Sex Diary

[ivankiss]

A girl I had sex with last summer stopped by my workplace earlier. Everything seemed cool. No weirdness or anything.

I hope to see that happen with all of my 'fuck buddies' in the future. I really believe any form of nastiness or awkwardness can be avoided in these types of situations.

Just, again... Honesty, communication, boundaries, respect, awareness...

Then it's all doable.

[ivankiss]

No fucking way!

I go out to take short break from work.. and what do I see?

Fucking J and fucking K talking to each-other!

Man, life sure has its ways... haha!

It was awkward for a few moments, but the air cleared fast. J knows I fucked K. I told her a while ago. But I'm not sure if K knows I'm fucking J now.

Man... what a movie.

 

[ivankiss]

Another thought comes to mind: Threesome!

[ivankiss]

The fuck is going on today?!

Another girl... flirts with me hard, gives me a candy and fuck me with her eyes. I give her a piece of chocolate I 'accidentally' had.

Haha hwatafuk.

Definitely another huge potential. She's hot as fuck. Tall, skinny, beautiful legs and butt. Brunette. And she works only a few steps away from where I do.

Perfect!

[Etherial Cat]

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

Cool. Thanks.

Just don't forget that all this is extremely personal/subjective. Other men might not think and feel the same way, at all.

Yes. I am aware of this. I tried to convey this element by saying "you as a man".

Initially, I had written "as a man" solely but thought that it was not correct. The generalization didn't feel right, especially on this forum since a lot of men are showing different colors and I'm aware of the diversity/spectrum. But there are still some constant within the group that can be found.

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

Even I will not stay at this stage when it comes to sex. Pretty sure of that.

Indeed. We are all in perpetual motions. 

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

Interesting. I did not call all that many girls in my life 'sluts'. And whever I do; it's always with a girl I'm deeply connected with. I doubt I could do it with a girl I barely know.

The word was always spoken out of love, too. Yes, there is a certain level of dominance implied, but that does not mean I'm being cruel, abusive or disrespectful towards the girl. It's pretty much tha same as calling her 'my little angel'... I love my little sluts.

Lol yes, it's very context dependent.

The world "slut" is often used in order to strip women of their dignity and respect in public. It's slander. And the slander comes with a lot of potential nuisance and danger for the girl holding this reputation as it's going to be hard to be seen as proper once "tagged" with it, I think. So here people really get mad. 

In your context, from her perspective it's more containment via masculine energy through telling her she's being naughty I think. By doing this you are both exerting aggression, appreciation and control. And she probably likes being in her sexual power in a non-threatening way for you if she's into being dominated.

A slut is a woman who offers her body for sex and seemingly enjoys it. I think we all have at least this aspect of the "slut". But there is no positive word to describe a woman who greatly enjoys having sex with a man so that one is maybe the closest...

It's absence is tied to the whole Madonna-Whore complex men have, I think.

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

Regarding sexual power... I have a question for you.

Do you think it's men or women who abuse their sexual power more? Weaponize it and use it as a tool for manipulation?

I have some experience.. That's why I ask.

Women weaponize their sexual power more.

Nature has made it so that women hold more power on male sexually. Men are by default more subject to lust than we are, it's biological. That detachment holds a lot of power.

But men in general hold much more power than we do in society and abuse it greatly. To the point that a lot of women feel the need to resort to manipulation and weaponize it for survival. Nobody manipulates out of strength.

My opinion is that weaponized sex is sad. It goes against a woman's Truth and Love. It's soulless. 

And also, there is an odd encouragement for this behavior by trapping women into object of sexual desire all over the place by men. So men also put a lot of pressure and expectation on women for how they should behave sexually. But the sexual power is ours. And that's why there is so much attempt for control.

[Surfingthewave]

@ivankiss Thanks for the clarification. 

I think you're mixing up ego with self transcendence but we can agree to disagree. 

What you're describing, imo, is not about exposing vulnerability, just writing erotic accounts. If you were really being honest and vulnerable you could talk more about how sex really and truly makes you feel, strong, weak, confused etc and all the the things in between. You seem to be typically taking the masculine view point of objectifying women based on how sexy they are and how they turn you on. My points are to help you to think about some of those deep rooted masculine view points. That's why we're here to hang out and discuss, right? Breaking down social constructs and the minds conditioning as you so describe. 

