kras

6 dates, no sex.. Is she attention seeker?

55 posts in this topic

I've been hanging out with a girl for 1 and half month. 

We already had 6 dates, and we haven't had sex. I pushed her couple of times and she said that its too early and she don't know me yet. 

She text me, she invites me out, and couple of times she said that she is looking for serious relationship.

We could keep hang out, but the problem is that i am very sexually attracted to her and its really hard to not tear her clothes when we make out in my car.

We had a conversation and i told her if she is not interested there is no reason to waste our times, and she said that if she wasn't interested she would be hanging out with me.

I also told her that, that its really hard for me to do that. She said its too early and i don't know you yet.

If i didn't like her i would have had cut contact with her. 

Is she attention seeker? What could i do?

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Just now, AtheisticNonduality said:

She is just prudish and sanctimonious.

What do you mean?

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Posted (edited)

She told you that she is interested in a serious relationship.   If you don't want that then you should move on.

Edited by Jodistrict

Vincit omnia Veritas.

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35 minutes ago, kras said:

its really hard to not tear her clothes

That statement is a problem. Not sure how to interpret that.

Respect her choice if you really love her and aren't simply attracted to her.

And if you want what you want,then you should be clear about it and then move on.

Also maybe she finds it too early to be sexually commited and wants to see how well you get along with her.

For women(not all) this can take an incredibly long period of time, from weeks to up to months 

It's not how it's shown in movies. A lot of women take their own time in deciding whether to have sex or not. This decision can depend on a lot of factors.

Just offering my female perspective.

Just trying to explain what her mentality can be.

If you aren't ready to wait long, then find another for your needs.

I remember in one of my relationships, it took me many months before I had sex. But by then we were pretty comfortable with each other Emotionally.

How much a woman is ready to give depends a lot on her Emotional state and past history.

 

 


I'm a leftist liberal SJW. INFJ-T loner... .shy girl..@marcel :x.............My name is Hannu. I'm reserved and shy and introverted and sensitive girl. Please be careful about how you talk to me. Only responds to respectful vibes. ✿۞✿•.¸¸.•*`*•✿✿۞✿✿•.¸¸.•*`*•.•✿☼۞۞☼✿•.•*`*•.¸¸.•✿✿۞✿✿

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Posted (edited)

@kras Try to seduce her and at least do other stuff like kissing, foreplay etc. Some girls can be prudish and sexually repressed due to their upbringing so 6 days without sex can definetly be a thing. How old is she? Where was she raised and where is her family from? Does she has a lot or little previous sexual experience.

I know teenage couples (around 16 until 18) that legit did not have sex for 2 years (except oral) while they were in a relationship and both were virgins. Sex and dating is not always like it is in American Pie, some cultures and people are very conservative and reserved about it. Stage blue basically.

Edited by Karmadhi

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Posted (edited)

@Preety_India

8 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

How much a woman is ready to give depends a lot on her Emotional state and past history.

 

Yeah exactly people watch some pick up videos and expect girls to have sex in the first date haha. That might happen in Vegas or Murican cities and Western Europe however in other parts of the world sex needs a shit lot of comfort and time spend with the person to happen. ESPECIALLY when people are younger.

This is one of the things where i heavily dissagree with Leo because he sees it from a Western liberal point of view when most of the world is not that. In a lot of countries you need to legit marry to have sex with someone, and in a lot of countries including eastern europe you first get with someone in a relationship and then you have sex with them a few months later. Usually kissing is the "we are together" indicator, not sex. Sex happens after relatioship.

The "there can be no realationship before sex" applies for liberal western places, not for the entire world. The attraction triggers might be the same for women in different parts of the world, however the order of operations is not. I know a lot of people from conservative countries that legit dated for months before they first had sex, they were in a relationship in the meantime. This is the case especially for younger people.

Edited by Karmadhi

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@Karmadhi  in my country most girls won't have sex unless you marry them first.

They need very high levels of attachment and kinda of a commitment contract to offer sex.

Long term it pays them well because it's sort of Emotional security for them.

They have a long term partner after all.

 


I'm a leftist liberal SJW. INFJ-T loner... .shy girl..@marcel :x.............My name is Hannu. I'm reserved and shy and introverted and sensitive girl. Please be careful about how you talk to me. Only responds to respectful vibes. ✿۞✿•.¸¸.•*`*•✿✿۞✿✿•.¸¸.•*`*•.•✿☼۞۞☼✿•.•*`*•.¸¸.•✿✿۞✿✿

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Posted (edited)

good for her! She is not an attention seeker lol. think deeper about the situation. 

You can form a relationship with the lady and wait like a gentleman; or you can find someone else. 

Edited by SgtPepper

"The eye with which I see God is the same eye with which God sees me." 

- Meister Eckhart

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Thats her boundary she may even want another 6 dates just to make sure your the right guy for her, if you want sex you have to screen that out earlier which requires the ability to walk away, which requires having options.

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Posted (edited)

@kras

If you had more options with multiple attractive women, you wouldn't even have this issue. That's the real problem, lack of options. 

