Sex Diary

[ivankiss]

J and I did not have sex. For a few reasons. It's irrelevant.

Point is; we had a wonderful talk and coffee at my place. Solid 30 minutes. Lots of emotions. Respect. Love.

We agreed to definitely catch up if I ever come to this city again. I also invited her to Italy for a vacation. She was very happy.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how it's fucking done. Fuck yes, it is.

I said goodbye to two of my 'most important' fuck buddies from here. J and Serbian Beauty. We hugged and wished each-other the best. No weirdness whatsoever. Everything was smooth and clean. Just beautiful. Definitely looking forward to more magical experiences like this.

Goodbye MB! Hello Italy!

[ivankiss]

Oddly enough, I'm much closer to D now...

Cannot lie; I'm still not 100% over her. Maybe I'll never be. In my awareness, I can still hear her voice, see her face. If only I could feel her touch now...

Too bad her kiss is poisonous.

J and I texted quite a lot since I left MB. She was kinda sad about it. As was I.

I told her I assumed she got bored of me, or found someone else, and that's why she distanced herself... But no. She told me she was just too tired from work and was not feeling sexual. She also said she was pretty sure I'd find someone new, pretty fast. I did not deny. But I told her that what I had with her, was really, truly something else. Very, very special. She ofcourse feels the same.

She thanked me for all the mind-blowing orgasms, once again. She says it was beyond anything she ever dreamed of.

Man... that's so bittersweet. I'd drive right back to her and fuck her brains out, right now. I really hope God will bless us two with another chance. It was as good as it gets.

Sometimes it seems like my heart cannot take all this beauty. It simply cannot be contained. It's infinite.

[ivankiss]

Texting with an Italian cutie on tinder.. She texted first. That's usually a great or a horrible sign lol.

She's pretty damn hot. And smart. Loves literature and travel.

An ESFJ... according to google, INFJs are not very compatible with them.. Whatevs.

Should I ask her out on a date? The timing might not be the best, but a drink or two cannot hurt anyone.

I think I'll ask her out.

[ivankiss]

I'm speaking in general here, and out of sexual frustration, but man, Italian girls are as annoying as they are hot.

As repulsive as they are attractive.

[ivankiss]

Thank God I'm close to the borderline. I can cross whenever I want. Also; thank God there's plenty of immigrants. My eyes are set mostly on slavic girls. They're bonkers hot. And far less annoying. Asian and African girls are also a huge turn on.

I already soft-closed on a few dates. But I'm working so much these days that I don't really have the will to go through those first steps. I'd love to skip them. But I cannot really do that, can I?

Might reach out to some old fuck buddies across the borderline. Or pay a hooker.

It's been a few moments since I last had sex.

[ivankiss]

The longest I went without sex, since I lost my virginity at age 16, is 2 months or so. Do I have a problem? Maybe.

Or maybe I just really, really love sex. 

It's fuel. It makes me perform better on other areas of life, too. So I'm not too worried about it.

Seriously considering a hooker. Did not have sex since Serbian Beauty. And btw, her and I are kinda in touch, still. Little dude as well.

Our paths will most certainly cross again.

[ivankiss]

@Knowledge Hoarder Thanks for asking. 

Hmm. I would not call it 'desperation', really. Addiction? Perhaps. But not even that, truly.

I see sex as a basic need. Almost like food or water. It's completely natural to me. I'm just a very sexual being. Some people go completely bonkers without a healthy sexual life. Their mental, emotional and even physical health deteriorates.

True desperation for sex is what someone feels when they're 30+ years old, and still a virgin - I imagine. And a true sex addict is literally like a heroin addict. They will do and sell everything just to get that hit.

I'd say I'm far from that.

Thing is; I've just always been a ladies man - if you will. I had little to no guy friends. But I always had a girlfriend or a fuck buddy. Since I can remember. As I said; this is the first time in my life that I consciously decided to be single for a while. I've been jumping from relationship to relationships since I was a kid, basically.

I'm not denying that this can be an issue and it could escalate into something nasty. But I don't feel like that's so in my case. I've been doing all that stuff in a very healthy way. I barely had any one-night-stands with strangers. I did not sell myself, either. Lol. I just always had someone by my side to get those needs met.

[ivankiss]

@Knowledge Hoarder True dat.

Pretty much the same as someone being born into a wealthy family, and money comes naturally to them, as opposed to someone like me, who was born into poverty, and had to learn how to accumulate wealth. 

The struggle is real haha!

And there are many other examples of that.

[ivankiss]

Just finished a 12hr shift. Worked my ass off.

We had a group of 50 today, erasmus students. Most of the girls were incredibly hot. Spanish, Italian and even French. Holy shit. I was sensing eyes on me constantly. All of the girls were giggling and whatnot when I approached them. But, I simply had no time to do anything. And quite frankly, I had no strength for it, either.

It was so painful watching them leave lol. I got no number. But I got nice tips.