But I understand this is your journal so I respect your space. 

By the way the word slut is offensive. No woman (unless they ask you) likes to be called that. Please refrain from all the explaining about how a woman should feel about a certain terms, as a man, you have no idea. 

 

Edited July 14, 2021 by Surfingthewave

[ivankiss]

3 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

Yes. I am aware of this. I tried to convey this element by saying "you as a man".

I know. But just in case. Also; for any confused soul reading this thread.

3 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

Women weaponize their sexual power more.

Nature has made it so that women hold more power on male sexually. Men are by default more subject to lust than we are, it's biological. That detachment holds a lot of power.

But men in general hold much more power than we do in society and abuse it greatly. To the point that a lot of women feel the need to resort to manipulation and weaponize it for survival. Nobody manipulates out of strength.

Cannot argue with that. It's just the manifestation/projection of an internal imbalance - I'd say. Both in men and women.

It's a mad world - I keep saying. But it's also kinda cool. Me likey.

People are into all kinds of shit, obviously. And as long as it's all clean and harmless; I'd say knock yourselves out.

PS: thanks for all the 'slutty' info, too. Much yummy food for thought.

@Surfingthewave Cool. Thanks.

What you do not understand or see, is where I am coming from. Why I am doing this, etc.

Jumping to conclusions too early is never wise.

This has never been about self-transcendence for me. It's purely and solely about sex. The experience. And everything that comes with that.

I have many reasons - some of which I mentioned in my very first post. But I will repeat and maybe add some more;

This is about me exploring my sexuality. Experimenting. Having fun. Enjoying life. Connecting deeply, intimately.

It is also about integration. Some of the stuff you guys have been doing a few years or decades ago - I skipped. Or worse; suppressed. I did not go through this stage of chasing tail around with my dick up in the air.

And I feel excited about experiencing that now. No shame in that. Sex is natural, folks!

Furthermore; this is about getting rid of all the judgement and shame that comes with sex. You being a perfect example of how quickly people get triggered and jump to wild assumptions and judgements. I am well aware I'm triggering everyone's shame here.

If you were to read my entries carefully; you would see me demonstrating awareness over the fact that I am objectifying women here. And you'd see how that's not what this is all about. There is something far more divine and magical going on here than just ass and titties. Most of this girls never even dreamed of what they're experiencing with me.

But again; people will get stuck up on words and pointers, and lose themselves in judgment and nastiness.

There is nothing wrong with objectification, either. You objectify stuff all the time. What's bugging you is your beliefs surrounding sex. That's it.

Regarding the story... I cannot help it, sorry. It's just how I express myself. I guess it could be said that I am a natural storyteller. And I do not plan on changing that for anybody.

You completely missed with your point on vulnerability, too. 

If you cannot see how this is the most vulnerable I could get about my sexuality; you're just not as conscious as I first thought. Sorry.

Appreciate your input though. It's good that we clarify things. Just please reserve your judgements and stuff. Observe, comment, share your views and ideas. But don't attack.

 

[Surfingthewave]

@ivankiss 

There are a lot of things wrong with objectivism. Women are made to feel uncomfortable on a daily basis. 

As your views are strictly from the male view point, my point is you may not have experienced objectivism the way women have, how can you comment without this experience?

I'm just expressing my views based on the narrative of the male gaze which you are describing in your accounts. 

I'm glad for you something more devine and magical is occurring, conscious sex is mind blowingly amazing. 

Good luck  ? 

 

 

Edited July 14, 2021 by Surfingthewave

[ivankiss]

1 hour ago, Surfingthewave said:

There are a lot of things wrong with objectivism.

Like what?

How is objectifying a slice of God and calling it 'pussy' different from objectifying another slice of it and calling it 'a chair'?

How is expressing love towards pussy different from expressing love towards art, or chocolate?

There is no difference. There is just Love.

1 hour ago, Surfingthewave said:

Women are made to feel uncomfortable on a daily basis. 

I am aware of that. And I can respect you being worried about how women see all this.

But again, I assure you (all); no one is being harmed or disrespected here. Quite the opposite. I am demonstrating deep admiration, love, passion and desire towards women. Both in my diary and especially in actual, direct experience.

