Boshra

I want to leave my sons life with out guilt

26 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

Hey I’m boshra , I have a nearly two year old toddler boy. I want to leave his life, I called docs to claim him, docs is a Australian neglect Children collective company That put kids in foster care. his mother  was already smoking cigarettes in front of him in her house with her friends when he was only 8 months old and apparently does ice in her bed room and I’m to fucking depressed and out of energy all the time to look after him and I’m worried that if I do leave I’ll feel this guilt throughout my life. Does anyone have some good advice on this Situation

Edited by Boshra

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

@Boshra Why don't you want to take care of your son?

Being out of energy is not a good enough reason.

Edited by Harlen Kelly

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
17 hours ago, Boshra said:

and I’m worried that if I do leave I’ll feel this guilt throughout my life. Does anyone have some good advice on this Situation

If there's anything you can do to ensure that he goes to a good foster home, that may be in his best interest. Especially if you are not able to care for him well. Foster homes can be very abusive in the US, idk about in Australia, so if there's anything you can do to see he goes to a good place... Or if there are any other options. Do some research. You may feel guilt no matter what decision you make and that's part of life sometimes. Try and improve your life situation little by little so you can be a good father for your son.

This is just friendly advice from my perspective. Don't take my advice if it doesn't fit your situation. 


"You Create Magic" 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Harlen Kelly The last thing he needs is somebody trying to shame him. Essentially that’s what your remark was.  I’m thankful that I never became a parent because I was too unstable for most of my life and I knew it wasn’t in me to be a good parent. @Boshra Is just being honest about how he feels. I think @Flowerfaeiry offered some decent advice.


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Appreciate it people , they were all helpful specially yours floweryfairy appreciate it 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Boshra is there anyone in your family who can give support,  or on your son's mother's side? Fostering can be an option, but it's worth looking closer to home first if you can. 

My other thought is to make contact with social services, who may be able to provide other support to keep children with their birth family, as putting them into care isn't necessarily the best option. 

I'd echo @Harlen Kelly 's question above, why don't you feel able to care for your son? Consider that you may be stronger and more capable than you believe right now. 


Relax, it's just my loosely held opinion.  :) 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeh, don't shame him. If it ever comes to it, don't deny your motherhood. It's very painful to a person. I believe you can give your child to somebody else and they will feel attached to them and be fine, just don't disown/shame/ridicule/abandon.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/24/2021 at 4:18 AM, Boshra said:

and I’m to fucking depressed and out of energy all the time to look after him and 

How long have things been this way brother? I can relate to your struggle.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

Speak to a professional.

Good advice as well

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 25/06/2021 at 7:54 AM, snowyowl said:

 I'd echo @Harlen Kelly 's question above, why don't you feel able to care for your son? Consider that you may be stronger and more capable than you believe right now. 

 I’m too fucking depressed and out of energy all the time to look after him

^Isn't this hell of a good reason enough? There are enough dysfunctional parents in this world who don't get their shit together while raising a child. They would do their kids a favor to send them in foster care. Raising a child is seriously demanding. How good of a parent can you be when you're depressed and lacking energy? OP asking is advices how to let go of guilt, not how to fuel it more.. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 25/06/2021 at 11:23 AM, Harlen Kelly said:

Being out of energy is not a good enough reason.

I think you are underestimating how deep "being out of energy" can go.

1 hour ago, mivafofa said:

There are enough dysfunctional parents in this world who don't get their shit together while raising a child. They would do their kids a favor to send them in foster care. Raising a child is seriously demanding. How good of a parent can you be when you're depressed and lacking energy? OP asking is advices how to let go of guilt, not how to fuel it more.. 

This. 


“A master in the art of living draws no sharp distinction between his work and his play; his labor and his leisure; his mind and his body; his education and his recreation. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence through whatever he is doing, and leaves others to determine whether he is working or playing. To himself, he always appears to be doing both.” — L. P. Jacks

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/24/2021 at 1:18 AM, Boshra said:

does ice in her bed room 

Tell the police


Love life and your Health, INFJ Visionary

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

@mivafofa Statistically speaking, one in six people (16.6%) will experience depression at some time in their lives, is that a justification for approx. 16.6% of parents to put their child in a foster care and not take care of him/her?

Would that be sustainable for society if everybody adopted that mentality? The answer is very simple: no.

Edited by Harlen Kelly

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

@Harlen Kelly Depressive parents raise their kids with dysfunctional habits and toxic mentality that later on lead their kids to grow depressive as adults because they don't know how to handle mental health. Their parents didn't teach them cuz they didn't even know it in the first place. Dysfunctionality is brewed and passed down from generation to generation. Until "one in six people (16.6%) will experience depression at some time in their lives" cuz their parents didn't acknowledge the importance of mental health.  It's always dismissed and looked over. Just because everyone around is depressive while raising kids doesn't make it okay to continue this toxic cycle. Most people don't have their shit together doesn't mean you need to copy them either.

Edited by mivafofa
Add tag

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

@mivafofa So, it would be feasible for approx. 16.6% of parents to put their child in foster care because they might experience a depressive episode in their lives according to you, is that the implication?

How would that be sustainable for society and foster care institutions, be specific.

Edited by Harlen Kelly

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/24/2021 at 2:18 AM, Boshra said:

I’m worried that if I do leave I’ll feel this guilt throughout my life.

I wouldn't be worried.

Because I would be 100% sure I would feel guilt throughout my life. So if guilt is what you wanna avoid, you take care of your kid. If you think you can deal with the guilt then you can send your child to the foster care.

Peace

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, Arcangelo said:

I wouldn't be worried.

Because I would be 100% sure I would feel guilt throughout my life. So if guilt is what you wanna avoid, you take care of your kid. If you think you can deal with the guilt then you can send your child to the foster care.

Peace

Ugh you cu**. 

If he stays with the child he can feel guilty for traumatizing them, being a bad parent, missing out on his life... 

It's not so simple. 

@Harlen Kelly Depression is not a binary. We don't know how bad he feels. If it was something light he would contemplate this. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Opo I understand that, my point is that you can't just give up on your child because you are experiencing a depressive episode. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now