 My advice is the following:

1- The next date can exclusively be at your house. 

2 - Do not be wasting resources or energy on women that will not lead to sex, that's what suckers do.

3 - Do not under any conditions consider a serious relationship before sex.

4 - If she declines the next date at your house, go meet more women. There are 100s of millions of them. 

 Question: How many options besides her do you have? 

Edited by Harlen Kelly

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Some girls just need more time before they decide to have sex. She wants to make sure you are normal guy, and to see if you are just interested in her pussy or want a serious relationship.

I get that you are desperate but if you want a high quality girl you have to be patient, 6 dates is not a lot.

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1 hour ago, Gesundheit2 said:

Start pulling back and make her want to make the relationship work. After all, you're paying money for those dates, and if there's no sex then she's exploiting you, and it's not worth it. She needs to put some effort into the relationship, otherwise she's probably playing games.

Now she will either start pulling back as well, which will be good for your pocket, time, emotions, and focus. Or she will get the hint and start satisfying your needs, which will probably be even better.

What makes you think that OP is paying for the dates? 

You’re saying as if have sex is the only way to put effort in a relationship. OP said that she is texting him and inviting him to hang out which is enough for now. She is obviously not comfortable to sleep with a guy right away. 

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Sex can can be a big deal for women and a lot of us remember the (often heavy) emotions that come with sharing our sexual energy with someone.  When I have sex with a guy, especially outside of a relationship, my energy is different for a couple days after. 


"You Create Magic" 

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Posted (edited)

@kras Is there any reason you'd want to stick around with her apart from sex? Is this an interesting person in general to you? Or, when you're with her, are you looking at your watch, like 'When can we have sex? Why can't she shut up about this shit and just jump into bed?!' If she doesn't really interest you as a person, keep her on the back-burner. Don't take the relationship too seriously.

Wait it out with her, no need to drop her just yet. But, look for other options. Don't depend on her, it may really go nowhere. She's never going to 'know you enough' for her to have sex with you if it's not happening immediately. Either the chemistry is there or it isn't. This may miraculously change, you never know, she is attempting to string you along into a 'serious relationship' and see where it goes, but don't hold your hopes too high. I don't think this is anything special.

By the way, the whole 'I don't know you enough' is pure bullshit. Women are like past masters in bullshitting! Whose responsibility is it if 'she doesn't know you enough'?! Yours or hers?! They'll blame you for the fact that they aren't using their brains to 'know you enough'.

We need to start holding women accountable for this shit and not let it slide anymore.

Edited by Parththakkar12

"Do not pray for an easy life. Pray for the strength to endure a difficult one." - Bruce Lee

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@kras You are obviously coming off way too serious, and so she withholds sex because you made it too serious.

If you were playful and fun and unserious, she would have sex with you within 2 dates.

Don't set the boyfriend frame. Set the playful jerk frame.

Also, stop trying to logically get girls to have sex with you. You must seduce her.

When she gets in your car, you tell her something like, "I just wanna tear your cloths off", and you smile and switch topic to something else. Use your natural attraction to her to make her horny. But you are too afraid to do that. So she is cold to you. Women need to be warned up for sex. And not with logic or begging.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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Posted (edited)

Do you want a relationship with this girl? If that’s what she wants and you don’t then why are you still trying to get sex? (This Is probably what she wants to avoid, people only wanting sex) 

if you have a problem with taking it slower then find another girl, don’t wait around hoping to get sex out of this one, if you have no plans for anything more after that. 
 

Another thing is that she can probably sense your desperation to sleep with her, so that’s why she’s holding out.  Girls can feel this desperation for sex very easily. 
 

This makes her feel unsafe to open up sexually.  You must be giving off a vibe of trying to get something from her (you said you have pushed for it a few times)

Pushyness acts like natural repellent, it doesn’t offer any containment.  If she is a girl with strong boundaries then this will make her deffo not want to sleep with you. There is still a lack of trust. 
 

if you can’t offer this containment then I would say move on. 

Edited by Tangerinedream

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1 hour ago, Gesundheit2 said:

Sex shouldn't be a big deal

It’s not a big deal for guys yes.  Girls are the ones giving their bodies up to be used for a guys pleasure. so it’s a bigger deal for us. 

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Posted (edited)

1 hour ago, Parththakkar12 said:

By the way, the whole 'I don't know you enough' is pure bullshit. Women are like past masters in bullshitting! Whose responsibility is it if 'she doesn't know you enough'?! Yours or hers?! They'll blame you for the fact that they aren't using their brains to 'know you enough'.

 

‘I don’t know you enough’ is more like meaning ‘I’m unsure how attracted I am to you’ 

and if she’s unsure how attracted she is it means means that perhaps OP is behaving somewhat emotionally closed off and pushy for sex, therefore she doesn’t feel safe enough in his presence to surrender her body.  Emotional unavailablity and neediness for sex are the main repellents lol. 
(Unless there Is a trauma related attraction to emotional unavailability, but of that were the case it would make her chase him more) 

Edited by Tangerinedream

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