Besides that; I soft close another date on tinder, with a girl so cute I'm melting. I have a very weak spot for girls with French-cut lol.

Confirming the date tomorrow, and then we should be meeting some time at night.

She's very much my type. Petite. Very feminine.

I'm as excited as I'm tired.

[ivankiss]

Cancelled the date and unmatched.

I really don't feel like dating now. My energy is pretty low. Quite tired.

I'd much rather spend the little free time I have in my own company.

[ivankiss]

A very cute shorty just stopped me on the street, looked into my eyes and said:

'Your shirt is black like my feelings before I saw you.'

Haha! What a cool pickup line. Made my day.

I laughed and hugged her briefly, and then I disappeared. I was in a rush.

Hate to say it; but it looks like I simply got no time or energy for girls right now. I'm on a mission.

[cjoseph90]

On 9/17/2021 at 8:19 PM, ivankiss said:

Oddly enough, I'm much closer to D now...

Cannot lie; I'm still not 100% over her. Maybe I'll never be. In my awareness, I can still hear her voice, see her face. If only I could feel her touch now...

Too bad her kiss is poisonous.

J and I texted quite a lot since I left MB. She was kinda sad about it. As was I.

I told her I assumed she got bored of me, or found someone else, and that's why she distanced herself... But no. She told me she was just too tired from work and was not feeling sexual. She also said she was pretty sure I'd find someone new, pretty fast. I did not deny. But I told her that what I had with her, was really, truly something else. Very, very special. She ofcourse feels the same.

She thanked me for all the mind-blowing orgasms, once again. She says it was beyond anything she ever dreamed of.

Man... that's so bittersweet. I'd drive right back to her and fuck her brains out, right now. I really hope God will bless us two with another chance. It was as good as it gets.

Sometimes it seems like my heart cannot take all this beauty. It simply cannot be contained. It's infinite.

like your writing style. good luck on the new chapter in your life? what country is MB?

[ivankiss]

@cjoseph90 Thanks! 

MB is short for Maribor. It's a beautiful, small city in Slovenia.

[ivankiss]

Awyeah brother! 

Reached out to an old fuck buddy from these regions... She and I have a very special, very exciting and quite long story. It was definitely some top notch sex back in the day. Haven't seen her 4+ years.

Texting now. She seems very excited to hear from me, hopefully we meet soon! 

[ivankiss]

Heck yes! She's down for 'grabbing a drink'. It's happening, no question about it. Now we just must figure out when, where and how. 

My God. She's even hotter now. Like, much hotter. I am already fucking her brains out in my mind. Might jerk off to that before bed.

So excited!

[ivankiss]

Soft-closed the date for Thursday. We're both kinda packed, busy and all over the place, so it will be a bit tricky to pull off... but I think it's doable. It's a 45min drive from where I'm at right now.

Going back to my place is not an option... so I'll either have to rent a hotel room there, or... do it in the car lol. Maybe she has a better solution... will see.

[Igor82]

On 30/06/2021 at 2:47 AM, ivankiss said:

I sure as hell don't want a relationship. She says she doesn't either, but I'm not so sure about that. I think she's falling hard for me. I don't want to hurt her or break her heart. And I don't want to fall in love with her, either. It could happen so easily, unless I, or, we stop it from happening.

I just want to knee-jerk react to this before having read the rest of your journal. Pardon if you need to repeat yourself if this is already answered (explicitly or implicitly), but your text begs the question: "Isn't 'I can't fall in love with her, or else...'" a limiting belief?

Why would you to try to limit your natural inclination to fall in love and stay in love? For me at this moment, it's a defining question too. Yet, what if "falling in love" is a feeling that takes into account your circumstances, goes meta on rationality, and thus is actually the best for you, but maybe fear is doing the rationalization. How do you know this? Could you be missing out by limiting natural inclination? Maybe you have answered this. 

Also, when I read, I kept saying "thank you", because this is VALUE. Your descriptions are Gold for those who seek inspiration.

[ivankiss]

@Igor82 Hey man! Thanks for that comment, appreciate it.

Yes, the question has been answered quite a few times, from quite a few different points of views.

Keep reading, the picture gets much clearer 

[ivankiss]

Date cancelled due to horrible weather conditions. The rain is pouring like crazy. Gusts of wind are reaching well above 100km per hr. It's nearly impossible to go outside.

Goddamnit. I just really have no luck these days regarding sex. Looks like God has other plans with me.

Oh well...

On a side note tho; a smoking hot milf(31) just opened me up on tinder. But... she's 70km away. Won't happen anytime soon, if ever.

 

[ivankiss]

Just finished a 30min video call with little dude and Serbian Beauty. They're trippin on mdma. I just finished working.

It was very nice to hear from them/see them. Kinda miss them. But not really.

I might visit them before or after new year's eve... they both have their birthdays around that period.

I'm happy they thought of me. We had an epic ride. A bond like that does not die that easily.