I am also demonstrating another very important thing. And that is; communication. Honesty. Transparency. I think everyone can learn from that. People do not go this clean about things in general. Never in a million years would I have sex this mind-blowingly good without great communication. 

In a sense; I've done more good to J - for example - in a matter of a couple of weeks; than all of her ex partners combined. None made her feel and experience what I did. Those are her own words.

Might seem like ego to some of you, but this is all actually just Love. A very high and conscious form of it, too.

1 hour ago, Surfingthewave said:

Good luck  ? 

Thanks. Right back at you.

Edited July 14, 2021 by ivankiss

[Surfingthewave]

@ivankiss @ivankiss

Because the chair doesn't care if it's objectified or not. Be careful of using Love as an excuse for any kind of action or explanation (especially when it comes to nonconsensual experiences with others ) this is the danger of spiritual work. 

What you did or didn't do for your woman has nothing to do with you, this is her experience also so be careful not assume, how do you know she doesn't want a relationship with you? Also this is about you getting laid with beautiful women, as your accounts showed rather than Enlightenment. There's nothing wrong with that though as long as you are being transparent which you are. 

It's great that you are advocating clear and open communication. That's the basis of maturity and real respect. 

Edited July 15, 2021 by Surfingthewave

[ivankiss]

@Surfingthewave J and I had the conversation about relationship, many times up until know.

I was being extremely careful not to go down this 'fuck buddy' road and end up hurting her or breaking her heart. You can read more on all that in my entries, as well as in conversations with other users, on earlier pages.

It's also pretty obvious that I'm not being selfish in bed. I aim to please, and we talked a lot about what turns the other on, etc.

She's having just as much fun as I do, no worries.

Thanks again. It's cool that you stood up. I understand where you are coming from.

 

[ivankiss]

I'm going through my tinder messages to see if there's anything that stands out... and I stumble upon this conversation.

She lives a 100km or so from where I am at currently. She's literally the cutest thing I've ever seen. Asian. Gamer-girl. Great vibes.

The trip might be very worthwhile. 

Might reconnect.

[Hulia]

9 hours ago, ivankiss said:

I'm going through my tinder messages to see if there's anything that stands out... and I stumble upon this conversation.

She lives a 100km or so from where I am at currently. She's literally the cutest thing I've ever seen. Asian. Gamer-girl. Great vibes.

The trip might be very worthwhile. 

Might reconnect.

Poor girl. She thinks you are joking.

[ivankiss]

@Hulia Well, I kinda was, at that time (a bot).

Edited July 16, 2021 by ivankiss

[Hulia]

@ivankiss A bot going meta and making a joke that he is a bot

[ivankiss]

@Hulia These genius lyrics come to mind:

Trained I see imperfection in your race
Lying in wait, blind I suffer knowing I'll never reach your heaven
It's unattainable, please teach me how to dream
I long to be more than a machine

 

[ivankiss]

Turn
Back
Time
Reason why
Break
Neck
Speed
History
Waiting
Waning
Exasperating
Unstrung
Tethered
Hoping forever
No
I tried so settle bets with my own soul
Bless my lips for the first time before you don't
Gripping to the last touch of your hand I grow to loathe
Hope that you remeber just how far I'll go
Spend the rest of my life wishing I'm enough
Resist
Resist
Resist
Resist

Edited July 16, 2021 by ivankiss

[ivankiss]

A deep engrained lust for possession
Modern sundowns break me
I like to watch things burn down, soft and gently
I need to watch her, abused 'til I'm satisfied

Never... never
See tonight through bloodshot eyes
I'll wait 'til you can see me here
Left so long alone
Undressed tonight, forsaken skin
You mean nothing, nothing
No you mean nothing to me

Won't you feel bad while you're trashing out?
Makes me feel sick to know she's had enough

Time and time again
You see tonight through bloodshot eyes
You mean nothing, nothing
No you mean nothing at all

I'll never say a word of this I swear, I swear
Never... never
I hope you know
I live tonight through methadone highs
This life is over

Edited July 16, 2021 by ivankiss

[ivankiss]

Bumped into the girl with sexy cat eyes, again. I made my move, instantly. It went very smoothly. And I even managed to memorize her name lol. I will be referring to her as 'N'.

She gave me her contact. Game on.

[ivankiss]

If I bang her within two weeks or less, @Hulia owes me a beer.