it.

1) Get the Right Beliefs

You've got to get the right beliefs in your head. Some basic ones include:

• Not everyone is meant to get along
• There is always another (abundance)
• People not liking you is a necessary part of polarizing your personality being "being authentic"
• What I have to offer to other people is valuable
• I'm here to give/share, not take

2) Have a Clear, Larger Purpose

When you have a CLEAR larger purpose in your life, petty shit like rejection gets put in perspective. It doesn't matter what it is.

3) Train Your Mind to Not Suck

Part of the reason for fear of rejection is just that you haven't spent the time to train your thoughts to behave. Your self-talk is not on your side.

This takes conscious effort through meditation/affirmations/visualizations or whatever techniques you want to use.

4) Develop Gratitude

If you don't have gratitude for your current life, rejection seems like a big deal. When you're generally happy with your life, who cares about some girl. You have gratitude for what you DO have.

5) Watch Your Language

Certain words are like triggers that cause you to become upset because of how you identify with it.

For instance, maybe your parents told you growing up was that you're "worthless". Now when you think "I'm worthless" there's all this other shit that gets called in.

Drop using trigger words on yourself, replace them with something better.

6) Drop Identification With Your Emotions/Thoughts

When you heavily identify with your emotions, of course you hate rejection. It's so personal to YOU. Drop the "you", you drop the unnecessary adding on of interpreting negative emotions as "bad".

7) Control your emotional state

In different emotional states, rejection is going to be perceived as totally different.

What's even more interesting is that this can be changed instantly through conscious processes. And if not instantly, than over a relatively short period of time.

One example of this is just making an effort to laugh more. Have fun. Seriously, part of the reason people are so afraid of rejection is just because they've got this stick up their ass and take everything so serious.

Another example is body language. Because of the mind-body connection, you can make yourself feel different emotions with different uses of your body.

Overall, you just want to be doing things that put you in a good mood.

*Optional Bonus* 8) Immerse Yourself Fully In Your Activity

If you're doing sales calls, hit that phone and don't let up. If it's cold approach pickup, go from girl to girl and don't stop for 15 minutes to think about how much this is going to suck. Basically, you just lean into your fears so much that like jumping into a cold pool, you just get used to it. It's the "go-out, go back in" part that is killing you.

So that's it. To get best results, focus on only one or two ingredients at a time. You're not going to be able to implement all 7 at once.

Try it out. You'll be shocked how powerful some of these principles can be.

[Frogfucius]

I was the one who reached out to aurum. It seems like awareness is key. Be aware of everything – thoughts, purpose, goals, emotions. Filter out every idea or thought, because they’re just bullshit invisible obstacles. This is the most practical pick-up advice I’ve seen, and it seems to be the key to having success in many areas.

[Schulzy]

Nice post, thank you
Some of the steps are tough like dropping identification and controlling emotions but agues with training you can achieve that.

[Lynnel]

@Frogfucius @aurum

No. You cannot theorize your way out of it. Basicaly only the 8 point is relevant, ( not taking it personnaly helps only after the fact and the rest doesn't even apply) = you have to lean into the pool as he says.

It's very basic : you have to open, just start with "easy" sets, such as a ugly girl alone, or 2 ugly girls. Just get used to the feeling of overcoming your emotions. You can find exteremely advanced solutions later when you have more experience, now you have to go trough it. Do it a lot. Everyday, in more and more intense situation, and get the feedback that you are still alive. Basically it will rewire your brain, and the only way to do that is to OPEN. There is no way arround it. That's why so little people even do pick-up, because it's fucking hard ! And that's only the first step, there is way way more things to handle later on.

Do it, all the rest is basically excuses. Do it until it becomes second nature.

[aurum]

15 minutes ago, Lynnel said:

No. You cannot theorize your way out of it

Nothing I said here is "theory". I'm not teaching pickup lines, I'm teaching you actual action steps you can implement if you know how. And it's all based on my experience.

16 minutes ago, Lynnel said:

There is no way arround it.

Again, this is just inaccurate. Of course you need to go out, but that doesn't make it the only thing that matters. That's black and white thinking.

If what you were saying is true, then everyone who never did pickup must suffer from fear of rejection. Because pickup is the only solution, and 99% people have never done pickup in a formal way.

You're basically ignoring entire fields of psychology, the wisdom of spirituality and the subjective experience of countless people.

Of course, that doesn't make it automatically useful. But my own 1st person experience has told me it does work. So there's nothing left for me to say.

 

[aurum]

3 hours ago, Schulzy said:

Nice post, thank you
Some of the steps are tough like dropping identification and controlling emotions but agues with training you can achieve that.

You're welcome!

Dropping identification is definitely tough. Really one of those things where just being aware is key.

