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Valach

How do you differentiate beetween liking a girl and being needy?

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Hello guys,

Coming back again with a dating question. I have been doing pickup for couple of weeks this year already and through cold approach I started seeing one girl. We've known each other for maybe like 6 weeks and saw each other once a week ( so 6 times). Tbh, I do quite like this girl and eventhough I still want to continue doing pickup over the summer ( since I bought a RSD programm) I do have some emotions already for the girl and I am not sure how to go about it. What am I thinking also is...how do I tell the difference between beeing needy and liking the girl for who she is? Like maybe I don't actually like her, I just like the idea of not being alone and not having to do all these scary approaches anymore. But if I really like her and I ditch her for pickup I could regret that greatly. Any more experienced guys on here who could share their knowladge?

 

Thanks in advance. :)

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Posted (edited)

@Valach First of all, good job, keep going!

If you just started doing pickup and you are already feeling neediness for a chick, that's more than likely due to oneitis. I would HIGHLY recommend you to get good at reliably and consistently attracting women first before settling down with a chick. 

You are not going to regret anything, your perception has simply been hijacked by oneitis and neediness. 

Edited by Harlen Kelly

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@Valach the distinction between needing someone from a perception of deficiency and simply being attracted to their presence for mutual benefit lies in how you perceive the relationship between the two of you in terms of what is the main focus.

 

- is the main focus of what this person can give me, get me; make me feel more of, make me feel less off ? 

- or is the focus on desiring to create mutual benefit by interacting together - do you want the things that are good for you and simultaneously probably good for her and vice Versa? Are you excited about this persons little and big victories even if you didn’t play a role in their achievement ? Do you see the well-being of both you as the essence of what needs to happen, or is it more about the well-being of ‘just you’? Or even the well-being of ‘just her’ where you’d be abandoning yourself and leaving yourself out of the equation ? 

 

This is the essence of interdependency. The focus is on meeting the well-being of you with the well-being of her. That’s how your relationships stay clean of toxic cycles. 

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My answer is probably not going to go down well but there is no difference, if you like someone you like someone and there is a larger force a play deciding to make you feel this way to learn a lesson or be with the person or whatever it is. I've done over 10 years of pick up and that feeling never goes away but what you can do is learn how to use it for good. If someone is feeding you with the emotion of love then share it out to the world. It's trauma that gets in the way and cripples us from fully experiencing it and making us feel separate needing to grasp ahold of it. The whole idea of getting more options is ok but ultimately just a form of love avoidance. why can't you just be mature enough to handel your emotions when the come up without the need of trying to get more women/men. Just enjoy it and don't think to much about it. It will come and it will go so enjoy the ride and unbutton your seatbelt. 

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@Valach you're focusing on the wrong thing. Why did you want to do pickup in the first place? Whatever your answer is to that, is what you should be focusing on.


Consiousness is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is.

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Posted (edited)

On 30/06/2021 at 0:48 AM, LastThursday said:

@Valach you're focusing on the wrong thing. Why did you want to do pickup in the first place? Whatever your answer is to that, is what you should be focusing on.

This.

Also: you should start building a list of specific qualities that you want in a girl, written down somewhere or expressed through some kind of vision board.

Not a huge list of demands, but you should know your standards.

Here are mine:

	• Good relationship with father
	• Can trust people easily
	• Warm personality
	• Wants to connect and talk about things. 
	• Well connected to her body, comfortable with sexuality and orgasms easily. Doesn't make me wait for it for months
	• Reaches out by herself
	• Wants to get serious, comfortable to talk future
	• Emotionally healthy
	• Independent enough to be fine without me for weeks
	• Esthetically appealing pussy with healthy smell and taste
	• Pretty face that is appealing to me
	• Healthy body that she loves and takes good care of
	• Good ass, nice tits that feel and look good
	• Doesn't smoke
	• Willing to experience - not just analyze and think about
	• Curious enough to talk about each other's interests, even if we don't share them
	• Really gets me, gets my sense of humor and I find her funny
	• Really fun to be around her, also without sex
	• A "spark" and natural banter, just a great dynamic
	• Feeling of belonging together
	• Feelings for her, butterflies, desire to be near her

If you don't know, experience will teach you what they are. Don't copy these, this is just an example. Your own experiences meeting women and getting into relationships with them will teach you what yours will be.

Also don't start with a huge list - I just added a couple points after each failed relationship and now I have this.

And I found exactly the perfect woman for me, so I am looking no further.

You don't need to be comparing every girl to your list before you make a decision, it's more of a back-of-the-mind process. There is something magical to writing down what you want however.

Then if you meet someone who meets them, you know to look no further :)

Both choices of either going into dating this girl, as well as continuing pickup instead, are valid experiences that teach you what you want and need. So it's fine to start dating this girl exclusively, as that is just as important an experience as meeting more. Only through experience will you learn what is good for you, what you want and how to be in a healthy relationship.

Edited by flowboy

I help adults with ADD to overcome self-doubt, function optimally and live their dreams through my proprietary coaching program.

https://calendly.com/erik-coaching/add-coaching-free-strategy-consult

Besides that, ♂ I offer single breakthrough calls for men on social life, dating, relationships and sexuality.

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