[Frogfucius]

17 hours ago, aurum said:

Nothing I said here is "theory". I'm not teaching pickup lines, I'm teaching you actual action steps you can implement if you know how. And it's all based on my experience.

Again, this is just inaccurate. Of course you need to go out, but that doesn't make it the only thing that matters. That's black and white thinking.

If what you were saying is true, then everyone who never did pickup must suffer from fear of rejection. Because pickup is the only solution, and 99% people have never done pickup in a formal way.

You're basically ignoring entire fields of psychology, the wisdom of spirituality and the subjective experience of countless people.

Of course, that doesn't make it automatically useful. But my own 1st person experience has told me it does work. So there's nothing left for me to say.

Exactly. Cleansing the toxic patterns of the mind is not a theory, and can be applied to all phases of life. People who succeed in any particular field in life - opposite sex, education, business, etc. excel because they have the appropriate mindset in that particular circumstance which allows for success.

As easy as it is to tell a drug addict "Yo, just stop doing drugs! Just go to rehab and you'll be cured!", it's really not that simple at all. The mind is a type of software that needs reprogramming in certain areas, otherwise the same old thought patterns and emotions are going to continue to grip you.

[Lynnel]

@aurum I don't see the point of arguing over this - You're telling me it works, I'm telling you it doesn't, let's simply see the results it has on @Frogfuciussince he seems to agree with you so we can see in practice whether it works or not. Sounds fair ?

@Frogfucius : Could you please update us every month or so on your progress ? How your fear has actually diminished and how many girls did you actually talk to, did you get laid, etc, let's say every month or so ? 

[Frogfucius]

@Lynnel If you're authentically interested, sure, but I think you're playing some petty ass bullshit ego game here. You don't have anything to prove. If your way is perfect for you and makes you happy, then by all means, keep doing it. But don't be so fucking dogmatic and think your way is the only way and everyone else is wrong.

[Lynnel]

@Frogfucius  No, I honestly wanna see whether it works or not. I don't care about being right (It's not even my way of doing - I learned it from dating products ) or wrong - if it works for you I'll just be curious and look deeper into what aurum said.

I know I'm being kinda douchy here but I'm simply very sceptical to "random" pick-up advice because begginers cannot make the difference between what works and what doesn't and it's already confusing enough. I know how hard game can be, that's why I created a pick-up FAQ and a breakup guide  - to actually help some people in their journey's and that's also why I'm very down to earth, straighforward and practical. Either way prop's to you for reaching out and asking this question because it requires some vulnerability and not everyone would be able to openly admit they don't really know how to handle a given issue. I'll always be glad to help if you happen to have any other questions arround dating

 

[Frogfucius]

@Lynnel Alright my bad, thanks! Didn't know if you were trippin or what.

I've been scared of rejection! But that's alright, maybe I can overcome it. I just think awareness and dis-identifying with ideas, thoughts, emotions etc. is handy advice, because I would always beat myself up. If a girl shot me down, I'd immediately assume the problem was me. I still get those thoughts, but now, I see the thought and just laugh, then come back to reality. That's why I say aurum's advice about awareness is good. I can't be a blank slate after rejection, because my mind runs wild like a mother fucker. It has, many times. But maybe I can disidentify with it when it does happen.

Edited November 18, 2016 by Frogfucius

[avk123]

On 11/16/2016 at 0:32 AM, aurum said:

HERE 

• There is always another (abundance)
• People not liking you is a necessary part of polarizing your personality being "being authentic"
• What I have to offer to other people is valuable
• I'm here to give/share, not take

 

 

 

HERE 

6) Drop Identification With Your Emotions/Thoughts

When you heavily identify with your emotions, of course you hate rejection. It's so personal to YOU. Drop the "you", you drop the unnecessary adding on of interpreting negative emotions as "bad".

HERE

 

 

7) Control your emotional state

In different emotional states, rejection is going to be perceived as totally different.

What's even more interesting is that this can be changed instantly through conscious processes. And if not instantly, than over a relatively short period of time.

One example of this is just making an effort to laugh more. Have fun. Seriously, part of the reason people are so afraid of rejection is just because they've got this stick up their ass and take everything so serious.

Another example is body language. Because of the mind-body connection, you can make yourself feel different emotions with different uses of your body.

Overall, you just want to be doing things that put you in a good mood.

 

Ill comment on the points above:

First: Abundance is a belief - lack of abundance is a belief as well. You simply don't know whats going to happen later. 

 

Second: Regarding Emotions - don't try to control them and don't let them control you, let it be - if your not comfortable approaching then your not comfortable approaching - if your nervous your nervous - you come first. 

 

 

Edited November 24, 2016 by avk123

[Chew211]

Thank you for your advice Aurum!

I'm planning on developing my confidence and social abilities. These tips will come in handy.